With Or Without You
by xXKiwiCullenXx
Summary: Edward is a sexy Bar Tender with a secret that makes him run at the first sign of trouble. Bella has a sarcastically smart mouth that both infuriates and intrigues him. *2011 Summertime Avant Garde Award Winner for Best Realistic Lemon!*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a really different type of story for me. First, I want to thank my Beta and Pre-Reader mustlovertp, for her unwaivering support of this fic! She was my cheerleader, my rock and my confidante while writing this. She kept me on track and dealt with my sudden change of plots like a pro and gave me a lot of great idea's and advice! This story is as much her as it is mine!**

**PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING BEFORE MOVING ON TO THE STORY!**

***WARNING* This story deals with a serious illness. I am not a doctor and have not consulted with a doctor on this story. All symptoms are based on research and Q&A's with people who lives this illness has touched. Some symptoms have been exaggerated to fit the storyline. I mean no disrespect to anyone living with this disease. **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV **

"Bella, come on! Please!" my best friend Alice begged. "You haven't been out with us in ages. It's just one night!"

I love Alice, I really do. But her hyperactive ass is starting to wear on my last nerve.

"I'd love to Alice. Almost as much as I'd love to bump uglies with a porcupine...but I can't." I sighed, before turning my attention back to new the manuscript I was proofreading.

"That's it!" my other best friend, Rosalie boomed. Ripping the manuscript out of my lap and holding it over the fireplace. "Get in the fucking shower Bella or the book gets it!"

"It's a manuscript." I mumble, defensively. "It isn't officially a book until it goes into print."

Rosalie inches closer to the fireplace with manuscript. Watching from this angle, it gives the illusion of the flames licking at the bottom of the pages.

"Fuck! Fine! You win!" I shout, throwing my hands up in the air. "I'm going!"

I haul my sweat pants covered ass out the chair and head towards the bathroom, cursing under my breath.

"Kiss your father with that mouth?" Rosalie yells from the living room. That little comment earned her the finger...she laughs at me.

I climb in the shower and spend an extra 15 minutes in there, just to piss the girls off. My skin is water logged and pruned. Good, have fun painting those nails, you evil Pixie!

I walk into my room and am directed toward a chair and am told to sit. Alice immediately starts to work on my hair. Her mission...to see how much she can rip out before I shove the brush up her ass.

"Son of a bitch, Alice!" I yell. "I would like to have some hair when you're finished."

"No worries, Bells." Rosalie says, without looking up from filing her nails. "You have enough hair on your crotch that we can shave it down and make a toupee if the need arises!"

Alice giggles...bitch!

"I haven't had a sascrotch since 10th grade, Rosalie. Let it go, already!"

"That's a hard visual to let go of without therapy, Bella. I had to shave your crotch OVER your bathing suit! Do you know how hard it is for hair to poke through spandex?" Rosalie shudders at the memory.

"Well excuse me for being raised by a dad who didn't know it was abnormal for his only daughter to be covered in rogue body hair!"

I have no choice but to defend my father, Charlie. After my mom died when I was two, he was on his own. Luckily my mom got me potty trained before the cancer spread. Otherwise my dad could have been traumatized for life. As it was, he depended on Rosalie's mom and the ladies around town to school me in the ways of a woman.

As Chief of Police in the small "blink and you miss it" town of Forks, Washington, my father didn't have the faculties required for raising a daughter alone. Most girls played with Barbies...thanks to Charlie, I had Transformers. Optimus Prime just couldn't pull off a sarong the way Malibu Barbie could...sigh.

"Done!" Alice sang, pulling me out of my memories and back to the present.

I looked in the mirror and hardly recognized the woman wearing my bath robe. She had glossy brown hair that hung past the middle of her back, which Alice had pulled back into a high pony tail, with wispy long side swept bangs. Her eyes were dark brown and were highlighted by the smokey eye make-up, Alice gave her. Her full pouty lips were shining with lip gloss that had just a hint of pink to it.

This stranger in the mirror was beautiful!

As I tried to find myself in the woman's reflection, Alice pushed a pair of skin tight, black leather pants at me, a black halter top with tiered ruffles and a pair of black patent leather Loubitons and said "Dress"...shooing me towards the bathroom.

I had to admit...I looked hot! This was one of the few times I was thankful for thongs. Anything else and I would be picking a permanent wedgie out of my ass all night!

As we made our way out of my apartment and towards the parking garage, I finally asked the question that had been plaguing me all night.

"Alright. Who is he?" I just know these conniving bitches are planning to set me up. I can smell a blind date from a mile away.

"He's your soul mate, Bella. I can feel it!" Alice smiled, as she opened the passenger side door to my baby.

"I still can't believe you bought this, Bella!" Rosalie laughed. "You're only 5'2, yet you have this humongous black 4 door Jeep Rubicon. Where do you keep the step ladder?"

"I've always wanted a Jeep, you know that. I told you when I moved to Seattle and got my dream job, I was going to get one. And I did!"

"Yeah...but damn, Bells! I have to get a running start to get into it!" Alice complained.

"They are called running boards, Alice. Use them!"

Fucking whiners!

"So, enough bitching about my ride. Tell me who he is or this train isn't leaving the station!"

"You're such a fucking baby! Would it kill you to meet someone new?" Rosalie fumed.

"Ha! The last time I heard that, I was set up with Jasper's cousin who, by the way, suffered from chronic gastro intestinal issues! So yeah, it would and almost did, kill me to meet someone new!"

"Oh come on!" Alice huffed from the passenger's seat. "Derek wasn't that bad. I still maintain that if he'd ixnayed on the cologne that night, his ass wouldn't have had other odors to mingle with."

Rosalie and I stared at Alice before we all finally dissolved into laughter.

"Why the fuck am I just hearing about this guy?" Rosalie spit out between giggles.

"I told you about him!" I laughed. "I had too. I had borrowed your coat that night and when I returned it, you accused me of having B.O.".

"Oh shit! That's right!" Rosalie howled from the back seat! "I had to dry clean that fucker twice!"

Once we had all pulled ourselves together again, I pulled out of the parking garage and headed toward the club we were going to called "Eclipse". I had never been there before. It was fairly new and was owned by some guys around our age. It was the new "It" club of Seattle. It's supposed to be really edgy, catering those whose musical taste has never progressed past the late 70's and early 80's.

"Seriously guys. You have to give me something! Who is he?"

"OK" Alice sighed in defeat. "You know Jasper's best friend, Edward? Well, he's a bartender at the club we are going to tonight. I've wanted to set you guys up for awhile, but up until recently, Edward was unavailable."

"Shit, Alice! Please don't tell me that I get to play the fucking rebound girl!" I screeched, as I seriously considered turning around.

"No!" Alice assured me. "Edward didn't give a rat's ass about her. If anything, he's relieved to have Jess gone!"

"Bella, seriously, I've seen Edward before. He's fuckhot, girl!" Rosalie vowed. "When Emmett and I went to the club with Alice and Jasper last week, he was bartending. I swear he makes the best Royal Butts in the world!"

Still not sold, I pushed for details. Let the interrogation begin!

"Hair?" I asked.

"Bronze colored sex hair!" Alice smiled.

"Eyes?"

"Green...like holy mother of fuck, green!" Rosalie smirked.

He actually sounds kind of yummy so far.

"Height?"

"He's between Jasper and Emmett. So I would say about 6'2...6'3 maybe." Rosalie said.

"Build?"

"Tall... but solid muscle! It's not beefy muscle like Emmett though." Alice described, deep in thought. Probably imagining him without a shirt on.

Whore.

"Shoe size?"

"What the hell, Bella!" Alice and Rose yelled in unison.

"Hey, shoe size determines girth! Everyone knows that!" I chuckled.

Twenty minutes and three road rage induced tantrums later and we were finally at the club. We walked right past the long line of assholes waiting in the queue and went right inside.

We checked our coats and purses and made our way towards the bar. Emmett and Jasper sat perched at the end of it, waiting for us.

"Fuck Bella! Did you paint those pants on, girl?" Emmett yelled over the music.

"Sure did, Em! Didn't I do a great job shadowing and contouring my camel toe?"

Just then I heard a velvety chuckle come from behind me. I turned and found a really tall hella hunk standing there. He had a strange bronze shade of sex hair that stuck up in all directions and the greenest eyes I've ever seen...Edward.

"I told you she was a Fire Cracker, Man!" Emmett chuckled over the roar of the club.

"You must be Bella?" Edward smiled, raising his voice so I could hear him over the house music pumping through the place.

"And you must be Edward?"

"Do you always answer a fucking question with a question?" he laughed.

"Do you always creep in on people's conversations?"

"Touché." he smiled.

"Yo Eds...Where's my brew, Bro?" someone shouted from the other end of the bar.

Edward rolled his eyes, "I'm not your Bro and if you ever fucking call me "Eds" again, I'll stick my cock in your brew."

_Dear God,_

_I know I can be a vicious, life sucking bitch. But I love this man and would gladly give up my first born to have him between my legs._

_Amen_

"Yo Bella!" Edward was now waving his hand in front my face.

"Hm? What?" snap out of it, psycho!

"Where the fuck did you go? I asked you what you wanted to drink."

"Right. Um, I don't know. Surprise me!"

He shot me a heart stopping smile then, "OK, I'll be right back with your Screaming Orgasm."

"Need some help with that?"...God, I'm retarded.

Edward walked back down the bar and started mixing different liquors together. He caught me staring and shot me a quick and knowing wink.

Fuck, this man makes me stupid!

I look to my right and am face to face with four of the smuggest people on the planet.

"I told you so..." Alice sang, clapping her hands like a kindergartener getting praised for using the potty.

"Don't pat yourself on the back just yet, Alice. He's just making me a drink. You know...like doing his job!"

"Shut up, Bella!" Jasper chimed in. "I've known Edward for years. He's so into you, it's not even funny."

"Oh gee, Jazz. A bartender trying to get into the pants of a girl with a painted on camel toe. Yup, that's definitely true love!" I say, rolling my eyes and down playing his assumptions.

As much as I want Edward to like me, I refuse to get my hopes up.

"Bartender?" Emmett and Jasper asked together completely confused.

"Yeah...you know, someone who stands behind a bar making drinks!"

I make a mental note to steer clear of whatever drink these morons are drinking.

"Edward isn't a bartender." Emmett says. "I mean he is...but that's not all."

"Yeah, Edward is what you'd call a "Trust Fund Baby". Fucker doesn't need to work, but does anyway." Jasper chuckles. "He co-owns this place with Jacob Black. He only works the bar because he's bored!"

A Richey who isn't afraid to work? Excuse me while I go wring my panties out.

"He's got your work ethic, Bells!" Rosalie laughs.

"Can it, bitch. I may be obsessive when it comes to my job, but no one is going to pay my bills but me!"

I look over my shoulder and see Edward walking back down the bar towards me, with some kind of turquoise blue concoction in his hand.

"You idiots have two seconds to go disappear on the dance floor, before I break out the Boomerang Shoe!" I yell at the four them, shooing them away from the bar.

"Ohhhh, not the Boomerang Shoe!" Emmett mocks, as he grabs his drink and escorts Rose into the crowd.

"Good luuuccckkkk." Alice sings and then follows Jasper onto the dance floor.

I need to go have Alice looked at. Everything that comes out of her mouth sounds like church bells. It just isn't right!

"Screaming Orgasm?" Edward asks, as he sets the neon colored drink down in front of me.

"With any luck..."

God! My mouth needs a muzzle!

Edward openly laughs at me. Fucker!

"So what do you do, Belllaaaa?"

"I'm a Book Editor and you need to spend less time with Alice. You're doing that sing songy thing she does and it irritates the crap out of me!"

He looks at me, shock clearly written on his face.

"Book editor?" he asks. "Like someone seriously pays you to read their shit and fix all their mistakes?"

"No, I actually do it for sexual favors. Sure it means I have to dumpster dive for meals, but hey, I get off easy on the taxes...no pun intended…" I snark back.

Edward laughs and shakes his head. "I like you, Bella. You're a habitual smart ass and I could see that easily getting old after awhile. But it's entertaining as hell."

"Well, I am glad that I _entertain_ you. Fuck knows I got all dressed up, just so I could come down here and amuse you!"

"You cuss a lot."

"Yeah? Fuck you!"

Edward is leaning on the bar, howling with laughter. It takes him 10 minutes to compose himself.

"Do you talk like that at work?" he chuckles.

Is he nuts? "Hell to the no! There's a time and place for everything."

"Ah, the two faces of Bella. I like it." he snickers.

"I'm not two faced."

"I never said you were, Princess."

Yeah, it's definitely time to steer this conversation away from me.

"So what about you, Eddie? What are your secret vices?" I ask, as a take of sip of the drink he made me. It's fruity, with a slight alcohol burn. Yup, definitely one of those drinks that sneaks up on you.

"Well, I fucking hate to be called, Eddie." he hisses.

"Hit a nerve?" I smile.

"A bit."

"So you own this place?" I ask, trying to get more out of him. I am suddenly desperate to find out what makes this guy tick.

"I'm a silent owner. The less involved I am the better."

"Ah...free spirited?"

"Not really. I just don't like strings. I'm nobody's fucking puppet."

Well, that explains what went wrong with, Joan? Jane? Joanne? Oh fuck it. What do I care what the bitch's name was.

"Interesting..."

"What?"

"Nothing. You are just a walking contradiction is all."

"How so?" Edward asks, as he leans against the bar with his arms crossed across his chest and eyes narrowed. The darkness of the impending anger he is about to unleash on me, is the best aphrodisiac in the world. Kind of like chocolate, Tequila and edible underwear all rolled into one.

"Well, you don't like or want strings...yet you live off a trust fund. You know, money you didn't earn or have to work for? It would seem to me that living off of someone else's hard work, would be a pretty big tether for your "Free Spirited" lifestyle."

I watched as his eyes narrowed into slits. "If looks could kill" suddenly comes to mind.

"I don't just live off my Trust Fund." he growls. "I also have the income of this place."

Ha! Nice try, dude. But you're not dealing with an idiot. Time to call his ass out.

"Yes. But then one would have to ask where you acquired the funds to buy into a place like this to begin with. I'm guessing there wasn't a loan involved." I smile innocently. Batting my eyelashes as I take a dainty sip of my drink.

"Fucking bitch" he mumbles, as he stomps off behind the bar.

If I didn't know better, I would say that Edward Cullen just had a temper tantrum. Aw, how cute was that?

I spin around on my stool and spot Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all grinding on each other out on the dance floor.

I take a huge gulp of my turquoise goodness and go to hop down and join them. I feel a hand on my shoulder stopping me.

"Not so fast, Princess." Edward says. "You don't get to throw a grenade into my life and just walk away. I'm not done with you yet."

He pulls a bottle from behind the bar and tosses a bowl full of limes up on it as well. He walks around the bar and comes to sit on the stool next to me, holding up the bottle and two shot glasses.

"It's time to play 20 Questions, Princess. You wanted inside my head, then it's only fair to let me make a fuckery out of yours. If you pass on a question or get caught trying to lie, you take a shot. Those are the rules."

Fuck me; he has a bottle of Patron. Truth serum at its best...liquid courage at its worst. This motherfucker doesn't play fair.

"I'll play. But if I wake up alone tomorrow with a lubed up asshole...you'll pay dearly."

"You talk like you've taken it up the ass by a top shelf Tequila before? Bitter much?" he smirks.

"Not personally. But I've heard stories."

"Urban Legends?" he laughs.

Shut up, you big sexy Doucher! Now that he is no longer behind the bar, I take the opportunity to ogle him from the waist down.

He's wearing a pair of well worn, washed out jeans that sit deliciously low on his hips, a pair of black Converse and a worn Ramon's t-shirt. What he is wearing is good...very good. But it's the chain hanging from his hip that attaches to his wallet, the studded belt and black leather cuff on his wrist with some kind of crest that makes me damp and drool a little. However, what really does me in is when he reaches over the bar, grabs a black Fedora and plunks it down on top of his head.

My fucking thong just burst into flames.

"Ready?" he asks, breaking the spell I found myself under.

I grab the bottle of Patron, pour two shots and slide one over to him.

"Here's to getting to know you." I say, holding up my shot glass to clunk it with his.

We both toss back our shots without breaking eye contact. I would say that it was the sexiest fucking thing ever, but there was nothing sexy about this. This was a show down. Who was going to extinguish the burn in their throat with a lime first?

I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand...because I am low rent seductress.

"You forgot the salt." I say, daring him to take a lime.

"Salt is for pussies" he retorts with a smirk, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pack of Marlboro Reds.

"Fucking cheater!" I wail. "You can't douse the burn with a cigarette! Plus you're not even supposed smoke inside!"

"Watch me." he winks, and then pulls out his Zippo and lights his smoke.

Figures he is one of those smooth fuckers that can smoke, talk and drink while a cigarette dangles precariously from his lips.

"Me first." he exclaims, refilling the shot glasses.

I give it up and go for a lime. Oh sweet, sour mercy on my throat.

"I thought the fucking ladies went first." I mumble, still sucking on my lime.

"Well, as much as you swear, I am still not entirely convinced that you are a lady. So me first."

Asshole.

"So Bella. How old are you?" he asks, quirking one eye brow.

"Weak!" I laugh. "But if you must know, I just turned 22 two days ago."

"An infant," he snorts. "But wait. Don't you like need a degree to be a Book Editor? Are you still in college or something?"

"Nope." I say, popping the "p" and still sucking on my lime. "I graduated a year ago."

He shakes his head in shock. "How?"

"Simple, genius. I graduated High School a year early and took college courses year round. It took me 2 ½ years, but I finally got my degree." shrugging it off as no big deal.

"Wow! I never would have pegged you as a brainac."

"I resent that, fucker!" I quip. "Now it's my turn. How old are you?"

"22," he smiles.

"But I'm an infant?"

He just shrugs and chuckles. I want to lick his face. Where did that come from?

"Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows." he says quickly.

"OK, well. I read an article on Tourettes when I was 15 and had actually convinced myself that I had it. I even went and talked to the school psychologist about it. But as it turns out, I didn't have Tourettes. It appears I just have a really dirty mouth and no social filter."

Edward has his head on the bar, smacking the top with his hand, howling with laughter. He tries to look up at me several times and get control, but it doesn't work. One look and he just laughs harder.

"Go ahead, asshole. Get it out of your system. I'll wait." I say sarcastically. Spinning on my stool to look out on the dance floor. Alice see's me and gives me thumbs up. I flip her off and look away.

"Oh my god...you kill me." he stutters, while wiping the laughter induced tears from his eyes.

"OK, wise ass. Your turn. What happened between you and Jennifer?"

"Jennifer?"

"Yeah, your most recent ex."

All the humor in his eyes disappears in an instant.

"Who the fuck told you about, Jessica?"

Jessica! My bad! Fuck, I wasn't even in the ball park on that one. I'm so bad with names...not really. It's more like selective memory. I choose to fuck names up. It pisses people off.

"Um, Alice?" it comes out as a question.

He looks over his shoulder in the direction of the dance floor and scowls.

"Jessica wasn't the one. End of story."

"What? That's not an answer!" I protest.

Edward angrily tosses another shot back and slams the shot glass back down on the bar, quickly pouring another shot and slamming that one back too. I must have hit a nerve. My bad.

"So you honestly are not going to tell me?"

"No." His green eyes burn into mine, the finality that he isn't going to have this conversation with me, is evident.

Too bad for him I'm a people pusher and I don't intimidate easily. Bella Swan ALWAYS gets what she wants. And right now, she wants in on all of Edward fucking Cullen's secrets! All of them! She doesn't even care if she gets buried alive under an avalanche of bones when she opens his closet door.

I make a mental note to stop referring to myself in the third person and then adjust my position on my stool and give him "The Look". Ya know, the one that clearly says, "Game on, Motherfucker.".

He pales under the weight of "The Look" and swallows hard. Oh yeah. He knows he's totally fucked!

**Do we love it or hate it?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Once again, mad love to my Beta and Pre-reader mustlovertp. She's an amazing person and FF author in her own right. I'm lucky to have her on board with me for this story!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

Oh great, it's "The fucking Look". Jessica tried to trap me with "The Look", but hers just made her look like an angry kitten. Bella's on the other hand...gahhh.

"I've been de-sensitized to "The Look". You have no game here, woman."

She leans forward then and gets right in my face. "Then why is there sweat on your brow, Edward?"

Annnnd, she called my bluff. Fuck!

"Why is it so important that you know about my relationship with Jessica?"

"Because, I refuse to be the rebound girl, Edward. And if you're still pining away for her, it's better for both of us that I know it now." she says, tossing back another shot.

OK, that might make some sense. She's protecting herself, I get it. But she also just suggested that she was interested in me as more than a one night stand. SCORE!

That's right, Sweetheart. Edward Cullen can read between the lines.

"Look, bottom line here, Eddie. I don't give a flying fuck what you're hiding in your closet. You could have fucking Jimmy Hoffa in there and I could care less. Although, now that I think about it, it would be a relief to finally have the mystery solved. I'm kind of tired of manuscripts filled with Hoffa conspiracy theories...but I digress. My point is, I'm an open book and I want to be with someone who is as well. I don't have time to worry over past relationships. Either put it all out on the table or tell me to fuck off."

Her confidence turns me on, amuses me and pisses me off all at the same time. I could fall in love with Bella Swan.

"And if I told you to fuck off?" I challenge, throwing back another shot. Apparently the rules of our drinking game are out the window.

"I'd leave and you'd spend the next five days kicking yourself in the ass for it," she states matter of factly. Like she knows me so fucking well.

"You think you have me all figured out, don't you? Well, newsflash...you don't know shit." I toss back another shot and light a cigarette to keep from cold clocking this bitch.

Fuck her for thinking I'm so transparent. I'm Edward fucking Cullen. I'm an enigma, a rebel...and if I'm being one hundred percent honest, a spoiled fucking brat.

"Oh please. I knew everything I needed to know about you, the minute I saw you," she laughs. "You dress and wear your hair in a style that says "I don't give a shit what you think", but obviously you do give a shit or you wouldn't have to try so hard to make people think you don't. You wear just enough hardware and chains to piss daddy off, but not make him disown you. You like people thinking that you are a fuck up, but deep down inside you hate the title. That's why you are a silent partner in the club. People won't know that you've actually done something with yourself, but at the end of the day, it makes you feel better and gives you security. It's the same principle as a kid with a security blanket."

I nod and laugh mindlessly at her, toss back another shot and then turn to face her.

"Fuck off." And with that, I'm gone.

I weave my drunken ass through throngs of sluts and horny bastards on the dance floor and make my way up to the office, throwing myself down on the leather couch we keep up there.

"Rough night?" Jake, my business partner asks.

"You have no fucking idea."

"Yeah, I saw you talking to the hottie in the leather pants at the bar. She looks like she could be spicy." he laughs.

"She's a fucking bitch." I growl.

Jake looks out on the floor to ceiling tinted window that looks down over the club and laughs.

"Man. You just fucking left her and already the wolves have descended! Check it out."

I hoist my ass off the couch and look down. Sure enough, Bella is sandwiched in between two Douche Bags that are fighting for her attention.

"Maybe you should suck it up and go save her." Jake suggests.

"Fuck that. I'm done with bitches that think they know everything!"

"Funny you say that, considering when you were with Jessica, you were done with bitches that _didn't_ know anything."

"That's fucking different. Jessica was dumb as fuck and you know it. She was the equivalent of owning one of those ankle biting dogs lap dogs that piss on the carpet every time you show it a little attention."

"And this chick is?" Jake presses.

"A fucking Pit Bull." I laugh, humorlessly.

"She called you out, didn't she?" he laughs.

This motherfucker is getting on my last nerve, too.

"Fuck you, Jake!" I get up from the couch and storm out the door. I can hear Jake laughing his ass off as I go.

Is everyone on a mission to piss me off today?

**BPOV**

"Hey Bells!" Jasper calls out to me, as he walks up to the bar. "Where's Edward?"

I pull Jasper between my legs, to send a message to Hans and Franz the Steroid Twins, that I'm not interested. Edward had barely left his fucking seat, before these two attacked.

"He told me to fuck off," I tell Jasper.

"Belllaaaa," Jasper huffs in frustration.

"I swear I played nice Jasper!"

Judging by the look on Jasper's face, he doesn't buy it. I'm not surprised. I couldn't sell bullshit to a fertilizer factory.

"Where'd he go?" he sighs.

"He went that way." I hoisted my thumb over my shoulder in the general directions of some stairs, that probably lead to an office or something.

Just then the hyperactive Pixie makes an appearance. Oh joy!

"What the hell happened, Bella? Where's Edward?"

"Probably off trying to reattach his balls, after Bella chewed them off." Rosalie said, walking up on the scene, sipping a Martini.

"Jesus Bella...you ran another one off!" Alice whined.

"Oh stop pouting. It's not my problem he's a wussy!"

Alice stomped her foot then...yeah, this bitch actually stomped her foot at me!

"But I was so sure you and Edward would be perfect for each other."

"Ha!" I laughed. "Just like you were positive that whiney bitch in that vampire movie would end up with the werewolf? Please." I toss back another shot of Tequila before Rosalie snags the bottle and hands it back to the bartender.

"Keys, Bella." she says. "I think since you pissed the owner off, it's time to go."

"Such a fucking Killjoy." I toss the keys to her and shove people out of my way to get to the door.

**EPOV**

As I come down the stairs, I am met at the bottom by Jasper.

"Yo man, I just wanted to apologize. I should have warned you that Bella had a mouth on her." he said.

I pop a cigarette in my mouth and light it.

"Yeah...I think "Firecracker" was putting her mildly, Jazz."

"Well don't worry about it. Rosalie's got her keys and we're going to take her home now," he chuckles nervously. "But seriously man, Bella is too smart for her own good. She see's things most people don't and she doesn't always realize how abrasive that can make her sound. You know?"

"What's her deal anyway? Did she get majorly fucked over or what?" I ask, trying to make sense of the mind fucking she gave me tonight.

"Nah. She's never let anyone get close enough for something like that. I think a lot of it is a defense mechanism. Ya know, raised by a single dad, dead mom, tomboy...she should rightfully have a list of complex's a mile long. I don't think she always realizes that she's pissing people off. But then I also tend think that she does and might be getting off on it a little, too."

"Yeah, she's a real fucking sweetheart. In a ten minute conversation, she managed to blow a hole in my fucking life and strip me bare. She's great. I'm glad my insecurities can curl her fucking toes."

"Edward man, it's not like that." Jasper says, trying to play peace maker.

"No really Jazz, it's all good. Although instead of trying to set her up and pawn her off on some poor unsuspecting bastard, you should go out and buy her a fucking muzzle and vibrator instead."

Jasper gives up. He knows I'm fucking right. That bitch doesn't need a man...she needs a fucking filter.

"So I'll call you?" Jasper asks, probably feeling me out as to where we stand after this fuckery.

"Yeah, I might even fucking answer." I laugh, offering him a hand shake and a one armed man hug.

Bella Swan is on her way out of my bar and out of my life.

**Two Weeks Later:**

She said I wouldn't make it 5 days without her, fuck that! I've made it 14 days...23 hours...33 minutes...and 24 seconds.

I don't know why I can't stop thinking about the bitch. She totally demolished all the walls I had up in less than 10 minutes. I've spent the last 2 weeks trying to build them back up again, but I just can't do it. Fucking bitch left me broken and bleeding.

I should call and tell her to fuck off.

Two cigarettes later, I finally make the decision to call her. I've never been one to back down from a challenge.

_Mental Note: When she demands to know where you got her number, DO NOT embarrass yourself and tell her that you scammed it from Jasper by holding the toilet paper hostage when he got caught on the shitter with a dry roll._

I snap open my phone and push the necessary digits for the call to be Private. I'm not sure I want this bitch to have my number yet.

It rings twice, one more and it's "Fuck you, have a nice life."

She finally picks up on the 14th ring. Has she never heard of voicemail?

"Bella Swan. What do you want, you persistent fuck?" she yells into the phone.

I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Did I have some feature on it that allows her to see it's me?

"Oh, lucky me! A heavy breather!" she says sarcastically.

Suddenly I feel the urge to defend myself. I have a deviated septum and allergies. My breathing is a medical condition, not an act of perversion!

I sit there for a minute and ponder my options. Do I even really want to talk to her anymore?

"Edward Cullen! Is that you?" she whispers.

How. The. Fuck?

"Congratulations!" she laughs. "You actually made it more than 5 days without me! Although I think I should tell you that since you left Jasper stranded on the can without TP, you may have a towel hidden underneath the vanity with skid marks on it."

Well, that explains the smell. Here I thought it was me. I'm actually chaffing from all the extra showers I've been taking!

"Still not going to say anything, huh?" she continues. "That's a shame, really. I was just on my way home with some Chinese take-out. Too bad you don't know where I live."

Actually, I did a reverse phone number look up. I hate being a creeper, but I was really desperate that night. My hand was on the verge of becoming a claw because of all the sexy dreams I've had of her recently.

"OK, well it was really...one sided...talking to you, Edward. I should probably concentrate on the road if I'm going to make it home before the re-runs of the new season of 'Intervention' and 'Hoarders' starts."

She told me that on purpose. Manipulative bitch! Like I'm going to go running over there. Edward Cullen does NOT come when a woman snaps her fingers! No fucking way!

"Ciao Edward."

**One hour later...**

I can't believe I actually came! What the fuck is wrong with me? What kind of voodoo has this arrogant bitch worked on me?

I'm pacing in the hallway outside her door. 'Intervention' is due to start in 10 minutes and she still isn't here. Where'd she go for the food? China?

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Edward Cullen."

Oh god...shoot me now!

"Bella." I say tersely. Trying to give the appearance that I could give a shit about being here...and failing miserably.

She laughs and sticks her key in the door. "I hope you're up for some Shrimp Fried Rice and Moo Goo Beef. It's my favorite and the heavy breather from earlier didn't have any input on the matter."

"I have a deviated septum and allergies." I mumble.

"What was that? I didn't catch it?"

"Nothing." rolling my eyes. "Look Bella, I'm not here because I have the hots for you or anything. It's just that we know the same people. It would be easier for them if we got along."

The fucking cunt smirks at me!

"Did you spend the last 14 days coming up with that bullshit, Edward?" she chuckles.

"On the contrary, I've hardly thought of you at all."

Lies...all lies.

"I'm here on a Peace Mission, that's all. So what do you say? Can you put up with my shit, if I put up with yours?" I ask impatiently.

Bella continues to chuckle as she plates the dinner for us. Her laugh getting louder with each passing second, until she's doubled over in tears.

"I'll tell you what, Edward." she says between giggles. "I'll call a truce on one condition."

Fuck! Why don't I like where this is going?

"What condition?"

"Jessica. The WHOLE story." she smirks.

"Fine. But I want to add one condition of my own. You're not allowed to offer any commentary on the subject while I'm talking. Last time we went down this road, it took everything I had not bust you in your big fucking mouth."

"Deal." she smiles and holds out her hand for me to shake.

"Deal" I confirm, shaking her offered hand.

She turns to go back to the food and mumbles. "I can hold my tongue until you're done talking."

FUCKING BITCH!

Twenty minutes later and we are settled on the floor in front of her couch watching the last half hour of 'Intervention'. Tonight's episode features a chick with bulimia. Bella has mercy and switches the TV off.

"Sooo, Jessica..." she prompts.

I drop my fork on my plate and set it down; reaching to take a drink of the red wine we decided to have with dinner.

"Why is this so important to you?"

"I'm a woman, Edward." she says like the answer is apparent. "We are naturally curious about all the women you have been with and rejected."

I can't help but laugh at that. "So what you are saying is that you are a glutton for punishment by nature?"

"Yeah, self loathing and insecurity...it comes with the Estrogen," she shrugs.

"I don't really know what to tell you," I tell her honestly. "She just wasn't what I wanted."

She rolls her eyes then and puts her plate down. "Yeah, I got that, Captain Fucking Obvious. What I want to know is WHY she wasn't what you wanted."

I shake my head and sigh. Heart to heart talks have never been my thing. But she isn't going to let this go, so I might as well rip off the band aid and get it the fuck over with.

I take my smokes out of my shirt pocket and hold them up, "May I?"

"I'm actually surprised you asked," she mumbles. "Yeah, but go out on the balcony. I don't need my shit reeking like smoke."

I was surprised when she followed me out. She was wrapped in one of those...Snuggy? Snuggly?...retarded ass blanket things, gripping her wine glass in one hand and dragging a chair from the dining room table with the other.

"OK Cullen. Enough with the stalling and spill."

I light my cigarette and relish in the way the smoke burns my lungs.

"She was a giver." I say matter of factly. "She did my laundry, cleaned my apartment, cooked my food, and did my grocery shopping. Hell, she even alphabetized my fucking pantry."

"And that was a bad thing?" Bella laughed.

"Not at first." I chuckled. "Honestly, I thought I'd hit the fucking mother load. Then I went home to see my parents for a few days. My mother unpacked my bags, pressed all my shirts, and babied me with food and special meals. She basically did everything but wipe my fucking ass."

"Wow," she sighed.

"Yeah, then I went home and it was the same shit. Jessica unpacked all my bags and started babying me. That's when it dawned on me. I was fucking someone who was exactly like my mom. Do you have any idea how quickly that will make your junk shrivel up?"

"Er, no!" Bella laughed, opening the blanket and motioning to her vagina.

"So long story short, I couldn't get my shit up anymore after that." I admitted, running a hand through my hair. "But worse than that, everything she fucking did started to annoy me. Even the sound of her voice raked my fucking nerves."

"So you dumped her?" Bella whispered.

"More or less. But not before I treated her like shit and made her think she wasn't good enough." I sighed, not at all proud of my behavior. "She would make an awesome fucking wife...just not for me. But of course, I was too much of a coward to tell her that. No, I had to run her through the fucking wringer and make it all her fucking fault."

I flicked my smoke over the balcony and quickly lit another one right away. This was the most honest I'd ever been with anyone. Including myself.

"So what kind of wife are you looking for?" Bella asked, her big brown eyes holding nothing but curiosity.

"I don't know that I am looking for a wife." I laugh. "I just want someone who challenges me and calls me out on my bullshit. I want someone who isn't afraid to toss the dirty clothes I leave laying around at my head and tell me to put them in the fucking hamper myself. I don't want an "ideal" life. I want love and lust and passion and freedom. Someone who accepts everything about me and loves the fuck out of me anyway. You know?"

Bella nods her head and plays with edges of her blanket in her lap. "I smell what you're stepping in." she says, making me chuckle.

"What I don't get, is why you didn't say anything when you called earlier. That was really fucked up, Edward."

"I know," I tell her quietly. "I guess you just intimidate me, Bella. You make me want to tell you things I've never told anyone before."

"And that scares you?" she asks.

"No, that intimidates me." I clarify. "It's what I don't tell you and that you see anyway, that scares the shit out of me. You knew me for 10 fucking minutes and had my ass pegged. No one's ever looked that closely before. I'm man enough to admit, I panicked."

"So does that mean you'll always call me and say nothing?"

"Maybe" I chuckle. "It really depends on if I have anything to say or if I am just calling to hear your voice."

She laughs then. "God, Edward! You are such a shit!"

Yeah, but after tonight, I'm your shit, Bella Swan.

**Are you still with me? Some reviews would be lovely! The more feedback I get, the more chapters you get! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I hope you all are enjoying this! Some feedback would be amazing!**

**mustlovertp is still the best Beta and Pre-reader around! Love her!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Well, that was interesting. I honestly didn't expect Edward to crack so easily. Here I had braced myself for the worst, thinking that maybe his relationship with Jessica was abusive or that she had left him high and dry with a broken heart.

But no, it all boiled down to her being too much like his fucking Mother. Anti-climatic, much?

One thing I did get from Edward's little confession...he has no fucking idea what he wants. He says he wants someone who will push and challenge him. He better be damn sure he means that, because he just might fucking get it and I'm not entirely convinced that the man-child in front of me with a Mommy complex can handle it.

After Edward finished chain smoking, we decided to head back inside and warm up. I plopped down on the couch and pulled a manuscript and my glasses out of my messenger bag.

"What the fuck, Bella?" Edward whined. "You're going to fucking start reading that now, while I'm still here?"

Oh Edward, it's time to get schooled in the ways of Bella. You poor, poor man.

"Absolutely. It's my job, Edward." I say, slipping on my glasses and grabbing a highlighter and some Post-It notes from my bag.

He gets up and starts pacing then, running his hands furiously through his hair.

"Seriously? You fucking invite me over here and then you're going to read?" he yells. "What the hell am I supposed to do? Sit and watch?"

"You can if you want." I say indifferently. Watching him covertly out of the corner of my eye. "Although that could get really fucking annoying."

He sits down heavily on the opposite end of the couch, his elbows resting on his knees. He just sits there and stares a hole in the floor for a good 10 minutes.

Out of nowhere I get, "Put some clothes on. Let's go down to the club for awhile."

I look up from my manuscript, my expression letting him know that I am already over his bullshit.

"No." I say simply.

"No?"

"No." I say sternly. "As in, not going. End of discussion. Give it a fucking rest already."

Edward gets up and starts pacing again. He's going to wear a fucking hole in my carpet at this pace.

"Well, I'm not a middle aged, blue collar snob, Bella. I'm not going to sit home on fucking Friday night and watch you work! We're in our early 20's for fuck's sake! If you're going to get stupid, now is the time!"

Alright, that does it! I slam the manuscript down on the coffee table and stand up.

"Look, you spoiled fucking brat!" I seethed. "I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth, alright? I've actually had to work hard for everything I have and let me tell you, I didn't get where I am today by renting a fucking bar stool at the club every weekend! This is MY life, Edward, and in MY life work comes before play. You want to go to the club, fucking go! I'm not stopping you. But don't stand in MY fucking living room and tell me how MY life doesn't work for you! Especially since you're not officially a part of it yet!"

This Motherfucker has the nerve to look taken aback by what I said.

"You're a bitch!" he spits, grabbing his coat from the arm chair he threw it in earlier.

"Tell me something I don't know, Asshole!"

**EPOV**

I couldn't get out of this bitch's apartment fast enough. I make sure to slam the door so hard, I can hear pictures falling off the wall...good!

I no more than make it two steps down the hall, when the door opens and slams again. Twice as hard as I slammed it and then the locks immediately engage.

Yeah, how mature of you, Miss Swan.

I readjust my hardened cock and get on the elevator.

**An hour later...**

"Eduardo! How's it hanging man?" Emmett booms across the bar.

I stuff my jacket in an open spot between the beer taps and the mini fridge and then flip him off.

"That good, eh?" Jasper laughs, stepping up to the bar with Alice and Rosalie.

I grunt at him and poor myself a shot of Tequila.

"Seen Bella recently?" he chuckles.

I lean into the bar on both hands and laugh humorlessly.

"Fucking bitch invites my ass over for dinner, cons me into having a heart to heart talk and then pulls out a fucking manuscript and acts like I'm not even fucking there!"

"That's Bella!" all four of them laugh in unison. Like it's an explanation and an excuse.

"Yeah, well Bella can kiss my ass." I say, tossing back another shot.

Alice just shrugs then, "I don't know what to tell you, Edward. When it comes to her career and future, she's driven. She see's what she wants and goes for it."

"So what you're saying is that she doesn't see me as a part of her future and that I am a disposable distraction?"

"I didn't say that." Alice back peddles. "I'm just saying that she's different from the other girls you usually go for."

"Yeah." Rose snorts. "She has a brain, doesn't sleep around and won't put up with anyone's shit. She's definitely the polar opposite of your type Edward!"

Now I'm pissed the fuck off. By the time Rosalie had finished her little "speech", I had already morphed my father's head on her shoulders.

"Don't "type" me, Rosalie. Don't even fucking dare!" I threaten. "I've never met anyone like Bella before, so therefore it's unfair to say that she isn't my type. I would've had to have met and rejected someone like Bella for that to be true, OK? But trust me when I say...not meeting someone like her, hasn't been for lack of trying! It's not easy to meet the "diamond in the rough", in a sea of fucking Barbie wannabe's, so just shut your fucking pie hole."

With that, I slam back another shot and push myself through the crowd to the office. Fuck Bella, fuck Rose, and fuck all of them. Everyone thinks they have me all figured out! I think it's time I found some new fucking friends!

**BPOV One week later...**

"So, have you talked to Edward lately?" Alice asks over lunch.

I fucking knew there was a reason why she asked me to meet her. I hope she chokes on her tuna salad.

"Not technically." I mumble into my chicken salad sandwich.

"OK. What is that supposed to mean?"

Nosy bitch!

"It means that he does this thing, where he calls my phone, blocks his number and doesn't say anything. Sometimes we just sit there and listen to each other breathe and sometimes I ramble on like fucking idiot, OK!" I blurt, my hands gesturing wildly in frustration.

Alice drops her fork on her plate and sits back in her chair. This would be her, "I will get what I want from you, by any means necessary" pose. I'm so fucked! The last time we played this game, she attacked my ass with an eyelash curler!

"If he doesn't say anything and blocks his number, then how do you even know it's him? You could be telling personal stuff to a random sicko, Bella!"

Oh yeah. Queue the protective preaching!

I roll my eyes my at her...she flares her nostrils. This is a song and dance we've perfected over the years. Unfortunately her signs of intimidation are much more believable then my own.

"Ugh, Alice!" I whine. "Do you really think I am that dumb? Honestly, I'm the Police Chief's daughter! I know its Edward, because he's done this before. I invited him over for dinner while he was saying nothing and when I got to my apartment, he was there waiting for me."

Her posture deflates some then. "So you're saying that he calls and says nothing. No, "Hi, how are you." just silence."

"Yup" I say, popping the "p" and taking a bite out of my sandwich.

Alice stares off into space for a few minutes, deep in concentration. "That's so messed up!" she finally concludes.

"Ya think?" I quip, rolling my eyes.

"No! Not that!" she says, waving her hand around. "I mean, yes, not talking is strange. But what's messed up is WHY he's calling to begin with. I mean usually when Edward says he's done with someone, he's just...done. It's like the person never existed."

"Yeah so?" I shrug. Not seeing her point.

"Bella!" she screeches. "I think Edward is in love with you!"

I reach over the table and start poking my fork around in her tuna salad.

"Bella! What the hell! That's my lunch!"

"I know! I'm just looking for pill casings or something that would explain how you made the leap from annoying late night, non-talking phone calls to him being in love with me! You sound like a fucking crazy person, Alice!"

Alice smacks my hand away from her food and picks her fork back up, leaning over the table, like she's about tell me a secret.

"Think about Bella!" she says, tapping her temple. "Why would he call you and say nothing like that?"

"Because he doesn't have anything to say or just wants to hear my voice?" repeating what he told me that one night on my balcony.

"Exactly!" she claps. "I think he has plenty he wants to say, but doesn't know how. So he settles on hearing your voice instead. In other words...he MISSES you, Bella!"

"Eh, maybe." I shrug, acting like I'm dismissing her theory entirely. It'll buy me some time until I think it over alone and decide if it holds water.

"No maybe, Bella." she says, shaking her head and grabbing for her Blackberry. "This is so great! I totally have to text, Rosalie!"

"NO!" I flew over the table and started trying to swat her piece of shit purple phone out her hand. I mean, really...who has a purple phone?

"Don't you fucking dare, Alice!" I yell, still struggling to grab her phone.

"But he's in love with you, Bella!" Alice laughs. "This is the gossip of the century!"

"Who's in love with you, Bella?" a smooth voice asks from behind me.

FUCK! I would know that voice anywhere. I sit back in my chair and notice that my tit had landed in Alice's tuna salad. Great! Would you like to stay for lunch, Edward? There's plenty of salad on my tit to go around!

I grab my napkin and start frantically wiping at my shirt, which only spreads it all over and makes it worse, before turning around and offering Edward a nervous smile.

"Oh hey, Edward! What are you doing here?"

Could I sound anymore retarded?

"I was in the neighborhood," he replies stiffly. His eyes locked on to the tuna smeared across my chest.

"Edward!" Alice sings. "You're just in time! Bella and I were just discussing how you can tell a man is in love with you!"

My eyes are as big saucers, as I frantically kick at her under the table. Hoping to make contact with one of her shins.

"Really." he says dryly. Staring at me like I'm the Anti-Christ.

"Yeah." Alice goes on, clearly enjoying the reaction she's getting. "This guy wants Bella and keeps doing things out of character for him, but she still refuses to believe it's love."

Mother of fuck! This time when I kick, I know I've made contact when she squeaks and kicks me back. Bitch!

"Anyone I know?" Edward asks anger evident in his tone.

"No!" I say, desperately looking for away out of this conversation.

"Oh, Bella's just being modest. It's actually Marcus. You know the guy that works in my office?" Alice says, with a big shit eating smile on her face.

"Um, I have to pee and clean myself up. Be back in a sec." I practically run for the ladies room. I'm going to fucking kill Alice!

**EPOV**

I watch as Bella retreats to the ladies room. What I wouldn't give to have been her napkin a few minutes ago.

I sit down in Bella's abandoned chair and stare Alice down. "Marcus? Really Alice?"

Her smile gets impossibly bigger.

"Yes, Marcus. He's a good man, Edward." she explains. "Plus he's just as career driven as she is, they have lots in common."

I can't help but fucking laugh.

"Alice, Bella doesn't have anything in common with that, Douche and you know it," I challenge. "He would fall in love with a parrot if it showed him affection."

"He would not!" she defends.

"Yes he would." I took a drink of Bella's water and fished out an ice cube to suck on. I even wave my hand around flinging water everywhere just to piss Alice off.

"He's a total Leg Humper and you know it." I laugh.

Alice leans back in her chair, crossing her arms in front of her chest, signaling that I am really not going to like where this fucking conversation is headed.

"Well it's better to be a Leg Humper, than a late night prank caller, Edward!" she smirks. She's got me by the balls and knows it.

"That's none of your fucking business, Alice!" I can't believe Bella fucking told her about that!

"None of my business?" she says, slamming her hand down on the table. "You haven't talked to anyone in a damn week, Edward! You won't return Jasper's calls...your best freaking friend! You haven't been into the club or anything. Even Jake is having trouble getting a hold of you. No one knows if you're dead or alive and then I find out that you've been calling Bella for a freaking week and haven't said anything! THEN, you just show up, out of the blue, at this obscure little deli completely across town from where you live. THAT tells me that you "bumping into us", isn't exactly on accident. I think you were following Bella!"

I should change my fucking name to cellophane!

"I wasn't following her," I mumble. "I was going to her work to ask her to lunch. I saw her walk out of her office, so I was trying to catch up to her. When I saw that she was meeting you, I went to park my car and was just coming to see if I could join you."

She sighs then and gets pre-occupied stirring her coffee for a few minutes. Thank god. Maybe she's willing to drop it.

"Do you love her?" she asks suddenly.

Yeah, no such luck. I should have known that Alice would be as fucking blunt as a sledge hammer. It's time to be diplomatic.

"That remains to be seen." I say coyly, swirling the ice cubes around in Bella's glass.

"You love her." Alice says incredulously, it's not a question.

"Look Alice," I fold my elbows on the table and lean in towards her. "Whatever I feel for Bella, is better left between me and Bella. I don't want us to become the subject of fodder in your gossip filled text messages with Rosalie. You WILL stay out of this one, Alice."

She starts packing up her stuff. Tossing her crap back in her purse with force.

"You're right, Edward. I'm not going to get involved. But I will say this...you better know what you're doing. Bella is a strong woman and she's going to push you. I hope you're prepared for that. These disappearing acts you're prone to when someone challenges you, just isn't going to fly. Either you're there or you're not. Bella doesn't need someone with issues! Please think about that before you start anything with her."

Fuck you.

"Fair enough." I sigh. "But for the record, Alice. I think you and I both know that I'm someone with issues and there's no way around that. If you honestly think she needs someone better than me, then maybe you shouldn't have fucking introduced us."

I watched as Alice's eyes bugged out her head in realization.

"Oh God, Edward, that not what I meant! I just meant that you need to get your...issues... under control!"

As if...

"It's OK, Alice. I get it. Alls well. But do me a favor would you? Go home to Jasper and tell him to 'Fuck Off'. That should make us even."

**BPOV**

By the time I returned to the table, Alice was long gone and her bill was left unpaid.

"Don't worry, Alice. Lunch is on me!" I mumble sarcastically, digging through my purse for my wallet. Completely ignoring the snickers coming from Edward.

Dick.

"So," he says, hesitantly. "Do you have to be back to work soon?"

"I have about a hour," I say, still digging through my purse looking for my Tic-Tacs now. "But I'm going to go home and change my shirt I think. It probably doesn't look very professional to come back from lunch, wearing your lunch."

After a few minutes of relentless searching, I finally produce a container of Tic Tacs and hold them up like I found the meaning of life.

"Oh. Congratulations." Edward smiles. He's clearly amused by my antics with the Tic Tacs.

What can I say? When I'm on a mission, I'm focused.

"Can I at least give you a ride?" he asks.

"Uh, ssssure. Thanks. Let me just go pay the tab and we're out of here."

He reaches over and yanks the bill out of my hand and heads into the deli.

"Um Edward," I yell after him. "I have money, I'll get it!"

He ignores me. Fucker!

I wait until he's done and then I attack.

"I'm not some charity case, you know. I can pay for my own damn lunch!"

He looks at me like I slapped him. "Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

OK, he might have a point and MAYBE I'm being ungrateful and rude. But I don't want him to know that. Now, how does one fall on their sword, without falling on their sword?

They change the subject.

"So where's your car?" I say, turning and walking away from him.

**EPOV**

Yeah, this bitch is a piece of work! She's made deflection an art form!

I grab her arm and jerk her to a stop.

"I'm not going to get into with it you, Edward. I get it, you paid for lunch. Thank you very much, but I didn't ask you to do that."

How can someone be so completely annoying and frustrating, yet adorable at the same time? Clearly she has issues with people doing things for her.

"Thank you and I know you're not a charity case. But what I wanted to point out, is that my car is the parked down there." I hoist my thumb over my shoulder. "You're going the wrong way."

She stomps her foot and growls at me. God I fucking love her!

**Do we love or hate this version of Edward and Bella? Any thoughts as to where this is going? Let me know!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This story means a lot to me. It's different from all my other stories. I would really love some feedback!**

**mustlovertp...amazing friend, Beta and Pre-Reader! She's holding my hand right now (via chat), while we wait for some reviews! Let us know what you think! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Infuriating...is the best word I can think of to describe Edward Cullen. First he shows up out of the blue, in the middle of a really personal conversation, then he buys my lunch and now he's laughing at my directionally challenged ass!

Lighting up a cigarette, he walks two paces in front of me. "God, you walk slow!" he taunts with a smug smile on his face. "You only have an hour, Princess. You might want to take it up a notch!"

"OK, what's with the Princess nickname?" I asked, coming to a grinding halt on the sidewalk. "I don't have an eight figure trust fund to mooch off of, I pay my own rent, and I worked my ass off for the scholarships that paid for my education. I hardly think that moniker is appropriate!"

Edward laughed an angry, mocking laugh and then turned and got in my face, flicking his cigarette butt into the gutter.

"See that's where you're wrong again! It's all those reasons that give you a false sense of entitlement...hence making you a Princess! It's one thing to be proud of your accomplishments and quite another to hold them as a standard with which to judge everyone else!"

Annddd my panties are wet.

For the first time in my life, I am left speechless and soaking wet. Just that one little insightful speech made me see Edward Cullen a different way. Is he still infuriating? Abso-fucking-lutely. But he also see's people. He only likes to pretend that he doesn't. Edward Cullen isn't just a Man Child who bullshits his way through life. Edward Cullen is deep. Complicated. Layered. Sexy.

"Are you just going to stand there and chew on your lip? Or are you going to get in the car?" he asked snapping me out of my epiphany.

I looked up and found him standing next an extremely pretentious Aston Martin. I just shook my head and started laughing. "I should have fucking known it wouldn't be a Ford!"

"There's nothing wrong with a Ford, Bella," he sighed. "But just so we're fucking clear, my profits from Eclipse pay the car payments, so you can put a muzzle on that mouth of yours."

The drive over to my apartment was quiet. Edward drove and bitched about the lack of acceptable radio programming and I sat inhaling the scent that was all Edward. He didn't smoke in his car, so there was a new car smell that lingered with the smell of fresh laundry.

My eyes wandered and I took him in as he stabbed the buttons on the stereo, while still whining about not having brought his Ipod. He was wearing black jeans, black Doc Martins and a vintage Led Zeppelin concert tee. Of course the chains, studded belt and the leather cuff were also present. I even noticed for the first time that both of his ears were pierced. Today he sported horse shoe type earrings with little balls on the ends. Why hadn't I noticed that before?

"Stop eye fucking me, Princess. You're making me uncomfortable." he snarked with a smug smile on his face.

I looked at him with wide horrified eyes. How dare he think I was eye fucking him? I'm totally appalled, disgusted, mortified and ... busted.

**EPOV**

I had to hold back my laugh when I busted her eye fucking me. I think I even saw her unconsciously rub her thighs together looking for friction. It's not her fault though; my carefully crafted appearance wasn't a coincidence. I woke up early this morning and put this look together for her.

"Get over yourself. I just noticed your ears were pierced." Bella mumbled looking out the side window.

"It's Ok Bella. I know." I chuckled to myself and decided to have some fun with her.

"Yeah, they are one of many piercings that I have."

"Many?" Bella gulped looking back at me.

I opened my mouth and showed her the one in my tongue.

"Oh my god!" she screeched turning in her seat for a closer look. "Didn't that fucking hurt?"

"Like a bitch!" I smiled. "But it's proven to be well worth it."

"How's that?" she asked cocking her head to the side.

"It's not something I can tell you. It's something I'll have to _show you_ sometime." I winked.

I had to turn away and look somewhere else as her mouth fell slack with shock. Oh Bella. All piss and vinegar, yet, so innocent too.

A few minutes went by before she spoke again. "So you said you had many. Is that it then?"

"Nope." I smiled.

"So where are the rest?"

"I'll show you when we get up to your place." I told her pulling into her parking garage.

"Who said I was going to fucking invite you up?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Just get out of the fucking car, Princess."

**BPOV**

Where the fuck did self assured Edward come from? Suddenly he's teasing me and making sexual innuendos? He's totally thrown me off my game today and I don't like it!

I opened the door and stepped out, only to run right into Edward's chest. I looked up just as he plopped that fucking fedora on his head, with that cocky grin on his face.

"You need to wear a fucking hat to go up to my apartment?"

He laughed and wrapped an arm around my waist, guiding me towards the elevator.

"You're being awfully touchy feely today."

"Does it bother you?" he asked with a smile.

"Not as much as it freaks me the fuck out." I grumbled.

The elevator doors are barely closed, before he leans against the wall on the opposite side and stares at me.

"What? Now you're the one with a staring problem!"

"What's going on between you and that fuck Marcus?" he asks pulling the fedora off his head and running his fingers through his sex hair.

"Marcus? You mean Alice's co-worker Marcus?"

"Do you know any other Marcus's?" he frowns then throws his hands up. "You know what? Don't even bother fucking answering that."

Edward is flustered. This could be fun.

"No, I don't know any other Marcus's, smart ass." I smile coyly. "But Marcus, he's kind of great you know?"

Edwards eyes widen. That's right sexy, come to Momma!

"Great?" he scoffs. "Like a great person? Great friend? Great in bed? Come on Bella, you have to give me something."

It's my turn to laugh mockingly at _him_ now. "Just so we're clear, Edward, I don't have to give you shit! Who I'm friends with or fucking has nothing to do with you."

"You're fucking him?" he whispers.

Before I can answer him, the elevator dings and doors open, so I just growl at him in response. I wait until we're in my apartment before I elaborate.

"What difference would it make if I were, Edward?" I ask completely frustrated. "I have no ties to you. We've hung out twice and ended up fighting both times. Then to top it all off, we have this weird one sided conversation thing going on when you call me in the middle of the night!"

He seems to mull this over and then proceeds to further piss me off when he says "But you didn't answer my question."

I slam my purse down on the kitchen table and storm off to my bedroom in search of another blouse to wear.

After going through my closet like the fucking Tasmanian devil, I finally settle on a midnight blue v-neck sweater. Alice bought it for me last Christmas and I had yet to even wear it.

I made my way out to the living room and there was no sign of Edward. I looked out on the balcony and froze. There was Edward sitting in one of my dining room chairs, with a lit cigarette between his fingers and clutching his bowed head by the hair in both hands. The frustration was literally rolling off of him in fucking waves.

I walked silently over to the door and leaned against the doorway. "I'm not fucking Marcus." I mumble, startling him. "I barely even know Marcus. He's been trying to get me to go out with him for the last year, but he's just not my type."

Edward gets up and walks over to the other side of the balcony and leans against the rail.

"So you have a type?" he asks, squinting into the rare Seattle sun and taking a drag off his smoke.

"Not really," I laugh, walking over to join him. "I just figure I'll know what I want when I see it."

"And have you seen it?" he asks like he's bored. But I notice the way he's looking at me slyly from the corner of one eye.

"I get glimpses."

Edward shook his head and laughed. "You're really fucking frustrating, you know that Princess?"

"And you're pretty fucking cryptic yourself, Brat!" I laugh.

He turns his back on the railing, crosses his arms across his chest and his legs at the ankle and just stares at me. It's intense the way his green eyes bore into me.

"Sooo." I say trying to break the uncomfortable tension. "Tell me about these other piercings that you have. Unless it's a penile or a scrotum piercing, then I don't fucking want to know anything about it."

He rolled his eyes at me. "I'm a heterosexual, so there's no fucking piercings below the waist."

"Belly button?" I ask raising one eye brow.

His eyes widen in disbelief. "Do I look like I have a vagina, Bella?"

"Well I am running out places you can punch holes in."

He chuckles and pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it on the ground.

"Then let me make this fucking easy for you."

Oh. My. God. Edward is standing shirtless on my fucking balcony. He's all pecks and abs and muscles and just...fucking delicious. His jeans rest low enough on his hips, that I can follow his sexy as fuck perfect V down to the light dusting of his happy trail, until it disappears into his pants. But the best part? The medium sized silver hoops that are attached to his nipples. I want to fucking lick them.

"Wow," is all I'm capable of muttering.

"Yeah, I had to go back and get the right one redone a couple of months ago. It got infected the first time around."

"Wow." I mutter again, earning a chuckle from Edward.

"I'm putting my shirt back on." he laughed. "It appears you can't have an intelligent conversation if I'm half naked."

"OK, put your nipple back on." I mumbled, nodding my head and still staring. "Good idea."

Edward laughed again and then turned to pick his shirt up and I about came right then. Not only was his back muscular and beautiful, but he also had "Cullen" tattooed across his back between his shoulder blades.

"Fuck me." I groaned as I took in the sexy as fuck tattoo.

Edward pulled his shirt over his head and grinned. "Was that a statement or a request, Princess?"

**EPOV**

I wanted a reaction from Bella when I stripped off my shirt in front her, but her speechless ogling was kind of making me feel like a piece of meat. Especially when she told me to put my nipple back on, instead of my shirt!

"You didn't tell me you had a tattoo." she whispered.

"You didn't ask. What's the matter? Is a tattoo a deal breaker for you?"

"No." she says shaking her head. "It's actually kind of sexy. When did you get it?"

"When I was 18. The same day I moved out of my parent's house, after my father told me I was an embarrassment to the family name."

"Why would he say something like that?"

I shrugged and lit another cigarette. "Because I wasn't going to follow in his footsteps and become a doctor."

Bullshit. But it was my story and I was sticking to it.

She looked at me and cocked her head and I know what that look means. She's seeing through all my bullshit again. I need to wear a muzzle around this bitch. I always find myself spilling my guts to her.

"So you don't get along with your parents then?"

"My mom, yes. She's a fucking angel and would walk over hot coals for me. My dad, well...I haven't talked to him in 4 years."

"Ahh... I see," she says and then looks off into the distance, saying nothing more.

"What do you see?" I frown, pissed that I just walked into her fucking trap. If I ask her for an explanation, then I can't bitch when I get one. Sneaky bitch.

"I see a scared little boy," she says looking me straight in the eye. "Instead of manning up and telling his dad that he wants to be entrepreneur instead of a doctor, he runs away and tattoo's the family name on his back as a show of defiance. Daddy can call you an embarrassment to the family name, but as long as you wear it permanently on your back, he can never take it away from you and you'll always have a place in the family."

"Let me guess, you minored in Psychology in college? Or maybe you proof read a few self help books, so now you're an expert?" I fume.

"Hardly," she snorts. "I just know a bullshitter when I meet one. I think there are parts of you that are genuine. The rest is just there as a defense mechanism."

"You don't fucking know anything." I snarl, as I flick my cigarette over the railing and head for the door.

"Don't I, Edward?" she yells, following me. "If I don't know shit, then where the fuck are you going? Running again? Have an important meeting you forgot about? No, I think it's because you can't stand here and have a conversation that you initiated. Let me guess, you're going to go down to Eclipse, toss back shots with Jake and then bitch about me! Then, when you're sufficiently drunk, you're going to call me in the middle of the fucking night and not say a damn thing! You want to know how I know that? It's because you're so fucking predictable Edward! You're not mysterious. There's nothing about you that I can't pick up off a bar stool at the end of the night!"

"Fuck you, Bella" I laugh, giving her a double bird.

"No fuck you, Edward. You're nothing but a scared little boy who picks people apart and finds reasons to leave them, before they can leave you! Admit it!"

"Like I care if you leave me, Bella!" I laugh in her face, knowing full well that I am about to tear her apart...just like Jessica. "You're nothing to me, but this annoying little fucking pest who likes to make my life hell! You hear me, Princess? You're _nothing_ to me, that's why I can walk away!"

I see tears forming in her eyes as the lies poor out of my mouth, but I can't stop them.

"What?" I mock, getting right in her face. "You honestly thought I cared about you? That you meant something to me? You humor me Bella. Your self righteous attitude, walking around thinking you're better than everyone else...you're a joke. And if honesty is what you want, then let me tell you this. You're an arrogant bitch and I just wanted to get my dick wet. You know, hit it then quit it? I thought maybe it would take you down a few notches and humble you a little."

I was just barely done with my soul crushing speech, when Bella's hand came up and smacked me right across my fucking face. And let me tell you, that bitch packs a punch. I licked my lip and tasted blood. It hurt like hell to say to those things to her, but rather than give in and apologize, I laugh in her face and disappear through the door. It's too late. My fight or flight instinct has taken over and I am barely to the elevator when I hear her broken sob echo down the hallway.

**BPOV**

I slide down the front door and fall in a heap on the floor. How could Edward be so cruel? I knew it was risky pushing him like that, but I didn't expect that reaction. That was a side of Edward I've never seen before. Is he always such a ruthless asshole?

Suddenly our conversation about his relationship with Jessica comes back to me.

"_So you dumped her?"_

"_More or less. But not before I treated her like shit and made her think she wasn't good enough. She would make an awesome fucking wife...just not for me. But of course I was too much of a coward to tell her that. No, I had to run her through the fucking wringer and make it all her fucking fault."_

Fuck this! I stood wiping the tears from my face. That fucking bastard had a track record of making woman feel like broken pieces of shit and I am not going down like every other girl he's pulled this shit with. I'm Bella fucking Swan and I don't take shit from anyone. Least of all Edward Cullen!

I grabbed my purse, my keys and my phone, then called the office to tell them I was taking the rest of the day off. I ran down to my Jeep and pulled out of the parking garage with squealing tires.

Twenty minutes later and I was walking into Eclipse. Jake was standing behind the bar with a clip board in his hand, inventorying the liquor.

"Bella!" he smiled. "What brings you in today?"

Deciding to dispense with the pleasantries, I just get to the point. "Where's Edward?"

"He's not here." Jake frowns. "He hasn't been here since Wednesday night."

"When do you expect him?"

"Not until tonight," he says cocking his head to the side. "Is everything alright Bells? Did you and Edward get into it again?"

"Sort of." I mumble, really not wanting to get into this with Jake.

"Fucking Edward," Jake mutters to himself, throwing the clip board down on the bar. "Have a seat Bella. Let's have a drink."

**Jake? Friend or Foe? Any guesses? Tell me about them! **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: WOW! Those of you who have reviewed have had some strong opinions of both Edward and Bella! Yes, this pair is definitely conbustible together! But we're getting ready to learn a little more about our Eddie! **

**mustlovertp...give her your love! She made this story possible! She was the one rooting for it! She rocks!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

I looked at the bottle of Patron that Jake sat on the bar and shook my head, remembering the first night I came here. "Anything but Tequila."

Jake shrugs and reached for another bottle. "Is Grey Goose acceptable?"

"Great," I mutter, making myself comfortable on one of the stools.

"So, do you want talk about it? Bartenders make awesome therapists you know!" Jake joked, as he poured us some shots.

"Is that so? Then what's Edward's excuse? He's a bartender and yet he's about as fucked up as they come!" I snap, not being able to help myself.

Jake cringes and passes me one of the shot glasses, which I immediately down and then return to him for another.

"Wow. You guys must have had a knock down drag out, huh?"

"Understatement." I grumble, downing another shot.

"So let me guess, he went all Edward on you and tried to make you feel like a piece of shit?"

I look up at Jake and then tapped my shot glass on the bar. "Just keep them coming Jake. I am going to need a good buzz if I'm going to talk about this shit."

"You're not the first and won't be the last Bella." Jake laughs. "You can roll up to any AA meeting within a five mile radius and find the Edward Cullen Fan Club."

"Why is he such a dick, Jake? I really don't understand. It's like he wants to be around people, but if they get too close, he pulls away."

"Look Bella." Jake sighs. "Edward is a great guy…most of the time. But he has boundaries you know? And if you cross them, it's like running into a raging bull on the other side. I know he's had issues with his dad in the past and it's made him bitter and insecure. But I don't know all the details. I just know that his dad thinks he's a dead beat piece of shit. The fact that Edward makes more money in a year then he does, being a silent partner of all these bars…means nothing to him."

"Edward owns more than one bar?" I asked incredulously.

"Lots more." Jake laughs. "I know he has one in New York, Chicago, Miami, Houston, Atlanta and L.A., for sure. But hell, there's probably more than that."

"Wow." I breathed, before hammering back another shot.

"Yeah. I found out about them when I decided to open this place and pitched Edward about partnering up. Here I thought I had this great idea that he was just going to go bat shit over," he laughed shaking his head. "Come to find out that Edward had already opened all these other places. It was pretty humbling and I've learned a lot from him. The dude knows his shit and is a genius at marketing."

I sat and tried to process all this new information, but the alcohol fogging over my brain was making things difficult.

"Did Edward go to college?" I asked.

"No." Jake said matter-of-factly. "It all just comes naturally to him. He's like a natural born genius or something. And the funny part is you'd never know it by looking at him."

"Yeah." I snorted in agreement, remembering all his piercings and that sexy tattoo.

"Ah, I take it you've seen the tattoo and piercings then." he smiled.

"He showed me," I clarified, not wanting Jake's imagination to get away from him.

"So how does he run all of these bars, without being there?"

"He has partners like me. They handle most of the day to day operations." Jake smiles. "And Edward can handle the marketing and promotion aspect from just about anywhere. So he really doesn't need to be there."

God, there's so many more layers to Edward then I had originally thought. I could spend a lifetime with him and still never see all the sides of him. That thought sent a shiver down my spine.

"Why does he stay in Seattle?" I asked as I shoved my shot glass back at Jake for a refill.

Jake sucked in a breath and frowned. "He doesn't _always_ stay in Seattle, Bella."

"OK. So what does that mean?"

Jake passed me back my shot glass and then leaned against the opposite side of the bar, crossing his arms in contemplation.

"Look Bella, Edward is my boy, you know? I love him like a brother. But, he's damaged. For the most part, he stays in Seattle for his mom. When his dad goes out of town, he goes down to Port Angeles to see her. They have a really tight relationship and she means the world to him. But his dad only goes away maybe once or twice a year, so he doesn't get to see her much."

"He mentioned his mother." I nodded. "He called her an angel."

"And she is." Jake agreed. "I've met her once when she came to see Edward after he came back from one of his…trips."

"Trips?" utterly confused by his tone.

"Look Bells. Edward isn't someone who copes well with change or feelings. When he feels…stressed, he takes off. He goes to work in one of his other bars, I think. Sometimes he's gone for just a few weeks and sometimes he's gone for months."

What the hell? I sit back on my bar stool and try to work out the puzzle that is Edward Cullen. This is a man who calls people in the middle of night and says absolutely nothing. Just sits on the phone as long as the other person is willing to put up with it. And now he takes off to places unknown whenever he's upset for an undeterminable period of time. This is so fucked up.

"Does he stay in touch?"

"Not normally," Jake shrugs. "The only reason I know he's still alive, is that his end of the business gets handled. And as long as he does that, I could care less where he is or the reasons why."

I'm still completely baffled, so I push my shot glass back over to Jake for a refill. My brain can't handle this much confusion.

"When was the last time he left?"

"When he broke things off with Jess," Jake smirked. "So he left about six months ago and just got back."

Wait! What?

"What do you mean he just got back?"

"I mean like a month before you came in here for the first time!" Jake laughed. "He literally came strolling in here one afternoon like he never left."

Motherfucker! That means that Jasper and probably Alice knew about this! Why would they set me up with someone who doesn't stick around?

I pushed my glass back at Jake and then changed my mind. "You know what Jake? Just leave the fucking bottle."

**EPOV**

I drove aimlessly around Seattle until I cooled off some. I stayed away from highways, knowing that if I got one, I would never get off it. I would just go to where ever it took me and I wasn't ready to leave yet. I had just gotten 'home' and had yet to see my mother. Taking off right now just wasn't an option.

I lit my twentieth cigarette since leaving Bella's three hours ago. My lungs were burning like a motherfucker and I was pissed off about having broken my rule about no smoking in my car. But I couldn't help it. I was still tense as fuck and if I didn't calm my shit down, I'd be useless at work tonight.

An hour later, I pulled into the club's out building, where we parked our cars. You just don't leave an Aston Martin parked in a bar parking lot…ever.

I made my way into the bar and as usual, the place was packed to capacity with people lined up around the corner waiting in queue. Jake was behind the bar, helping the new bartender he hired keep up. Personally, I think Jake should leave the hiring to me. He likes to hire his friends and family off the Reservation in La Push and they just don't cut it. Bartending is an art. You have to practice it. Perfect it. But this guy he hired was slow as shit and had no flair. Maybe he's a good bartender down in one of the Reservations many dive bars, but at an upscale club like ours …he's shit.

"Hey Jake. Looks like a full house," I yell over the music.

"Hell yeah! That radio spot you got us really paid off, I think."

"Cool. Let me put my shit in the office and I'll be right down." I told him, pushing my way through the crowd.

I'd almost gotten to stairs when I felt Jake's big ass hand on my shoulder. "Look man, we need to go in the stock room and talk a minute before you go upstairs."

"Alright, lead the way." I tell him following him through the crowd.

When we reached the door to the stock room, Jake closed the door and leaned against it with his arms crossed. "So tell me Edward, have you talked to Bella lately?"

What the fuck?

"I was with her today. Why?" I lit yet another cigarette. This whole conversation was about to go nowhere good…and fast.

Jake snorted in disgust and looked away briefly before answering.

"Because she might have been in here this afternoon, really fucking upset. That's why!"

Fuck!

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't know what happened between you two, but you better fucking fix it or leave her the fuck alone, Edward. She's not one of your brainless girls that you can fuck with anytime you want. Bella…she's special."

I can't help but laugh then. "Oh, I see how it is. Jakey went and got himself a crush on Bella!"

"Fuck you, Edward. Bella is a good girl and deserves better than what she's getting from you!" Jake says stepping into my face. "You just need to get your shit straight and not drag Bella down with you."

I am so fucking tired of hearing this speech over and over again. I'm an adult and I'm successful, why the fuck does everyone think they know what's best for me or what I need to do with my life? It's seems to me like I am doing pretty fucking good on my own!

"Whatever Jake. I know what I'm doing, alright. I'll talk to Bella tomorrow and see about getting shit straightened out. But I'd appreciate you staying out of my fucking personal business. It has nothing to do with you."

"Fine Edward." Jake sighs opening the door. "But you're going to see Bella a lot sooner than tomorrow. She's passed out on the couch upstairs. She was so upset she downed over half a bottle of Grey Goose. So have fun with that!"

"Motherfucker!" I groaned thumping my head on the wall. Jake laughed and then made his way back out to the bar.

I finished my cigarette and then pushed my way through the crowd and up the stairs. Shooing off a couple of people who were damn near fucking on the stairs. Doesn't anyone have any fucking class anymore?

I unlocked the office door, grateful that Jake thought to lock it, and was met with Bella curled up on the couch and snoring. Like loud ass, cutting down the whole fucking forest, snoring. I had to bite back a chuckle. How the fuck does something that loud, come from something that small?

I kneel down by the couch and look Bella over as she sleeps. Her lips are full and pouty, her cheeks are flushed from the alcohol and there's a thin stream of drool running down her chin. She's adorable.

"Oh Princess," I chuckle quietly and push some of her hair out of her face and gently stroke her cheek. "What the hell am I going to do with you?"

I walk over to the desk and find her purse. No man likes to look through a woman's bag. Urban Legends suggest that they hold unknown horror's that men should know nothing about. But given the circumstances, I am left with no choice.

Luckily, Bella's purse holds only the typical shit. A wallet, lip gloss, a compact, her phone and the subject of my search…her keys. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see a car key and a remote to it on the key chain. There's no fucking way I'm putting a drunken chick in my ride. She can hoark all over her own damn car.

I quickly lock the door I came through and then head down the back exit, so I don't have to push my way through the crowd. Once down in the parking lot, I hit the 'automatic start' button on her car remote and wait for the engine to start. I'm shocked as shit when this big ass black Jeep Rubicon roars to life. How the hell does she get in and out of that thing?

After being satisfied that I'd found the right car, I took the stairs back up to the office two at time. I quickly called Jake down at the bar to let him know that he has control of the house tonight and then I collected Bella and made my way down to her Jeep.

I strapped her into the front seat and then reclined it all the way back. This bitch was drunk; she was like a rag doll. Her head bobbed around with the tiniest of jostles.

"Alright Princess," I groaned, pulling myself up into the drivers seat. "Let's get you home."

I watched as Bella grinned in her sleep, smiling. As I turned to put the key in the ignition, I about shit myself when Bella, very clearly, sighed, "Edward." before rolling over on her side and tucking her hands under her face.

The drive home was mostly uneventful. Thank fucking God. Bella moaned and groaned several times and said my name a time or two more, making my pants really fucking uncomfortable. But there was no puking and she didn't wake up and attack me for driving around Seattle in her truck with her passed out in the passenger's seat. So that was a relief.

I managed to get Bella out of the car and into the elevator without moving her around too much. As soon as she was in my arms, her arms instinctively wrapped around my neck and she settled her face into the crook of my shoulder. Her warm, even breaths on my neck and chest, sent shivers through my body. What the fuck was this woman doing to me?

We finally made it up to her apartment and I managed to unlock the door without dropping Bella. Bitch better be grateful that I was taught to juggle when I was a kid. I never thought that shit would ever come in handy. Little did I know that it was all preparation for the day that Bella came into my life.

I made my way back to her bedroom and laid her out on her bed. I quickly slipped her shoes off, putting them away in her closet. When I turned around, I took her in laying there in her cashmere sweater (which made her tits look fantastic, by the way) and skinny jeans. There's no way she can be comfortable sleeping in that. At a loss for what to do, I bite the bullet and decide that I'll change her myself.

I fished through her dresser, finding a pair of flannel sleep pants with sheep all over them and a matching tank top. What is she? Four?

I shake my head, actually grateful that she has these hideous pajamas. Now I won't have to worry about an inappropriate boner situation.

I walk back over to the bed and decide to leave the lights off. The less I see right now, the better. I quickly pull the sweater over her head and lay her back down. Fuck, I'm met with a new problem. Do I leave her bra on her or take it off?

I screw my eyes shut and say screw it, before reaching down and flicking the front clasp open on her bra. Without peeking, I manage to get the damn thing off of her without incident. Thank you Jesus!

But I am quickly met with a new problem. After feeling around on the bed, I can't find the tank top I was supposed to put on her. So now I have to open my eyes. I try not to look at Bella laying sprawled out topless in front of me, but I'm a man and catch a glimpse of a beautiful nipple that was illuminated by the moonlight streaming in the window.

"Fuck," I mutter, staring like it's the first time I've seen a pair of tits.

Shaking my head I snap myself out of it and stay on task. Finding the shirt, I slip it over her head and pull it down over her breasts, which felt wrong and completely unnatural. _Hi, still a fucking a man!_

Next I undo her jeans and moan as I realize Bella is wearing a blue, lacy thong. On all the nights, she had to pick tonight to pull out the big guns. She has pajamas with fucking sheep on them! You can't tell me there isn't some Strawberry Shortcake cotton fucking briefs around here somewhere!

I quickly shimmy the jeans off and pull the sleep pants on. I gently maneuver her under the blankets and tuck her in. There. Done. Mission fucking accomplished.

I look down at Bella and smile as she rolls over and settles herself into the pillows. She's easily the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on.

With a sigh, I lean down and place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Sleep tight, Princess."

As I leave the room, I grab an extra pillow and blanket off the bed and pray a silent prayer that the beautiful woman on the other side of the door doesn't totally hate my fucking ass in the morning.

Going out to the living room, I quickly make myself a bed on the couch before stepping out onto the balcony for a smoke. As I draw the smoke into my lungs and lean my forearms on the railing, I look up at the full moon and close my eyes, feeling peace for the first time in a long time.

Standing out here on Bella's balcony, I feel like I'm home. There's no denying it anymore. I, Edward Cullen, am completely head over fucking heels in love with Bella Swan.

**So what did you take away from Jake's insight? Tell me about it! :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hung over Bella alert! It's not pretty! LOL **

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO rosegirl114 WHO IS READING THIS ON A BUS AND CRYING! APPARENTLY A LITTLE OLD LADY THINKS SOMEONE DIED! LOL**

**mustlovertp...you rock! Bestest Beta EVER!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT**

**BPOV**

I squeeze my eyes shut and roll over. What the fuck happened last night? Just then, flashes of the day before come into play. A fight with Edward. Going over to Eclipse. Talking with Jake. And the big fuck you…drinking with Jake!

I feel around and realize I am in a bed. Oh God! No. Please tell me I didn't go home with Jake. Please anything but that! I am in no condition to take the Walk of Shame this morning. Fuck, is it even morning?

I open one eye and breathe a sigh of relief. My room. My bed. Thank you Baby Jesus and his mother too! I move to sit up and instantly regret that decision when my stomach does a somersault and sends me running for the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet, before I am presented with an encore performance of last night's dinner. _What the hell did Jake feed me?_

I have my head buried in the toilet for what seems like hours, when I feel one hand stroking and holding my hair away from my face and another large hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. _Oh God! It's worse than I thought! I brought Jake home!_

I spend the next several minutes dry heaving my guts out, before I can turn and confirm who my caretaker is. Slumping against the wall, I am met with those familiar green eyes…Edward.

**EPOV**

"Rough morning, Princess?" I laugh as I get her glass water from the sink and load her toothbrush with toothpaste.

I watch with humor as Bella brushes her teeth over the toilet, grimacing because the mint flavor of her toothpaste is upsetting her stomach. She uses the water I gave her to rinse her mouth and then spits it in the toilet.

"I can't move." she mumbles, limply handing her tooth brush back to me.

"That doesn't surprise me. Anyone who ingests as much Grey Goose as you did last night is bound to feel it the next day…and the day after that."

Bella curls up in a ball on her bath mat, giving me the finger and telling me to "Fuck off" and "to turn the goddamn lights off."

Sighing, I bend over and scoop her into my arms. This immediately rouses her into consciousness and she starts kicking and fighting against me.

"Edward! Put me the fuck down!"

I roll my eyes at her. What is she going to do if I put her down? Crawl back to bed? Why are women so unreasonable when they're hung over?

"Easy Princess. Just shut the fuck up and let me take care of you. Do you really want to sleep on the bathroom floor? I got you a bucket out of your utility room and put it next to your bed. There's also some bottled water and Tylenol on your night stand. Drink the fucking water, take the goddamn pills and go back to fucking sleep. I'll be on the couch if you need me." With that, I laid her out on her bed, tucked her blankets in and left the room, leaving the door cracked open behind me.

Yup, Bella's a fucking peach when she's hung over! After I get myself settled on Bella's lumpy, uncomfortable as fuck couch, I say a silent prayer.

_Dear God,_

_Please let Jake have taken home a disease ridden whore last night. I know retaliation really isn't really your area and I'm not asking for something serious like HIV or AIDS. Just something simple and treatable. Like The Clap or Crabs. Or maybe both. I don't know, I'll leave the final decision up to you. _

_Thanks, _

_Edward_

**BPOV**

When I woke up this time, I wasn't nearly as confused as the first time. Although, I got drunk with Jake last night, so how the fuck did I end up with Edward?

I roll over and look at my alarm clock…12:30 pm. Jesus! I slept most of the day away. Realizing that I was supposed to meet Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett for lunch at noon, I slowly get out of bed and go in search of my phone. I make it out to the dining room and spot my purse on the table. I quickly dump it out, the contents spilling out noisily onto the table. I spot my phone and quickly start to dial.

"Belllaaaa" Alice sings in my ear. "Where the hell are you? You're late!"

No one should be this fucking chipper on Saturday! I need to start suggesting that Jasper monitor her fucking caffeine intake.

"I'm not coming," I grumble, slipping on my sun glasses. It's entirely too fucking bright in here.

"Oh my god! You sound like you've been gargling nails, Bella! Are you sick?" she screeches making me nearly drop the phone as the pain resonates through my entire body.

"Fuck Alice! Take it down a notch would you? No, I'm not fucking sick! I'm fucking dying…or maybe I'm already dead. I'm not sure yet."

"You're not fucking dead, so stop with the dramatics would you, Princess?" Edward says from behind me, snagging the phone out of my hand.

I stare at him from behind my shades like he has three heads.

"Yeah Alice, its Edward."

Pause.

"No, she's fine. She just got intimate with a bottle of vodka last night. She's been puking her guts out all morning."

Pause.

"No. Contrary to popular belief, I have every reason to think she'll live," he smirks, turning towards me and sticking his tongue out.

Pause.

"Tabasco Sauce, a raw egg and Paprika…you don't say?"

That does it! I flew to the bathroom and spend the next fifteen minutes trying to turn myself inside out over the commode.

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella fled the room with a hand firmly clamped over her mouth.

"Tabasco Sauce, raw eggs and what? What the hell are you even talking about Edward?" Alice screeched in my ear, causing me cringe and snicker at the same time.

"Nothing Alice." I told her, stuffing my pinkie in the opposite ear in an effort to stop the ringing. "I was joking around with Bella."

"She sounds like hell. What the hell did you do to her last night?"

Of course _I _would already be cast as the guy! Bitch! Grabbing my smokes and heading out to the balcony, I bring Alice up to speed.

"_I_ didn't do anything, Alice. By the time I got to work, she was already piss drunk and passed the fuck out on the couch in my office. Apparently she went on a bender last night, with Jake supplying the alcohol."

"Jake? How the hell did she end up with Jake?"

One thing about Alice. She doesn't ever swear unless she is REALLY pissed off or completely drunk. The closest she gets to a derogatory four letter word, is 'hell' or "damn". Which she says, A LOT!

"She went to the club to see me and I wasn't there."

"Why would she go to the club to see you? What the hell aren't you telling me, Edward?"

Another thing about Alice. She will irritate the fuck out of you until she gets what she wants. She gets these visions of how things should be and she becomes obsessed with them until they come to fruition. And don't even try to keep something from her. She'll find new and creative ways to torture you for the information. If you're a chick…its endless shopping expeditions until you finally crack or your credit card goes up in flames. If you're a guy, she'll suddenly take up a new hobby that requires your constant assistance. When I refused to tell her what Jasper got her one Christmas, she suddenly became interested in Feng Shui and my ass was dragged over to her house every day for month, moving around various pieces of heavy furniture. When I woke up one morning and my spine snapped, crackled and popped like a bowl of fucking Rice Krispies…I snapped. I spilled every gift detail that Jasper had confided in me. When all was said and done the evil bitch smiled at me, thanked me and then made me move all the furniture back to its original position in the room. Her Feng Shui addiction was mysteriously forgotten the next day. Coincidence? I don't fucking think so!

"Hello! Edward?" she screamed into the phone at a pitch that only dogs can hear.

"FUCK!" I wailed, throwing down my smoke and ripping the phone away from my ear. "Take it down a few fucking decibels will you?"

"What aren't you telling me, Edward?"

I reach down and pick up my dropped smoke, taking a huge hit.

"Not everything is your fucking business, Alice." I said quickly on the exhale.

"Edward!"

"Alice!"

"Fine be that way! I'll be there in a hour." she threatened.

"No you won't." I said calmly. "You are going to step the fuck off and let Bella and I handle our own shit. I don't get into shit between you and Jazz, so I think you should give us the same fucking respect. I'll tell Bella to give you a call later, if she wants to tell you about it that's her business. But you're beating a dead fucking horse trying to get something out of me."

With that, I ended the call.

I was feeling pretty fucking proud of myself, until Bella's phone chirped indicating an incoming text message. Predictably, it was from Alice and only one word, "Idiot".

Wow, I'm on a roll! First, I tore Bella down yesterday with blasphemy and lies and now I've pissed her best fucking friend off.

Fuck my life.

I finish my smoke and make my way back inside. I find Bella curled up on her bed, sun glasses still on and a tin of Altoids spilled all over the bed around her.

"Bella?"

"Go away!" she mumbles into her pillow.

"Not likely, Princess. You can't take care of yourself in this condition."

"Fuck you!"

"If that's what you really want and if it makes you feel better, you can fuck me. But I think I read somewhere that ingesting semen helps relieve certain ailments, so you might want to consider a blow job instead."

Bella rolled over and pulled down her sun glasses down so I could clearly see the look of utter disbelief on her face. I was practically gnawing off my bottom lip to keep from fucking laughing.

"How do I even fucking respond to something like that?" she asks, completely dumbfounded.

"Well first you get down on your knees and then…"

"Oh my god!" she groans, throwing a pillow over her head. "You are such a fucking idiot! That was a rhetorical question; I do not need a tutorial on the mechanics of giving a blow job! I'm fucking hung over and feel like death…can you just not fuck with me right now? Please?"

I sigh and sit down on the corner of her bed, picking up the mints scattered everywhere and returning them to their container.

"Altoids, eh? You're pulling out the heavy artillery."

"If I didn't know better, I'd think someone took a shit in my mouth last night," Bella mumbled from underneath her pillow. "Not even tooth paste with a Listerine chaser can kill this funk."

"So is it safe to assume that solid food is out of the question?" I ask quietly, not wanting to imply anything that might send her running for the bathroom again.

"Yes. Very safe." she groans with an ominous hiccup.

"Do you have any fruit? I could make a smoothie for you. I always find that they help me when I'm in your condition."

Bella huffs angrily, slamming her fists down on the bed and throwing the pillow off her head.

"Why the fuck are you even here Edward? Yesterday, you made it pretty fucking clear that I was nothing to you. Then this morning, here you are taking care of me and wanting to make me smoothies like I'm your best fucking friend! Are you Bi-Polar or something?" I noticed Edward wince slightly, but pressed on. "Because honestly, I can't keep up with you and no offense but, your moods swings are giving me whiplash."

Wow, this chick has a gift for calling people out on their shit!

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Bella." I mumble, picking at her comforter and keeping my eyes down. "I was angry and you didn't deserve the things I said to you. I know that. I just didn't know how to handle the…_situation_…that I found myself in. So I attacked."

"And what was the _situation _you found yourself in, Edward?_"_

Now it was my turn to huff. I got up and pulled out the cigarette I had stowed behind my ear.

"If you insist on smoking that, go out on the balcony." Bella says, motioning to the sliding glass doors with the other. "Those doors lead out to the other one."

In one quick motion, I whip the doors open and step outside, taking a deep breath before lighting my smoke.

"Answer my question, Edward." Bella says from behind me. I turn and crack up at the sight of Bella wrapped up tighter than sausage in her blanket, with her sun glasses and a baseball hat on. Obviously the sun is not a welcomed visitor in Bella's world today.

"It's fucking complicated, Bella." I sigh, hoping she'll drop it.

"Bullshit!" she snaps.

Yeah, it looks like it a no-go on the dropping it wish.

"What do you want me to say?"

I'm stalling.

"How about you start with the truth?"

And Bella see's right through it.

Taking a deep breath, I turn away from Bella and look out at the park below.

"You make me want to tell you things. You make me want to tell you things that I've never told anyone else. But you're dangerous, Bella. I've spent years crafting; building and re-enforcing all of these walls around me, that people who've known me my whole fucking life have been unable penetrate. But you? I know you a couple of minutes and you walk right through those walls like they aren't even there. That scares the shit out of me and I don't know how to handle it. I don't know how to handle someone who see's me as I am and not how I want them to see me."

Bella stays quiet, processing my confession. When she finally looks up, she is wearing a smirk on her face.

"Wow! Do you even realize you delivered that whole fucking speech and _only _swore one fucking time?"

"Is that a problem?" I chuckle.

"Not per se." Bella smiles. "But I have to tell you…I'm a little disappointed. I expected more from you."

Still chuckling and shaking her head, Bella got up and went back inside.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to bed!" she yells back, cursing at her own stupidity. Apparently that hurt her head a little.

"So does this mean we're friends again?" I ask, coming back inside, shutting the door and pulling the curtains closed behind me.

"For now." she mumbles and then quickly drifts off to sleep.

**BPOV**

I woke up again, to the sun sitting low in the sky. I had almost literally slept the entire day away. I rolled over to check the time and noticed large bottle of water and two more Tylenol sitting on my nightstand. Edward must still be here.

I know I have to deal with him at some point. His confession earlier was heart felt and genuine…I could feel that. But there are still pieces of the puzzle missing. Jake's words from last night kept echoing through my head.

"_Edward is damaged."_

Suddenly I felt like I was over looking something. Like there was something obvious right in front of me and I was totally missing it.

With a sigh I quickly pop the pills in my mouth and down the bottle of water. I got out of bed and quickly brushed my teeth, gargled some mouth wash and popped another Altoid in my mouth.

I opened the bedroom door and could hear the low of hum of the television from the living room. As I round the corner, I don't make my presence known. I hide around the corner and spy Edward stretched out on the couch, arm casually propping his head up and he's watching "Top Gear" on the BBC. I have to smother a snicker when he openly laughs at something one of the hosts says. He's so relaxed and looks like he belongs here.

I think I'm being all stealthy and am going unnoticed. Until he suddenly speaks without even looking in my direction.

"What the fuck are you doing, Princess?"

So busted.

"Er, nothing. I just woke up and heard someone in my apartment."

He laughs then, tilting his head back to look at me.

"You're such a bad fucking liar."

I just shrug and go into the kitchen. I open the cupboards, rummaging around for something to eat. I immediately reject everything I see. Nothing seems to sound appetizing at all.

I'm standing there staring into an open cupboard, when Edward walks up behind me and closes it.

"I went to the market while you were out and got all the ingredients for a smoothie." he whispers in my ear. "I took the liberty of making one up for you. It's in the refrigerator."

He places a small kiss on my cheek, squeezes my shoulders and then heads for the door.

"Wait! Are you leaving?" I ask, following him to the door as he slips his shoes on.

"Yeah." he sighed. "I need to take a cab to my house, shower and then head over to the club."

"A cab?"

"Yeah, I had to drive you home in your Jeep last night. I left my car at club." he said with laugh. "Although I am still trying to figure out what a 4 foot tall woman is doing with a jacked up Jeep Rubicon."

"I'm not fucking 4 foot tall. I'm 5 foot 3 and a half." I say indignantly.

"Fine. You're 5 foot 2!" he chuckles.

"Am not!"

"Oh yes you are!"

'And just what makes you so sure?" you big cocky bastard.

"You're a woman, Bella." he sighs with a chuckle, plopping that damn Fedora on his head and shoving a cigarette behind his ear. "It's an unwritten rule that you automatically add 10 pounds from whatever you say you weigh and subtract an inch to however tall you say you are!"

"Ugh, whatever!" I say with mock disgust. "I can't believe you're just leaving me here."

"Don't worry; you won't be alone for long. Alice and Jasper will be here in about an hour. So if I were you, I would drink your smoothie and then get your smelly ass in the shower," he said wrinkling up his nose with a teasing smile and opening the door. "See you around, Princess."

And then he was gone and suddenly I felt more alone then ever.

**So now what do we think of Edward? Talk to me...:)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Please fasten your seatbelts and return your tray tables to their upright positions. The Captain has turned on the fasten seatbelt lights. The ride could get a little bumpy from here! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

After Edward left, I took his advice and headed for the shower. I can't deny that I smelled pretty rank. Frankly, I think I smelled like I'd been rolled in Grey Goose shit. Note to self: Do not drink top shelf vodka shots ever again.

I got in the bathroom and started to remove my pajamas. As I pulled my shirt over my head, I caught sight of my bare breasts in the mirror and realization came crashing down on me. How the fuck did I end up braless and in my pajamas?

I desperately tried to remember taking them off myself…but there was nothing. I ran out to my room looking for the tell tale signs of a drunk person randomly shedding their clothes and throwing them all over room…but there was nothing. I went over to the hamper and flipped the lid open. There on the very top were my jeans that I had worn last night neatly folded on top. My cashmere sweater and bra were in the dry cleaning basket sitting next to it. This can only mean one thing…Edward.

I shook off the feelings of violation that were suddenly coursing through me and kept telling myself that he did it for my own good. _Yeah right!_

Once I was clean, I decided to head to the kitchen and try the smoothie that Edward had made for me. I pulled it from the refrigerator, sniffed it and then took a small, tentative sip. My eyes widen with the realization that not only did it taste good, it agreed with my stomach. In a few more swallows, the glass was empty and I found myself standing in the middle of my kitchen pouting. As I turned to put my glass in the sink, I noticed a Post-It note stuck to the refrigerator door.

_Princess,_

_I took the liberty of leaving you a pitcher of the smoothie in the refrigerator, should you find it appealing. _

_Edward_

The smile that took over my face nearly split it in two. Thank you, Edward! I quickly retrieved the pitcher and poured myself another glass, gulping half of it in no time at all. A person could live on this shit.

I had just settled into the couch, when I noticed that it smelled just like Edward. A hint of tobacco, combined with fresh laundry. I picked up the pillow he'd been laying on and brought it up to my face inhaling and closing my eyes. Delicious.

"It's worse than we thought, Jasper! She's trying to snort a pillow!" Alice giggled, making me instantly regret my decision to give her a spare key.

"I didn't hear you guys come in." I blushed, pulling the pillow away from my face and resting it in my lap.

"Well I see Edward already set you up with his sure fire hang over cure." Jasper chuckled. "That concoction has nursed me back to sober many times over the years."

"Um yeah, he did. I'm actually surprised it tastes so good."

"He's a bartender, Bella." Alice snickered. "If you can't trust him to make you a good drink, who can you trust?"

"True." I shrugged, taking another big swig from my glass.

"So." Alice started, settling on the couch next to me. "Are you going to tell us what the hell happened last night? How the hell did you end up getting drunk with Jake?"

"Edward and I had a disagreement and I went to the club looking for him. Of course he wasn't there, but Jake was. He could see I was upset. So he offered me a drink, which ended up turning into many," I said, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity.

"Is that all that happened then?" Alice pushed, earning an eye roll from Jasper, who had settled himself next to her on the other end of the couch.

"Yeah, Jake and I just talked about Edward mostly." I shrugged.

This seemed to get Jasper's attention, as his whole posture stiffened and his attention turned away from the television.

"And what did Jake have to say about him?" Alice asked, throwing a concerned look at Jasper. _What the hell?_

"Not too much. He just basically said Edward was prone to flights of fancy and that he was 'damaged'." I mocked Jake's voice and made air quotes.

"Asshole." Jasper muttered and then wandered off into the kitchen like he couldn't listen to anymore.

"Bella," Alice said gently, patting my leg and bringing my attention back to her. "You mustn't listen to Jake. I think he might have his own intentions where you're concerned."

"You mean Jake is lying? Edward doesn't disappear for months at a time?"

"It's not that simple Bella. I really think that Jake was making his business trips sound like something they're not."

"Does he stay in contact with Jasper when he leaves?" I asked, looking straight into Alice's eyes watching for any sign of deception.

"Not always." she frowned.

"And you don't find that strange?"

"No, I don't." she said confidently. "Sure, if it were anyone else, I would question it. Absolutely. But it's Edward and he's complicated. To have him in your life, you have to accept his quirks."

What the fuck does that mean? Since when did Alice become so vague?

"OK Alice! That's it!" I yelled, slamming my glass down on the coffee table. "You're going to tell me whatever it is that you're _not_ telling me, right fucking now! I'm done with people being so fucking cryptic!"

"I can't tell you that," Alice said sadly. "It's not my story to tell. But I can tell you that Edward isn't a bad person, he just requires understanding. You have to look past all that he isn't, to see all that he is. Look at what all he did for you last night and today. That's who he really is, Bella."

I shook my head and took in her words. She was right; Edward is a great person…when he wants to be.

"So let me get this straight," I said pointedly, settling back on the couch. "You think that Edward and I together is a good thing. But there's a story there that you can't tell me anything about, that makes him runaway from everyone for months on end with no contact, has made him an emotional cripple and his moods unpredictable. But all he needs is understanding?"

"Basically…yes." Alice mumbled. "I know it sounds ridiculous, Bella. But please, just trust me. Edward _is _worth it."

"She's right," Jasper said walking back in the room. "Edward is a great friend, Bella. Just be patient with him. He'll let you in and tell you everything. Just give him time."

I knew they were being sincere and protective of Edward. Their loyalty to their friends is one of the things I love most about Jasper and Alice. But they're asking me to make a huge emotional investment, without having the full story. And reading between the lines, they are basically telling me that having Edward in my life, in any capacity, will be a test of both patience and character. Was I really ready to risk hurting myself or worse, Edward, if I fail?

I silently shook my head and stared out the window realizing that I really didn't have choice. Edward was already in my life and despite my better judgment; I had already allowed myself to care for him. And he's already proven that he can be there when I need him. So it would only be fair that I show him I can do the same.

"We're not asking you to fall in love with him, get married and make a hundred babies, Bella." Jasper laughed. "We're just asking you to give him a chance and maybe your friendship."

I turned from the window and looked down at the nearly empty glass of smoothie and smiled.

"Don't worry Jasper, he already has that."

**EPOV**

My night at the club was predictable. Hundreds of drunken bitches slobbering all over me and my bar. I ended up wearing my fedora and working with my head down the whole time.

When I got there tonight, that asshat that Jake had hired was behind the bar. The guy was utterly useless. He only knew how to pour whiskey and uncap beer bottles and that's about it. An hour into our shift, I told him to pack his bags. Of course the little bitch went whining to Jake about it. When Jake showed up and started ranting about firing _his_ employee's, I cut that fucker down right away and reminded him that this was 30/60 partnership at best and when it's the majority of his cash on the line, he can have opinion. But until then, he needs to learn to hire people that benefit the club and not his unemployed family members.

Of course Jake didn't like it. But instead of arguing with me, because he knew he didn't have a leg to stand on, he decided to kick me in the balls instead.

"So Edward, tell me, how's my girl today?" he yelled over the music with a smirk on his face.

I tried to ignore the adrenaline and anger that immediately flooded my system. But he knew he got to me when I slammed a glass down in front of drunken wench that had been trying, unsuccessfully, to eye fuck me all night.

"She's fine!" I spat, ripping my hat off my head and pulling at my hair.

"Damn right she is!" he smiled, popping open some beers for a rowdy group of guys.

I just laughed humorlessly, still tugging at my hair, ignoring the drink orders being shouted at me.

"If you're not going to tap that shit, I think I might make a play for Bella. We had chemistry, I think." he smirked.

"You've got the bar!" I told him, not being able to listen to anymore of his bullshit.

As I stormed past him he laughed and yelled out, "Do me a favor and leave her number on my desk would you?"

I shoved my way out of the club, got in my car and peeled out of the parking lot. I ripped my hat off my head and pulled at my hair. Fucking Jake! That motherfucker knew exactly what he was doing and that realization caused another wave of anger to roll through me.

Before I knew it, I was at Bella's. I stood outside my car and chain smoked until I could get my shit together, but that was becoming harder and harder to do.

"Edward?"

Fucking hell. I turned around and there stood Jasper and Alice.

"What's up?" I mumbled, pulling at my hair some more and then slipping my fedora back on.

"Alice, why don't you go get in the car? I'll be along in a minute." Jasper tells her, never taking his eyes off me.

I watch Alice walk away and Jasper watches me. I know what the fuck he's doing. He's reading my mood and that pisses me off.

"I'm fine" I snap, once Alice is out of ear shot.

"No you're not, Edward. You're wound tighter than hell and ready snap. What happened?"

"Just Jake and his fucking mouth." I laugh humorlessly and then light another cigarette.

"Yeah, Jake's mouth is getting him in all kinds of trouble lately." Jasper sighed.

"Does she want him?" I mumble, yanking my hat off and pulling at my hair.

Jasper reached out for my fedora and put it back on my head. "You need to stop that shit before you yank it all out."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No." he said, the finality clear in his voice. "At least not the way he might want her."

I felt relieved, but the anger and anxiety were still there, making my thoughts race and my hands shake.

"Edward? Look at me." Jasper said waiting until my eyes met his. "You're on the edge man. You need to pull it back. Bella sees you as a friend. Don't make her regret that."

**BPOV**

After Alice and Jasper left, I turned on a movie and cuddled under a blanket. I fell asleep at some point and when I woke up I was freezing cold and the sliding glass doors to the balcony were open. I started to panic, until I smelled the cigarette smoke.

I made my way over to the door and found Edward sitting on the floor in the corner, his knees pulled up to his chest with his elbows resting on top, one hand pulling at his hair and the other holding a lit cigarette.

"Edward? What are you doing here? How did you get in?" I asked, moving to kneel in front of him.

He looked up at me and his eyes looked empty. It startled me.

"I still had your key." he mumbled quietly in a dead, broken voice. "I took it this afternoon when I went to the market and I forgot to give it back. Sorry."

"No apologies. It's fine. I don't mind." I smiled, as I gently pulled his hand out of his hair. Watching him pull at it like that was giving me a headache.

"Are you alright? What happened to you?"

He looked like he'd been through war. There were purple bags under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was a wild mess most likely from having his hands in it and he was visibly shaking.

"Do you want Jake?" he whispered so quietly, I almost didn't hear it.

"What? Want Jake? Why would you think that?" Now I was just utterly confused.

"He wants you," he said, looking up at me with pleading eyes.

"Well he can't fucking have me!" I laughed, trying to lighten things up. "Jake's not at all my type. Men with fucking pony tails do nothing for me."

I thought I saw the faint hint of a smile, before he turned his head from me and rested it on the wall behind him.

"I'm tired. So fucking tired." he muttered, closing his eyes.

"You can't sleep out here, Edward. Come inside, please."

"Mmm" he hummed, almost asleep.

Looking at him I could tell something was wrong. I could also tell that either he hadn't slept well in the last couple of days or he hadn't slept at all.

Standing up, I held both hands out to him.

"Come on, Big Boy." I laughed. "You're coming inside."

"No couch." he mumbled, barely conscious.

I took the cigarette from his hand, before he caught himself on fire and chucked it over the side of the balcony.

"No, no couch you fucking whine bag. I'll share my bed with you, as long as you promise no funny business."

He opened one eye and smirked at me.

"Fine. But the same goes for you. Keep your fucking paws to yourself, Princess."

"Cross my heart." I chuckled as he grabbed my hands and pulled himself up.

We made our way into my room and Edward toed off his shoes before throwing himself down on the bed.

"Edward you can't sleep fully clothed. Your studded belt and stuff will cut into you while you sleep."

"Too tired," he mumbled, eyes already closed.

"Edward come on!" I pleaded, gently slapping his face. "Don't make me undress you; it breaks the fucking "Keep Your Paws to Yourself" rule."

Groaning and mumbling something about me being a pushy bitch, he undoes his belt and button fly, before pushing his jeans down to his knees and then collapsing back down on the bed.

"Fine! I guess I'll do the rest! Thanks so much for your cooperation, Edward!"

I pull and tug until I finally get his jeans off. Which was quite the feat, considering his long lean body was nothing but dead weight. As I folded his jeans and balled his socks, setting them on the dresser, I tried to ignore his muscular body lying sprawled across my bed in nothing but boxer briefs and a tight black T-shirt.

"Alright big guy," I tell him, smacking him on the ass. "Take that shirt off and let's get you turned around and under the covers."

He groans again, but complies. Yanking his shirt over his head, he tosses it to me, crawls up to the pillow hugging it to his head and settles onto his stomach.

I fold his shirt and put it with his jeans. When I turn back around, he's already out. I pull the blankets up to shoulders and resist the urge to run my fingers across his "Cullen" tattoo.

From his pants, his phone rings. I go over and fish it out of his pocket to silence the ringer, before it wakes him up and see that it's Jasper.

"Hello? " I mumble, answering the phone as I walk out of the room.

"Bella?"

"Hey Jazz, yeah it's me." I whisper.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Edward's here, obviously, and he's sleeping. I don't want to wake him up."

"Edward's sleeping," he tells someone in the background. Probably Alice. Nosy bitch.

"Good, I'm glad he decided to come up and see you, Bella."

What?

"What do you mean by that? How did you know he was going to come here?"

"Oh. Um, Alice and I saw him your parking garage when we were leaving." Jasper says quietly.

What the fuck? Jasper and Alice left my place at 11 pm. I started a movie after that and got over half way through it before I fell asleep. That means that Edward was down there for at least 2 hours before he finally came up.

"Bella? You still there?"

Fuck, I forgot Jasper was on the phone.

"Yeah, sorry Jasper," I mumble. "So yeah, he's here and is going to spend the night. He's too tired to drive home."

"Alright, Bella. Thank you for letting him stay."

"It's no problem, Jasper." I laugh; still baffled by the fact that Edward was hanging out in my parking garage for over 2 hours.

"Um Bella? If you don't mind my asking, what was his mood when he got up to your place?" Jasper asked cautiously.

"His mood? It was okay, I guess. We talked about Jake a little bit, and then he got tired and started to fall asleep on me."

"Okay, good. That's good. Thanks again Bella, and tell Edward to buzz me in the morning."

"Will do. Bye Jazz."

I hit the end button on the phone and went back into the bedroom. Edward was still passed out right where I left him. I couldn't help but look at him. In sleep he looked so beautiful. His face was relaxed and childlike as his eyes danced behind his eye lids. I kissed my hand and placed it gently on his cheek.

I looked at the clock as I climbed into the other side of the bed and groaned when I realized it was 3:30 am. With I sigh, I rolled over and click off the bedside lamp.

"Sleep well, Edward." I whisper into the darkness.

**What's wrong with our Eddiekins? Any guesses? I am not above begging for reviews. So this is me on my knee's! Let me know what you think! I love reading them and responding to them! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: My Beta mustlovertp has said that I need issue a "Tissue Warning"...so consider yourself warned! LOL**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

I woke up to the sound of Edward swearing up a storm. I rolled over and looked at the clock. It read 6:40 a.m. Turning the bedside lamp on, I squint and sit up rubbing my eyes.

"What the hell, Edward?"

When I can actually focus, he's pulled on his jeans and is pacing around the room.

"Where's my fucking phone, Bella?"

I reach over to the night stand, pick it up and hold it out to him.

"I'm sorry. Jasper called after you fell asleep. He wanted you to call him when you got up."

Edward grabbed the phone and continued pacing. Prowling around the room in search of something.

"What are you looking for?"

"My hat. I can't find my fucking hat." he mutters, as he gets down and looks under the bed.

"It's out in the living room, Edward." I yawn laying back down in the bed. "It's early, go back to sleep."

"I'm not tired." he snapped, pulling at his hair and heading for the bedroom door.

What is wrong with him?

"What do you mean you're not tired?" I yell after him. "You were practically dead on your feet 3 hours ago!"

"I said I'm not fucking tired. Just give it a fucking rest," he mumbles coming back in the room with his hat.

I watch as he pulls on his shirt, socks and shoes.

"So that's it. You sleep a few hours and now you're leaving?"

"I need coffee."

"Fine, I'll make you some, relax." I get up and pull on my robe.

"No. I'll go get us some. And breakfast too." he says, tying his shoes and taking a cigarette from his pack, shoving it behind his ear.

His mood and attitude aren't making any sense. He was broken and defeated last night and now he's so anxious he's making me nervous.

"Edward, are you alright? Did something happen?"

He looks at me and scowls. He almost looks angry.

"Everything is just fucking peachy, Bella! Is that what you want to hear? I just want some fucking coffee. So get off my fucking case!"

I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes, fighting to escape. This only pissed me off, because I'm not crier.

"Then go get your fucking coffee. Don't let me stop you! Excuse the fuck out of me for being concerned! God Edward! You're acting like a fucking psycho!"

He flinches at my words and storms out the door. From my room, I hear the faint click of the front door closing.

**EPOV**

I woke up this morning and was so anxious I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I can't concentrate, my thoughts are racing. The only thing I could hold onto is the thought that I had to get away from Bella as soon as possible. I couldn't let her see me like this.

I was trying my best to get dressed and locate all my shit in the dark, but then I had to go and stub my toe on her fucking dresser. My cursing woke her up. From that point on, I was totally fucked.

She kept asking all these questions and I couldn't find my stuff. It was all just too much. I was on over load and if I didn't get out soon I was going to explode.

I was a total dick to her and said a bunch of shit I didn't mean. But of course Bella being Bella, she saw right through my bullshit and called me psycho. I don't think she realizes how close to mark she really was.

When I was out the front door of her apartment, I stopped and rested my forehead against it. My breath was coming fast and shallow like I'd just run a marathon.

"I'm sorry," I whisper and then kiss my hand and place it on the door before walking away.

**BPOV**

It's now 9:15 a.m. and Edward still hasn't come back. Where the hell did he go for coffee? The moon?

I've tried calling his phone, but he doesn't answer. Everything feels wrong. Something isn't right. I finally decide to say fuck it and grab my car keys, my purse and my coat. Someone is going to come fucking clean about what's going on!

I rip the front door open and immediately run into a brick wall.

"Whoa there Bells," a voice says. A strong arm comes out to steady me.

It's fucking Jake.

"What the hell are you doing here? And how do you know where I live?" I ask, wiggling out of his grasp.

"I asked around," he smiles. "I was just going to bring you some coffee and donuts."

He holds up a Starbucks carrier with two coffees and a bag from 'Dunkin Donuts'.

"I can't drink two coffees Jake."

He laughs at me.

"One is for me, Greedy." poking me in the stomach.

"Jake, knock it off." I tell him swatting at his hands.

Just then, I hear a very sarcastic and not so humorous snort. I look over Jake's shoulder and there's Edward with coffees and a plastic bag full of Styrofoam containers probably holding the breakfast he said he would get.

"Nice move, Cullen. But I beat you to it." Jake says, winking at Edward.

I can see that Edward is almost vibrating with anger.

"Shall we Bella?" Jake smiles, reaching around me to open the door.

I'm frozen. I can't move. I'm just standing there locked in a stare down with Edward. I'm watching a myriad of emotions dance across his beautiful face. There was anger, anxiety, hurt, fear and then finally, the most frightening…acceptance.

"Don't let me keep you, Princess." he finally says, walking up and handing me the bag and coffees that are in his hands. "You have a nice time with Jake."

With that he turns and walks away, heading back towards the elevator.

"Edward! Wait!" I yell after him, setting everything down on the floor and running after him. I make it just in time to catch the elevator doors before they close.

What I find inside breaks my heart. Edward is standing there bent over, fisting handfuls of his hair and making a strangled sobbing noise.

"Edward?" I say softly, getting on the elevator and pressing the button to hold the doors open. "It's not what it looked like. I was leaving and Jake, he just showed up. I wasn't going to let him in."

"It doesn't fucking matter Bella. You just need to fucking go, now. Please."

He's still doubled over and won't look at me.

"Edward, please. Don't leave it like this. Something is wrong and it's alright, its fine…you can tell me!"

Now he's standing up, shaking his head, but he still won't make eye contact with me.

"Bella, you don't know what you're talking about. Please, just go." he's almost pleading with me now.

"No, Edward. Not until you tell me the fucking truth. You owe me that much! Something's wrong, just tell me!"

"No." he growls from behind gritted teeth.

"Well then what do you want Edward? You keeping coming around and assimilating yourself into my life. And then you have one of your mood swings and use me as a punching bag. So answer me, Edward…what do you want?"

"You mean I come around and act like a fucking psycho, right?" the hurt clear in his voice.

But I won't be distracted.

"That's not going to work this time, Edward. Answer me. What do you want?"

"Just go Bella," he says turning himself to face into the corner of the elevator, like an insolent child in time out.

"What do you want Edward?" I ask again. He's going to fucking tell me if it kills us both.

"You're playing with fire," he warns, his tone angry and his palms pressed to his eyes.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I repeat, like I am talking to a handicapped child.

He finally turns around and looks at me. The look in his eyes is almost feral.

"Get the fuck out." he snarls.

"Not until you tell me what you want." I tell him, squaring my shoulders and holding my ground. "You want me out, then answer the fucking question. Otherwise, we'll be here all day."

He laughs a maniacal sounding laugh pulling at his hair and then crosses the elevator in two long strides, grabbing the back of my neck and attaching his mouth to mine.

This isn't a gentle first kiss of two lovers. This is a hard, bruising, desperate kiss. His tongue forces my mouth open and my first reaction is to fight him. My fists ball up and I start banging on his chest.

"You fucking wanted to know, Princess and now you're fighting me?" he mumbles against my lips. "You're a fucking liar. You think you want all the answers. You tell me I owe you the truth and that it doesn't matter. But when I give you the truth, you push me away."

He grabs me tightly by the forearms and shoves me away from him, wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his coat.

I stand there staring at him, completely stunned. I feel a tear slide down my cheek.

"Stay the fuck away from me, Bella. You can't handle the truth."

With that, Edward runs off the elevator and disappears down the stairwell.

I slide down the wall of the elevator in a heap. What just happened? While Edward's kiss was rough and meant to send a message, I can still feel the tingle that it produced in every part of my body.

"Bella?"

Fuck! I forgot about Jake. I quickly wipe my face and stand up.

"You have to go." I tell him, walking past him to my apartment. Kicking the bag of crap Edward brought and the coffees inside.

I can hear his footsteps behind me. Doesn't this fucker take a fucking hint?

"What about breakfast?" he whines.

I pick up his discarded bag of grease and over priced coffee shoving them back into his hands.

"Go eat somewhere else. With someone who's actually interested in you."

He looks like I just slapped him. Good.

"What's your problem? I was trying to be nice!" he says incredulously, like he can't figure out why I don't like him.

I laugh humorlessly as I lock my door.

"The hell you were!" I laugh. "You're here to finish what you started with Edward last night!"

Jake frowns and looks down sheepishly.

"Yeah, I know what you said to him last night," I told him. "And just so we're clear, Jake. I wouldn't piss on your sorry ass if you were on fire!"

I left Jake standing there like an idiot with his mouth hanging open. I don't have time to worry about his stupid ass. I get on the elevator and fish my phone out of my purse.

"Fuck!" I yell, banging the back of my head against the wall of the elevator when I realize my phone is dead. Perfect fucking timing.

When the elevator comes to stop in the parking garage, I hit the ground running. I get frustrated as I fumble with the keys to get the door to my Jeep unlocked and then I curse myself when I realize I could've used the remote.

I get in and fish the car charger for my phone out of the glove box. I immediately plug my phone in chanting "Please call, please call, please call" over and over again as I wait for it to boot up. But there's nothing. No text, no missed calls…nothing.

I pull out of my parking spot and out of the garage with my tires squealing. I am about two blocks from home, when I realize I have no idea where I'm going. Edward wouldn't have gone to the club and I don't know where he lives.

"GODDAMNIT!" I scream, as I punch my steering wheel until my knuckles start burning.

I pull over to the side of the road and take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I inspect my hand and it's swelling…quickly.

"Fucking shit!" I mumble as I rest my forehead on the steering wheel.

After calming down, I realize exactly where I need to go and pull back into traffic.

**EPOV**

One minute I'm in an elevator, attacking Bella and the next I'm in my car chain smoking like a motherfucker.

"I fucked up. I showed her the monster. I fucked up hardcore." These are the only thoughts registering right now. The horrified look on Bella's face when I pushed her away from me will be etched into my broken, black soul forever.

I look back in my rearview mirror, at the bags I went home and packed after I left Bella's the first time. I woke up with a feeling that it was going to come down to this. I was hoping to get to see my mother first, but my fucking dad didn't have any trips planned in the immediate future.

Sure I could go and see her and run the risk of running into him. But that would just end up in another screaming match that my mother doesn't need to hear. It's already ripping her heart out that we can't be family. I've hurt her enough. I won't put her through anymore.

This is for this best. I need to get the monster under control and I can't do that with Bella around. She makes me feel things that I just can't deal with right now and I won't drag her down with me. I've damaged her enough. Maybe one day I'll get my shit together and be able to explain things to her. That's the best I can promise her or myself right now.

Bella needs to move on. She doesn't need another weight to drag her down. I would drown her. Suffocate her. Hold her back.

I'm no good for her. I'm no good to anyone like this. This is right. I'm doing the right thing.

Bella will thank me for leaving. Maybe even be relieved that I'm gone. Hell, she probably breathed a sigh of relief the minute I stepped off the elevator. This is right. It makes me smile.

I reach over and grab my fedora, plopping it down on my head. Then I light another cigarette and push the accelerator to the floor.

This is for the best…

**BPOV**

Fifteen minutes later and I bring my Jeep to a screeching halt in front of their building. Jumping out, I make it past the intercom by catching door behind an older lady pulling a small basket on wheels that is full of groceries. I kindly help her in and then shoot up the stairway instead of waiting for the elevator. By the time I make it to their floor I am out of breath, sweaty and the water works have started.

I get to their door and take a minute to gain some control. My emotions are everywhere and for a second I think this is a bad idea. Maybe Edward is right…maybe I _can't_ handle the truth.

I quickly push the idea out of my head. I'm Bella fucking Swan, I don't back down and I don't take no for an answer, damn it! With my resolve in place, I lift my good hand and bang on the door until it finally opens.

"Bella?" Alice answers, stepping aside as I charge into the apartment like a bull. "What the hell happened to you?"

I laughed a humorless laugh as I take my surroundings. Being a Personal Shopper and Stylist for the wealthy, Alice has pictures and drawings of clothing everywhere. I don't know how Jasper puts up with it, personally.

"Funny you should ask, Alice." I answer, still laughing. "I went to bed with Edward Cullen at 3:30 this morning and woke up 6:40 with someone totally different. And I want to know why! No more bullshit!"

"Oh my God." she mumbles, sinking down on the couch with a hand covering mouth.

"Yeah, it's been a _very_ interesting morning, Alice. And thanks to you, I had no idea how to handle it. Now start talking."

"Bella…I can't." she whispers, tears flooding her eyes. "It's not mine to tel…"

"Yes, I know. It's not you're story to tell…I've heard that one before. But here's the thing Alice. Edward isn't telling either, which left me with a manic crazed person in my apartment this morning, pacing around in the dark mumbling about coffee like Rain Man. So this isn't a question of loyalty anymore. You _have _to tell me what the fuck is going on, so that I can find Edward and fix this shit!"

"What happened this morning?" Jasper asked, startling me. I hadn't realized he'd come in the room. "And what the hell happened to your hand?"

"I had a run in with my steering wheel," I mumble.

"Sit down," he instructs, pulling out one of the dining room chairs. "Alice clear me space to work please."

Jasper leaves the room for a minute and comes back with a first aid kit and some Ace Bandage and medical tape.

"So start from the beginning, Bella. What happened?"

I sigh and start explaining. I tell him about his mood last night, versus his mood this morning. I told him about the long stretch of time between when he left and returned. I told him about Jake coming over and goading him. Reluctantly, I even tell him about the elevator. Jasper just shakes his head, sighs and nods when appropriate…not giving much of anything away.

"I'm a social worker, not a doctor, Bella. But I'm pretty certain this is a sprain," he said, looking at my hand. He sends Alice to get some ice from the kitchen, while he wraps my hand.

"I want to fix it, Jasper," I tell him quietly. "But I don't where he is or where he lives. And he won't answer my calls and texts."

Alice hands me a Ziplock bag full of ice, that's been wrapped in a dish towel, with a tight smile.

"He lives in our building on the top floor." Jasper says quietly, walking over and retrieving a set of keys from a small bowl on the bookshelf. "Let's head up there and see if we can talk some sense into him, shall we?"

Jasper instructs Alice to stay there by the phone in case he's not home and tries to call. They seem to have a silent conversation with their eyes as we leave and it makes me uncomfortable.

After a silent elevator ride to the top floor, we're standing in front of Edward's door. Jasper knocks a few times and when no one answer, he uses the key. I can feel my stomach drop as he turns the lock and opens the door.

I'm shocked by Edward's apartment. It's much bigger then Alice and Jasper's apartment and has tons of windows. It's also a loft style apartment with very few walls. Everything is pretty wide open. So easy to see that he isn't here and probably hadn't come back after he left my apartment the second time.

"Wow! This is so much different from your apartment," I mumble, looking around.

"Edward did this after he moved in. It used to have individual rooms and a lot less windows. But Edward doesn't like closed in spaces. It gives him anxiety."

I nod my head and a tear runs down my cheek. "What's wrong with him Jasper?"

***Hides behind the wall and waits it out!* Don't hate me, please! So have you figured out Edward's big secret yet? Tell me your thoughts! Review, review, review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Oh the reviews...how I love them! And rosegirl1114...you have tested my bladder woman! LOL OK, so here it is kids. Get ready to put the puzzle pieces together!**

**mustlovertp is still the bestest Beta and Pre-reader around! Check out her stories...she's an amazing author as well!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

I looked at Jasper, begging him with my eyes to tell me the truth about Edward.

Jasper crossed the room and stood with his back to me looking at a collage of paintings grouped together on the walls.

"What do all these paintings all have in common, Bella?"

I went over and joined Jasper to get a closer look. All the paintings were really modern looking. Bright colors. Abstract. Thick, almost angry looking, chaotic brush strokes. They almost looked deliberate, yet unfinished at the same time.

"They look like works in progress," I said quietly. "Like when the artist started, he was full of passion for the project. But then eventually lost interest."

Jasper smiled. "You're very astute Bella. You see so much."

"But what does any of this have to do with Edward, Jasper?"

He sighed then and shifted his focus to the floor.

"Edward painted these, Bella." he said quietly.

I was stunned. Edward was an artist? I had no idea.

"Follow me." he said gently, leading behind a half wall to where a lovely black Grand Piano sat. He carefully opened the lid on the stool and took out a folder with sheet music in it, handing me several pieces.

"What do you see when you look at these? Even if you can't read music, it should be fairly obvious."

I looked at the beautifully written notes on the pages and they seemed so complex. Like whoever had written them, had unleashed all of their feelings on this piano and this music. But just like the artwork, it ran its course and was left unfinished.

"It's not finished," I whispered.

"Yes and Edward wrote these, as well. He's actually a very gifted composer. Music and art have been like a therapy for him over the years. A way to release all of his pent up anxiety."

"But why is it all unfinished?" I asked, carefully handing the pages of sheet music back to him.

"Because he can't, Bella." he said simply. "His thoughts race and the emotions he feels at that moment get released on the paper and canvas. When they've run their course, his thoughts race on to something else and then he has to move on as well."

"I don't understand."

"He's Bi-Polar, Bella." Jasper said gently. "His brain doesn't function like yours and mine. Where you have the capacity to focus on a goal and see it to fruition, Edward can't. That's why he needs people like Jake. People who can over see the day to day needs of the clubs and pick up any slack that may occur. Without them, none of his business ventures would have been successful."

Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle that was Edward Cullen, fell into place.

"So all the mood swings…" I started.

"Symptoms." Jasper nodded. "Edwards biggest issues are of course, as you mentioned, mood swings. But also anxiety. You may notice that he pulls his hair a lot when he's upset. That's one of the reasons why he always wears the fedora. Without it, he would have yanked all of his hair out by the root by now. But the other reason is that he can pull it down and block people's view of his face. People, who are Bi-Polar, tend to isolate themselves when they are having a bad spell. During these periods, Edward operates under the "if I can't see you, you can't see me" theory. So by blocking your view of his face, he's finding a way to isolate himself."

I can't believe I missed all this. How did I not see the signs? My mind flooded with memories of the last several days and all my interactions and conversations with Edward…and I froze.

"Jasper!" I cried. "This might all be my fault! Friday, when Edward and I got into that fight and I ended up getting drunk. I got angry and flat out accused of him of being Bi-Polar during one of my rants. I saw him flinch when I said it, but I kept right on going and kept pushing. He snapped on me and said a bunch of horrible things before he left. Then this morning, he was pacing around and mumbling about coffee and I told him he was acting like a fucking psycho."

"It's not your fault, Bella. You didn't know," Jasper smiled. "Stop blaming yourself. Edward has been on the edge for awhile now."

Despite Jasper's words, I still felt guilty. Edward had to have felt stung by my words. That's probably why he wouldn't tell me. He probably thought I wouldn't want anything to do with him if he did.

Suddenly that kiss in the elevator started making sense. I knew it felt like he was trying to send me a message and tell me everything he couldn't with it. He was trying to tell that he wants me, but would only end up hurting me.

My heart shattered at the realization. Edward wants me, but is trying to protect me from his illness. _Oh Edward._

My head fell forward and I plopped down onto his couch with my head in my hands. What had I done?

"I should have seen this coming last night. He was so defeated and tired when I found him on my balcony. I thought it was just exhaustion. He looked like he hadn't slept in days."

"He probably hadn't Bella." Jasper said, sitting down next to me and rubbing my back. "That's another symptom. Bi-Polar personalities don't require much sleep and they can stay up for days on end with little to no rest in between."

Well that explains why he only slept 3 hours and then woke up with enough energy to run marathon. My mind was reeling with all this new information and I suddenly felt exhausted. Physically and mentally.

"What Edward is experiencing now, based on your description, is called "Hyper Mania". His brain is being bombarded with racing thoughts, his system is flooded with adrenaline and his moods are shifting rapidly," Jasper explained. "Basically, it means Edward isn't control of himself right now."

"I don't understand. Isn't there medications and stuff he can take to control all this?"

"Yes there are and for a long time, he took them." Jasper replied, getting up to look out one of the windows. "Edward got diagnosed when he was quite young. His dad is a doctor and recognized the systems right away. To anyone else, Edward would have appeared to be a moody child and it would have been chalked to adolescence and changing hormones. That's why so many people aren't diagnosed until adulthood, when none of those reasons apply anymore. But his dad knew what he was looking for, so he got him help right away. I think he was about 8 years old when they started him on a drug therapy regimen. Without complaining, he'd swallow upwards of five pills a day, just to function semi-normally."

"Jesus," I muttered. I couldn't even imagine having to go through that at that age. I can remember my dad having to hold me down just to get me to swallow a vitamin.

"The pills helped." Jasper went on. "But kids still sensed he was different. And we all know how cruel they can be, so Edward didn't have many friends. I took a chance and befriended him when we were 9 years old. His symptoms were under control at that point, so for the most he was just like any other kid our age, except for the side effects that the medications caused. Some days he'd get crippling headaches, suffer from panic attacks, have an accelerated heart rate, shake uncontrollably, be covered head to toe in itching burning rashes, have a sharp metallic taste in his mouth and be nauseous to the point where he couldn't eat or drink anything and would have to be admitted to the hospital to get re-hydrated with IV's. Each day was a proverbial box of chocolates for Edward. He never knew what he was going to get."

A shudder ran through me as I listened to Jasper talk. He talked like he'd gone back in time and was reliving all of this as he spoke.

"Things continued on this way until Edward was 16 years old. He'd started to rebel and was sick and tired of taking all the medications. Dealing with the side effects had grown tiresome and they held him back from being from being a normal teenager. He'd go to parties and get ragged on because he couldn't drink. It all started to take its toll. So he decided he wouldn't take them anymore. Of course this pissed his dad off and he tried to force Edward to continue. But in the State of Washington, a 16 year old can make the decision to discontinue medical treatment as long as he doesn't pose a risk to himself and others. So his dad fought the law, with the law. He went to court and convinced a judge that Edward was a threat to himself. Since Bi-Polar personalities have a higher suicide rate, he argued that taking the medications away would spiral him into a manically depressed state, where he could potential do himself harm. He wasn't entirely wrong, mind you, but Edward had never done anything to intentionally hurt himself and Carlisle, his dad, was implying that he had."

"The son of a fucking bitch," I growled.

"Exactly." Jasper agreed. "Anyway, the judge eventually agreed with Carlisle and his team of lawyers, so Edward was placed under a Conservatorship until his 18th birthday. Do you understand what that is Bella? Or do you need me to explain?"

"I'm familiar with it." I nodded. "It's what Britney Spears has that her dad over sees."

"Yes," he smiled before continuing. "So Carlisle was named head of Edward's Conservatorship, which gave him the power to make medical, financial and personal decisions for Edward. Needless to say, Edward was forced to continue with the medications or he would've been institutionalized until his 18th birthday. That marked the end of Carlisle and Edward's relationship. But it was also during this time that he grew closer to his mother, Esme. She could relate to Edward's condition, because she herself suffered from a far less severe form of Depression that was easily treatable with Prozac."

"So this is hereditary then?" I asked quietly.

"Yes." Jasper said sadly. "Any child that Edward fathers has an 80% chance of suffering from some sort of Depression Disorder."

I just nodded in response, wiping a tear from my cheek and motioning for him to continue.

"So, when Edward turned 18 years old, the Conservatorship expired and he was free to make all his own decisions. But not only did he get personal freedom, he also got access to the eight figure trust fund Esme's parents had left for him. When he decided to go off the medications again, Carlisle went back to court to have Conservatorship reinstated, claiming that with access to so much money, Edward could potentially disappear and never seek medical treatment for himself. This time however, Edward was able to afford and provide his own legal counsel and for over a year they battled it out in the courts. Edward eventually won, causing his dad to issue an ultimatum. Continue with the drug therapy or be disowned."

My tears were flowing in earnest now. I couldn't even imagine being in his place and have my father turn his back on me.

"Of course Edward being Edward, he took the door and left. He came to my house and convinced me to move to Seattle with him. We arrived in town that night. The first thing he did was go have that tattoo put on his back. It was supposed to be a big fuck you to Carlisle. He could throw Edward out of his life, but he'd never take his name from him."

I laughed then. "That was my theory behind the tattoo when I saw it. I figured it had a significance beyond family pride."

"In the months that followed, I started college at UW and Edward set to work on his dream of opening up a club. Of course I had to work hard to keep him on task, but eventually he was able to network enough to find James Gideon. He's this awesome financier and he decided to invest in a high end club with Edward and they became partners. Together they opened six clubs in New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, Houston, Denver and LA. Edward was doing really well the first two years. He was focused, driven, successful. But then I met Alice and we made the decision to live together. We only ended up moving a couple floors down, but it was far enough to throw Edward into an emotional crisis. And that's when he first started disappearing for months on end."

"Oh my God." I mumbled through my tears.

"For years I thought it was my fault. But then I realized I would have had to leave him at some point. That all of this inevitable. I was just a band aid for Edward'fs problems."

He shook his head as if to shake off a bad memory and then continued.

"On one of his _Business Trips_, as Alice and I have come to call them, he met Jessica and brought her back to Seattle with him. Everyone could see she was a bad match for him. She was seduced by his money and nothing more. She was also an enabler and encouraged all his vices. Like the chain smoking and drinking. She was also horribly jealous of his relationship with Esme, as fleeting as that was, so when she found out he was sick, she started babying him. She thought he ran back to Esme on a bad day, so she could nurse him through it. Which was mostly true…but Jess took it to an extreme and eventually he grew tired of her. He doesn't want to be babied or put up with. He just wants to be accepted."

"It sounds like she stripped him of his dignity," I sniffled.

"She did," Jasper agreed. "Anyway, he left her and went on a trip for about six months or so. He only just got back and unlike his returns before, he didn't come back centered and refocused. He came back anxious and on edge. Alice and I hoped that by meeting you and being exposed to your open and honest personality, he'd find some balance. He needs someone like you. He needs you, Bella."

"Yeah and then I push and shove him until he breaks. Some friend I turned out to be." I cried, feeling worse than ever.

"You can't break something that was already broken, Bella." Jasper said softly sitting down next to me. "If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that you can't prevent the fall. All you can do is be there and help him back up. If you look at it any other way, you're going to drag yourself down with him and he would rather kill himself then see something like that happen."

"I know. It's just so hard Jasper." I cried as he hugged me. "I haven't even known him that long and he's already in my heart. I just want so much to fix him. Make him whole somehow."

"You already have filled a hole for him, Bella. Don't you see? He came to you last night. You don't know how stunned I was to find him your parking garage last night. Usually when he's in that condition, he has one foot out the door and is gone. Even this morning, Bella. He came back. Granted things went down hill from there, but usually once he leaves, he's just gone. He's already breaking his patterns and changing his own rules! You did that Bella. I've known him most of my life and have never made the impact you did in just a few days."

"Yeah, but he's gone now." I sniffle into Jasper's shoulder.

"He'll come back." he answered with confidence. "He _always_ comes back."

"Do you think he went on a business trip?"

"Yes." Jasper sighed. "But with all the rules you've changed for him, he might not be gone as long. Or who knows, maybe he'll even call."

We were quiet for awhile as we sat on the couch, me with my head leaned on Jasper's shoulder. I thought back to everything that had happened since I'd known Edward and suddenly a whole new portrait of person emerged. Dangerous, rebellious and moody Edward, had been replaced by a more loving and sensitive version. Jasper had torn the last of Edward's walls down and I could now see him for the man he really was.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what? Telling you the truth or breaking your heart?"

"For both." I laughed. "At least when he comes back we'll be on an equal footing now. Each broken in our own way, needing a special someone to put us back together again."

Jasper laughed then. "Bella, that is the first time I've been thanked for being a total dick!"

We both started laughing until our tears turned into tears of humor, love and appreciation.

Alice walked in during out hysterics and looked at us like we'd lost our minds.

"Everything OK up here?" she asked.

"Fine. We're just fine." Jasper chuckled, pulling her into his lap.

"So how did it go?" she asked carefully, looking at me like she expected me to beat the shit out of her or something.

"It's fine, Alice. I understand everything now."

"So you're not angry with me?"

"Oh, I'm angry!" I answered honestly. "I'm angry that you and Jasper hid Edward from me all this time. But I think I can find it in my heart to forgive you."

Before we left Edwards apartment, we checked his closet and bathroom to confirm our suspicions. Sure enough, most of his clothes and toiletries were gone. Edward had left.

As I left his apartment, I took one more look around and tried to absorb as much of this new Edward as I could.

"Come back to me soon, Beautiful Man." I whispered, pulling the door closed behind me.

**vixangel, you nailed it! Good guess! So what do we think of our Edward now? **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: You can thank Lady Smith Black Mumbazo for this Chapter! She got down on her knees and begged for it! Here you go woman! Save your knees, I don't want you crippled!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

After we left Edward's apartment, I ended up hanging out at Alice and Jasper's the rest of that day and into the night. Part of it was because I didn't want to be alone, but mostly it was because I wanted to believe that Edward would eventually come home. But he didn't.

We ordered pizza and invited Emmett and Rosalie over. Alice must have filled them in, because Rose stormed through the door and attacked me, pulling me into a tight bear hug.

I was shocked and slightly pissed off when I found out that Rose and Emmett already knew about Edward and his "condition". It kind of made me feel stupid to be the last person to know, but I tried not to act to bitter about it.

As the night wore on, different questions kept popping up in my head and I was constantly interrogating Jasper. Luckily, he didn't seem to mind and answered what he could. I even found out that Jasper went into Social Work because of Edward. He said it was his way of staying informed of new things happening with Mental Illness. Which lead to my next line of questioning.

"Aren't there new drugs coming out all the time that are more effective with less side effects?"

"Yes there are. But that isn't really what Edward's problem was when he was on his meds, Bella." Jasper explained. "His dad micro managed his illness. He wanted every one of his symptoms addressed and treated. Which lead to mixing medications and when you do that, you can amplify the side effects. Sure his symptoms were reduced to almost nothing, but he could hardly function due to the side effects. But his dad felt that was an even trade off, if it meant that his son acted normal."

"OK, so what if he only took the medications for the most severe of his symptoms? Would that cause problems with side effects?"

"No. And that's what I have been trying to talk him into for the last several months. Edward really only needs a mood stabilizer and something to help with anxiety. Honestly, he's not all that sick. I've seen people a lot worse then him at work."

"If it would be that easy, then why won't he agree?" Rose asked, taking interest in the conversation. "I mean those drugs have minimal side effects…I've read about them."

"Because he doesn't think he needs them," Jasper sighed. "Unfortunately, people who are Bi-Polar learn to function so effectively with their illness, that they don't see a problem. Edward is no different. He's successful, runs an empire of night clubs and lives on his own…so what's the problem?"

"So what you're saying is that he's accepted the mood swings and anxiety as "his normal"?" I said quietly.

"Yes. That's exactly it." Jasper nodded. "And the thought of changing that _normal _scares the hell out of him."

When I left Alice and Jasper's that night, my thoughts were racing. I wondered if this is what it felt like for Edward everyday. I just couldn't imagine it. When I climbed into bed that night, I could smell him on the sheets. I snuggled up with the pillow he used, said a prayer for him and cried myself to sleep.

As the weeks wore on, no one heard anything from Edward. We all checked in with each other frequently, but for the most part…life went on.

I stayed busy work and what I didn't finish there, I brought home with me. On the weekends I made sure to bring home extra work, so my mind was always occupied. This routine tended to piss my friends off, since I never wanted to go out anymore. But it was winning me accolades at work. My Senior Editor, Trish had taken notice of my "hard work and dedication" (her words, not mine.) and told me that if I kept it up, I could probably be promoted in the coming year. I was excited, naturally, but that was fleeting when I realized the only person I really wanted to tell was gone. I got intimate with a pint of Ben and Jerry's that night.

It was the middle of January and Edward had been gone for 4 months now. Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett finally talked me into going out for the first time since he left. We ended up at Eclipse…I wasn't impressed.

Of course Jake was there. He was working behind bar, so we went and got a table. We had been there for an hour when he finally showed up at our table. Tapping Jasper on the shoulder and ignoring me completely, he shoved a paper in his face and demanded to know where Edward was.

Jasper read over the paper in his hand, smirked and then handed it back to Jake.

"I really couldn't tell you. He left town 4 months ago and nobody's seen or heard from him since."

"Fine." Jake snarled. "But if you do talk to him, you can tell him he's a dead man!"

"Only if you can get through me first, ass wipe!" Emmett growled, standing up and crossing his arms over his massive chest.

Even Jake knew better then to go toe to toe with a former Marine, who now specializes in personal security for the wealthy and high ranking government officials.

I watched as Jake stormed away from the table and then turned to Jasper.

"What the hell was all that about?"

"It was a Notice of Buy Out from Edward's Lawyers and James Gideon." he laughed. "Looks like Edward is exercising his power as Primary Owner of the club. He's forcing Jake to sell out to James. If Jake refuses, Edward is threatening to pull out and close the club. Looks like Jake will only be a partial owner for another 2 days."

"That letter was from Edward?" I asked quietly, formulating a plan in my head.

"No. His lawyers, but he had to have been in touch with them to have it drafted." Jasper said idly taking a swig of his beer.

"Who's his Lawyer?"

"Caius Volturi. He's European and a total pit bull. Jake should be scared." he chuckled.

"So what? Jake has to meet with the lawyer's on Monday at their offices?"

"Yup." Jasper said popping the "p".

Monday rolled around and I became mysteriously ill…or so my employer thought. But in truth, I was busy staking out the downtown offices of Caius Volturi. If Edward showed up, I'd be ready for him.

I got lucky too. The offices were on the ground floor and the front was nothing but windows. I could see everything going on inside. I was out there about an hour, when I saw Jake arrive. He was wearing a button down shirt and grease stained jeans. Way to keep it classy, Jake.

A few minutes later, another car pulled up a man with blonde hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail stepped out. He wore an oxford, tailor made jeans, leather shoes and a blazer. He was very chic.

I watched through the window as Jake and blonde ponytail guy, who I assumed was James Gideon, were lead to a conference room. Other men came into room and sat down flanking James, leaving Jake by himself at the other end of the table.

James smirked his way through the meeting, while Jake looked down right pissed and then completely scared. I wonder what was going on in there?

An hour later papers were signed and hands were shook. I took this as my cue. Jumping from my Jeep and running across the street, I waited outside the front doors. About five minutes later James stepped out. Just the man I wanted to talked too.

"Excuse me." I said, reaching out and grabbing his arm.

James turned around and looked at me while holding his phone to his ear, mid conversation with someone. I thought I saw recognition in his eyes when he said "I'll call you back" and snapped his phone shut.

"You're James Gideon, aren't you?"

"Yes I am." he smiled. "And you are?"

"Bella. Bella Swan."

His smile became absolutely huge.

"You're even more beautiful than he let on." James smirked.

"So you know who I am?"

"Of course. Edward's quite enamored with you."

So he knows where Edward is!

"Yeah, I think he's pretty great too." I blushed.

James looked me over and then looked up at the building.

"You were hoping he'd be here today. Weren't you?"

I just nodded as tears flooded my eyes. "Please, do you know where he is?" I managed to squeak out in a broken voice.

"I do." he said sadly. "But I am afraid I'm not at liberty to say."

I looked up at him and let my tears fall. How could he not tell me! My heart was breaking all over again.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you, Bella," he went on, handing me a hankie. "But Edward and I are business partners. We have to have absolute trust to do what we do. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nodded letting him know that I understood…and I did. Plus it made me feel a little better that he was with or at very least, in contact with someone who cared about him.

"Thanks for your time." I mumbled. "And I'm sorry for bothering you."

As I turned to walk away, James called out to me and ran over to me when I stopped.

"I can give him a message though," he offered with a smile.

"Tell him I miss him and that my sheets don't smell like him anymore." I turned to walk away, then stopped and turned back around. Squaring my shoulders I added one more thing. "And tell him he owes me a fucking smoothie!"

**EPOV**

After leaving Seattle, I drove almost straight through to Chicago, only stopping once to catch an hour or two of sleep. Upon arriving I went straight to the apartment that I had purchased and renovated a little over a year ago. I had stayed here once before when I needed to get away. No one in Seattle knew I had it, so they wouldn't think to look for me here.

I spent the better part of the day pacing around and thinking about Bella. She had become my new obsession and all of my thoughts revolved around her. But I didn't want to think about her anymore, so I called down to the club and told Alec, the club's manager, that I would be in for a shift behind the bar tonight. Luckily he didn't ask questions. He had been with us long enough to know not to.

Working the bar distracted me for the most part. My thoughts raced about drink recipes when I was behind the bar, but as soon as my hands were idle, they went right back to Bella. It's like stretching a rubber band out as far as you can and then having it snap back on you. The fucking snap was painful.

I painted and composed my way through the day and then bartended, drank and smoked my way through the night. It wasn't ideal, but at least I was coping.

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks of doing the same thing over and over again each day. As they wore on, I felt myself start to calm and I could hold onto my thoughts longer.

It was the middle of December when James Gideon showed up on my door step.

"You've got problems," he said, walking past me. James was the only one who knew about this apartment, so it didn't shock me to see him here.

"What's going on?"

"Our accountant Maggie Malone has been trying to get in touch with you for over month, Edward. There's a problem with the receipts from your club in Seattle."

"A problem?" I growled.

"Yeah. A _big _problem," he clarified. "I know that I have nothing to do with Eclipse, but since she couldn't get a hold of you, Maggie went ahead and filled me in hoping that I would be in contact with you at some point."

"So what's the problem?" I asked, lighting a cigarette and giving my hair a yank.

"Someone's stealing from you, Edward. The receipts from the bar and cash drawer totals don't match. As a matter of fact, they are off by thousands of dollars. Not only that, but liquor order quantities and inventory don't match. Someone has been taking cases of booze out the back door."

"It's got to be Jake."

"Edward you have to be sure. We can't just accuse him of theft, there has to be evidence."

"It has to be him! He does the hiring and out of 10 fucking employees, 8 of them are his family members from the Reservation."

"Call Caius." James tells me. "Find out what we can do legally to clean this mess up."'

An hour later we had formulated a plan. I would send Jake a Notification of Buyout letters, letting him know that I wanted James to buy him out of the club. If he refused, then I would threaten to pull out and close the club permanently. If he didn't agree to the buy out price, which we were offering his initial investment plus 10%, then Caius would produce the accounting records and threaten him with prosecution for embezzlement. It was perfect.

But what was even better than the plan to be rid of Jake…my reaction to the situation. My anxiety was at a minimum. A little hair tugging and pacing…but no melt downs.

"So we have to be in Seattle next month on the 15th." James told me, programming it into his cell phone.

Fuck!

"Um, you're going to have to do this one on your own man. I'll sign whatever paperwork Caius needs me to and then fax it back to him."

"What the fuck, Edward! You're really telling me that you don't want to go and see this guy squirm like a little bitch?"

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. I can't risk it, man. I can't risk it." I told him, lighting another cigarette. "If she sees me, she'll probably run away screaming."

My thoughts instantly drift back to the elevator and the kiss.

"Who's going to run away screaming?" James asked, thankfully pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Bella."

"Who's Bella?" James smirks. "Do you have a girl? Have you been holding out on me?"

"She's not my girl." I chuckle darkly…but I wish she was.

"OK, then what is she?"

"She's just this amazingly beautiful woman that I could see myself with. But I don't think she feels the same way."

"Is she blonde?" he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"No she isn't, Shallow Hal." I give him a shove and then head into the kitchen.

"Brunette?"

"Yes. And brown eyes." I mumble, pouring myself a cup of coffee and giving my hair a yank when the memory of Bella's watery eyes when I left her pops up.

"She sounds hot!"

"Don't OK. Don't start trivializing her and grouping her into your herd of whores, alright? Bella is better than that," I snarled, slamming the creamer down on the counter. "She's the best person I've ever known and a great friend."

"She sounds like more than a friend to me!" James snorts. "Da Nile is a river in Egypt my friend. You might want to remember that, because great women don't stick around forever."

After James left that night, my anxiety peaked. "Great women don't stick around forever" kept rolling through my mind like a freight train. He's right. They don't wait around for you to find yourself again. They move on with someone who knows who they are all the time. I've been gone 3 ½ months now. Bella has probably already found someone else. She's probably happy, laughing and cursing up storm. I shake my head to rid myself of the image of a happy Bella in someone else's arms and decide to pick up an extra shift at the club every night that week.

Two weeks later I was at the club, fending off another group of drunken bitches' unwanted advances. I don't know why they think that putting their tits in my face is going to change anything. Tits or no tits…I'm still going home alone.

Naturally, I was more than grateful when James showed up to rescue me.

"Hey Man," he said, shaking my hand. "I need you in the office to go over what went down in Seattle."

I followed him upstairs and plunked down on the couch.

"Shoot."

"You look like you're in a better place," he smiled.

"Marginally," I grunted. I lit a cigarette and pulled my fedora off. "So get on with it. Is Jake out or what?"

"Oh yeah!" he laughed, tossing some paperwork at me. "Of course he took issue with the purchase price, but as soon as Caius produced the accounting papers, Jake tucked tail and ran! It was beautiful! I had no idea a russet skinned man could pale that much!"

"Douche Bag," I mumbled, scanning over the papers in my hand.

"Yeah and I had a surprise visitor as I was leaving Caius's office, too," James smiled deviously.

"Oh yeah?" I said hardly paying attention to him. "A blast from your past needing you to take a DNA Test?"

"Hardly," he scoffed. "And that only happened twice. Do you fucking let anything go?"

"It's called a condom. That's all I'm saying." I replied, turning into a fucking Public Service Announcement.

"Moving on. My visitor wasn't actually there to see me. She was there hoping you would be."

My head snapped up. "Who?"

"A gorgeous little brunette, with a rocking body, brown eyes, goes by the name of Bella. Does she sound familiar to you?" he smirked cocking his head to the side.

The papers that I was holding slipped out of my hands and scattered across the floor in front me, my hands instantly found their way into my hair.

"What the fuck was Bella doing at Caius's Office?"

"I don't know how she ended up there, Bro. She didn't say." James shrugged.

"Well how the fuck did she know who you were?" I got up and started pacing.

"Again. She didn't say."

"What the fuck!" I continued pacing. "Well what did she say?"

James smiled hugely and kicked back in the chair, his feet on the desk and his hands behind his head.

"Ask nicely," he chuckled.

I stopped pacing and my hands instantly balled into fists.

"Alright, alright, alright." He laughed and threw his arms up. "She had a message for you."

"And?"

"She said to tell you that she misses you and that her sheets don't smell like you anymore. Then there was something about you owing her a fucking smoothie."

My heart stopped as I fell back on the couch with a thud.

**Rut Roh! What do you think Edward will do with this information? **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: OK, Lady Smith Black Mumbazo begged for two more chapters, so you can thank her for this one too! LOL**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

What the fuck was Bella doing at the lawyer's office and how the hell does she know about James? I was completely baffled. But then a new thought weaseled its way into my head. _Jake_

Bella must be with Jake now. She was there with him. That's how she found out about the lawyers and James. I closed my eyes and pounded my head on the back of the couch, trying to beat the image of Jake and Bella together, as a happy couple, out of my brain.

It's my own fault. When I left, he was all but in her apartment. I gave him the perfect opportunity to play the good guy. I can just imagine him comforting her after I very nearly assaulted her in the elevator. Fuck!

"Do you think she knows that Jake is a crooked, lying, thieving ass motherfucker?" I asked James, as I lit another cigarette.

"I don't know. If she did, she didn't say. Why? Do you think she was there with him?"

I laughed humorlessly and gave my hair a tug.

"It makes sense doesn't it? She could have only found about that meeting from him and he was at her apartment the day I left. He was bringing her breakfast," I mumbled. "And Jake told me that he thought they had chemistry."

"Did you ask Bella about that?" James asked, raising one eye brow.

"No."

"Well if she is with Jake, as her friend it's your responsibility to let her know who she's involved with. Bella doesn't impress me as someone who would put up with theft and screwing over friends."

James was right. Bella wouldn't put up with shit like that. But how the hell do I call and tell her about Jake when I disappeared four months ago after I attacked her in an elevator? She probably hates my ass and was only hoping I would be there so she could slap me across the face or have me arrested for Sexual Assault. I remember her saying her dad was cop! He probably has every cop on the West Coast gunning for my ass.

"Are you going to tell her?" James asked quietly, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"She hates me. She probably wouldn't even believe me."

"Hates you?" James said incredulously. "Edward, I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that the woman I met the other day doesn't hate you. Judging by the tears in her eyes when she realized that you weren't there and I wasn't going to tell her where you were, I'd say she most likely loves you."

My eyes snapped up to James' and I saw nothing but sincerity there.

"Honestly man, I wouldn't yank your dick on this. That girl was crushed that you were gone and was worried sick about you."

"Worried?" I chuckled darkly. "Great, now I'm a charity case. Now she pities the mental and emotional cripple."

"Are you sure she even knows about that?" James sighed. "Or are you just making assumptions?"

"I didn't tell her. But I'm guessing Jasper and Alice probably did by now. And Bella is just the kind of person who would want to take in a wounded animal or human… in this case."

The words tasted bitter as they rolled off my tongue. Bella wasn't someone who took on charity cases. Bella was someone who played the cards she was dealt. She'd try to make a full house out of a hand full of shit. Deep down, I knew she wouldn't see me as some _project_ that she could foster and try to fix. No, Bella see's people as they are and accepts their faults instead of trying to change them.

It was then that I realized that I had been a complete and total ass to her and didn't give her enough credit. _Shit._

"Dude! Ease up on the hair!" James yelled, snapping me out of my thoughts. I hadn't even realized I was pulling the shit out of it.

"I don't know how to play this one, James. I think I totally fucked up." I sighed, looking up at him, pleading for him to tell me to do.

"Well, you know her better than I do. But if I were you, I'd call her and get the story straight from her."

I rolled my eyes and sat back on the couch. A lot of good that suggestion did me. James knows that I don't do phone calls.

"Fine. If you don't want to call her, then get your ass in your car and go see her then. Just do something about it before you cause more problems for yourself or rip all your hair out!" James muttered, heading for the door.

"That's it? You're leaving then?" I asked, standing up.

"Of course. My work is done here. You'll see me again when you need to." He laughed as he closed the door behind him.

Smug fucker! That is so typically James. He only shows up when there's a problem or he smells blood in the water. Other than that, he takes off into the wild blue yonder of women and business, schmoozing with the big wigs and brokering deals. That's James Gideon. Part James Bond and part Jerry McGuire…with a side of Ron Jeremy.

Shortly after James left, I went back to my apartment. I couldn't focus on anything, apart from Bella. For the first time in four months, I went to the drawer I had hidden my cell phone in. Of course the battery was dead.

While I waited for the phone to charge up, I paced and chain smoked. Trying to figure out how the hell I was going to navigate this nightmare. I was feeling better…more myself. Would talking to Bella change that? Would I become overwhelmed with anxiety again and break down? How would I react if she confirmed her relationship with Jake? What if she hates me? What if she yells at me? Or, God help me, what if she cries?

My attention was pulled to the green light that was suddenly illuminated on my phone signaling that it was now fully charged. Fuck! How long had I been pacing?

I grabbed the phone and went to the couch. Sitting down, I sigh and decide to just pull off the band aid. I hit the power button and my phone instantly started chirping with missed calls, voicemails and text alerts. I scroll through the missed calls. Most were from Jasper, Bella and Maggie…no surprises there. There was also a few around Christmas from my mom. Reminding me again what a terrible son I am.

I move onto the voicemails and decide there's no way I can do this without a stiff drink and a fresh pack of smokes.

I'm stalling.

I go to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of Jack and Coke. I drink half of it down, grab the bottle and the can of coke, a fresh pack of smokes from my jacket and head back to the couch.

I cue up the voicemails and freeze. Am I really ready to hear her voice again? I take another big drink from my glass, chicken out and start scrolling through the texts instead. I delete all of them except for Bella's.

_E, please call me as soon as u get this. We need 2 talk. ~B_

_Honestly I'm not mad at u & understand now. Call me. ~B_

Great. She talked to Jasper.

_My lips still tingle. Call me ~B_

And now she's not playing fair!

_Rose made me wash my sheets 2day. Miss u! ~B_

She slept on the same sheets for a month? That's just…gross!

_Happy Halloween. I'm going as some1 who misses her friend. ~B_

_It's Thanksgiving & I have nothing 2 B thankful 4. How bout u? ~B_

Jesus…what have I done?

_Merry Christmas. Santa didn't bring what I asked 4. I hope Ur happy. ~B_

_Happy New Year. I'm sitting by the phone if u change Ur mind. ~B_

I'm a fucking monster. All this time and she hasn't given up on me. I don't deserve her. I know that now more than ever.

As I refill my glass, I scroll down to the last text message and freeze. It was sent on January 15th, the same day she talked to James.

_Check Ur voicemail. ~B_

Fuck!

I quickly pull up my voicemails, deleting all the voices that aren't hers and saving all the ones that are. Then I go back and listen to them one by one.

"_You don't have an out going message. I was hoping to hear your voice. Call me, please. It's been a month and I m….call me."_

God, the sweet sound of her voice guts me. Seriously, it physically hurts.

"_Edward!" _the way she slurs my name I can tell she was drunk. _"I fucking hate you for leaving! These fuckers dragged me out and made me go to a fucking Halloween party with them and now I get to stand here and watch them make out on the dance floor! Fuck you, Edward. Fuck you!"_

I didn't know she had it in her to be an angry drunk.

"_Edward." _she's whispering. That means she's hung over. It makes me laugh. _"I think I called you last night and bitched out your voicemail. I'm sorry…really. I was drinking something called Frankenstein's Punch and it kicked my ass. Sorry. Whatever I said, I didn't mean it. I swear. Call me."_

"Didn't mean it!" I laugh. Of course she did! She was drunk! There's only one more left. All the humor I found in the previous message instantly evaporates. My gulp is audible as I press play.

"_I know that you'll find out soon enough, but I saw your friend James today. I was hoping you'd be there. But you weren't. I told James to tell you that I miss you and you owe me a fucking smoothie…that's for the Halloween incident by the way. But what I didn't tell you is that you need to call me if you want to hear the rest. I won't tell your voicemail."_

My head fell onto the back of the couch with a thunk. What could she possibly have to tell me that she wouldn't tell my voicemail? She has a brain tumor and is dying? She's moving? She's with Jake now? She's marrying Jake? She already married Jake? She's married and pregnant with Jake's baby?

I walk over to the stereo and pull out some music. I need a distraction. I find my Buckcherry CD and pop it in. Perfect. I put it on random and gulp the rest of the Jack and Coke and quickly make myself another.

Lighting a cigarette, I stare at my phone.

Fuck it.

I pick it up, scroll through the contacts, punch in *67 to block the number and hit send. It rings 3 times.

"_Hello?" _her sleepy voices asks. I turn and look at the clock. It's 4:15 am. here in Chicago, so it's 2:15 in Seattle. Shit! And she probably has to work in the morning.

"_Hello?"_ she asks again.

I want so badly to answer her. To say something. But nothing comes.

Just as I am ready to hit the End Call button, I hear it.

"_Edward? Is that you?"_

Tears coming rushing to my eyes. I quickly light a cigarette. Yeah, it's me.

"_Where are you?"_

Lost? Roasting in the pits of hell? Wandering around a desolate desert of nothingness? Take your pick, Bella. They all accurately describe my current surroundings.

"_You can come home you know. No one is angry with you. We all…I …understand now. It's OK Edward. I'm not going anywhere. We'll get through it…adjust."_

I don't deserve you. I'm so fucking sorry.

And then right on cue, the song "Sorry" by Buckcherry comes on. I pick up the remote to the stereo and turn it all the way up. I want to make sure she can hear it. I'll let it say all the things that I can't. She's quiet, so I know she's listening.

_Oh I had a lot to say._

_Was thinking, on my time away._

_I missed you and things weren't the same._

_Oh Cause everything inside, it never comes out right._

_And when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die._

Truer fucking words have never been put to paper. Her tears rip my black fucking heart out.

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue._

_I'm sorry about all the things I said to you._

_And I know I can't take it back._

I can never take back or undo the hurt I cause. It's a vicious circle, Bella. I'll say sorry, you'll forgive me and then five minutes later I'll gut you again.

_I love how you kiss. I love all your sounds,_

_And baby the way you make my world go round,_

_And I just, wanted to say, I'm sorry._

I want to feel your lips against mine and hear you scream my name when you're underneath me. You don't only make my world go around, you _are _my world, Bella. You're the fucking gravity that holds me here.

_This time, I think I'm to blame._

_It's harder, to get through the days._

_We get older and blame turns to shame._

_Cause everything inside, it never comes out right._

_And when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die._

I'm always to blame and I always _will be _to blame. I'm toxic. Broken. Damaged.

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue._

_I'm sorry about all the things I said to you._

_And I know I can't take it back._

I can't take it back. And I never could. The blood in my veins is as a blue as my shame. Tainted with the venom of a disease designed to fucking hurt everyone around me.

_I love how you kiss. I love all your sounds,_

_And baby the way you make my world go round,_

_And I just, wanted to say, I'm sorry._

_Every single day, I think about how we came all this way._

_The sleepless nights and the tears you cried._

_It's never too late to make it right, oh yeah, sorry._

Insomnia and tears. These will become our two defining characteristics if you stay with me Bella.

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue._

_I'm sorry about all the things I said to you._

_And I know I can't take it back._

_I love how you kiss. I love all your sounds,_

_And baby the way you make my world go round,_

_And I just, wanted to say, I'm sorry._

_I'm sorry baby,_

_I'm sorry baby,_

_Yeah, I'm sorry._

God, if she only knew how sorry I really fucking was. I don't even try to stop the tears. Especially when I hear her tell tale sniffle and know that she's crying her eyes out right now, too. It's a fucked up comfort to know we're both being torn to shreds right now.

"_I know you are."_ she says softly, in a broken voice.

We both take a minute to calm our breathing and get a hold of ourselves. I take another long drink of my Jack and Coke, light another cigarette and lean back, resting my head on the back of the couch.

"_I'm assuming you talked to James? Did you also listen to your voicemail?"_

I sigh…it's all I've got. She takes it as a yes. Smart girl.

"Crazy Bitch" comes on next; I turn the stereo down so she doesn't take offense or think that I am trying to send her another message. I'm in a deep enough hole already.

"_What I wanted to tell you, but couldn't over your voicemail, is that I miss you and I think you took a piece of me with you when you left. I'm empty Edward. Without even realizing it, I had let you in. You owned me the moment I laid eyes on you for the first time. You were different, I knew that. But I also knew that my life would never be the same from that moment on. You and your sexy ass fedora totally rocked my world."_

Ditto, Princess. I know exactly what you mean. But what about Jake?

As if she could read my mind, Bella went on.

"_And I know you were pushing me away because you are afraid of hurting me. But here's the thing Edward. I can't move on without you. You're a part of me now. How can I give someone else my heart, when it's always belonged to you? If you want to keep from hurting me, you need to come back to me. Because I don't know that I can live with the hurt of your absence much longer."_

I can actually feel my resolve to stay away shattering.

"_What I am trying to say is that, if you want it, you can have more than just me and our friendship waiting for you, Edward. If you come back, you can have my love. It's yours and has never belonged to another. Just please come home. I miss you so fucking much! I even miss that stupid fucking 'Princess' nickname you insist on calling me. I need you, please come home!"_

Her tears and broken sobs as she begs me to come home are my breaking point.

I stand up and walk over to the stereo. I know exactly which CD I am looking for. I find it and load it into the CD player and rip the volume all the way up. Smiling as the opening chords start playing.

_You know I'm a dreamer  
But my heart's of gold  
I had to run away high  
So I wouldn't come home low_

Just when things went right  
Doesn't mean they were always wrong  
Just take this song and you'll never feel  
Left all alone

Take me to your heart  
Feel me in your bones  
Just one more night  
And I'm comin' off this  
Long & winding road

I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home sweet home  
Tonight, tonight  
I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home sweet home

You know that I've seen  
Too many romantic dreams  
Up in lights, fallin' off the silver screen

My heart's like an open book  
For the whole world to read  
Sometimes nothing keeps me together at the seams

I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home sweet home  
Tonight, tonight  
I'm on my way  
Just set me free  
Home Sweet Home  
Home Sweet Home  
Home Sweet Home  
Home Sweet Home

I'm on my way  
I'm on my way  
Home Sweet Home  
Yeah  
I'm on my way  
Just set me free  
Home Sweet Home

I can hear her laugh through her tears. She gets it. Like I said, smart girl.

"_I'll be waiting for you, Edward. Always."_

See you soon, Princess.

**So? What are you thinking? Talk to me people! Don't make me beg for reviews! **


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: OK, so I forgot to mention the songs from last chapter. They were "Sorry" by Buckcherry and "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue. Eventually I will have links posted on my profile. **

**So I am going to get some more out to you today. This weekend I will get up what I can, but the inlaws are coming into town today and staying through Monday. So I will do what I can, without getting yelled at for sitting behind my laptop, instead visiting. *Rolls eyes***

**mustlovertp...as always, you're the shit! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

I hung up the phone and let the sobs take over. They were violent and felt like full body convulsions. Four months worth of worry and frustration released in just a few minutes. I found myself wondering how I would survive it.

Luckily once the hysterics had passed, I was left with the blissful feeling of calm and peace. All the stormy thoughts and feelings that came with not knowing were gone. Edward had called. He's coming home.

I tossed and turned the rest of night. I found my excitement levels went up with each passing hour. Is he in his car now, racing back to me? Is he sitting in the airport waiting for his plane to board?

Eventually I gave up on all the romantic notions of _how_ he'd come back to me, because the most important thing was that he _is _coming back to me!

As dawn approached, I stood on my balcony wrapped in a blanket and watched the sun come up. I made the decision not to tell the others of Edward's phone call. I knew that Alice would obsess over it, Jasper would analyze it and Rose and Emmett would want to celebrate it. None of their reactions was something I wanted to deal with right now. I just wanted a little time with the quiet that had finally settled in my head and heart after so many months of noise and craziness.

I was anxious and distracted all day at work. Every time someone walked by my office, my head shot up and my heart would start racing. It was a stupid reaction, I knew better than to think Edward would just show up at my work.

My boss, Trish eventually noticed my erratic behavior and called me on it over lunch.

"What's going on with you today?" she asked, as she took a bite of her salad. "You seem to be somewhere else."

"Yeah, sorry about that." I sighed, not really sorry at all. "I'm just expecting a visit from someone soon. I guess it's made me a little edgy."

She smiled a knowing a smile and then took a sip of her lemon water.

"Who is he?"

I laughed at her bluntness. Sometimes I think Trish was more cut out to be a journalist, than a book editor. She even reminded me of Barbara Walters a little. Maybe it was the graying, short but stylish, cut of her hair or the sweater sets and slacks that she favored.

"I should have known you'd grill me, when you asked me to lunch." I chuckled.

"I'm just a concerned boss lady!" she smiled, holding her hands up. "All day you've been at your desk looking like your sitting on a spring. What's going on?"

"Edward."

"Who?"

"He's this guy I met back in September. We were introduced by mutual friends. He's been gone for a few months and is due back. I guess it's got me on edge."

Trish gave me a puzzled look and went back to picking at her salad.

"Is his home coming going to be a problem for you? You've been so focused and career driven the last couple of months. I would hate to see you throw it all away for some guy."

"Edward isn't '_some guy'!_" Anger laced my words and Trish, being the astute woman that she is, didn't miss it.

How dare she trivialize Edward like that! If she wasn't my boss and if I didn't need my fucking job, I would have gotten up, walked out and stuck her ass with the check!

"I'm sorry, Bella. I can see that I've upset you," she said softly, patting my hand to calm me. "I'm just doing my job here. I've basically made you my protégé` by taking you under my wing and I want to see you reach your full potential in this business. I honestly think you have a bright future in Editing if you want it. I would just hate to see you side line yourself with an unhealthy relationship. You're young, Bella. You can afford to be picky."

I thought over her words and while most were flattering, I was still confused by the others.

"Why would you assume that Edward isn't a healthy relationship choice?"

Trish sighed and flagged the waiter over for the bill.

"Because you said you were introduced in September and that he's been gone for four months. You met and then he left? How much could you have really meant to him if he could leave you so easily, so soon after meeting you?"

For the rest of the day Trish's words stuck with me.

"_How much could you have really meant to him if he could leave you so easily, so soon after meeting you?"_

For the last, twelve plus hours, I'd put all my stock in the words of a song that he played over the phone. OK, so he's sorry. He's coming home. But is he coming home because of guilt? Is he coming home because I begged him? Does he even care about me the same why I care about him?

Suddenly I felt like an idiot. I had nothing reliable to pin my hopes on. Yet I had allowed myself to hope. I could feel the adrenaline high that Edward's phone call produced fizzle and die. Leaving me banging my head on my desk until I couldn't take it anymore and told Trish I was done for the day.

I went home that night and lost myself in a bottle of red wine. I stayed up until 2 am, disappointed when there was no word from Edward.

Fuck hoping.

The next day I got up and was able to get myself back into my routine of burying myself in work. I barely even noticed the two weeks that had gone by since Edward's phone call. So much for coming home, right?

Life rolled on and before long, four weeks had passed since I'd talked to Edward. Everyone had noticed that I'd become even more withdrawn then I had been before and decided to have an intervention.

There was a lot of screaming and crying that night. But eventually I succumbed to the pressure and confessed to having heard from Edward. As predicted, Jasper made me go through it step by step, word for word, while Alice paced and wondered why he hadn't also called them. Of course Rose and Emmett, being the perpetual optimists that are, jumped up and offered to make Margarita's to celebrate his impending home coming. This night was everything I didn't need and I let them know that as I shoved them all violently out the door.

I went to bed early that night, after downing a couple Tylenol PM's for the stress headache that had come on from their visit. My sleep was peaceful, almost too peaceful. I had gotten used to tossing and turning all night and waking up several times. Yet on this morning, I woke up with the sun high in the sky and a buzz running through my body that I hadn't felt in months.

I rolled over to stretch and felt the weight of something around my waist, pinning me in place. I reached down and felt something solid. I slowly lowered my eyes and saw what was holding restricting my movement.

It was an arm.

I slowly turned my head and felt warm breath on my neck. I turned my head a bit more and felt soft bronze hair tickling my cheek. I inhaled with surprise and was assaulted by the smell that I'd been missing the past five months. Clean laundry and cigarettes.

Edward.

My heart stopped in my chest. My body became frozen, stiff with tension. I hadn't even realized I wasn't breathing until I heard his soft murmur.

"Breathe Bella," he mumbled half asleep, but with humor in his voice.

I turned completely around so I was facing him, almost nose to nose. His eyes were closed and there was a slight smile on his beautiful face. I reached up and stroked his cheek as he let out a sigh of contentment and with that, my tears started to fall.

I tilted my head up and pulled his head underneath my chin, hugging him to my chest and nuzzling my face in his soft hair.

"I missed you so fucking much," I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion.

I felt his lips place a kiss through my tank top, right over my heart. He pulled his head back then and showed me his beautiful green eyes. They were as watery as my own.

"I missed you too," he said softly, like he didn't trust his voice.

We laid there for awhile, a tangle of arms and legs, just staring at one another. Sometimes there were small smiles. Other times his hand or mine would reach up to wipe the tears off the other's face. But mostly our hands stayed wound together between us. It was a beautiful moment that I wanted to never end.

After a few hours, Edward finally fell asleep and I was able to really take a good look at his face without making him self conscious.

He was beautiful. My memory hadn't done him justice. Even with the dark bags under his eyes from lack sleep, he was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

Eventually my hip started to hurt from lying on my side so long. I rolled over onto my back and half sat up to stretch. Edward must've thought that I was going to leave, because his arm caught me around the waist and pulled me over to him. He settled himself on his stomach between my legs, using my stomach as a pillow, leaving me half propped up against the headboard.

I smiled at our new position and gently scratched his scalp as he slept, watching out the window as the sun sank lower in the sky. We'd been in bed all day and hadn't said much of anything to one another. I smiled. No words needed, that was so typically us.

As I lay there, feeling the weight of him on me and desperately trying to push the fact that I had to use the bathroom out of my mind, I let my thoughts drift to all the questions bouncing around in my head. One in particular kept coming up time and again. Why had it taken him four weeks to come home?

I looked down at him and smiled when I saw his eyes move behind their lids and I quietly chuckled when his arms, which were wrapped around my back, gave me a tight squeeze.

Edward was awake.

"Edward?" I whispered quietly.

"Hmm?"

"How did you get into my apartment?"

I decided to start with the most important thing first. If my lock was compromised, then the landlord and I were going to be having a lengthy talk come Monday morning.

He lifted his head and smiled his devious crooked smile.

"I never gave your key back that day I stayed with you when you were hung over."

"Thief!" I yelled, with an expression of mock horror on my face that lasted all of two seconds before I started laughing.

Edward laid his head back down on my stomach and nuzzled his face into me.

"I could lay here all day," he mumbled.

"You did!" I laughed. "It's after six in the afternoon!"

"Fuck!" he muttered rolling over, pushing a hand into his hair and looking out the window.

I took the opportunity to make a break for it. I jumped out of the bed and took off running.

"Where are you going?" he shouted after me.

"To pee! Someone was lying on my bladder all day!"

I finished my business and was washing my hands when I looked up and spied myself in the mirror for the first time. My hair looked like a haystack, my face was red and blotchy from crying and my bottom lip was red and swollen from me chewing on it all afternoon.

Bottom line? I was a fucking mess!

I turned the tap water to cold and washed my face first. Next I brushed my teeth…twice. Finally I grabbed my hair brush and set about taming the rats nest on top of my head. I finally got the long curtain of hair smoothed out and pulled into a high pony tail. I looked like I was fourteen again, with my pony tail and sheep pajamas on.

I turned to leave the bathroom and almost ran into Edward, who was leaning on the door jam with his hands in his pockets watching me.

"Jesus!" I screamed. "You need a fucking bell, Edward!"

He laughed, while I tried to get my heart rate under control. After a few minutes, when I was finally breathing normally and it felt like my heart wasn't going to leap out of my chest, I looked up at him. He wasn't laughing anymore. He was looking very intently at me.

"What? Edward what was it?" He was freaking me out.

"You're different," he said quietly. "My mind remembered you differently."

"It's worse then you remembered?" I cringed.

A slight smile turned up his lips. "No. It's better. So much better."

An uncomfortable silence followed, while I blushed and Edward pulled at his hair.

"Um, why I don't I take a shower really quick." I smiled nervously. "There's some fruit in the kitchen. Ya know, if you want a smoothie or something."

He chuckled lightly and smiled. "Yeah, I kind of owe you one, huh?"

"Yeah. Kind of." I smiled.

Edward disappeared down the hallway and I closed the door and undressed. Once I was in the shower and had hot water beating the tension out of my muscles, I could finally think.

Our reunion was so sweet and emotional. But also awkward. Like words were on the tips of our tongues, but they wouldn't come out.

I can't speak for Edward, but I know my biggest problem is that I have no idea how to resolve things with him. So much has happened and so many questions needed answers. At some point we have to address the elephant in the room…don't we?

I finished my shower, dressed casually in worn jeans and a long sleeved black fitted t-shirt and left my feet bare. I dried my hair straight and pulled it up into a high pony tail. I slathered on a little clear lip gloss and was ready to go.

I walked into the living room and found Edward sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Edward?"

He looked up, his eyes went wide and he smiled. "God you're beautiful."

"You're not so bad yourself." I blushed.

He smiled and sat back on the couch. "Your smoothie is done and in the refrigerator if you want it."

Enough said! He'd barely finished speaking and I was gone. I snatched the glass out of the fridge and took a big swig…heaven.

"Goddamn that's good!" I sighed.

I smiled when I heard his soft laughter from the living room.

I went back in and sat down next to him, pulling my legs up and folding them underneath me.

I could feel his eyes on me. And the silence was actually deafening.

"Sooo." I started. "How's life?"

His smile stretched ear to ear. "Subtle Bella."

I just shrugged and took another drink of my liquid sustenance.

"Well that tells me that Jasper has had "The Talk" with you," he laughed. But I sensed the nervousness in it.

"He did." I confirmed with a smile.

"And it doesn't bother you?"

"Nope." I said popping the p. "But I have to be honest with you, I really don't know how to do this. I don't know what the protocol is for this."

"There is no protocol, Bella." He chuckled. "I'm still me."

I set my glass down on the coffee table and turned so I was facing him, hugging a throw pillow to my chest.

"I know that Edward and I would never want to change that. What I meant was I don't know how to read your mannerisms. I can't gauge your mood and anxiety. I don't want to make being around me harder on you. Last time I pushed you and backed you into corners. I don't want to do that again."

Edward turned towards me slightly, pulling one leg up on the couch and extended one arm along the back of the couch, pulling on my pony tail playfully.

"Bella, look at me." He waited until my eyes were locked on his. "You didn't do anything wrong last time."

He was so serious when he said it. There was no doubt or untruth in his eyes.

"That was all me. I wasn't in a good place. It happens sometimes and I really need you to understand that when it does, it isn't your fault. Alright?"

I nodded my head. My eyes turning watery. He seemed so together right now. Different some how.

"You're different," I blurted before I could stop it. My eyes went wide, as a slapped a hand over my mouth.

He laughed at me and pulled my hand away, not releasing it, but instead threading his fingers through mine.

"This is nice," he smiled, looking down at our hands.

"It is," I whispered.

"And you're right. I am different," he said, with a reassuring smile. Giving my hand a small squeeze. "And it's kind of the reason it took me a month to come back."

"Ok?"

He smiled and reached down into a bag at his feet and produced a pill bottle and handed it to me.

I looked at the bottle and read the name on it out loud. "Depakote?"

I looked up at him for an explanation.

"It's an anticonvulsant medication used to treat seizures and…" he swallowed hard and squeezed his eyes closed. "It's sometimes used as a mood stabilizer in people who are Bi-Polar."

All the air left my lungs as I stared at him.

"It's the minimum dosage. It helps, but doesn't stop everything," he clarified. "And I can't promise that I'll always take it."

"You don't have to," I said, my voice trembling. "And you didn't have to do this for me, Edward. I didn't expect…"

"I know," he said, cutting me off. "But if we…if I…"

He seemed to get frustrated trying to find the words he was looking for.

I reached out and caressed his cheek.

"Just fucking tell me, Edward." I laughed, earning a smirk.

"I just wanted you to _know _me. The real me. The man underneath all the bullshit. So when you have to fight for me, you know there is someone there worth fighting for."

Of course, I had to be such a fucking girl and start crying. He laughed at me and pulled me into his lap.

"You've really got to work on getting control of the water works, Princess. I won't be able to take your ass any fucking where."

"Shut up, Asshole!" I sniffled, playfully punching him in the gut.

And just like that. We were back to us.

**So what do we think of Edward's return? A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed! You guys rock and really understand how important they are to the authors. Just taking the time to say "Great Job" is awesome and extremely generous of you! :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: OK, so my inlaws are totally here and I am sneaking online to publish this really quick! Shhhh...don't tell! LOL**

**Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews! If you reviewed and have not received a response, I will get back to you! Like I said, my inlaws are in town this weekend, so I haven't been able to respond! But please keep them coming. I love reading them and some are sooo funny! You all make the hard work of writing this stories worth it!**

**One more thing...Lemons are coming! We have a little more to cover before we get there...but stay with me! It's worth it...promise! :)**

**mustlovertp...I still love you girl! Take care of that knee woman! I need you! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

It felt so good to have Bella curled up on my lap, while we laughed about being two emotionally dysfunctional idiots. Seriously, it's like her fucking eyes sprung a leak since I left.

"You know you don't have to take the medication for me, right?" she said quietly, playing with the dog tags that hung around my neck.

"I know and like I said, I won't take them forever. It's just temporary. I was afraid of being overwhelmed when I came back."

She nodded her head in understanding.

"Do they help much?"

"Eh, some. Like I said, it's a small dosage. I've found I don't have to wear the fedora that much anymore."

Her head shot up then and her lips were in full on pout mode. I laughed, tucked her lip back in and reached down, plucking my hat off the top of my bag and plopping it on my head.

"Now I wear it because I want to," I announced with a smile.

"That is the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen," she growled playfully, pulling it off my head and putting it on her own.

She looked cute.

'Nice." I smiled, giving her hips a little squeeze.

She pouted her lips like she was going to kiss someone and batted her 'come hither' eyes at me.

"Work it!" I laughed, tickling her.

She fell back on the couch, twisting and turning away from me in hysterics. _Note to self: Bella is ticklish as fuck._

"Edward!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face. "I am going to peeeeee!"

I continued my attack on her making her scream until her voice was hoarse. I didn't stop until the pounding on her door started.

"BELLA! Jasper get this damn door open now! Bella's screaming in there!" Alice yelled on the other side of the door.

"Shit!" Bella whispered up at me, her eyes wide and bottom lip pulled into between her teeth.

I gave her lip a tug and sat back up, pulling her up with me. She instantly pulled herself in to my lap. I loved it.

"Do you want them to know you're back? You could hide in the closet or something."

"I'm not fucking hiding, Bella," I chuckled, tucking a few strands of stray hair that had fallen out of her pony tail behind her ear. "Didn't you tell them I was coming back?"

"Yes. But only last night." she said sheepishly.

My eyes widen in surprise, but I wasn't angry. If the situation was reversed, I don't think I would have said anything either.

Just then the door burst open and Jasper and Alice could be heard running down the hallway, screaming Bella's name.

"Let's keep the meds to ourselves for now though, OK?" I whispered.

She nodded and rested her head on my chest.

"Bella what the hell is going on in herr…." and they both came to screeching halt when they saw me on the couch with Bella cuddled up on my lap.

"Edward?" Alice said incredulously.

"Hey guys!" I smiled, offering a small wave with my free hand. God, I'm such a fucking dork!

"What are you? But you? How? When? What the _fuck?_" Jasper stammered all over the place, earning a smack in the head from Alice for cursing.

Bella and I laughed at them and then laughed harder when Bella actually snorted.

"To see Bella. I drove my car. Last night. And I don't know what you mean by 'what the fuck', so I can't answer that one for you." I laughed as Bella poked me and pointed at her glass on the coffee table. I gave her a playful frown and then reached forward and got it for her.

"Something's different." Alice said, wrinkling her nose like she could actually smell the odor of bullshit wafting around in the air.

Jasper ignored her and then pointed out the obvious. "I meant what the fuck is Bella doing in your lap?"

"Resting." Bella said as she swallowed a huge mouthful of smoothie.

I used my arm to prop my head up on the arm of the couch and laughed as I watched her. She looked like a little girl sitting in my lap with her swinging pony tail and her pink drink. God she's adorable.

"So when were you going to let the rest of us know you were back?" Alice fumed, with her arms crossed across her chest, her hip jutted out and tapping her foot on the floor.

"I was actually going to call Jasper tonight. I just needed to see Bella first."

"So what? You two are like together now?" I could see the hint of a smirk on her face.

I looked at Bella and she shrugged, like it didn't matter to her what I said. But I didn't feel right confirming things, when we hadn't even had a proper first kiss yet. And we still had a lot to talk about before that even happens.

"Bella and I are getting reacquainted, Alice. When we decide what the status of our relationship is, we'll be sure to let you fucking know, alright?"

There! That sounded diplomatic enough. And Bella seemed pleased with it, as she smiled and flipped Alice the bird. I patted her thigh and winked at her. God I missed the shit out of her!

Jasper was just standing there with a big stupid grin on his face.

"Well it's nice to see that Zombie Bella has left the building and Snarky Bella is back to play," he laughed.

"Piss off Jasper." Bella frowned. Whispering to me that she needed more smoothie and then got up and went into the kitchen with Alice hot on her heels.

Jasper watched her go and then turned back to me with a critical eye.

"So what are you taking?"

My smile instantly falls off my face.

"What?"

"Oh, don't give me that shit!" he whisper yells, checking the door for the girls. "You're taking something, I know it!"

This is why I hate that Jasper went into social work specializing in Mental Illness. He's always on my shit.

"Not that it's any of your business, but a minimal dose of Depakote."

"And…side effects?"

"None." I sigh. "It's been four weeks and nothing so far. Like I said, it's minimal. Miniscule, really."

He smiled and started to say something, but I cut him off.

"And don't get your fucking hopes up. This is only temporary to get through the change of being home. And yes, Bella knows all about it and is fine with it. Once I'm adjusted, I'm done."

"Edward I really don't think that's a good idea. You can't use medication as a crutch, going on and off it at your leisure. It takes time to get in your system. Why would you stop if it's working and helping?"

"Because, the disease is who I am! Why should I sugar coat it with drugs?"

"Why ask Bella to live with the consequences of your disease every day, when you could easily swallow one goddamn pill a day and make everyone's life easier?"

Our voices were getting louder by the second. This is exactly why I was hoping to hide this shit from him.

I grabbed my smokes out of my bag and threw the balcony doors open, rolling my eyes when he got up to follow me.

"Don't worry, Doc. I'm only having a smoke. I'm not going to swan dive over the fucking rail!"

"You're being selfish."

"And you're sticking your fucking nose where it doesn't belong."

I lean on the railing and give my hair a tug.

"Edward, you need to plan to stay on the meds! They're obviously working and from what you've said, you don't have the excuse of side effects to hide behind this time! Alice and I both sensed the change in you as soon as we walked in the room. You…"

"Enough!"

I turned and saw Bella's silhouette outlined in the door.

"Jasper, you need to fucking stop. _Now."_ Bella's tone was lethal as she walked over to me, wrapped her arms my waist and kissed the middle of my back through my shirt.

I reached one hand down and laced my fingers through hers.

"Bella you don't understand," Jasper sighed. "He can't just start and stop his medication like this."

She turned her head so she could look at him over her shoulder, but didn't release her grip on me.

"Before you got here, he hadn't really pulled his hair or even smoked once. But I leave him alone in a room with you for five goddamn minutes and he's out here smoking and pulling his hair out. You can't let anything be and just be happy to have your best friend back can you? I think you need to go."

Then she laid her head back down on my back and whispered, "I'm sorry." I ran my thumb across the top of her hand to let her know I heard her.

With an audible sigh, Jasper went back inside. Alice poked her head out a minute later.

"Call if you need anything and welcome home, Edward. It's great to have you back."

I turned and smiled at her, pulling Bella into my chest. "Thanks Alice."

She half smiled and ducked back in. A minute later I heard the front door click shut.

"He means well," Bella murmured. "When he told me everything, he was so emotional Edward. I don't think you realize what your friendship means to him."

I knew. And I also knew that he's just concerned. But at some point he's going to have to let go a bit and let me manage my own fucking illness.

I flicked my smoke over the side of the balcony and then wrapped both my arms around Bella's waist, hugging her tighter to me and kissing the top of her head. I laughed to myself when I realized how far I actually had to bend to reach her head; I'd forgotten how short she was!

"I need to head over to my place for a bit. Would like to go with me or do you want to stay here?" I mumbled into her hair.

"I'm going!" she laughed. "You're not getting rid of me that fucking easily."

I spun her around and gave her a tap on the ass. "Then go throw some fucking shoes on. I need a shower!"

I watched Bella skip off towards her bedroom. When she returned a few minutes later, she had on black ballet flats and a zip up hoodie.

"I'm good! Let's go!" she smiled, holding her hand out to me.

I snatched my bag off the floor, put my fedora on, shoved a cigarette behind my ear and took her hand with a smile.

We got on the elevator and Bella didn't allow an inch of space to come between us. She stood huddled into my side, as if the elevator was packed full of people. I welcomed the distraction. The minute the doors opened, my brain was giving me a play by play recap of everything that happened in this elevator that last time we were on it. That's why I took the stairs up to her apartment last night.

We stepped off and I led the way over to my car. Bella stopped short as we approached it.

"A Volvo? Where's the Aston Martin?"

"What are you? A car snob now, Princess? Is a Volvo not good enough for you?" I winked at her as I popped the trunk and tossed my bag in.

I loved my silver Volvo. It was the first car I ever owned and I hung onto it for sentimental reasons.

"No. It's a nice car. A very nice car in fact," she smiled, while she let her hand run down the side from bumper to bumper. "But it's a big leap from a DB9 to a Volvo SR60."

"I still have the Martin, Bella." I smiled, opening the passenger side door for her. "It just needs to be cleaned and tuned up. So I stopped by my garage and picked this up."

"You have a garage? How many cars do you have?"

I leaned down and rested my chin on the top of open car door, trying to appear sheepish, instead of smug.

"Just the DB9, the Volvo, a Range Rover, a Mercedes McClaren and an Audi R8."

Her eyes went wide. "Does Rosalie know about this?"

"Of course!" I scoffed. "Who do you think handles all the maintenance?"

I slammed the door shut in her shocked face and laughed as walked around the front of the car, spinning the key chain around my finger. I might have even whistled a little.

The ride over to my apartment started out uneventful for the most part. Bella stabbed at the buttons on my stereo until she found something she deemed 'worth listening to' and then put her bare feet up the on the dash and bopped along with the beat of the music.

I stared at her feet more than I watched the road. I'd learned, since I started taking the Depakote, that I have some Obsessive Compulsive tendencies that I wasn't aware of. I've always been particular about my cars, which is why it killed me to smoke in the Martin. But I usually got distracted by something else and wasn't able to obsess about it. Now, however, since my racing thoughts were under control, I had all the time in the world to obsess and right now I was stuck on the bare feet that were all over my leather interior.

"What's the matter?" Bella asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I hadn't realized that I was pulling at my hair and gnawing on my lip. Shit.

"Your feet," I said, pointing at them resting on the dash.

"What about my feet?" she wiggled her toes some. "Don't tell me you have a fucking foot fetish, Edward."

I laughed a little and cracked my window to get some fresh air. Suddenly it felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen. Why couldn't she just take her fucking feet off my dash?

"Bella," I said nervously. "I really need you to take your feet off the dash and put your shoes back on. Can you _please_ do that for me?"

She heard the shakiness in my voice, as I fought to keep control of myself.

She slowly lowered her feet and sat upright in her seat, slipping her flats back on. I looked over and could see the faint outline of toe prints on the leather. Gross.

I pulled the car over to the side of the road, opened the center console and took out a pack of Armor All wipes I kept in there and wiped over the spot really well. Then I leaned back and put the wipe in the trash bag attached to the hanger on the back of the passenger seat.

Bella watched me silently the whole time. It wasn't until I pulled back into traffic that she spoke.

"What was all that about?"

I laughed humorlessly and gave my hair a tug.

"It's called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I couldn't handle your feet on my dash. It's just another in a long list of symptoms, Bella. Can you handle it?" I snapped.

Bella looked at me like I'd slapped her.

"Of course I can fucking handle it!" she yelled. "It would just be really fucking nice if you filled me in on some of this shit so that I can have a heads up!"

I sighed and pulled the smoke from behind my ear. Yet another car I am going to desecrate. Is nothing fucking sacred?

Just as I went to light the cigarette, Bella grabs it out of my mouth and tosses it out the fucking window.

"Bella? What the fuck?"

"We're less than two minutes from your fucking apartment!" she pointed out. "You can fucking wait. Besides, if I am going to get my ass chewed over bare fucking feet on your leather interior, then I'll be damned if you're going to be allowed to make it reek like fucking smoke!"

OK, so the ride over was a complete fucking disaster. But I still had to fight to keep the smile off my face. Bella is the first girl to ever call me on my shit. In a sick way, I was proud of her.

The ride up to the apartment was quiet. I smirked and Bella scowled. It was actually entertaining as hell.

We walked in and everything was just as I left it. Home.

"There isn't an inch of dust on anything!" Bella remarked in amazement, running her finger over the side table next to the door.

"Cleaning service," I said passively, as I thumbed through the mountain of mail in the hall basket.

"It figures Mr. OCD would have a fucking cleaning lady," Bella mumbled under her breath as she pulled off her hoodie.

I just smiled and pretended like I hadn't heard her. Although I did make a show of removing my shoes at the door and hanging my coat up. She got the hint and followed my lead. Good girl.

I grabbed my bag and made my way back to the bedroom area. I almost moaned when I saw my bed. I spent $10,000 on that bed and mattress set. It was by far the most comfortable bed I had ever slept in. I couldn't wait to get reacquainted with it. I also made a mental note to buy one for the apartment in Chicago.

Bella took one look at the high profile bed with an elaborate wrought iron canopy and balked.

"How the hell do you get into that thing?"

I laughed when I turned around and she was standing right next to it. The top of the mattress came almost mid chest on her.

"Like this." I walked over, patting her on the butt as I walked past her and casually sat down on the bed like it was no big deal.

"That's great, Edward. Fantastic even. But what about me? Am I supposed to fucking pole vault myself into your bed or something?"

"Nonsense!" I laughed. Standing up quicker then she could react, I tossed her on the bed. "But if this doesn't work for you, I can always get you a step ladder!"

"You're an asshole," she laughed as she stretched out across my bed, twisting and turning.

I lay down next to her on my side and sighed.

"That may be, Princess. But I'm an asshole with a comfortable fucking bed!"

**So my husband totally busted me on the computer! Please review and make his wrath worth it! YIKES! I'll try to get you a Chapter or two tomorrow! Until then...leave me some love! :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Sneaking on again, while the hubby is out shoveling! Thank you for all the reviews and support of this story! You continue to amaze me! I am reading your reviews and will be responding as soon as my inlaws leave! Thanks again and keep them coming! :)**

**TISSUE WARNING...just sayin!**

**mustlovertp...this story wouldn't have happened without her!  
**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Asshole with a comfortable bed is right! This thing is amazing! I stretched a little bit more and then rolled over on my side, so Edward and I were facing each other.

"Tell me more about the symptoms. How it all works, I mean. I don't want to make another mistake like in the car earlier."

Edward rolled over onto his back, folding his hands under his head and sighed.

"What do you want to know, exactly?"

"I don't know. I have a lot of questions. I barely know where to start," I huffed, rolling onto my back as well.

"Well asking too many questions is asking for trouble, Bella," he murmured, almost as if he was embarrassed. "So how about you pick three for now."

I thought it over for a minute and then asked the first one on my list. Yeah, I had a list.

"Why are you so happy right now? I mean I know you're happy to be back and all. But I've never seen you _this _happy."

"Endorphins. I am really excited about being back and seeing you again," he smiled at me. "So I have a lot of endorphins in my system right now. They are kind of a natural anti-depressant. So in someone like me, that would enhance the anti-depressant qualities of the Depakote."

I thought over his answer for a minute. "So what you're saying is, it's kind of like drinking alcohol and taking medication at the same time? Like the medication can increase the effects of the alcohol?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," he smiled.

"So you won't always be this happy?"

"No," he said sadly, turning his head to look at me. "My brain is never going to function right, Bella. Life with me is roller coaster. I really need you to understand that."

"I do!" I blurted. Causing him to give me a skeptical look. "I mean, I'm learning."

He seemed happy with that and smiled as he returned his eyes to the ceiling.

"OK, so next question." I knew I was risking putting him in a bad mood with this one. But it was like pulling off a band aid, right?

"What happened with Jake? Did you have James buy him out of the club as payback?"

I watched as his whole body went into a tense lock down.

"How did you even know about that, Bella? You knew about the meeting, where it was and about James. How did you find out?"

"Oh, um, Jake kind of told me," I said, sitting up next to him, picking at the comforter.

"Kind of?" he asked, arching an eye brow at me.

"We went to the club one night and he shoved the letter in Jasper's face demanding to know where you were," I shrugged.

"And what did he tell you?"

"Oh well, he didn't actually talk to me. I think he's still pissed that I told him to go have breakfast with someone who cared about him, the day you left. But Jasper told me the gist of the letter and I kind of weaseled your lawyer's name out of him."

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he turned his eyes back to the ceiling.

"No. It wasn't payback," he said with a smirk. "It turns out Jake was dipping into the cash receipts at the bar and taking alcohol out the back door. We threatened prosecution if he didn't let James buy him out."

"What an ass!" I muttered. "I knew Jake had issues with you, but I never thought he'd steal from you."

His head turned toward me and he looked confused.

"Issues with me? What fucking issues?"

"The night I got drunk with him he talked to me about you. He said you were damaged and it almost felt like he was trying to warn me off of you."

"Motherfucker!" Edward spat between gritted teeth.

"I mean, it wasn't _all_ bad." I hurried to clarify. "He said that you were really good at what you did and that you never let the club fall to the wayside."

Edward just gave a sarcastic snort and turned his head away. I could tell that he was either battling a mood shift or anxiety. So I hurried up and changed the subject.

"So I still get one more question, right?" I said, bouncing excitedly on the bed, trying to distract him from his thoughts.

He turned his head back to me and smiled.

"I told you three. So yeah, one more and then we're done for right now." He was kind when he said it, but there was a finality to it also.

"Why haven't you kissed me?" I asked quietly, going back to picking at the comforter.

The room was dead quiet. You could've heard a fucking pin drop! I don't even think Edward was breathing for a good minute. Suddenly I felt like getting up and running from the room. I should have asked if he saw anything developing between us and gone from there. Fuck! Fuck, shit, fuck!

If I could have gotten up and started banging my head on the wall without looking like a lunatic, I would have.

"I…um…I didn't think…that…you…would, um… want me to," he finally answered, stuttering with nerves.

It was like we were in high school again and he was trying to tell me he liked me, without telling me he liked me. Silly boy!

"Do you_ want_ to kiss me, Edward?" I smiled, while biting my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

He looked up at me and rolled his eyes, reaching up with his hand to tug my lip out of my teeth and then bringing it to the back of my neck and pulling me down to him.

"I've wanted to kiss you since the first time I laid eyes on you, Princess," he whispered right before his lips connected with mine.

My whole body was hit with a jolt of electricity. His lips were soft like pillows. Last time he'd kissed me, they had been tight with tension and almost violent. This was soft, sweet and fucking hot.

He had one hand at the back of my neck and the other around my waist, cradling me to him as he rolled me over so he was on top. I felt his tongue on my lips and opened my mouth to deepen the kiss.

Edward wasn't just kissing me. He was literally tongue fucking my mouth! This man must have a Gold Medal in kissing mounted somewhere on his wall. I felt his piercing roll over my tongue and shuddered. I could literally have an orgasm from his fucking kisses alone!

I couldn't stop my hands from wandering. They found the hem of his t-shirt. Before I knew it, my hands were completely up the back of his shirt, hooked around his strong shoulders anchoring him to me.

Our pelvis's were lined up perfectly and without any fore thought or preamble, my hips started grinding my jean covered crotch against his cock, which was impressively large and stiff.

A jolt of electricity shot through my veins and my mind instantly screamed "More". I went to raise my hips and do it again, but Edward beat me to it. He slammed his cock down on my candy and started grinding with a delicious rythmn that was guaranteed to make us both cum at this pace.

I felt his hand drift down my side, skirting the side of my breast, my rib cage, past my hip and down my thigh until he reached my knee. Where his large hand wrapped around it and pulled it up around his hip.

With this new angle and leverage, he was able to grind harder into me. It felt fucking amazing and judging by all the moans and non-sense spewing from my mouth, I was letting him know that too.

Just as I started feeling that fuckhot amazing burn in my stomach, signaling an impending release...he pulled away. I cracked one eye open and looked up and took in Edward smiling smugly down at me.

"That should have been our first kiss."

"Our first kiss?" I laughed. "That was _my_ first real kiss! Where the fuck did you learn to kiss like that? But more importantly, why did you stop?"

Edward laughed as he sat up, pulling me up with him. My arms were still under his shirt and hooked around his shoulders. I was clinging to him like a Spider Monkey, pouting.

"Hey! Who said I was done with you yet?" I whined.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." Edward sighed, giving me a chaste kiss. "If you don't fucking let me up, this going to turn into a hell of a lot more than kissing, Princess."

I gasped when I felt him grind his hard on into me again, as he bent down to my ear, giving the lobe a quick kiss.

"I think that it would be prudent for me to take a shower now, Princess. What do you think?" he whispered, the smile evident in his voice.

Fucker knew exactly what he was doing to me!

So I snickered and grabbed the hem of his shirt, yanking it over his head before he could stop me. I took a good look at it for the first time. It was the black vintage Ramone's t-shirt he wore the first night I met him.

"I like this shirt!" I said, holding it up to my face and sniffing as he rolled off of me and sat up. "I want it."

"Well you can't have it!" he laughed, reaching over and trying to grab it from me. "It's my favorite."

"Nope! It's mine now!" I said, slipping it over my head. "If you want it back, you're going to have to tear it off me!"

"Tearing that shirt would be sacrilegious, Bella." he scoffed. "It's the _Ramone's_!"

"Mine." I growled.

"Fine!" I'm getting in the shower. "Can I trust you stay out of trouble for five minutes, Princess?"

"It's going to take you five minutes to shower _and_ get rid of that!" I laughed, pointing at his crotch.

"Fine! Fifteen minutes then." he winked, walking into the bathroom.

I love him! I smiled, pulling his shirt up over my nose and inhaling the fresh laundry with faint hint of cigarette smell that is so uniquely Edward.

**EPOV**

Best fucking kiss of my life just now! My body is still buzzing from it. It took everything in me not to just fuck her right then and there. My back is still tingling from where she ran her finger tips over it.

I'm so fucked.

Sighing, I quickly undress and flip the shower on. I look down and chuckle at my cock, which is rock fucking hard, and refusing to be ignored. I never had this problem with Jessica.

Honestly, aside from a few moments of anxiety and obsessive behavior, it's been one of the best days I've had in a long time. I'm relaxed, I'm home and the best part…I'm with Bella.

I quickly wash my hair and body, groaning when I realize that there is no way around it. I am going to have to molest myself in the shower while the gorgeous woman, who I am positive I'm in love with, is sprawled across my bed a mere twenty feet away. _No. This situation isn't entirely fucked up._

Rolling my eyes and grabbing my cock in my hand, I close my eyes and begin to stroke. I call up my stock pile of images of Bella in compromising positions. They've served me well over the last five months, but right now they seem predictable. Especially when I have the real thing right outside the door.

I sigh and lean my forehead against the cool tiles of the shower wall. I was concentrating so hard, I totally missed the sound of the bathroom door opening. It wasn't until the shower door opened and Bella stood before me in nothing but her goddamn panties, that my situation registered.

"Oh God!" I yelled, turning myself into the corner. Please, tell me she did not just see me with my cock in my hand!

"God isn't going to help you out with that problem, Edward," she laughed, getting in the shower with me and closing door.

"Bella, you really, really need to go. NOW!"

Jesus, my cock is still rock fucking hard and my hand is still wrapped around the purple head. How much humiliation can one man endure?

"Edward, turn around and look at me. Please?" she said quietly, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Why the fuck are you even here, Bella? Do you always just barge in on people when they're in the shower?" I snapped.

This is so not happening.

Bella sighed dramatically and then squeezed in between me and the wall, so she was standing right in front of me. I closed eyes my tightly and asked myself why I had insisted on such a large enclosed shower.

**BPOV**

I finally got myself so I was standing right in front of him. His eyes were closed and his jaw was tight. He must be doing one of his "if I can't see you, you can't see me" things that Jasper told me about.

I brought both of my hands up to his face and gently stroked his cheek until his eyes finally opened.

"Why?" he whispered, looking like he was fighting an anxiety attack.

"Because I've waited five months for you and now you're back, beating off in the shower, while I lay in your bed waiting for you…again. I'm done waiting for you. I want you, Edward."

"Bella." he sighed, looking down and shaking his head. "You don't know what you're asking for. I will hurt you. Intentionally or unintentionally, the only constant in my life has been that I have _always_ hurt the people I love the most. Jasper's right. I'm being selfish. You deserve someone better than me. You deserve to know that the person you go to bed with at night, will be the same person you wake up with in the morning. You deserve consistency, Bella."

Is he kidding me with this shit?

"Fuck consistency, Edward! I've never had consistency in my whole life. My mother died when I was two. My dad and half the female population of Forks raised me. Rosalie had to tell me about crotch maintenance and how to use a tampon! I think if I survived all of that, I can handle you."

He still wasn't convinced. In fact he was laughing at my confession, but it was a cold hard laugh.

"That's not the same thing and you know it Bella! You've never had someone yell at you because you're an easy target. You've never had someone pace the room at night, instead of holding you in his arms, because he couldn't shut his fucking thoughts off. You've never had someone who's walked away from you, because it was easier then staying. And you've never had someone tell you they love you one minute and they hate you the next, simply because they can't control their moods! So don't give me that "I know what am I getting myself into" shit!"

"So that's it then!" I yelled. "You just came back here to push me away and tell me to fuck off for my own good. Because if that's the fucking case, you haven't done a very convincing job of it!"

There was a fire in Edward's eyes as he slammed both of hands on the wall on either side of my head, trapping me in the corner of the shower.

"I came back because I love you and couldn't be away from you anymore. Is that what you fucking want to hear?" he snarled. "Does that make everything clear to you? Does it warm your heart that a crazy man with a serious mental illness wants you?"

He dipped his head down then and attacked my neck with his lips.

"Does it turn you on to know that I've brought myself to orgasm everyday for the last five months while thinking of you? That I've defiled your memory and put you in disgusting situations to get myself off? Does it turn you on to know that I've _used _you like that? That I've _fucked _you a hundred different ways in my head? That I've treated you like a _whore_ and gotten off on it?"

The tears came without my permission and before long I was a sobbing mess.

"See?" he said, pushing himself backwards to the other side of the shower, breathing hard. The fire in his eyes dwindling. "That's life with me everyday, Bella. Edward one minute, a selfish blood thirsty monster the next. That's who I am and I can't ever change it."

I looked up into his eyes as the water beat down on us both and choked out my words.

"I don't want you to change, Edward. And I've never asked you to change. I love you just the way you are. But you're never going to give me a chance to show you are you?"

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me and then finally turned his back to me.

I pushed passed him and got out of the shower, grabbing a towel and running into the bedroom. I threw on my jeans and his Ramone's shirt over my wet underwear and ran for the door. I barely heard him yelling my name as I got on the elevator.

I got off on Alice and Jasper's floor, beating on their apartment door until Alice finally answered. Her eyes went wide with shock.

"Bella what the hell happened to you?"

I could barely hear her over my chattering teeth. Alice quickly yelled to Jasper for towels and blankets. They kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn't say anything. I just cried.

Finally Jasper suggested that I just go lay down and we talk in the morning. Apparently he had put two and two together and figured out that this was an Edward induced break down.

Alice offered me clean underwear and dry clothes. I took the panties she offered, but refused to give up Edward's shirt. She laid down with me in the bed until I fell asleep, but must have left soon after, because I woke up alone at 4 a.m.

Deciding that I didn't want to deal with Alice and Jasper first thing in the morning, I slipped on my jeans, gathered my jacket and clothes and quietly backed out the front door.

I cringed as the door clicked shut, but breathed a sigh of relief when it didn't seem to wake anyone. I turned for the elevator and screamed, quickly slapping a hand over my mouth in an effort to shut myself up.

Edward was sitting on the floor across from their door.

"They wouldn't let me in," he said quietly, looking up at me with sad eyes. "They said that I'd hurt you enough for one night and that you cried yourself to sleep."

I swallowed hard and allowed one tear to escape, but otherwise didn't try to answer him. So he stood up slowly with his back pressed to the wall.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Princess," he said carefully, taking a cautious step towards me. "But this is reality. This is life with me. That… upstairs… was me at my worst."

What do you want from me? I asked him with my eyes, too afraid that my voice would betray me.

"Are you still with me? Do you still love me?" he asked, taking another step towards me reaching out his hand to let his fingers graze my cheek.

I reached up and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together and resting my face in his palm.

"I will always love you." I whispered.

**Oh Edward...will he ever learn? Tell me what you think! You know I love to hear it! :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: OK, so I've been reading the reviews on my phone (sneaky, right?) and you guys are killing me! So I think you should appreciate that I am supposed to be in the bathroom peeing right now! I snuck my laptop in with me and am sitting on the can (not going) so I can give you one more chapter tonight! I swear this story is going to test my ingenuity or get me divorced!**

**mustlovertp...you need to give her serious love! She nursed me all the way through this story! Her opinions and idea's are what makes this story great!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

It was less than a minute after Bella left the shower that I knew I'd fucked up.

I grabbed a towel and ran to the front door yelling her name, when I caught sight of her crying and running toward the elevator. I ran back to my room and threw on pair of jeans and a t-shirt and shoved my feet into my slip on Vans without socks. I'd obsess about how disgusting that is later.

I ran all the way down to the lobby and asked the doorman if he'd called a cab for a woman matching Bella's description. He told me no and that she hadn't even come through the lobby, since going up to my apartment with me.

I slammed my head down on the counter. Fuck! That means she went to Alice and Jasper's.

I took the elevator back up to their floor and was much less frantic. It didn't surprise me when I got off the lift and found Jasper waiting for me outside their apartment. He didn't look pleased.

"She's a fucking mess. She's in there crying her eyes out with Alice now. Want to tell me what the fuck happened?"

I'm instantly defensive, grabbing my smokes out of my back pocket.

"Same shit, different day," I mumble, flipping open my Zippo and lighting my smoke.

"And you're okay with that?" he asks.

"Do I fucking look OKAY with that? Would I even be standing here if I was OKAY with that? Jesus! I might be sick, but I'm not a heartless fuck, Jasper!"

A door down the hall opens and an older lady in a bathrobe peeks her head out and stares.

"What?" I growl at her. "Why don't you take a picture it lasts longer?"

She gasps and her eyes go wide before she slams the door.

"Was that necessary?" Jasper sighs, holding the bridge of his nose. "Alice and I still have to live on this floor, Edward. I wish you wouldn't alienate all the neighbors for us."

"Fuck your neighbors," I mumble, flicking the ash of my cigarette on the floor.

Jasper rolls his eyes at me, goes in the apartment and comes back out with a disposable cup with some water in the bottom of it.

"Here. If you _must_ smoke, ash in this."

"So are you going to let me in or not?"

"No. Alice is going to let Bella cry herself to sleep and then we'll talk to her in the morning. Go back upstairs and get some rest. I'll call you when we get up," he said, sounding exhausted.

I wanted to argue with him some more, but that would only make things worse. Reluctantly I got on the elevator and went home.

I pace around for an hour or two until I can't take it anymore. I take the stairs down this time and plant myself outside their apartment door. About 3:15 in the morning the old lady's apartment door opens again.

"Everything alright?" she asks quietly.

"Do you think if everything was peachy I would be sitting in this hallway right now?"

I light another smoke and wait for her to bitch. She doesn't. Instead she brings me a cup of coffee.

"Girl trouble?"

"Aren't they always?" I laugh, taking a sip of the hot brew.

"She'll forgive you," Old Lady chuckles, patting the top of my head.

"I know she will," I sigh. "And I'll screw her over again. Because our relationship is just that complicated."

"That great ones always are," she smiles, before she bids me goodnight and goes back to her apartment.

I smile and shake my head. Now I really feel like shit for mouthing off to her earlier.

A little over an hour later, Bella opens the door and tries sneaking out of the apartment. She's still wearing my t-shirt and that gives me hope.

I ask if she still loves me and she says she will always love me. My heart explodes.

After a pretty hot and inappropriate make out session, right there in the middle of the hallway, I lean down and whisper in her ear.

"Let's go home."

She smiles and follows me onto the elevator. We cuddle and kiss all the way up to my floor.

We go into my apartment and I carry her to my bed. Carefully, I take her jeans off and then take off everything but my boxer briefs. We crawl under the covers and cuddle up under the blankets.

And just like that. We're okay again.

I slept for an hour or two and then lay there with Bella in my arms for another hour or two. I'm genuinely happy, but need to move around. Reluctantly I let her go and quietly move about the room, unpacking the bags from my trip.

About 9 a.m. Jasper and Alice come crashing through the door, like a SWAT team.

"Where is she?" Jasper fumes, taking off towards the bedroom.

I tackle him down to the floor, while Alice bitches about us being a couple of cavemen.

"Fuck you man! You aren't going to go in there and wake her up!"

"Edward I told you to leave her alone and that she was really fucked up last night!" Jasper grunts, trying to get the upper hand. "But you couldn't leave well enough alone could you? You had to break into our apartment and drag her back up here!"

"He didn't come get me. I left." We all looked up at the sound of her voice and there stood Bella. Rumpled, sleepy and wrapped in my bed sheet. Adorable.

I pushed Jasper's head into the floor as I stood up. I went over to Bella, gave her a kiss and pulled her into my arms.

"Morning Princess," I whisper in her ear. "Sorry about the rude wake-up call."

"Its fine," she laughs, hugging me back.

Alice is smiling at our exchange and Jasper looks confused.

"So what? Suddenly everything is fine?" he scowls. "You show up on our door step hysterical in the middle of the night and now everything is hunky dory again?"

I shrug and you couldn't wipe my smug ass smirk off my face if you tried. Bella just smiles and hugs me tighter.

"It was a misunderstanding," Bella says with a wink.

I start laughing as her obvious lack of details is pissing Jasper off.

"And that's it? After the worry you put Alice through, that's all you've got to say?"

"That's all that's any of your business," Bella replies, clearly annoyed. "I don't butt into your relationship, so you can stay the fuck out of mine."

Alice, who has been completely quiet, is now covering her ear to ear grin with her hand.

"I'm glad you worked everything out," she says hugging Bella. "And I'm always here anytime you need me."

"Alice!" Jasper yells. "You're being an enabler!"

"No, I'm being a friend," she corrects. "Maybe if you pulled your snooty ass head out of the all those books, you'd remember how to be one yourself."

Bella and I crack up as I point out to Alice that she said "ass".

**BPOV**

We stand there and watch as Alice pulls Jasper from the apartment.

"That's really fucked up. Five months ago Jasper was telling me that you need someone like me in your life. Now he's suddenly against it?"

Edward sighs and gives me a big hug, lifting me off the floor.

"It's not you he's against. It's me. He has issues with letting go and problems understanding that this is my disease and my life. I've always gone to him first when I came home. I didn't do that this time and he's having issues with that. He sees you as a threat. I'm changing my routine for the first time in years because of you. It's ironic that now he's the one that needs time to adjust."

Just then his phone starts to ring from on top of the bureau. As he walks over to check it, I ask about a toothbrush and am grateful when he says he has spares in the vanity.

I wash my face, brush my teeth, pull my hair into a sloppy bun and am just putting my jeans on when Edward comes in.

"So that was my mom," he starts, chewing on his thumb nail.

"Oh! You actually answer the fucking phone and talk to her? Am I sooo jealous!" I laugh, giving him a poke in the ribs as I hop off the bed.

"Jessica was," he says quietly staring at the floor. "Jealous of my mom, I mean."

I freeze in the middle of the room and stare at him. What the fuck was I thinking! Jasper told me all about that! God, I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Edward look at me."

I wait until he does. And it breaks my heart that they look so sad.

"I was only kidding. I'm sorry. I wouldn't trade our phone calls for anything." I smile. "They are so uniquely us and I could never be jealous of something that isn't. Okay?"

He smiles and nods his head, the sadness lifting some.

"My mom wants me to drive down to Port Angeles and see her this afternoon."

"Then I think you should go. Would you mind dropping me at my apartment on your way? I have laundry and stuff to do anyway."

"Okay," he smiles, tilting his head towards the bathroom to let me know he's going to take a shower.

He stops mid stride and freezes.

"Don't worry, Edward." I laugh. "You're not going to get a shower buddy today."

"It's not that," he says turning around. "It's just that…you're sure you're okay with this?"

What the fuck did Jessica do to him?

"Yes. I am totally fine with it." I crossed the room and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Take your time and have fun."

An hour later we are parked in front of my building. The plan was that Edward was going to drop me off and go. But there was a small complication in that plan…the goodbye kiss.

What started out sweet, loving and chaste turned to anything but…quickly. Edward's hand had some how found its way under my shirt and was currently cupping my left breast with his thumb skimming over my nipple. While my hand had taken up residency over his denim clad crotch. I swear this man has a fucking anaconda in his pants.

It was in this same compromising position that the local meter maid found us. She pounded on the window demanding that we either move or feed the meter. So Edward, the law abiding citizen that he is, reached into his pocket, lowered the window and threw a handful of change at the cock blocker with a badge. All without breaking our kiss. Five minutes later I was stepping onto my elevator horny and giggly, while Edward was heading off to Port Angeles with a newly acquired parking ticket.

When I got up to my apartment I showered, started laundry and pulled out the work I hadn't finished the day before. Before I knew it, three hours had passed. I was about to make myself some lunch, when Rosalie called and asked me to meet her at the Café on the end of my block.

"So, Edward's back I hear," Rose smirks as she looks over the top of her menu.

"Alice?"

"Of course," she replied, taking a sip of her iced tea. "She also told me that you and Edward seemed 'close'. Care to elaborate?"

I smiled hugely and went back to browsing my menu. "Nope."

"Oh come on, Bella! You have to give us _something!_ We only watched as you pined away for the guy for the last five months."

"There's nothing to share!" I laughed. "And besides, Bella Swan does not _pine_ for anyone."

"So you're telling me then that there is nothing going on between you and Edward?" she said incredulously.

"Of course there is!" I snorted, rolling my eyes. "We just haven't defined what it is exactly."

"Have you kissed?" she asked, arching one perfectly sculpted eye brow.

"Oh yeah," I sighed, remembering that mind blowing kiss he laid on me yesterday. It still makes my lips tingle just thinking about it.

"Have you told him you love him?"

"Yes." I said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

It wasn't until Rose jumped up in excitement, grabbing the attention of the entire Café, that I realized I'd completely fucked up.

"I knew it!" she screamed.

"Fuck Rose!" I whispered across the table. "Sit your ass down!"

"Did he say it back?" she questioned as she sat back down.

"Yes, he did."

"Oh my god!" she clapped excitedly. "This is huge!"

I rolled my eyes and ducked back behind my menu. By the way she was acting; you'd think he told _her_ he was in love her.

"Major," I replied dryly.

"Have you slept together?"

I slammed my menu down on the table and crossed my arms over my chest. "That's really none of your fucking business, Rose."

Rose clicked her tongue, frowned and went back to reading her menu.

"That would be a huge fucking no," she muttered.

"Drop it Rose," I got out just before the waiter arrived.

We both ordered our lunches and then sat staring each other down, locked in silence, waiting for the other to crack. Predictably, Rose spoke first.

"Is there a reason why you're not having sex yet? If you love each other, it should be a natural progression."

I looked down at the table and started fidgeting with my silverware. I know Rose means well, but going by her comment, is she trying to say that Edward doesn't really love me because he unwilling to show me physically?

"I don' think he's ready yet," I mumbled, playing with the tines of my fork. "I kind of threw myself at him in the shower last night and he freaked out and we ended up fighting. We made up of course, but even then he didn't try to take it any farther than making out."

"It'll happen. Give it time," Rose says, patting my hand in an attempt to reassure me. But I won't be reassured. I want to know why Edward hasn't attempted to take things farther.

After lunch, I went back to my apartment and attempted to get some work done. It wasn't happening. My brain was stuck on the fact that Edward hadn't tried to stick it in me.

I've been here five months, completely loyal without any guarantee of a relationship, waiting for him! I deserve a fucking ride on his peen! Goddamnit, I've earned it!

I was on my bed, lap top at my side, work papers everywhere, balled up Post-It notes thrown about the room, when Edward found me.

"What the hell, Bella?" he laughs, plucking a stray Post-It off the bottom of his foot.

"I can't concentrate and it's all your fault!" I fume, getting up from the bed and going in the bathroom slamming and locking the door.

I'm being irrational and bratty, I know this. I'm also setting myself up to deal with the mother of all mood swings, but none of that matters.

Over the course of a meal my best friend managed to make me feel dejected and rejected, even though she hadn't meant to. The whole fucking point to lunch was that she was on a fact finding mission for Alice. I hope they are both giddy over the fact that my snatch is accumulating cob webs as we speak. Bitches.

"Bella? What's the matter?" Great. Now Edward is outside the door, jiggling the locked door knob.

I walk over to the door and rest my forehead against it.

"Why won't you try to sleep with me?" I whisper, half hoping he can't hear me.

But he does.

"Fuck," he mumbles and I can tell that his forehead is pressed against the door as well, by the sound of his voice.

"You don't want me?" I ask, with more confidence in my voice.

"Of course I want you."

"Then why?"

"Bella, I've been back less then forty eight hours and we've spent half of them fighting. I refuse to have our first time be about make-up sex. I want to fucking make love to you, Princess."

I bit my bottom lip as I grinned. That was a great fucking answer!

I popped the lock on the door and opened it. And there on the other side, was Edward. Both hands on both side of the door frame, his fedora on and a cocky lopsided grin on his face.

"Better now?" he smirks. Probably amused that I am so easily pacified.

I just nod my head and throw my arms around his neck. "I love you" I whisper in his ear.

"I love you too, Princess," he sighs, his arms wrapping tightly around my waist, while he gently kisses my neck. "And I missed you today."

"I missed you too," I said, covertly wiping away the tears that his words brought out. I'll never tire of hearing him say he misses me. Ever.

We go back in my room and clean off my bed. I sit with my back against the headboard with Edward's head in my lap, running my fingers through his hair, while he tells me about his day with his mom.

He smiles and reaches up to stroke my cheek, as he tells me that he told her all about me. My heart skips a beat when he tells me he wants me to meet her.

Meet his mom? I almost can't contain my excitement. This makes our relationship so much more real. I know how much his mother means to him and how huge of a step this is for him. He would never take just anyone home to his mom, especially after the Jessica fiasco. But it warms my heart to know that he is silently telling me he trusts me. He trusts me not to make the same mistakes that Jessica did.

"What are you thinking?" he finally asks. I hadn't even realized I had gone quiet on him.

"Us." I smile down at him. "That this is all real. We're together and we love each other. It's fucking mind boggling."

"More like it's about fucking time, right?" he laughs.

"Yeah baby. It's about fucking time."

**I personally think Edward is adorable in this chapter! What do you think? Leave me some love! I was supposed to be peeing, but have been in here so long, that my entire family will think it was #2! The crap (no pun intended) I do for my loyal fans...I'm telling you! ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: OK, so I'm sorry I didn't get another chapter out yesterday! There was no way to do it without giving my entire family the impression that there was seriously something wrong with me...like Amoebic Dysentery or something! My mother inlaw already thinks I'm full of shit, so I guess that wouldn't be such a stretch for her. And lucky me! Now they want to stay until Wednesday...kill me now!**

**Anyway, it's Monday and I'm in the mood for something SOUR. All Aboard! The Edward Love Peen is pulling out of the Station! *WARNING* I refuse to be held responsible for melted panties! **

**mustlovertp...you rock!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

It's 2 a.m. and I am watching Bella sleep beside me. She looks like such an angel, with her hair splayed out around her on the pillow. My heart literally hurts with how much love I have for this woman and it makes my mind drift back to the afternoon I had just spent with my mom.

"_So Edward. You seem different. Happier," mom smiled at me, as we ate our lunch. "Who is she?"_

_My mom never missed anything. It's what I loved most about her. I could never have any secrets with her. _

"_Her name is Bella Swan. She's beautiful, wonderful and against all odds, she loves me."_

_The smile that graced my mother's face at my words was stunning. She was practically glowing._

"_So," she started, clearing her throat, while trying to contain her excitement. "When do I get to meet this wonderful girl?"  
_

"_Hopefully soon." I shrugged, picking at my salad. I fucking hate salad._

"_Edward?" mom said quietly, causing me to look at her. "I can tell there is something different about this girl, just by your words and then way you light up when you talk about her. But does she know, son? Does she know you're sick?"_

"_Mom…" I sigh, really hating that she brought this up. Can't anyone just be happy for me and leave well enough alone?_

"_Now Edward, you know I hate to stick my nose in your business. But you did bring that Jessica here and she didn't know anything about you or your illness. I know it's your life, your relationship and your decision, but please remember that you need to be fair to her, Edward. She needs to know what she signing up for."_

"_She knows!" I spat angrily, throwing my fork down. "She knows everything and still loves me, Mom. She doesn't try to baby or cater to me. She accepts me. She challenges me even and calls me out on my bullshit. She's the fucking one, Mom. I can feel it."_

"_Does she know you leave?"_

"_Yes." I laughed humorlessly. "And she waited 5 months for me. We weren't even together, Ma. We were just barely friends when I left. Yet she was there when I came back. She didn't question me or judge me. She was just there."_

_My mom smiled at me and grabbed my hand from across the table._

"_She sounds wonderful, son. You're a lucky man."_

"_She is. She's beyond wonderful," I said with a frown._

"_So what are you worried about then?" my mom asked, dropping my hand and turning her attention back to her salad. This is why I loved her. She knows hearts to hearts aren't my thing and just like Bella, she does exactly the right the thing to make things easier for me._

"_I feel like I don't deserve her," I admitted._

_Mom looked up and had a small sad smile on her face. _

"_Everyone deserves someone to love them, Edward. No one is ever too broken for that."_

While I had laid here, lost in my thoughts, Bella had rolled over onto her stomach. I looked down at her bare shoulders, gently tracing the outline of her tank top. Not being able to resist, and with my mother's words about everyone deserving someone to love them, I leaned down and kissed across Bella's upper back and shoulders.

Her skin was so soft and smelled sweet like strawberries and freesia. I inhaled a lung full of her essence and committed it to memory.

"I love you," I murmured softly into the back of her neck.

I was surprised when she rolled over and grabbed my face between her hands.

"I love you too," she mumbled against my lips. "Forever and always."

Before our kiss could deepen, I pulled away and just stared at her. The moonlight coming in from the window highlighted her beautifully. Her hair was rumpled with sleep, her face flushed from our kiss and her lips bee stung. She was fucking stunning.

"I fucking want you," I said, lowering my forehead to hers and locking eyes with her so she'd know how much I meant it. "I want to make love with you, Princess."

Bella didn't answer me with words. Instead she pulled me on top of her, so I could nestle myself between her legs. I could feel the heat from her core radiating from underneath her boy shorts and through my boxer briefs.

I pulled her tank top over her head and flung it across the room. Looking down, I was able to bear witness to two of the most perfect tits I'd ever fucking seen. I'd seen Bella nearly naked in the shower the other morning, but I was too distracted to really take her in. Plus her hair was covering her breasts. Now that I think about it, she kind of looked like Brooke Shields in that "Blue Lagoon" movie, standing all wet and beautiful in my shower.

"You're fucking beautiful," I breathed, staring at her chest.

Bella laughed. "A Boob Man! Who knew?"

I smiled deviously at her and then attacked her left tit. I sucked the nipple and kissed all over it, before turning my attention to its equally perfect twin. Bella was moaning and pulling my hair the whole time.

I kissed my way back up her chest and neck, bringing my mouth to ear.

"Are you on something?" I whispered, sucking and biting her ear lobe.

"Oh fuck!" Bella moaned, before answering me. "I'm …fuck…I'm on the Depo shot."

I smiled against the side of her neck and then lifted my head and attacked her mouth with my own. We hadn't had the birth control talk yet. I had planned on discussing all this with her before we attempted anything physical. But like everything else about us, all the serious talks got thrown to wayside, to be addressed later.

"Do you still want me to wear a condom?" I asked, pulling back from her lips and looking into her eyes. "I've been with several women, but I've never had sex without a condom and I've been tested..I'm clean."

I was praying to God that she'd say no. I wanted to be able to feel all of her. I needed to feel all of her. With no barriers. No fucking walls. I wanted Bella to be the first woman I felt without a sheet of latex between us. I couldn't give her my virginity, but I could give her this.

"No." She smiled softly, twirling the hair at the back of my head in her fingers. "I want to feel you, Edward. All of you."

I attacked her mouth again, before my mouth started my making its way south. I stopped and paid homage to her beautiful tits again and then proceeded down to across her taunt stomach. I even dipped my tongue into her belly button, causing her hips to roll into my hard fucking cock.

I lifted my head and locked eyes with Bella as I gently tugged her sinful fucking boy shorts down her legs.

"Fuck me!" I breathed, as my eyes drifted down her naked body and I finally took all of Bella in. She was bare as baby down there. Not a hair to be found. How had I missed that shit the other day in the shower?

Bella started to giggle, but it cut off into a moan when I ran my finger up her wet slit.

"Fuck!" she mumbled, closing her eyes and gripping the pillow on either side of her head.

Fucking stunning.

I leaned forward and replaced my finger with my tongue, causing Bella's hips to roll up into my face.

"Easy, Princess." I chuckled quietly, while tugging my boxers off and tossing them over my shoulder. "Or I am going to have to tie you down to the bed."

"Promises, promises." Bella moaned, opening her eyes and looking down at me with a smirk.

I gave her my best evil grin and then dove in tongue first. She was sweet. Like sugar. I could live here and never get full on her fucking juices.

"Jesus…fuck…Edward." Bella moaned, tearing at my hair with one hand and twisting the bed sheets with her other. "You're fucking piercing! Holy shit!."

I grinned as I rolled the ball in my tongue around her clit. I told her I'd show her why the pain of this piercing was worth it.

"Edward!" Bella panted. "I...I...need..."

"What? What do you need, Princess?" smiling as her hips jerked when I rolled the ball around her nub again.

"Fuck!" she screamed. "I need to feel you! Please!"

I placed one final kiss on her sweet clit and then kissed my way back up to her mouth. She practically devoured my head on contact, licking my lips and face clean of herself. Fucking hot.

"Holy fuck!" she moaned into my mouth. "You are never taking that fucking thing out again!"

I laughed as I reached up and pushed her sweaty hair back with one hand, while I lined myself up at her entrance with the other.

I kissed the tip of her nose and her eyelids. "I fucking love you," I whispered against her lips.

"Love you more," she replied, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling my mouth back to hers.

As I pushed into her for the first time, Bella gasped against my lips, pulled my hair a little and squeezed her eyes closed.

Fuck me, she's tight! I would swear that she felt just like a virgin.

"Bella?" I asked, stopping my motions half way in.

"No," she whimpered, opening her eyes to me. "I'm not. It's just been awhile. I've only had sex one other time."

My heart did a back flip. "I so fucking love you!" I smiled, attacking her mouth and swallowing her cries as I pushed myself the rest of the way in.

I stopped as soon as I was buried balls deep, to give a Bella a chance to adjust and me a chance to recover. She felt like soft, velvety, heaven. I've never had anything feel this fucking good in my entire life.

All I could fucking process was how fucking tight she was and that I was finally inside of her. I had imagined this moment so many times over the last five months. But nothing my fucking imagination could come up with could compete with the real thing.

"Fuck, Princess. You feel so fucking good. Soft, wet and so fucking warm and tight." I mumbled incoherently into her neck. Placing sweet kisses and nibbles up and down it.

"Edward?" she moaned, experimentally rocking her hips into me. "God, I need you to move. I want to feel you move. Please."

I pulled one of my hands from her hair and let it drift down the silhouette of her body, stopping at her knee, pulling her leg up and hitching it around my waist.

I pulled my hips back and rocked into her slowly. Loving the way she fit perfectly around me.

"Motherfucker!" I groaned, as I tilted my head down and watched myself disappear into her wetness. "That's so fucking beautiful."

Bella tilted her head up and looked down between us too. She moaned at the sight and then removed one of her hands from my hair and slipped it between us. Scissoring two of her fingers, letting my cock glide between them as I thrust in and out of her. It was the hottest fucking thing that I had ever seen or felt.

"Fuck Bella!" I groaned, pulling her up and rolling over so I was sitting up with her in my lap. I was buried so deeply inside of her, I couldn't tell where she stopped and I began.

Bella leaned back and supported herself on my knees, taking over and grinding herself down on me, while also giving me full access to her chest.

"Jesus fucking Christ." I moaned, before pulling her nipple into my mouth.

Bella sat up and wrapped her arms around my head, pulling me back by my hair and attacking my mouth with hers.

This was so much more than fucking or even making love. This was two halves of one divided soul reclaiming one another.

Our mouths were together, but we weren't kissing. We were swallowing each other's moans and breath. Bella moaned my name and then grabbed a hold of the two rings in my nipples and gave a gentle tug. I almost came right then.

"Jesus, fuck yes, Bella!' I groaned, lifting my hips and slamming into her hard.

"Do you like that?" she smiled against my lips, before dipping her head and taking my left nipple in her mouth, licking it and using her teeth to tug the ring at the same time.

"FUCK!" I wasn't going to last if she kept that up. I moved her mouth back up to mine and attacked her lips.

Bella hugged my neck, while I hugged her torso, pulling her down onto me, while my hips bucked up into her. I could feel her walls start to clench and shake around me. I leaned back on my hands and thrust my hips up several inches off the bed, slamming as deeply into Bella as I could. When I couldn't go anymore, I started to grind my hips back and forth, letting the head of my fucking cock massage her G spot.

"Fuck! Edward! I love you!" she screamed through her orgasm, arching her back so hard that I was afraid she might break in half or hurt herself. Her pussy clamped down on me and became tighter, if that was even possible. Her chest was heaving and red from the force of her orgasm. She was a fucking goddess when she came.

When she'd ridden out the most intense part of her orgasm, I dropped my hips back down to the bed and started pounding into her again. Three thrusts later, with her body fucking milking me, I was following her over the edge. Grunting, growling and snarling my way through the most intense orgasm of my life. Feeling her soft, hot, wetness around me as I came…there was nothing in the world to compare it to. Had Bella not been holding me tightly to her chest, I think I might have spontaneously combusted or some shit.

"Holy shit!" I choked, trying to catch my breath, while peppering Bella's face with kisses. "You just rocked my fucking world, Princess. I love you so fucking much!"

**BPOV**

No words. No fucking words for what just happened. Making love with Edward fucking Cullen was a goddamn religious experience. Seeing him above me, below me and feeling him in me…there are just no fucking words.

My face, hands and feet were numb and tingly. My breathing was insanely loud and coming in gasps. My hair was sweaty, tangled and sticking to my back. His hair was dripping with moisture and completely fucked up. We were both flushed and shaking violently with post orgasmic after shocks. Edward was mumbling about how much he loved me, while I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to get control of myself. Finally after a few minutes, I was able to lift my head to look in his eyes.

"I love you too," I said, stroking his cheeks and looking deeply into his green eyes. "I've never felt anything like that before, Edward. That was so much more than sex. I think I felt the fucking earth move."

He was still inside of me, so I could feel it all the way to my core, as he shook with silent laughter.

"Way to stroke my ego there, Princess."

"Yeah, and I don't want to feed that monster anymore then I have to. So I won't even go into that fucking anaconda you call a dick. Holy shit, Edward! How do you even get that thing in your pants?"

"Very carefully." He laughed, pulling me off of him and setting me down on the bed.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up, while I have a smoke," he smiled, pulling on his boxer shorts.

I looked up at him as the smile slipped off my face. I have to admit that I'm stunned and rather fucking disappointed. I kind of expected Edward to be a post orgasmic cuddler. I guess I was wrong.

"What?" he asked, slipping a cigarette between his lips and pulling on his jeans.

"Nothing." I smiled tightly, feeling the tug on my heart, when I realized that in the five minutes since we had had the most mind blowing sex ever, his mood had shifted again. He'd gone from loving and content to passive and distant. I would be lying if I said it hadn't stung…a lot.

I grabbed my clothes from the floor and went into the bathroom, trying to hold my trembling lip in check. This was all part of it, I reminded myself. This all went along with loving Edward. My mind knew this. Now I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.

**EPOV**

I watched as Bella collected her clothes and all but ran off to the bathroom. I hadn't meant to hurt her feelings. I was just on sensory overload and needed a minute to get my bearings back.

"Fuck!" I muttered to no one and then threw the balcony doors open, stepping out into the cool night air.

I knew the first time I was with Bella, it would be intense. And in all honesty, I hadn't expected it to happen tonight. I don't know what the fuck had gotten into me. We were supposed to talk and shit first. There were things she needed to know about me, before she committed herself to a deep, emotional relationship with me.

I knew what my mom meant when she asked if Bella "knew". She wasn't just talking about my illness. She was talking about my rules.

I had two rules that I committed myself to and that I wouldn't waiver on. The first of which being that I never wanted to get married. I felt like it was unfair to trap someone like that. If Bella, or whomever I was with, ever decided she couldn't handle it, I wanted her to be able to walk away without any strings or complications. A nasty divorce wouldn't be fair to either of us. We should be able to cut ties and move on without the extra hurt and heartache.

The second rule, the one I was most dedicated to never breaking, was that I never wanted any children. Any woman I was with would either have to accept it or go. I had an 80% chance of passing along my disease or another form of it, onto any biological child of mine. I could never do this to another person. Let them live through the same kind of hell I have. Knowingly doing something like that would make me the worst kind of monster.

I've even talked to doctors about a vasectomy. I got all the information, I just never saw it through. I wasn't with anyone at the time and so there wasn't the urgency to do it then. But now that Bella's in my life and if she chooses to stay with me, that might be something that I have to seriously consider. I just can't take that risk. Not with a child that was half Bella. Half perfection. Half angel. I would just taint it with my sin and Bella deserves better than that. She deserves a child that is beauty personified. A child that she can love and that will love her back. Not one that will turn on her and fight her every step of the way.

"Edward?" Bella called from the door. I turned and caught a glimpse of her face in the moonlight. Her eyes were red and swollen. She'd been crying. Fuck.

"Are you coming to bed?" she asked quietly.

"Uh, yeah." I said, nervously pulling at my hair. "But I think we need to talk first."

**I ruined two pairs of panties during the writing process. Make their sacrifice worth it and leave me some love! :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So my inlaws have decided to stay another day and leave tomorrow. My kids went back to school today and the Hubby went to work. Who wants to take bets on whether or not they'll come home and find two freshly dug graves in the backyard? Honestly, my house smells like ass and spearmint gum...they need to go!**

**Anyway, here's another Chapter for you all. My lovely readers whose reviews have kept two Senior Citizens alive this weekend! Honestly...you ALL rock! I responded to some reviews, if I haven't gotten to you yet...know that I will!**

**mustlovertp...she's still amazing! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Four words that no one ever wants to hear after sex…we have to talk.

Edward was nervously pulling at his hair as he walked past me, back into the bedroom. You didn't have to be a psychic to know that this was going no where good.

"Okay, so talk," I said defensively, slamming the sliding glass door behind me. Thank God for shatter proof glass.

I couldn't just sit there while he broke my heart, so I paced around the room, picking up dirty clothes and tossing them in the hamper. Then I grabbed a basket full of clean clothes and started folding them.

"Bella? What the fuck are you doing?" Edward sighed from the bed, clearly frustrated.

"I'm waiting for you to fucking start talking," I said passively, folding his Ramone's shirt and quickly slipping it into my dresser before he noticed it.

"I can't talk to you when you're like this."

"When _I'm_ like this? I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't realize you had the monopoly on anxiety!" I fumed, slamming the closet door with more force then necessary.

"I don't have the monopoly on anything, Bella," he said through gritted teeth, fighting another mood swing. "But you pacing around the room and getting fucking domestic all of a sudden isn't helping anything. Now sit the fuck down Bella, so I can talk to you."

Rolling my eyes, I gave up with a huff and plopped dramatically on the bed, pulling a pillow into my lap. Clearly he had something to say and wouldn't let it go until it was said.

"Talk."

Edward sighed, gave a frustrated chuckle and then pulled at his hair.

"I didn't intend to make love with you so soon," he admitted nervously. "There are things I wanted to talk about before we committed to something more physical together."

"So we _did_ make love, then? You didn't just fuck me?"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Bella!" he stormed, getting up from the bed and pacing. "Will you just grow up for one fucking second, please?"

I guess I pissed him off. Oh darn.

"Sorry if I'm confused, Edward." I laughed. "It's not every day that someone makes love to me and then pushes me off his lap, tells me to get cleaned up and then leaves the fucking room so he can go have a smoke."

"I have rules Bella!" he yelled, not even addressing my last statement. "I have rules that I have had in place to protect the women in my life and I totally disregarded them to be with you. Because I wanted to be with you. But I can't ignore them anymore."

"What fucking rules?" I yelled back, getting off the bed and interrupting his pacing.

Edward stopped right in front of me. He reached out his hand to cup my cheek. Suddenly it didn't matter that I was mad at him. His hand touching me was like an electrical shock right to my heart.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything," he started quietly, holding my gaze. "But if you stay with me, you have to know that I can't give you anything more than this. I need you to know that I'll never ask you to marry me and we'll never have children together. Ever."

**EPOV**

I watched silently as a myriad of emotions crossed Bella's face. She reached up and pulled my hand away from her face and then sat back on the bed, slumping against the headboard. I tentatively sat in front of her. Waiting for her to say something…anything.

"No kids? Ever?" she finally said, looking up at me. "Are you sterile?"

"No." I chuckled, but there was no humor in it. "It's not that I can't have kids, Bella. It's that I won't. I won't father a child when there's an 80% chance that they could have the same disease I have. And I won't adopt a child and expect it to live with my disease. Bringing a child into my life would be beyond selfish. A child deserves a father that is aware of what a gift they are and not one who will crack at the first sign of stress. I can't do it, Bella. I won't do it."

"I don't need a baby," she murmured, with tears in her eyes. "Honestly, I don't think about being a mother. And I don't need to be married. Being a wife, well, it's just never been on my "To Do List". Most little girls have their wedding planned by the time they're ten. But I never did. I never even played house as a child."

"Bella," I sighed.

"No Edward," she said with confidence and grabbing my face with her hands. "I understand what you're saying and I'm willing to make whatever sacrifice I have to, to have you in my life."

"You don't know what you're saying Bella," I disagreed, shaking my head. "Eventually Rosalie and Alice will get married and start families and you're going to want that too."

"No I won't!" she laughed. "We can just be Aunt Bella and Uncle Edward and steal them when we need a fix!"

"What about the marriage thing, Bella?" I was trying desperately to punch holes of doubt in her enthusiasm. "It's never going to happen. You need to understand that. If you stay with me, you will always have an out. By not being married, we can walk away free and clear. No messy divorces, no lawyers, no heartache. It's the best possible outcome for everyone."

"You're expecting me to leave? Aren't you?" she said sadly. Dropping her hands into her lap.

"No. I don't want that Bella. I want to keep you forever. But if it ever comes to you wanting to leave. You need to understand that I won't stop you."

She just nodded her head and wiped at the tears that had escaped her eyes.

"But for now?" she whispered.

"For now I love the shit out of you, Princess." I smiled, pulling her into my lap. "And you're not going anywhere."

**BPOV**

Edward's 'talk' was brutal and even more than a week later, I still wasn't sure how I felt about it. I understood his fears regarding children and that was certainly something to be concerned about. But the marriage thing? It was like he was just waiting for me to leave. Not only that, but he wouldn't try and stop me? If he really loves me, why wouldn't he fight to keep me?

Finally after ten days of acting like it wasn't eating me up on the inside, I caved and called in re-enforcements. Edward had been busy with the club anyway. He and James had decided to do some remodeling and add a VIP Lounge, a second floor and another bar. When it was finished, they planned to have a grand re-opening and announce that Eclipse was under new ownership. With Edward pre-occupied, I could escape for Saturday brunch, without twenty questions.

"So," Rose sighed, setting down her menu. "Spill it, Swan."

I rolled my eyes, as I took a sip of my water and then glanced over Alice. Fuck, this was hard. I felt like I was tattling on Edward.

"So Edward and I made love for the first time two weeks ago," I started, noticing Rose perk up and start bouncing in her seat. "And no, you're not here to get all the nasty details."

"Damn." She pouted and then yelled as Alice kicked her in the shin under the table.

"Sorry Bella, you were saying?" Alice said giving Rose the stink eye.

"So after it was over he…changed. Like his mood shifted and he got a little emo on me and said we needed to _talk._" I punctuated with air quotes.

"The Rules." Rose and Alice said it at the same time.

My mouth fell open and I was instantly angry.

"You two knew?" I accused. "And you didn't tell me?"

"No…well, yes," Alice started, clearly frustrated. "We knew. But we also know how career driven you are and that marriage and babies aren't a big priority for you. So I guess we just assumed it wouldn't be a big deal."

I sat back in my chair and gaped at my two best friends. It doesn't matter what they thought my reaction would be. They still owed it to me to say something. A head's up would have been nice.

"Bella, I think you're over thinking this," Rose said, waving her hand in dismissal. "I mean this might all be for the best right? You and Edward can travel and do things other couples bogged down with children can only dream of!"

I laughed hysterically then. To the point that I was drawing the attention of surrounding tables and had mascara running down my face.

"You two are seriously pathetic!" I continued to laugh. "You honestly think that I give a shit about being married to or having babies with this man? Because you both can kiss my white ass if you think for a second that's the only thing that's fucked up about this situation!"

"Okay, Bella!" Rose spat, tossing her napkin on the table. "Then what's fucked up about this situation? Enlighten us, please!"

"How about not having a choice, for starters Rose!" I yelled. Not even caring that we were currently sitting in a public restaurant. "How about being shoved at a man who is sick and not being let in on the secret! How about falling in love with that man, telling your friends that, and then have them not say a goddamn thing about his _rules._ No, everyone thinks they can shove Bella in the direction they think she should go in, but no one can say a damn thing about the fact that I will have no choices in the end! Edward and I will never sit down and decide _together _to not have children…because he's already decided. We'll never come to the conclusion _together_ that marriage isn't in the cards for us…because he's already decided. And the icing on the fucking cake? My best fucking friends knew all of this and decided I really didn't need to know. It's so fucking nice to know that everyone thinks they can just call the fucking shots and that I'll fall in line."

"Bella, it really wasn't like that…" Alice started, but I cut off her off with my hand.

"Just save it," I sighed, grabbing my purse and tossing some money on the table. "Fuck you both and enjoy the rest of your meal."

With that I stormed out of the restaurant and got in my Jeep. I wasn't even sure where I was going. I just started driving. I was so lost in my thoughts that I was on auto pilot. So I was a bit shocked when I passed the 'Welcome to Forks' sign.

I pulled up in front of my old house and laughed. It was still the same. Sure Charlie had given it a new paint job. But it was still white with black shutters and a green porch. Incredible.

I noticed right away that the cruiser was gone. So I used the spare key above the front door to let myself in. You'd think the Chief of Police could think of a better hiding place.

I inhaled the familiar smell of stale beer, Ben Gay and cigar smoke. It was disgusting and comforting all at the same time. But at least it was clean…for a bachelor pad.

I made my way up to my old room. It still looks exactly as I left it. I even rolled my eyes at the Backstreet Boys calendar on the wall from 1999. God, how embarrassing!

I walked over to my bed and laid down, rolling over onto my side in the fetal position and cuddling my pillow to my chest like I used to when I was little.

How the fuck did my life become so complicated?

**EPOV**

I was at the club, going over some blue prints with James, when Alice and Rose came running in.

"Hey guys!" I yelled, from the new second floor, getting their attention. "Looks great, right?"

"Edward! Where the fuck is Bella?" Rose shouted up to me.

I felt my stomach bottom out. I'd been trying to ignore how distant Bella seemed lately. Ever since our talk, she'd put this wall up between us. We hadn't even made love again since the first time, even though we spent every night together. I knew something was up, but now she's missing? What the fuck?

I took the stairs to the main floor two at time.

"What the fuck do you mean 'where's Bella'? She said she was staying in and working all afternoon."

"No," Alice cried. "She called us and invited us to brunch. We kind of had a fight over… something... and she left. That was four hours ago and now we can't find her. She isn't at her place or yours and she won't pick up her cell or return any texts!"

None of this was making any fucking sense.

"I don't understand. What the fuck did you fight over?"

"You and you're fucking rules!" Rosalie snapped. "She feels like everyone is taking her choices away from her. Namely you, I might add. She feels like the decisions you should have discussed and made as a couple, you decided to make on your own!"

"Fuck!" I mumbled, lighting a cigarette and pulling out my phone. Of course her phone went right over to voicemail.

"And she's not wrong, you know," Rose went on, while inspecting her nails. "You have made some pretty big choices without even consulting her."

"She should have talked to me about it if it was bothering her," I defended. "She hasn't said a fucking thing."

"Because you're so easy talk to," Rose mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, can you all just chill out and think?" Alice yelled, rubbing her temples. "Where would Bella go if she was upset?"

"I have no idea, Alice," Rose huffed. "We exhausted all my ideas when we came here."

I paced and pulled at my hair, until an idea struck me.

"Her dad's!" I said. "He lives in Forks right? Would she go there?"

"Perhaps," Rose sighed.

"Is there someone you could call and have drive by her dad's to check?"

"My parents are on a cruise and I don't have anyone else's number. And don't even try and suggest calling Charlie. You just don't call the station and tell the Chief his daughter is MIA because her boyfriend is a Douche and her best friends are obviously worthless pieces of shit. Unless, of course, you want a 300 pound guy named Tiny to make you his bitch while you're rotting away in some third world prison."

"Shit! Fuck! Goddamnit!" I muttered as I paced around some more, completely ignoring Rosalie and her stupid fucking smart assed mouth. My fucking woman is missing and she's filing her nails!

It was while I was mentally bitch slapping the shit out of Rosalie that an idea struck.

"My mom is only an hour or so away. I'll call and have her go by the house."

I quickly called my mom and explained the situation to her. Of course she wasn't happy that I led her to believe that I had already explained the rules to Bella, before I actually had. But she agreed to help me to anyway. Rose provided her father's address and I told her to look for a giant black Jeep in the driveway. She said she'd call back when she got there.

So now we only had to wait.

**BPOV**

I woke up disoriented. It took me a minute to figure out I was at my dad's house and that I had fallen asleep in my old room.

I rolled over and stretched. Looking over at the night stand, I noticed my phone was blinking. No doubt, nothing but voicemails and texts from Rose and Alice. Fuck them.

I might decide call them back…in a few years. I quickly scrolled through my texts and noticed several were from Edward. He was begging me to call him and let him know I was okay. Lovely, it looks like the Trader Twins went and got him all worked up! I swear, can't they just butt the fuck out of my life, just this once?

I tossed my phone back on the table, laid back down and threw my arm over my eyes with a heavy sigh. I don't know how long I laid there, lost in thought, but by the time I looked over at my old alarm clock, it was already after four in the afternoon. I might as well stay the night and make Charlie dinner. I hated making the drive back to Seattle in the dark.

I knew this decision would mean having to call Edward at some point. He's not going to be happy about it. He hates sleeping alone now, claiming that I've spoiled him. Um, if memory serves, he's been the one to end up in my bed uninvited. If he's spoiled, it hasn't been my doing!

Sighing heavily, I got out of bed to look out the window. That's when I noticed a very nice Mercedes parked in the driveway. That's odd. Who the hell would drive a Mercedes in Forks? Talk about sticking out like a sore fucking thumb!

I made my way downstairs to investigate, when I heard the soft knock on the front door. I pulled the door open and found a beautiful middle aged woman standing on the stoop.

"Can I help you?" I smiled.

"Hello Bella." The woman smiled, holding her hand out to me.

"I'm sorry," I laughed in embarrassment. "I know that since you seem to know me, that I should probably know who you are. But honestly, I don't have a clue."

The woman threw her head, full of perfectly coiffed caramel colored hair, back and laughed a musical laugh.

"Oh Bella," she continued to giggle. "How I appreciate your honesty. But you're wrong; you shouldn't know me, because we've never met. Although, I have heard wonderful things about you."

I can just imagine what the confused expression on my face looked like. I had absolutely no fucking idea who this person was and frankly, she was making me uncomfortable.

"OK, well my dad isn't home right now. But if you'd care to leave him a message, I will make sure he receives it."

"You're a dear, sweet girl," she smiled hugely. "But I'm not here to see your father. I'm here to see you."

Still confused and creeped the fuck out, I toyed with the idea of slamming the door in her face and going to hide under my bed. But I quickly dismiss that idea and internally kick myself for thinking of doing the number one biggest Horror Movie Cliché. You know that one where the girl runs up the stairs instead of out the front door. God I'm a fucking idiot.

I shake my head a little to clear my thoughts and turn my attention back to the Serial Mom, who is currently standing on my front porch, probably toting her favorite set of Ginsu's and a roll of Duct Tape in her $1,100 Louis Vuitton bag.

With all this internal monologue bouncing around my head, I vaguely notice her lips moving.

"I'm sorry." I laughed, biting down on my bottom lip. "I didn't catch all of that. Would you mind repeating that, please?"

"Sure," she laughed. "I'm Esme Cullen. Edward's mom."

**Esme! Any guesses on how this one is going to play out? Leave me some love!**

**OK, so one of my most loyal (and funniest) reviewers is also a Fanfic Writer! Go check out Rosgirl1114. She has a story up and from what I've read...it's really great! :)**

**I've also been asked what I'm currently reading...sooo...without further ado...****Anthing by TeamBella23, prettykittyartist, lovelovelove22, suzie55**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: MY INLAWS ARE OFFICIALLY GONE! Praise the Lord! I'm still dealing with the after effects though. My house still reeks of ass and spearmint gum! I may never get the smell out! Furniture may have to be burnt! **

**I'VE ALSO POSTED LINKS TO ALL THE SONGS IN THIS STORY ON MY PROFILE. SOMETIMES IT'S NICE TO LISTEN TO THEM WHILE YOU'RE READING!**

**OK, so I have some other stories out, if you'd be interested in reading them. It is actually one story with 3 sequels! 'It Happened One Weekend', 'It Happened One Weekend EPOV', "Life Outside The Bubble' and 'Lives In Chaos'. So if you're interested and need something to do while waiting for this story to update...check those out and leave me some love! ;)**

**mustlovertp...you're the bees knees! You know it!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Oh. My. God. Why the fuck is Edward's mother standing on my front porch right now?

My eyes must have been bugging out of my head, because she laughed at me…again.

"It's okay, Bella," she giggled. "I'm not stalking you or anything. Edward actually called and asked me to swing by and see if you maybe came here to hide out."

"Oh," I mumbled, kind of ticked off. Why does he get to pull disappearing acts for months at a time, but I can't be gone for one fucking night?

"Can we talk, Bella?" she asked, cocking her eye brow the same way her son does.

"Sure come on in. My dad shouldn't be home for another two hours." I stepped aside to let her through.

"Actually, I thought we might take a walk. It's such a nice day and there's a park down the street," she smiled.

"OK, let me grab my coat."

I ran up the stairs, stopping in the bathroom to throw my hair up in a pony tail and rinse my mouth out with Listerine, since I didn't have a toothbrush with me. I jogged down to my room, grabbed my coat, stuffed my feet in my Chucks and went back down stairs.

A few minutes later, Esme and I were walking silently down the street together. The awkward part was that it wasn't an uncomfortable silence. If anything, it felt like I was just taking a leisurely stroll with my mom. Weird.

"So," Esme sighed, pulling me from my thoughts. "You're the one that's stolen my son's heart."

Wow, how does someone even answer that question? If I say yes, it makes me seems cocky and egotistical. But if I say no, then I'd make her doubt my feelings for him. I guess I'm going to have to wing it and deflect.

"I don't know about all that. But I can tell you that he's the one whose stolen mine."

Esme stopped walking and smiled a huge smile that was almost identical to her son's.

"That's a great answer, Bella. I can understand now why he's so taken with you. You're so witty and smart," she laughed, looping her arm with mine and continuing on towards the park. "You know I asked Jessica that same question once. All she could say is, 'Yes' and fluff her hair. All arrogance that one. Needless to say, I wasn't broken up when things between them fell apart."

So she was setting me up! This woman is good. I'm going to have to watch my ass around her.

"Edward isn't an easy person to love, Bella," she continued, rubbing my arm as we walked. Such a motherly gesture. "Some might even accuse him of being selfish. But then depression related illnesses are selfish diseases. The afflicted tend to not see what their illness does to the people around them. They can only really see what it does to themselves."

I nodded in agreement with her words.

"But that doesn't apply to Edward," she finished, pulling me to a stop. "Edward _does_ see what it does to the people he loves most and it's the guilt that drives him to make the decisions that he does. He doesn't want you to see him at his worst, so he leaves. He doesn't want to force you to live with his illness, so he says he won't marry you. And he doesn't want to burden you with the possibility of having a child with the same sickness, so that's why he says he won't have a child with you."

I can't help the tears that come. It's like her words opened up a flood gate and I couldn't stop them if I wanted too.

"It's not that I want to get married and have a baby that hurts so much. It's that we should be making these decisions together. How much can I really mean to him, if he's already decided on his own, that he doesn't want any of those things with me?"

"Oh Bella," Esme sighed, pulling me in for a tight hug and handing me a Kleenex. "He does want those things with you. Don't you see? He's just fighting them, because he thinks he's doing what's best for you."

As my sobs turned to sniffles, I was able to think more clearly and like or not, she did have a point. Edward isn't a selfish man. He spends most of his time trying to convince me that I could do better than him. So I guess it shouldn't surprise me that he'd think getting married and having children, with his medical history, wouldn't be in my best interest. Shit. If I'm being 100% honest, I've been the selfish one. Blaming him for taking my choices away, when all he was trying to do is protect me.

"God I'm such a shit!" I mumble, wiping my eyes clean with the Kleenex. "I never even thought to look at things from his point of view."

"You're not a shit, Bella." Esme laughed, rubbing my back. "You're just human. Sometimes it's hard to see where the other person is coming from. That's why we need people outside the situation to put things in perspective for us."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, well remind me to come straight to you next time and bypass Rose and Alice altogether."

"Rose and Alice," Esme chuckled, shaking her head as she sat down on a bench in the park. "They mean well and think they know how to handle Edward. But they honestly haven't got a clue!"

"I know," I sighed. "Jasper called Alice an 'enabler' the other day."

"Ha!" Esme barked, startling me a little. "If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is! Jasper thinks he helps Edward, when really all he does is pacify him. You'd think a social worker would know the difference."

I turned my face up into the rare Forks sun and sat down next to Esme on the bench.

"So how do I deal with Edward, Esme?" I breathed.

"Just love him." Esme smiled. "Through good times and bad, just love him. That's all anyone really needs."

Esme and I stayed at the park for an hour talking and laughing, while she shared insights into Edwards 'real' personality. I can honestly say that I now see why Edward loves her so much. She's such a wise and gentle soul. And she's totally accepting of everyone and everything around her. I was only with her a little while and already I love her to pieces.

"Feel free to call whenever you need me, Bella." Esme smiled, slipping a piece of paper into my hand as she hugged me. "And for what it's worth, I don't think my son could have a found a better person to share his life with. Don't give up on him. He's worth the fight."

"I know," I sniffled, hugging her tightly to me. "He's stuck with me now."

"Glad to hear it," she smiled, pulling back and cradling my face in her palm. "You're a wonderful person, Bella Swan."

I stood in the driveway and waved as Esme pulled away, thinking to myself that I just found the mother I never had. I hope Edward is okay with sharing.

After Esme left, I still had another hour until my dad got home and I found myself antsy. After checking out the food situation, I found that dad only had the staples on hand. Beef Jerky, frozen fish sticks, beer and a few cans of chili. I guess you could call my dad a heart attack waiting to happen.

So, I went up stairs, collected my purse and keys and headed to the local Thriftway to stock up on cardiac friendly food for the pantry. I'd even decided to make up a few casseroles that could quickly be thawed and reheated easily.

A hundred dollars and eight shopping bags full of groceries later, I was pulling up to my dad's house. The cruiser still wasn't here, but somebody else was.

Sitting on the top step of the porch, staring at me with sad eyes, was Edward.

"Hey." I smiled, jumping down from my Jeep and looking around. "How did you get here? Where's your car?"

"Alice dropped me off," he mumbled, flicking his cigarette into the street. "I figured I could catch a ride back to Seattle with you in the morning. But my mom said she'd pick me up if you didn't want me here."

"Why wouldn't I want you here?"

"Uh, I don't know? Because you left maybe?"

"So?" I shrugged, before turning back to the Jeep to grab some of the groceries. "You leave all the time, but that doesn't mean I don't want you around."

I felt him come up behind me, before I actually felt his arms come around my waist.

"Why didn't you talk to me about it?" he murmured in my ear, nuzzling my neck with his nose.

"Because I wasn't sure how I felt and it wouldn't have been fair to you."

"Fair to me?" he asked, spinning me around and pinning me against the Jeep. "Explain that to me."

I was helpless looking into those green eyes that were so full of worry and frustration. It almost kills me knowing that I put it there.

I reached up and cupped his cheek in my palm.

"I love you, Edward. And it kills me that I make _things_ harder for you. Especially when I'm so confused and not really sure what to think. Sometimes it's easier to just step back and process it on my own. You know, to decide if they're really worth upsetting you over."

"And did you manage to process everything?" he breathed, turning his head and kissing my palm.

"I did." I smiled. "And I know you're just trying to protect me. I get it. I just wish you'd talk to me about it. If we're going to do this…us. Then we need to learn to do things together. Come to decisions together. You know?"

Edward nodded his head and then leaned his forehead against mine, a lone tear streaking down his cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Princess. The rules, they've just made things so much easier for me. They give _me_ something to control and I'm so sorry. That night with you…that was the best night of my life. And it scared me, because I love you so fucking much. You're the last person I ever want to hurt, but at the same time it guts me that know that no matter what I do, I will end up hurting you anyway."

"Hey!" I said pulling my forehead back and cradling his wet face in my hands. "Stop that. I'm a big girl Edward and I know what I'm signing up for. You might hurt me, but it will _never_ be on purpose. I know you love me, Edward. I believe that and I need you to believe that, too."

"More than my own life," he whispered, leaning in and kissing me gently on the lips. "Forever."

I pulled back and smiled at him, while I gently brushed his tears away with the pads of my thumbs.

"I thought you were gone," he admitted, looking down at the ground. "When Alice and Rose came running in the club, I thought I had done it. That I had finally run you off for good."

"No." I laughed. "It takes more than anything you could dish out to get rid of me! I just needed some space to think. I'm okay now. We're okay, now."

"Thank fucking God!" he chuckled, picking me up and spinning me around, making me laugh like a little kid.

Of course, right at that moment, my dad would pull in the driveway and bring our celebration to a grinding halt. I bit back a laugh when I noticed Edward swallow thickly, as he set me back down on the ground.

"Hey Bells," my dad said, heaving himself out of his cruiser. His gut was hanging over the top of his uniform pants. I bit back a laugh when I noticed he was using suspenders now to hold his shit up.

"Didn't know you'd be in town today, kiddo. Did you forget how the phone works?"

"No dad!" I chuckled, leaning over and giving him a one armed hug. "It wasn't exactly a planned trip. I just kind of ended up here."

"I see," he mumbled. "And who's your handsy friend here?"

"DAD!"

Charlie threw his hands up in the air as if to surrender. "Hey, don't blame me! He was the one swinging you all over the place like a damn rag doll!"

"Charlie this is Edward," I said, giving my dad the Bitch Brow, daring him to be a smart ass. "My boyfriend."

Edward held out his hand to my dad and I bit back a chuckle when I noticed that it shook a little.

"Chief Swan, it's very nice to meet you."

"Hello Edward," dad nodded, squeezing his hand tighter then necessary. "I'd say it was nice to meet you too, but since I didn't even know that you existed and were dating my daughter until two minutes ago, I'll just say it's a _surprise_ to meet you."

"DAD!"

"What Bells?" he shrugged. "It's not like I asked him for his Social Security Number and three credible references."

From his tone of voice and the way he was staring daggers at Edward, it was obvious that that was exactly what he was asking for.

"DAD!" I screamed again, stomping my foot. "Stop acting like an over bearing idiot or so help me God, I'll climb back in my Jeep and never speak to you again."

"Pardon me for being concerned!" Charlie barked. "I'm your father; it's my job to make sure you aren't dating some psychopath! How do you know this guy isn't a complete loony?"

It broke my heart as I watched Edward flinch at my father's words. I know Charlie is just playing the part of over protective father, but his words still must've stung.

"I swear to God Charlie, if you don't go inside right this instant, I will take all this food I bought for you to the closest Food Bank!"

"I'm going, I'm going," Charlie muttered as he headed for the front door. He got to the top step and paused. "What are these bags here for? Are you planning to stay the night?"

"Not if you're going to be a miserable prick and make us sleep in separate rooms!"

"Yeah, we'll see," he grunted, disappearing through the front door.

"Asshat!" I grumbled, turning back to Edward.

**EPOV**

It killed me to know that Bella's father had essentially hit the nail on the head. I was a psychopath and a loony. I don't know how Bella thought she was going to hide that fact from him. He's a fucking cop, with a cop's instincts. Fuck!

"Don't listen to him," Bella scolded, reading me like an open book. "You're not any of those things he said. He's just being a pain in the ass. You're just Edward. Got it?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I think I'll just have my mom come and get me. My dad is working a 24 hour shift, so she said I could crash there tonight."

"No!" Bella huffed, pressing a bag of groceries into my chest. "You're going to cook with me tonight and if my dad gets out of line, we'll leave to head back to Seattle tonight. _Together_."

I couldn't help but smile at the way she stressed 'together'. She was going to make damn fucking certain that I understood we were in this thing together. So fucking cute.

"So what are we making?" I grinned, grabbing the bag in her hands.

Bella smiled a smile that lit up her entire face.

"Casseroles!" she announced, waggling her eyebrows. "Ya know, a combination of barely recognizable foods, that we can freeze and Charlie can reheat without setting the house on fire!"

"You make that sound like it's been problem in the past."

"Yeah, well there was the famous Thanksgiving incident of 2002. Suffice it say, that Charlie learned the hard way, that you can't fry a frozen turkey!" Bella laughed, shaking her head at the memory.

"He didn't!"

"Oh, he did!" she said looking up at sky and giggling. "Sometimes at night, I think I can still see that bird floating around in orbit!"

"Nice! Does NASA know your dad launched a bird into orbit?" I chuckled.

**BPOV**

Edward and I cooked and laughed our asses off, dancing to songs on the AM radio station. When Paul Simon's 'Slip Slidin Away' came on, I thought Edward was going to have a coronary.

He grabbed me and started dancing me all over the kitchen and singing it word for word in my ear.

Sure we were covered head to toe in flour and the kitchen was absolutely trashed, but it was still one of the best moments of my life. Seeing Edward so carefree and playful, it warmed my heart and made me wish it could be this way all the time. But realistically I knew it couldn't be. You take the good with the bad and tonight just serves as a reminder that the good times are the ones worth living for when you're with Edward.

"I love you." I smiled up at him, playing with his hair, while he continued serenading me with his beautiful voice. Honestly, Edward had an incredible singing voice.

Of course our little Paul Simon bubble burst when my dad walked in.

"Are you cooking or feeling up my daughter, Edward?" Charlie grunted, as he passed us and made his way over to the fridge for another beer.

I groaned and buried my head in Edward's chest. It made me smile when I felt Edward's silent chuckle. Looks like he's learning to take Charlie with a grain of salt.

"I'm serious, Dad." I mumbled. "Don't fuck with the people cooking your food!"

"Yeah, well, don't fuck with the Chief of Police when you're standing in his kitchen, grabbing his only daughter's ass!" Charlie grumbled, heading back to the living room.

I looked up at Edward with wide, huge eyes.

"Oh yeah, Bella. He loves me!" he laughed. "Can I call my mommy now?"

**Happy Edward is a good Edward, I think. He's so stinkin' cute! And what do we think of Charlie? Sounds to me like he's been hitting the doughnuts pretty hard! Leave me some love! I have extra time now and you just might be able to get another chapter out of me today! :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: You all can thank Lady Smith Black Mumbazo for this chapter! Poor girl threw a disc in her back and is laid up right now! Say some prayers for her before you go to bed tonight! She could definitely use them! **

***TISSUE ALERT* OK, so this chapter is what it is. Please don't go on a Witch Hunt and demand my head! It had to happen! Just bear with me and don't lose hope! There is a method to my madness! :)**

**AS ANNOUNCED IN THE LAST A/N...I HAVE POSTED TO LINKS TO ALL SONGS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY ON MY PROFILE! :)**

**mustlovertp...still the best! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Edward and I ended up staying at my dad's that night. Of course, there was some grief when it came to sleeping arrangements. Charlie felt like his 25 year old couch was an acceptable bed for Edward and I disagreed. In the end, Edward slept with me in my bed. Wearing every stitch of clothing he had brought with him, including his shoes.

I was grateful that Charlie had left to go fishing before Edward woke up the next morning. I could tell almost immediately that today wasn't going to be a good day. Edward was distant, restless and agitated. He couldn't get back to Seattle fast enough.

I obliged him of course and we hit the road after we showered, opting to grab breakfast on the road. He was quiet for most of the ride. If it wasn't for the near constant stream of cigarette smoke emanating from the passenger seat, I would have forgotten that he was even in the car. It wasn't until we hit the Seattle city limits that he spoke.

"You can go ahead and drop me at the club. I lost an entire day yesterday and James is leaving tomorrow. I don't want construction to get behind."

"Edward it's Sunday. Your Contractor won't even be there today."

Edward laughed darkly and lit another cigarette. "Oh that's right. We're doing the couple thing now. Making decisions together. I forgot about that."

"Edward, stop it." I warned. He was picking a fight and I was trying really hard not to buy into it.

"So what do you think, Bella? Can I go to the club? Or should I sit around and watch you work all day?"

"You can do what you want!" I growled. "I was just pointing out that you wouldn't get much done today without the Contractor there."

He was quiet until I pulled up to the stoplight five blocks down from the club.

"You know what? Fuck it! I'm a grown man! I don't need your permission to do shit!"

With that, Edward got out of the car and started walking toward the club, leaving me sitting at the light completely mystified.

I was so angry I considered going after him. But then I remembered Esme's words and put myself in his shoes. He has to know he's not right today, so by putting distance between us, he's doing me a favor.

When the light turns green…I go home.

As the weeks rolled on, Edward's moods become more unpredictable. Everyday was a crap shoot. We haven't even made love again since the first time. Although he did have one really good day, so we spent the day in bed and made out like a couple of teenagers. I think things would have gone further, but I had gotten sick the week before and was put on antibiotics. Edward didn't want to risk them making my birth control ineffective and God forbid he should wear a condom. But he said that, after getting his dick wet in me once, there was just no going back for him. Asshole.

I was at Edward's apartment cleaning one afternoon, while he was down at the club finalizing everything for the big grand reopening that was scheduled for tomorrow night. He'd been a wreck all week. Instead of his moods changing daily, he was all over the place and lucky to hold himself together for more than an hour at a time. I chalked it up to the stress of the club…but I was wrong.

While cleaning, I found a full prescription bottle under the night stand. It was his Depakote. I was only going to place it back on the night stand, but then I noticed the refill date. It had been refilled the day before I went to my dad's almost two months ago. I opened the bottle and dumped the contents into my hand and counted. There were 29 pills in the bottle. Which meant the last time he'd taken them, was the last good day he had. When we danced to Paul Simon in my dad's kitchen.

I sunk to the floor with my back against the bed, my knees drawn up and my hands fisted in my hair. Why would he fucking stop taking his medication when he was doing so well? My own inner voice answered the question for me.

"Because he was doing so well, he convinced himself he didn't need them anymore. And he did warn you that he wouldn't take them forever."

I threw the bottle across the room and watched the pills scatter when it hit the wall. I couldn't fight the tears that came. I know I told him that I would love him, medicated or not. But this kind of felt like a betrayal and I wasn't prepared for that. It's like he gave me a glimpse of himself and what life could be like with some control over his illness and then he just took it away without asking.

I don't know how long I sat there, crying my eyes out, before I heard his keys jingle in the lock.

"Bella?" he called out.

Shit! I scrambled on my hands and knees across the floor, frantically scooping up the pills that were everywhere and putting them back in the bottle. I had just managed to get them all back in the bottle and back on his night stand before he found me.

"There you are! Why didn't you answer me?"

With my back to him, wiping the tears from my face, I held up the ear buds that were still around my neck, in explanation.

He stepped around me and looked at my face, frowning.

"You've been crying? What's wrong?"

"Huh?" I wiped my face again with my sleeve. "Oh, um…it's my mom's birthday. If she was still alive, she would have been 43 today."

Lies. My mother's birthday wasn't until July.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "Why didn't you say something this morning? I would have stayed with you."

"They needed you at the club. It's fine." I smiled, hugging him and pulling him back towards the living room. "So how did things go? Is James happy with everything?"

"Yeah, he's happy," he said, eyeballing me skeptically. "Everything is set up and ready to go. We hired the last of the servers today, so all the positions are filled."

"Oh great!" I said, trying to sound enthusiastic.

James and Edward had decided to bring in one of their other club managers, from their bar in Atlanta, up to Eclipse. They figured she'd do well at getting the staff trained and the bar running smoothly. Plus, they knew they could trust her. I had yet to meet to her. All I knew is that her name was Kate and Edward said she was a blonde. Yeah, I can't wait to meet her! (Insert internal eye roll here.)

"So what all did you do today?" he asked. "Did you get some work done?"

"No." I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder. "I couldn't concentrate, so I decided to clean up some. We've been bouncing back and forth between apartments so much, it just seemed like crap was thrown all over the place."

He nodded and got up, heading for the bedroom.

"I think I'm going to go shower. Do you want to go ahead and order something in for…"

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes squeezed shut when his words died off. Fuck!

A minute later he came back in the living room area, shirtless and holding a prescription bottle.

"Where did you get these?" he demanded.

"I found them under your night stand while I was cleaning," I shrugged, acting like it wasn't a big deal.

"So now you're going through my shit?" he snapped. "You can't trust me, so now you're ransacking my house when I'm gone!"

"Ransacking? What the hell are you talking about? I was fucking cleaning and your socks were scattered all over! I thought you'd dropped the bottle or knocked it off the stand by accident!"

He just stared at me with cold, dark, angry eyes. Then his lips twisted up into a sneer.

"So now you know. Yeah, I quit fucking taking them. I bet that's what you were fucking crying about, too."

He stormed past me, heading for the kitchen. He popped open the bottle, turned on the water, tossed the pills in the sink and flipped on the garbage disposal.

"I'm getting in the shower!" he growled. "Feel free to show yourself out."

**EPOV**

I get in the shower and let the water pound against my head, drowning out the sound of Bella's cries as she moves throughout the apartment, collecting all of her shit.

I knew something was off the minute I hit the door. Then finding her in the bedroom in tears. Her mom's birthday? Does she think I'm a fucking idiot? We've talked about her mom before. I know damn well her birthday wasn't in April.

But it wasn't until I spotted the bottle sitting on my night stand, that shit made sense. I had deliberately kicked that shit under the table when we got back from Forks. I didn't need it anymore, so there just wasn't a point to it. I knew she'd fight me on it. Throw a fit, beg me to keep taking it. She was just like everyone else. Funny though, she didn't put two and two together until _after_ she found the bottle. Like I said…I didn't need it.

Once I heard the front door slam, I flipped the water off and got out. I bypassed the mirror altogether and plopped down on my bed, in nothing but a towel and barely dried off.

"Fuck her," I mumbled, grabbing my smokes out of my jeans and lighting up. "Bitch thinks she can just go through all my shit."

"So now you're talking to yourself? It's worse than I thought."

I nearly came out of my fucking skin when I heard his voice. I even dropped my smoke in my lap, the cherry burning through the towel to my leg.

"Motherfucker!" I yelled, slapping at the towel. "Don't you fucking knock, Jasper!"

He laughed humorlessly. "Why would I do that, when I just passed your woman running through the lobby, loaded down with shit and hysterical."

"Stay the fuck out of it, Jazz," I warn, heading to the closet and pulling on a pair of jeans.

"What did she do this time, Edward? Get the hospital corners wrong on your sheets? Forget to ball your socks?"

"Man! Fuck you! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!"

"Don't I?" he yelled. "I've stood idly by while you've spiraled down hill and raked Bella over the coals time and time again for stupid shit! You're off your meds aren't you?"

Now it was my turn to laugh.

"Did Bella tell you that on her jog through the lobby?"

"She didn't have to, Edward. I've known you long enough to know the signs."

"Fuck you."

"Are your bags packed yet? Or are you going to wait until the last minute and then pack?" he asked. "Does she know you have one foot out the door already?"

"Sounds like your volunteering for the job, Jasper. Did you come here to pack my shit for me?"

"I'll gladly do it, if it means that I don't have to watch you use Bella as a punching bag anymore. Fucking Prick!" Jasper spat, before turning and leaving.

I stayed in my bed, drinking Jack and chain smoking the day away, until darkness fell outside my window. It was after 11 p.m. when I heard a knock at my door.

As I approached the door, I found myself actually hoping that it was Bella. I had calmed down enough, that I felt like I could talk to her now.

I opened the door and was shocked at what I found on the other side.

"Kate?"

"Hey Edward," she smiled, pushing past me into the apartment and looking around. "Nice place! Where's your girlfriend? Bella is it?"

"She's not here right now," I mumbled, completely confused. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, James wanted me to drop off the list of guys we got to do security for tomorrow night. You're friend Emmett signed on."

"Cool," I muttered, reaching out and grabbing the papers from her hand.

"You look like hell? Rough day?" she grinned.

Kate is a man eater. If she smells money, she is all over it. I don't particularly care for her all that much, but she's damn good at her job. Her flirtatious attitude works well with drunks and her hard as nails attitude works well with employees. As long as she benefits my business and makes me money, I couldn't care less who she sleeps with.

"None of your fucking business. It's late. I'll see you tomorrow." I tell her, opening the front door.

"See you around, Edward," she winked, running her finger across my bare chest on her way past. "Call me if things don't work out with Bella."

"Goodnight Kate," I mumble, slamming the door shut.

Fuck my life.

**BPOV**

"Alice I don't even know if he wants me there. He hasn't made any attempt to contact me!"

We've been going over and over this since she got here, armed with all her make-up and hair care shit.

"There's no way you're not going to be there, Bella. You've supported him through all this crap with the club. Tonight is as much yours, as it is his. Now get the hell up and get showered!"

I finally give in and get showered and let her play Bella Barbie with me. When she's finished, my hair is straight as a pin and brushing the top of my butt. I'm wearing skin tight black skinny jeans, knee high black heeled boots and silver sequined halter top. I have to admit…I look hot.

Alice tosses me my cropped leather jacket, that Edward absolutely loves on me, and pushes me towards the door.

An hour later and we're walking up to the door of Eclipse and there are people absolutely everywhere.

"Hola Chica's!" Emmett yells over the noise of the crowd. "Shit is crazy tonight, right?"

"Yeah, this is nuts!" I yell back, as he pulls the red velvet rope back to let us in.

"It's almost packed to capacity. Have fun and don't get crushed!" he laughs.

"Is Rose here already?"

"Yeah, she's up in the VIP area that Edward saved for everyone."

Alice and I make our way inside and gasp. Emmett wasn't kidding, this place is ready to burst at the seams!

"Jesus!" I mutter to Alice. "It's never been this packed before!"

We start shoving our way through the crowd and up to the bar. We were immediately approached by a blonde haired guy with a nice body and a tight black t-shirt on.

"Hello Ladies! The name is Eric, welcome to Eclipse. What can I get you to drink this evening?" he winked, looking us up and down.

"Um…" I mumble.

But my thoughts are interrupted by a velvet voice.

"Eric, go help someone else. I got this."

I look up and am met with tired looking green eyes. He's wearing a tight black t-shirt and his fedora. It's clear he isn't having a good day.

"Hey," I breath, not sure how to handle this.

"I'm going to go find Rose," Alice whispers in my ear and then disappears.

"You look beautiful," Edward says, with a small smile on his face. "I didn't think I'd see you here tonight."

"Alice.." is all I had to say for him to understand and nod his head in acceptance.

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, looking up at me through his lashes.

"I know." I smile back.

"Rose is up the stairs and to the left. Go head on up and I'll bring drinks up to you in a few minutes."

I nod and rest my hand on top of his for a minute stroking his knuckles, before turning and heading up the stairs.

"Everything okay?" Alice asks gently.

"We'll see," I shrug.

I turned and looked over the banister, down to the bar below. Edward was working on our drink order, ignoring every woman up there trying desperately to get his attention. I smiled, until I saw a hand with bright red painted nails snake around his shoulder.

Edward looked up and smiled at the blonde as she whispered something in his ear and then kissed him on the cheek. Edward leaned into her and whispered something back to her, causing her to throw her head back in laughter, while she raked her nails up and down his back.

I immediately turned my back to them, fighting to hold my emotions in check.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Rose asks, coming over to stand beside me.

"I have to get out of here," I tell her, my voice trembling and my breath coming in hysterical spurts.

Rose looks down at the bar and her brows instantly furrow.

"Who the fuck is that?" she yells, smacking Alice to get her attention and pointing down at the bar.

I watch as Alice's eyes go as big as saucers, which causes me to turn around. Big fucking mistake!

I turn just in time to see the blonde's tongue reach out and lick Edward's ear lobe while she whispers to him. My stomach instantly rolls.

I couldn't watch anymore, I took off running down the stairs and pushed myself through the crowd. I heard Edward yell my name and turned. He was up on his knee's on top of the bar watching me.

I turned, flip him off and mouth 'fuck you', before running for the door. I can hear the sound of breaking glass and people yelling 'watch it' behind me, but I don't stop.

I hit the door and run right past Emmett who's now yelling my name. Then he stops and yells out for Edward. I can hear foot falls pounding the pavement behind me. I know it's him and it just makes me run faster.

"Bella! Stop!" he yells. But I don't. I keep running until I find a cab. I jump in and toss a wad of cash at the driver.

He starts to pull away from the curb just as Edward runs up to the window. I tell him to stop for a second. I don't look up at Edward…I can't. Instead I just hold my hand up to the window and feel the brief tingle through the glass as he does the same. My tears start to fall as I tell the driver to drive.

***Hides*...do I need to go into the Witness Protection program? Leave me some love! I am hard at work over here on Chapter 29! ;)**

**One more thing... I am trying to get the readership up on my stories. If any of you know the best way to do that or links to blogs that do rec's, I would really love to hear from you! Feel free to PM me! Thank you!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: OK, xNicoleRose215x talked me into putting this chapter up tonight. She has Bronchitis and needs more storyline to keep going. You guys are eating my Chapters up! I am working on Chapter 29 right now and then have two more to write after that and an Epi! Although, my Beta has put the word "Sequel" in my head.**

**ONCE AGAIN. THE SONG LINK FOR THIS CHAPTER WILL BE PUT UP ON MY PROFILE!**

**mustlovertp...you're still rockin it! I've been sending her partials of Chapter 29 all night. I owe her more tissue I think...**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

I got back to my apartment that night and climbed straight into bed, crying until I thought there wasn't a drop of moisture left in my body.

The next morning I crawled out of bed, got into the shower and then went straight back to bed. I had locked my bedroom the night before, so it didn't surprise me when I woke up later that night to Rose trying to bang the door down.

"Open this goddamn door Bella, or so help me God, I'll let Emmett break it down!"

I rolled over and went back to sleep. And the door never got broken down.

Monday morning I called my boss, Trish. I told her I was going to go ahead and use one of the four weeks of unused vacation time I had acquired over the last two years. She was surprised of course, but didn't fight me on it. I hung up and went back to sleep.

Wednesday rolled around and I could hear some activity out in the apartment. Apparently, Alice and Rose forgot these were hollow core doors and that I could hear every fucking word they said.

"Should we tell her he's gone?" Alice whispered.

"He hasn't called her or attempted to come over here, she has to already know," Rose whispered back.

Of course he's gone. I knew he would be. I could feel it when I saw him at the club. All the tell tale signs were there. He was quiet, hiding underneath his fedora and withdrawn.

"We have to do something to get her out of that room. She hasn't eaten a thing since Saturday. I rigged her damn kitchen, so if she'd moved something I'd know it. Every damn thing is exactly as I left it. I'm scared Rose."

A few minutes later I heard the front close and the lock engage. I exhaled loudly and stumbled into the bathroom to refill my water glass. I looked up in the mirror and saw a shell of a person staring back at me. I quickly refilled my water glass, brushed my teeth, showered and then went to back to bed. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I woke up Friday afternoon and it sounds like someone was scratching at my door. I burrowed myself deeper under the blankets and a minute later the door popped open.

"I told you on Monday I could pick that lock, Rosie."

Fucking Emmett.

I half expected Rose to drag me kicking and screaming from the bed, but she didn't. Instead it was very quiet and I almost thought they'd left, until I felt the dip next to me.

I poked my head out from under the covers and my eyes immediately blurred with tears. Without thinking, I sat up and launched myself into her arms.

"Shhh, sweet girl. It's okay now." Esme cooed as she held me and rocked me gently back and forth. "I know it hurts."

After a few minutes, I was able to get control over myself enough to ask how it was that she was here.

"Rosalie called me. I drove down this morning."

I looked up in the doorway and saw Rose standing there leaning against the door frame with tears running down her face. She blew me a kiss and then gently closed the door to give us some privacy.

"He's gone," I mumbled, looking back at Esme and laying down again.

"I know," she smiled sadly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and laying down on her side next to me.

"Did they tell you what happened?" I sniffled, wiping another stray tear from my cheek.

"Yes. And they tell me that the woman's name was Kate. She worked at the club."

"Worked?"

"Yes." Esme smiled. "Edward fired her that night before he left. Apparently he caused quite a scene while doing it. According to Emmett he had to physically restrain Edward."

"I should have known he'd never…" I trailed off, the sobs over taking me once again.

"No Bella," Esme scolded, lifting my chin to look in her eyes. "Edward is my son and I love him dearly, but he was being very unpredictable these last couple of weeks. All of your friends told me that. He's the one that put doubt in your head with his words and actions. This is entirely his fault and you let the blame rest where it rightfully lies."

We spent the next couple of hours in my bed talking. By the time she left that evening I was showered, dressed and had eaten half a pizza.

"I love that woman!" Rose smiled from the doorway. I hadn't heard her come in. "She's here for a few hours and she got your ass out of bed and eating again."

"Esme is wonderful. Like the mom I never had." I smiled. "Thank you for calling her."

Rose smiled warmly at me and then came to sit next to me on the couch.

"How are you?"

"Life goes on." I smiled. "I just have to believe that he'll come back to me again."

That Monday I went back to work and threw myself into it, just like last time. Trish raised a brow at me once, inviting me to talk about it. But I never did. I just pretended like I hadn't seen anything and got back to work.

Before I had even had time to process it, more than month had passed since Edward left and it was Memorial Day weekend.

Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Alice and I were headed to Port Angeles. Esme was having a cookout this weekend and invited us all down, assuring us all that there was more than enough room for us to stay with them at the house. Of course I was nervous as hell. Edward's dad would be there and I had yet to formally meet him.

When we pulled up in front of their house, I could instantly see why Esme wasn't concerned about sleeping accommodations. This place was fucking huge!

"Oh my god!" Rose murmured from the passenger's seat. "Are you kidding me with this shit?"

Rose and Emmett had elected to ride with me, while Alice and Jasper drove separately. When we all piled out of the cars, Jasper laughed at all of our expressions.

"Impressive, eh?"

Before I could answer, the front door was flung open and Esme came running out.

"My kids!" she screeched, racing towards me with her arms wide open. "I'm so glad you came!"

I laughed at her enthusiasm as I hugged her back. "I wouldn't miss it, Ma. You know that."

She stepped back and patted my cheek, before moving on to hug the rest of the crew. I looked back up at the house and noticed a tall, good looking, blonde haired man standing in the doorway. It didn't take much to figure out who he was. Edward may have had the color of Esme's eyes and her smile, but the rest of him was all Carlisle.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen." I said formally, holding out my hand to him. "I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you Miss Swan." I flinched when he spoke; his voice was almost identical to Edward's. "I've been looking forward to meeting you. My wife has said such wonderful things about you. And please, call me Carlisle."

I'm sure I was looking at him strangely, trying to find a glimpse of the evil man who had over medicated his son and ruined his childhood. But there was nothing. Just a stoic man who seemed genuinely nice.

After introductions were made, we were shown to our rooms. The two couples took the guest rooms on the second floor and I was told I would be sleeping on the third floor. Jasper got a worried expression on his face when Esme announced this, but she just gave Jasper a pointed look and asked him to trust her. He nodded and dropped it.

I was shown to my room and the minute Esme opened the door, I could see why Jasper was worried. This was obviously Edward's childhood room. Posters still hung on the wall. I bit back my laugh when I spotted the Britney Spears poster over his bed. Suddenly I didn't feel so stupid for having a Backstreet Boys calendar!

"I thought maybe by staying up here, you'd be able to find some more pieces of the Edward puzzle that you're looking for." Esme smiled. "Feel closer to him maybe."

I set down my bags and then crossed the room to give her a big hug. "Thank you, Esme. I miss him so much and this does help a lot."

"You're welcome, dear." she chuckled. "Coming up here helps me sometimes too. Feel free to look around and get cleaned up. Dinner isn't until seven."

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then quietly left the room.

I looked around a little bit at the numerous games, CD's and DVD's that lined the shelves. His taste in music hadn't changed much. He still favored the punk rock bands from the 70's and 80's. The Clash, The Ramone's, The Sex Pistols, The Cure, The Runaway's, The Stooges, Violent Femmes…just seeing the titles made my heart ache.

"It surprised me when he didn't take his music with him when he left. It seemed like such a huge part of who he was then."

His voice startled me. "Oh jeez!" I yelped, grabbing for my heart.

"Sorry!" Carlisle chuckled. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine!" I laughed; feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. "You just sound so much like him…"

Carlisle nodded at me and then stepped further into the room. Looking around.

"He was taking medication for awhile, wasn't he?" he finally asked, while looking casually out the window.

I honestly didn't want to answer his question. Wasn't that like a betrayal to Edward? This is the same man that force fed him all kinds of medications.

"He took a small dose of Depakote," I said quietly. "It didn't help with all the symptoms, but it kept the anxiety at a manageable level. Eventually he found himself having more good days then bad."

"Any side effects?"

"None."

Carlisle nodded and then turned from the window to face me. "I assume he told you about his childhood?"

"No. Edward never said anything. But Jasper did tell me some."

Carlisle nodded his head knowingly and turned back to look out the window.

"I was wrong, you know. I thought as a doctor, it was my job to heal the sick. I thought the best way to help Edward, was to rid him of all his symptoms. Anything less than that and I thought I wasn't helping him at all. He thought I was embarrassed to have a son who was mentally ill. But it was never that. I was never embarrassed. Hell, I consulted with damn near every one of my colleagues at my hospital and several at other institutions. It became an obsession to find the perfect combination of drugs. Over the years I've re-evaluated my position on being a doctor and now I know that it's my job to treat a patient…within reason. I had to learn that lesson through my son and the cost was high."

"Why aren't you telling him this?" I didn't understand why he's confessing to me. It wasn't me he'd wronged.

"I've tried," he sighed. "He won't listen to me anymore. He's so bitter…not that I blame him. I was a man obsessed. I had a wife who was sick and a son who was showing symptoms. I gave Esme Prozac and she got better. I thought a pill or a combination of pills, as it were, would help Edward as well. I was so wrong."

I honestly didn't know what to say. I was looking at a man who had wronged his son and now wasn't given the opportunity to make amends.

"And the truly sad part is, that I've almost driven him completely out of his mother's life," he went on." It's gotten to the point where I am actually inventing business trips and shifts at the hospital, just so he'll come and visit her."

This was all well and good, but he'd still neglected to admit the one thing he should.

"Do you love him?" I asked softly.

Carlisle turned from the window and with absolute conviction told me exactly how he felt about his son.

"With all my heart and soul. In spite of me, he's grown into a successful man, who's found himself an enchanting young woman to share his life with. What's not to love?"

"But you want him medicated?"

"I want him to have it easy, Bella," he sighed. "I don't want him to struggle. I don't want you to struggle. Do I want to see him function normally? Yes, honestly I do. But I know that's not realistic anymore. Can you honestly stand here and tell me it wasn't easier when he took the Depakote?"

"No," I replied, sinking down onto the bed. "When he was taking the medication, it was a lot easier. His moods still shifted, but he smiled more. After he quit taking them, he hardly ever smiled anymore. Everything stressed him out and he had a near permanent frown on his face. It hurt so much to see him like that."

"But?" he smiled, knowing I wasn't finished yet.

"But, I wouldn't ask him to go back on the drugs if it wasn't something he wanted. At the end of the day, he's still Edward and he's still the man I love. Even if I only get glimpses of the real Edward…it's enough to make life with him livable."

"You love him unconditionally." Carlisle smiled. "My son is a lucky man."

Carlisle left room shortly after our talk. I felt more at ease with everything now and understood a lot more. He thought he was helping his son. I get it. Good intentions...gone badly. Hopefully one day, Edward will give Carlisle a chance and really listen to all he has to say. But I can't make him do that. I hope Carlisle understands that.

That night dinner was a boisterous affair with Emmett present. He'd taken to calling Edward's parents Mr. and Mrs. C and blew a mouthful of mashed potatoes across the room when he found out there were four wheelers on the property.

After dinner Esme went over the itinerary for the rest of the weekend with us. Tomorrow would be the cookout with family, friends and co-workers. She also informed me that she'd invited my dad and Rose's parents.

I decided to head up to bed to early. I went up to his old room, slipped on his Ramone's shirt, climbed into his old bed and felt completely surrounded by him. I drifted off to sleep quickly, excited to see if he'd come to me in my dreams.

At 2:30 a.m. I woke up to the sound of my phone going off. I reached over and grabbed it sleepily off the night table and checked the caller id. I shot up out of the bed when I saw that it was a private number. I swallowed thickly as I answered the phone.

"Edward?"

Nothing. No voice, no music…just the faint sound of smoke being exhaled.

"Baby? Is that you?" I tried again.

He still didn't say anything, but I could hear some shuffling in the back ground and then some music start playing. The minute I heard the opening riffs, I knew exactly which song it was. It was Kiss 'Every Time I Look at You' and I couldn't hold back my tears.

_Tryin' to say I'm sorry,  
didn't mean to break your heart  
And find you waitin' up by the light of day  
There's a lot I want to tell you,  
but I don't know where to start  
And I don't know what I'd do if you walked away_

Ooh, baby I tried to make it,  
I just got lost along the way

But every time I look at you,  
no matter what I'm goin' thru, it's easy to see  
And every time I hold you,  
the things I never told you, seem to come easily  
'Cause you're everything to me

I never really wanted to let you get inside my heart  
I wanted to believe this would soon be ending  
I thought it wouldn't matter, if it all just came apart  
But now I realize I was just pretending

Ooh, baby, I know I hurt you,  
but you can still believe in me

_It's gonna take a little time to show you,  
just what you mean to me, oh yeah  
It seems the more I get to know you,  
the more I need to make you see  
You're everything I need, yeah_

Oho, I need ya, I need ya, I need ya...  
Ooh, baby, baby, baby, I know I hurt you,  
but you can still believe in me

_Cause every time I look at you,  
no matter what I'm goin' thru, it's easy to see  
And every time I hold you,  
the things I never told you, seem to come easily  
'Cause you're everything to me_

You're everything to me, you're everything to me

"I know. Edward, I know. And I still love you so much!" I cried. "I miss you and I'll still be here waiting for you."

I could hear a faint sniffle and then the tell tale snap of his Zippo lighting a cigarette. I decide not to tell him where I am right now. Clearly he isn't back in Seattle, so what did it matter?

"I'm wearing your Ramone's shirt right now." I laugh, wiping the tears from eyes. "It makes me feel closer to you."

I can hear a faint a chuckle and then a muffled, almost too quiet to hear, 'bitch' shortly after. I smile; clearly he's still upset that I high jacked his favorite shirt.

"I haven't gone back to your apartment," I tell him, still wiping at stray tears. "I've decided that I won't go back there until you're there to greet me. I'm guessing there has to be inches of dust on everything and mail piled up to the ceiling, but your Mr. Clean ass is going to have to learn to deal with it and then clean the shit up yourself, because I told your cleaning service to piss off. "

Another faint chuckle…

"I heard the real story about Kate too," I said, turning more serious. "I know that she knew I was there and watching the whole time and that she was trying to come between us. I also know that you fired her and bounced her out of Seattle on her ass. I'm so sorry I assumed. I just didn't know where we stood and then to see that…"

I'm interrupted by the sound of shattering glass…

"I should have believed in you and I'm sorry that I let you down. But it won't ever happen again. I love you, Edward. Forever."

There's a long pause filled with deep breaths and then a quiet "I love you too" before the line goes dead.

I listen to the dial tone for a few minutes and then hug my phone to my chest, roll over on my side and cry myself to sleep.

**So what do we think of Carlisle? And what about Edward calling? Ack...he's killing me! Let me know what's on your mind! I love to read your reviews! :)**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: OK, so I had a miserable day today! I sat at our Court House from 8:30 a.m -5 p.m. and still didn't get to testify, so I have to go back in a month! Then I get home and find my first bad review of this story. Just when I was ready to "Screw It", my daughter came home and told me she was accepted into the National Honor's Society and will be taking Honors English and Geometry next year! So...my mood has turned around and you get another chapter. Who's ready to laugh and party?**

**THE LINK TO THE SONG FROM THIS CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED ON MY PROFILE! **

**mustlovertp...we know Bella isn't a bitch! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

What kind of coward holds the phone away from his mouth and mumbles a half assed 'I love you' to his woman?

As usual Bella's got it all wrong. She thinks she's to blame for everything that went down at the club opening night. What a fucking joke. If I had stayed on my fucking meds and fucking made her feel loved for the two months leading up to that night, that shit never would have happened.

I flick my cigarette out the open window of my apartment and consider saying 'fuck it' and hop the next flight to Seattle. But I can't. I'm not ready yet.

The weeks go by and I pass the time behind the bar of the Chicago club…again. Alec was shocked to see me back so soon, but didn't ask any questions. Good man. After what happened with Kate, I didn't have any patience for employee bullshit.

One night, about a month after I had called Bella, I came home to find a pretty decent sized box outside my apartment door. I picked it up and took it inside. It had James' LA return address on it.

I tore it open and found another taped up box inside, with a note attached to it.

_E-_

_Your woman is persistent and hounded me until I agreed to send this shit to you. I feel like I'm 7th grade again and I am stuck passing love notes back and forth. Man the fuck up and go home!_

_J-_

OK, so whatever is in this box is from Bella. I grab my smokes, light one up and stare at the box like it's a ticking time bomb.

"Fuck!" I mutter, going over and pouring myself a glass of Jack and downing it.

I toss my smoke in the sink and take the box over to the couch and use my key to tear through the ten layers of tape Bella has literally wrapped this shit in. It takes me a good fifteen minutes of cutting and pulling, but I finally open it. On top is what looks to be a Hallmark card. I open the card and on it is some smart assed old lady yapping about hemorrhoids and being another year older.

"Shit!" I mumble, pulling out my cell phone and looking at the date. Its June 20th my 23rd birthday.

I turn my attention back to the card and read the note Bella wrote on the inside.

_Baby,_

_Happy Birthday, where ever you are. I've given James enough grief that I trust he will mail this and it will get to you on time. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you. But since I can't be, I've put together a little care package for you. Some of it's to remind you. Some of it's to taunt you. And some of it's to make you smile. _

_I love you my beautiful man! Find your way home to me soon. _

_XOXO_

_Bella_

I wiped the tears from my eyes and stuck my hand in the box. I pulled out a slender rectangular shaped box wrapped in Power Rangers paper. Nice.

I tear the paper off and find a carton of Marlboro Reds. I can't help but chuckle. How well my lady knows me!

I set the smokes aside and pull out another box wrapped in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles paper. I tore the paper off, opened the box and instantly smiled. It was Bella's ridiculous ass tank top that has the sheep on it. I carefully took the shirt out of the box and held it to my nose. She'd slept in it before she sent it. My eyes blurred from the tears her sweet scent produced. God how I missed her smell.

I folded the shirt back up and placed it gently back in the box. I didn't want to air it out too much.

I reached into the box again and pulled out another gift wrapped in Barney paper. What's with all the fucking cartoon characters, Bella?

I tore the paper off and immediately gasped. It was a 5x7 framed black and white self portrait of Bella. She was laying on her back on her bed, hair all fanned out around her beautiful face, one hand holding the camera and the other blowing it a kiss.

I don't even realize how hard I am crying, until one of my tears lands on the glass of the frame. After a few minutes, I wipe my face with my shirt, set the picture on the coffee table facing me and reach into the box again.

I pull out another package that is the same size as the last one and wrapped in Baby Bop paper. Tearing the paper away, it's another black and white self portrait, but unlike the last one, Bella isn't alone in the picture. Lying next to her is my mom. Bella is holding the camera, while my mom leans her head on her shoulder…and they are both laughing. I run my finger over the glass and smile. It's a picture of the two most important women in my life…priceless.

I set the picture down next to the other and reach back in the box. There's only one more gift left. It's small, square, flat and wrapped in Princess Jasmine paper. I smile knowing that the wrapping paper choice was an homage to my 'Princess' nickname for her.

I tore the paper off and found a clear case with a DVD inside and a Post-It stuck to the front of it that said 'Let the DVD player read me, Seymour'. I instantly start cracking up thinking about Bella laughing her ass off as she wrote that. She fucking loves that lame ass movie and knows that I can't stand it. A talking plant? Give me a fucking break!

I put the DVD in the player, grab the remote and press play. I watch approximately ten seconds of fuzz, before the camera starts filming and I am looking underneath Bella's bed. What the fuck?

The camera pans up and a voice is audible.

"Is it fucking filming or not?" Bella yells.

"Yeah, I've got a picture. I'm just trying to figure out how to hold this piece of shit without giving myself motion sickness." Jasper replies.

I then hear a smack and Alice yell at Jasper.

"Watch your mouth! What the hell is wrong with you! You're going to ruin Edward's birthday surprise!"

I light a cigarette and laugh at the dip shits on the screen. This shit is golden.

The camera pans out and I can now see Bella, Rosalie, Alice and my mom huddled together on Bella's bed. Bella is painting my moms toes, mom is painting Rosalie's, Rosalie is painting Alice's and Alice is painting Bella's.

She sends me a fucking DVD of a slumber party? There better be a fucking a pillow fight. Minus my mother of course.

"Have you figured it out yet?" Bella huffs into the camera, blowing some hair out of her face. Goddamn she's beautiful.

"Yeah, I got it," Jasper's mumbles.

"I told you to let me do the filming," Emmett complains, coming in the room with a giant bowl of popcorn. "I could have gone all Scorsese on Edward's ass!"

I about bust a gut when a pillow comes flying into frame and smacks Emmett in the head, sending popcorn flying all over the room.

"You're cleaning that up you ass!" Bella yells.

"You threw the fucking pillow!" Emmett yells back, picking an unpopped kernel from his hair.

"Alright kids that's enough!" my mom fumes. "You kids and you're fucking cussing. I swear!"

I smile ear to ear. My mom is just the shit!

"Need a refill on your Margarita, Mrs. C?" Emmett laughs, tilting his head towards my mom and then miming that he's taking a drink in to the camera and then lolling his tongue out the side of his mouth.

"Well if we're ready to go, then let's do this!" Bella smiles into the camera, while screwing the top back on her nail polish.

Bella leads the way down the hallway, with the camera and everyone else following behind her. She peeks back over her shoulder, laughs and then crooks her finger in a 'come hither' motion. I try not to get pissed off that the camera ends up focusing in on her ass. Sure it's a nice ass and Jasper is only a man after all, but I think he's doing it to make a point, by showing me what I am missing back home.

Point taken and duly noted my man!

I readjust my cock in my pants and then sit up with my elbows resting on my knees. Bella comes to stop at the dining room table. Apparently her stop was rather abrupt and unexpected, because the camera jerks violently forward and is followed by a chorus of "Oafs".

Like I said…dip shits. Sorry mom.

The camera pans out again. When I see what's on the table, I hang my head between my knees and laugh my ass off. It's a huge homemade fucking cake in the shape of a dick. And the best part? It had two round cakes as balls!

They even frosted the fucking thing in a peachy flesh colored frosting and used a decorating tip to simulate pubic hair and make little veins. Oh my god…I can't fucking breathe!

Bella's head pops in the screen from the side.

"Sorry about the cake baby," she smiles apologetically. "None of us have a regular cake pan and your mom forgot to bring hers, so we had to wing it with the only pan Rose had. It's recycled from her cousin's bachelorette party last year."

Emmett's head pops into the screen from the other side of the frame then.

"But we figured since you're a huge dick for not coming home so we could celebrate your birthday with you, it's only appropriate."

Rose's hand sneaks into the frame and smacks Emmett upside the head. How does this guy not have brain damage?

I watch as Bella and Mom stab 23 fucking candles in this thing, while the other four assholes in the room fight over who gets the head and who gets the balls. Jasper finally decides that he doesn't want any, claiming he's too much of a man to eat dick…in any form!

Bella runs and turns off the lights in the room, while my mom lights the candles. A minute later and the room is illuminated by a giant glowing dick.

They sing Happy Birthday to me and then Bella and Mom blow the candles out, making the room go pitch dark.

Almost immediately Alice starts yelling about being afraid of the dark. Rose wants to know who's grabbing her ass. Bella stubbs her toe on one of the chairs and can be heard cursing up a storm in the background. My mom is trying to help Bella, making them both fall over on the table; most likely breaking it. And Emmett is yelling something about eating the damn cake, not wearing it.

A minute goes by before Jasper finally makes it over to the light switch and flips it on, blinding everyone in the room.

But it's already too late. I am pissing my pants. Sure as shit, my mom and Bella busted that fucking table right in half, launching the cake across the room, right onto Emmett's head!

Chaos ensues and everyone is laughing. Emmett pouts while wiping chunks of penis cake out of his eyes.

Finally, Bella gives up and turns back to address the camera, which is violently shaking with Jasper's laughter.

"Sorry! This was NOT how this was supposed to go!" she cringes. "Oh well, we just wanted to be a part of your special day and it's the thought that counts right? Happy Birthday, Baby. I love you!"

A second later the camera cuts out and I am left watching static. I fall back on the couch, holding my ribs and still laughing.

Best fucking birthday party of my life and I wasn't even there!

It's been almost three weeks since my birthday and I'm getting antsy. I have to do something or go home.

While at the bar that night, an old friend stops in to see me.

"Hey Kat! What the fuck are you doing in Chicago?"

"Some football player paid for me to fly out here and ink him. James' told me you were out here too, so I thought I'd stop in and say hi!"

We sat around and talked for awhile. She told me about how she's opened her own shop back in LA and was filming her own reality show.

Fucking awesome.

I tell her all about Bella and that I was thinking of getting her name put over my heart.

Kat is the shit. She specializes in Portrait tattoo's, but can ink just about anything. She's the one that did my 'Cullen' piece for me. I was one of her first paying customers and I was fucking honored.

"Dude, like seriously, it's a relationship killer to put your woman's name on your body," Kat warns. "I swear it's like breaking a mirror, walking under a ladder and crossing a black cat's path, all at the same time!"

"What about a portrait of her then?" I asked, thinking of the picture Bella sent for my birthday. The one where she is blowing me a kiss.

"You could do that. But then people might think she died or something. Most of the time portraits are done as memorial pieces or as Uber Fan portraits of celebrities. But it's up to you. I'm here for another two days, so if you think of something, let me know."

I get Kat's cell phone number and finish up my shift. I go home, chain smoke and think. Around 5 a.m. inspiration strikes and I grab my computer and start Googling images. Fucking perfect.

I call Kat later that morning and she agrees to meet me at my apartment in a few hours.

When she shows up, she's got a small make-up case looking thing and a huge fucker covered in tattoos with her.

The guy she introduces as her boyfriend, I recognize immediately. He was recently all over the news for the cheating on his Oscar winning wife. What a fucking douche bag!

Luckily Big Fucker is easily pacified with satellite TV and a Coke, so Kat and I can get down to business.

I pull out the picture that I printed off this morning, so I could show her exactly what I wanted.

Kat looks over the picture and cocks an eye brow at me.

"This better have something to do with a woman!" she laughs. "It's not every day that a straight man asks for something like this."

"Fuck you, Kat." I laugh. "My girl will see that shit and be putty in my hands!"

"Okay," she sighs and then leans over the drawing and starts working on the stencil.

Forty five minutes later the stencil is done and I am one giddy motherfucker! This is going to be awesome.

"So where am I putting this?" she asks, prepping a cotton ball with alcohol.

"Over my heart," I say proudly, motioning to the area just above my left nipple.

Kat gets to work and an hour later the outline is done and it looks fucking sick! With some clever fucking shading in white, gray and black she managed to make the shit look silver on my skin!

"Alright Edward, it's about that time. What color are we doing this thing in?" Kat asks, motioning toward the one colored thing on the entire piece.

"Sapphire blue!" I smiled widely.

"A September baby, eh?" she chuckles. "You're going all out, dude."

Kat finishes the tattoo, wraps it up and then sticks around for a bit for some drinks. It's after 11 p.m. when she takes Grizzly fucking Adams and leaves.

Kat. Wonderful woman. Kick ass tattoo artist. But _no _taste in men.

Two weeks go by and the tattoo is almost completely healed and looks fucking hot. I can't wait for Bella to see it.

I call Bella that night and I'm fucking walking on sunshine. She answers the phone like she knows it's me and I fucking love that!

She prattles on about her work and everything that's happened in the last two months since I've talked to her. Apparently Jasper and Emmett proposed to Alice and Rosalie on the fourth of July. Neither one knew the other was going to do it, so it caused a bit of a controversy and a food fight ensued. Funny shit!

As much as I love hearing about the goings on in her life, I had to cut her off and play the song I was dying for her to hear. I pushed play on my Chris Daughtry CD, put the phone on speaker and waited for her reaction.

Bella doesn't disappoint. The music starts playing and he's barely through the first verse when she starts crying and screaming and telling me that she loves me over and over.

_I'm staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain_  
_I'm going to the place where love_  
_And feeling good don't ever cost a thing_  
_And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain_

_Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I belong_  
_And where your love has always been enough for me_  
_I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong_  
_I don't regret this life I chose for me_  
_But these places and these faces are getting old_  
_So I'm going home, well I'm going home_

_The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you_  
_I've not always been the best man or friend for you_  
_But your love it makes true and I don't know why_  
_You always seem to give me another try_

_So I'm going home, back to the place where I belong_  
_And where your love has always been enough for me_  
_I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong_  
_I don't regret this life I chose for me_  
_But these places and these faces are getting old_

_Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all_  
_You just might get it all and then some you don't want_  
_Be careful what you wish for 'cause you just might get it all_  
_You just might get it all, yeah_

_Oh, well I'm going home, back to the place where I belong_  
_And where your love has always been enough for me_  
_I'm not running from, no, I think you got me all wrong_  
_I don't regret this life I chose for me_  
_But these places and these faces are getting old_  
_I said these places and these faces are getting old_  
_So I'm going home, I'm going home_

I'm on my way, Princess…

**If you read my A/N from above...you know I need some love! Besides, I know you have opinions about the Penis Cake! :)**

**Vixangel, you better be smiling Girlfriend...this one was for you! :)**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Sorry this one is late. It had to go back to my Beta for another run through. I wanted to beef it up a little for you! :) I've been a busy girl today...I got Chapter 30 finished! It looking like we might run over a few more Chapters then I had originally planned. Chapter 30 didn't play out the way I thought it would...IT'S BETTER! My Beta said she laughed her ass off! ;)**

**P.S. I just walked in on my husband listening to Peter Cetera! I feel like one of those non-attentive house wives that takes 17 years to notice her husband is gay! LOL**

**mustlovertp...she's the Bomb Diggity! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

The next morning I am running through O'Hare Airport, trying to make my 6:40 a.m. flight back to Seattle. Back to my Princess.

I make it up to the gate just as they are calling for first class passengers to board. Perfect. My ass only flies first class.

"You just made it!" the flight attendant at the counter smiles flirtatiously.

"Yeah, well, you have a feisty security woman and she all but stripped searched my ass." I grumble, knowing damn well that shit was on purpose. Great! Now I feel violated.

"Okay, well go ahead and set your carry on up here. I am going to have to look through it before you board."

I raise my eye brows in shock. "Are you kidding me? They just went through it when I went through security."

She gave an apologetic look and proceeded to go through my shit again. She rummaged around, until she came up with a prescription bottle. She turned it over in her hand and read the label. I watched as her eyes went wide and she looked up at me.

"Yeah, I'm fucked in the head. Can we just get on with it?"

She tosses the pills back in the bag and zips it back up handing it to me.

"Sorry," she says softly. "I didn't mean to make you think I was judging you. My sister has issues that she takes Lithium for, as well."

I take my bag back and offer her a quick smile as I board my plane. I don't even bother getting pissed off. I am on my way home to see Bella. Nothing could bring me down from that high.

**BPOV**

Ever since Edward called last night and 'told' me he was coming home, I can't concentrate. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Last time it took him another month to come back to me, after he called and said he was.

With a sigh, I lean back in my chair at my desk and rake my fingers through my hair.

"Man trouble again?"

I look up and see Trish leaning in my doorway.

"You could say that," I mumble, throwing my head down and pounding it on my desk.

"Well I'm definitely not going to say "I told you so" she laughs, walking into the room and sitting in the chair across the desk from me.

"Good. I like you Trish, but I might have to kill you."

"So let me guess, Mr. Wonderful went on another trip and is due back?"

I raised my head and gave her my best stink eye. Trish and I had become close the last couple of months. While I've shared some aspects of my life with her, my relationship with Edward has always been off limits. Especially after our lunch all those months ago. I'm still rather bitter about that and I don't need her judging my relationship.

"Do you have a fucking crystal ball in your office or something?"

"No," she laughed. "If I did, then I could prove that Lauren Mallory and Tyler Crowley were going at in the supply room and be able to finally fire their asses!"

Leave it to Trish to crack me up in the middle of an emotional crisis.

"Great!" I laughed. "I hope you have some anti-bacterial wipes for the copier!"

"So when's he due back?" she asks with a chuckle.

I sit back in my chair and sigh. If I tell her the truth; that I have no fucking idea, then her theory about this being an unhealthy relationship, looks to be true. Nope, not giving her the satisfaction.

"I'm not sure. He has some things he has to get done. So I imagine sometime after that."

"That was vague!" Trish laughs.

"That's all you're getting. You nosy, Old Bitty," I tell her with finality. As far as I'm concerned, this conversation is over.

"Alright Bella. Well, you know my door is always open," she says pointedly, standing and heading for the door. "You're a great employee and I just want the best for you."

"For the last time, Trish. Edward is what's best for me."

I got through the rest of the day, without chalking up a body count and walked out my office door at 5 p.m. on the dot.

I was tired, cranky and just wanted to rot in bed with some Chinese take-out for the rest of the night. No bullshit. No company. No problems.

I picked up my food on the way and fought the rush hour traffic all the way home. I parked my Jeep and drug my sorry ass over to the elevator and collapsed against the wall for the journey up to my floor.

I stepped off the lift and made my way down to my door, dumping the contents of my purse all over the floor, as I dug for my key. I finally opened the door, cursing and kicking all my shit in the door.

"Stupid piece of fucking shit, purse!" I mumbled. "$400 for a fucking a purse that doesn't hold shit! What a rip of…"

My ranting stops immediately when I spot the black duffel bag with a white skull on the side, sitting on the floor next to the couch.

My eyes instantly tear up and I turn towards the breeze that is blowing in from the open balcony doors. I spot him immediately leaning against the railing of the balcony smoking, wearing black and gray camouflaged cargo shorts, a tight black t-shirt and his back turned to me. Edward.

**EPOV**

I heard the apartment door open and have to bite back a laugh when I hear the string of profanities coming from her mouth. Apparently she finds her purse extremely offensive.

Her ranting cuts off when she spots my duffel on floor and I can feel her eyes boring into my back. I smile, flick my smoke over the side of the balcony and turn around.

"Hey Princess." I smile.

In two seconds she was across the room and tackling me. Arms thrown around my neck, legs wrapped around my waist and plastering kisses all over my face. Tears were streaming down her face, mascara was running everywhere and she'd never looked more beautiful.

"I missed you so much!" she got out between sobs and kisses. "I didn't think you'd be back so soon!"

"I couldn't stay away anymore. I missed you too fucking much!" I mumbled into her hair, holding her tightly to me and inhaling her scent.

Bella pulled back from me and ran her fingers through my hair.

"You cut your hair and no bags!" she said in amazement, rubbing her thumbs under my eyes.

"Yeah, I just had them trim my hair up and the bags are gone for good, hopefully. I've been sleeping much better lately."

I laughed at the confused expression on her face, and then walked over to the couch, sitting down and keeping her straddled on my lap. I pulled my duffel over and dug around until I found the bottle, handing it to her.

She took the bottle from me with an apprehensive look on her face and then read the label.

"Lithium?" she murmured, looking at up at me.

I nodded and smiled.

"I want to be a better man for you, Bella. I know I said that last time, but when you drove away that night at the club, well, it was an eye opener and I knew I had to change. I've been taking this for about the last 2 ½ months and so far no side effects. That doesn't mean there won't be of course. They could still develop over time, but for right now…nothing."

"Is it working?" she whispered, tears flowing again.

"Yes. My moods are almost completely stable, my sleeping patterns have normalized and my anxiety is next to nothing. I'm a new man, Bella."

She silently nodded her head and then hugged me to her again, sobbing and telling me how much loves me.

I'm home.

**BPOV**

When Edward showed me the bottle of Lithium, my heart sank. I'm a realist, I know what this means. It means that I will get another glimpse of how perfect and uncomplicated our lives can be and then he'll pull the rug out from under me again. It's not his fault, I don't blame him. I know this is how it works. But I honestly don't think I want to know what perfect and uncomplicated feels like anymore. It hurts so much more when you know what you're missing.

I pull back from him and trace his face with my fingers.

"Take me to bed, Edward. I need you."

**EPOV**

I listen to Bella's words and could see the happiness in her eyes, but there was also sadness there too. Fuck!

I kissed the shit out of her and carried her back to the bedroom. I laid her down on the bed and settled myself on top of her. Our kisses were deep and passionate and slow.

It wasn't until I felt her fingers grip the hem on my shirt and tug it up over my head that I smiled against her lips. When she pulled it off, threw it aside and turned her attention back to me, she spotted the addition to my chest and her breath caught.

She moved her hand over my heart and looked up at me with questions in her watery eyes.

"I was told that putting your woman's name on your body was bad luck. And I figured we already had our fair share of that, so I had this tiara with your birth stone in it put over my heart instead. My heart has always belonged to you, Princess."

I watched as her chin quivered with my words. She ran her finger over my tattoo, kissed it and then pulled my head back down to her. It was all passion after that.

Clothes were shed, bodies were worshiped from head to toe, words of love were whispered and then I was inside her. Right where I belonged.

It was slow and sweet. Our eyes stayed locked on each other. I kissed her tears away as I slowly rocked into her. Her fingers danced up and down the length of my spine, sending sparks shooting through my body. Though she nearly made me come on contact when she wrapped her lips around my nipple and pulled on my piercing with her teeth.

Nipple piercings...best fucking idea I've ever had!

As our need increased, so did the speed of my hips. Bella moaned and her head fell back into the pillow, her back arched up off the bed and I could feel her start to come around me.

"That's it, Princess. Come for me," I encouraged, picking up my pace a bit more and grinding the head of my cock into her G Spot, until she was screaming my name.

I finally couldn't hold back anymore and let myself fall over the edge with her, chanting her name. When all was said and done, she was the one kissing the tears from my face.

"I love you so much," I told her in a broken watery voice. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

Bella brought my head down to her chest, rested her chin on the top of it and ran her fingers through my hair. I was still inside her and we were 100% connected. Mind, body and soul.

"So did you get your birthday presents?" she murmured after a little while.

I chuckled and then laughed harder when Bella moaned at the vibrations that started in my body and transferred to hers.

"Yeah, I got them. The pictures were beautiful, the shirt was nearly snorted like a drug and the DVD…well, there are no words. I laughed my ass off and thought I broke a rib."

"Yeah," she giggled. "That was a good plan that just went bad. I should have scrapped the idea when the penis pan got involved."

"I'm glad you didn't." I laughed and placed a kiss over her heart. "That was the best thing I've ever gotten for my birthday."

"Really?" she smiled, tilting my head so she could see my eyes.

"The entire package? Yes. But specifically the picture of you on this bed blowing me a kiss. I cried like a fucking baby when I opened it. You're so fucking beautiful and that picture made me realize that my memory didn't do you justice. I laid here night after night memorizing every part of your face and every freckle. Yet when I saw that picture, it was like seeing you for the first time."

We were quiet for awhile. The only sounds in the room, was our breathing and the sniffles produced by Bella's tears. I was actually almost asleep in my lady's arms, when she suddenly pushed me off her and rolled to her side, digging through the drawers of her night stand.

"Bella? What the fuck are you doing?"

"Ta Da!" she announced proudly, holding up a small camera. "I want to take some pictures. I don't have any of you and that's going to change…now."

She clicked some buttons on the back of the camera, talking about liking the black and white feature the best and then rolled into my chest, tucking her head under my chin and holding the camera up.

"Say cheese, baby." she laughed, tickling my sides and making me laugh.

*Click*

"What the fuck was that!" I laughed, as she flipped the camera around to look at the picture.

"I wanted a fun picture!"

Then Bella stood up in the bed, straddling me and started jumping up and down.

"Smile for me!" she laughed.

*Click*

My body is bouncing all the over the place like a fish out of water and I can't help but laugh hysterically with her. She was awesome bouncing above me with her hair flying all over the place, her naked breasts bouncing up and down rhythmically and a huge smile plastered on her face.

After ten minutes of jumping and taking pictures like a mad woman, she drops down besides me, grabs my head and kisses the shit out of me. I'm talking teeth knocking together, tongues twisting kissing. I bring my hands up and thread them into her hair really getting into it…when I hear it.

*Click*

A few hours later, Bella has fallen asleep in my arms and I am completely content. I'm just laying there, watching her sleep, when I spot the camera on her night stand. I pick it up and start flipping through the pictures.

The first one she took of us laughing together takes my breath away. We both look happy, our hair is all fucked up and you can tell we're naked and just had sex. But it's still the most beautiful picture I've ever seen. Probably because it's the first one I've ever taken where I looked genuinely happy.

I sat up, slipped on my shorts, grabbed my smokes and the camera and went out to the balcony. I lit a cigarette and continued flipping through the pictures.

I actually choked on some smoke while laughing at a few of them. Specifically, the one where I am laughing and reaching up towards the camera with both hands. It looks like an innocent enough picture, until you see Bella's tits fly up into the frame. Then the picture just ends up looking like I'm a happy pervert trying to grab my girl's fun bags.

I shake my head and continue scrolling through the pictures, stopping on the last one and our kiss. Hottest fucking picture I've ever seen in my life! I bring the camera closer to my face to see it more up close. My cock actually gets hard again looking at this fucking thing.

Just as I am deciding to say fuck 8x10, I'm blowing this shit up to poster size and mounting it over my bed, a pair of arms snake around my waist.

"Hey baby. What are you doing out here all by yourself?" she mumbles sleepily into my back, stroking my abs.

"Just looking through the pictures you took earlier." I smile, reaching one arm back to smack her ass and holding the camera up with the other for her to see. "Have you seen the one of the kiss? This shit is hot!"

Bella giggles into my back and then pokes her head under my arm to take a look.

"Oh wow!" she says, perking up and snatching the camera from me. "That is fucking sexy!"

"No. You're fucking sexy," I tell her, as I take in the fact that she's standing in front of me, wearing only a bed sheet.

Bella bites her lip and smiles deviously at me.

"I think I have some more picture idea's," she says, setting the camera on the privacy wall to the side of the balcony and pressing a button. She comes back to me and throws her arms around my neck, pulling my head down.

"Smile," she whispers in my ear.

I smile and then surprise her by dipping her back dramatically. She grabs a hold of one of my arms and the other winds around the back of my neck to steady herself and then we lock eyes. Just as I'm going in for the kill…

*Click*

The click of the camera distracts me and I end up looking around at all the high rise buildings lit up around us. I give Bella a quick kiss, right her and then run over to the camera. I quickly back the pictures up to the one just taken and gasp.

"Bella! Look!"

Bella grips the sheet to her chest and comes over.

"Oh my god!" she breaths, taking the camera from my hand.

The picture is fucking stunning and looks like a professional took it. The fact that it is black and white only makes it better.

Bella is draped in a flowing white sheet that hangs like a dress. I have her dipped back, so her hair is skimming the ground. I'm shirtless in a pair of shorts. One of my hands is supporting her neck and then other has her around the waist and our eyes are locked on each others. Bella is grinning and biting her lip in anticipation and the buildings are back lit behind us. This fucking picture looks like the cover of a fucking romance novel!

"This fucking picture is going on our wedding invitations! I swear to fucking God!"

Bella's head flies up and a tear streams down her cheek. She looks at me incredulously, and then shoves the camera into my chest.

"That's not fucking funny, Edward!" and then storms in the apartment.

I am left on the balcony alone and stunned as I realize I just broke one of my own rules. Wedding invitations? Where the fuck did _that _come from?

**MMM...naked post sex pictures with Edward...YUMMY! But our boy dug himself another hole! How do we feel about it?**

**Quick note! If you reviewed last chapter and I didn't get back to you, I'M SORRY! I was just hard at work on Chapter 30 and didn't get a chance! I will be working on getting back with you tonight and tomorrow! Hang in there kids and rest assured...I read and appreciate every single review! :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: Wow! I got some great reviews last chapter! Thank you so much. One reviewer, screen name Anon, who I couldn't respond too, because her account is set up that way, wanted to know if I've ever considered writing something beyond fanfiction. And the answer is...yes. Since I was kid, people used to tell me that I needed to write a book. I used to make up and tell my Great Aunt these off the wall and funny stories. I am still considering it, I just haven't come up with a brilliant idea for one yet. :)**

**AGAIN, A LINK TO THE SONG IN THIS CHAPTER, WILL BE POSTED ON MY PROFILE! :)**

**mustlovertp...she getting ready to publish another new story herself! If yo:u haven't read her stuff, you need too! She's amazing and I am beyond lucky to have her as a Beta! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT! **

**BPOV**

"This fucking picture is going on our wedding invitations! I swear to fucking God!"

I think I pulled a muscle in my neck, my head shot up so fast. He had an amused look on his face, so it was more than clear that he was a making a joke of it.

"That's not fucking funny, Edward!" I yelled, pushing the camera into his chest so hard, that he actually stumbled back a few steps.

My tears of anger were flowing before I even made it back into the apartment. I wanted to slam the sliders shut and lock his stupid ass out. But that would only trap him on the fucking balcony. With the doors open, and if he's a smart man; which I am starting to doubt right about now, he'd take the hint and fucking leave!

I stormed into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door. I wondered why it was that I always end up in the fucking bathroom whenever Edward pisses me off?

I slide down the door and land in a heap on the floor. I don't know why I was reacting this way to his words. Maybe it was confusion? One minute he's telling me it's never going happen. The next minute he's talking about wedding invitations? If it's never going happen, then why would he even go there? He could have said Christmas card or something equally as lame…but wedding invitations?

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Stupid fucking man.

"Bella, come out of there so we can talk about this. Please?"

Oh! Now he wants to talk?

"I think you've said enough, Edward," I mumble, wiping at my eyes. "Just go."

A few minutes go by and I haven't a heard thing from the other side of the door. But I can feel the tingle and know that he's still on the other side of the door.

The tingle pisses me off. Stupid fucking tingle.

"I thought we were in this together," he finally says, softly.

I give a watery, hysterical laugh. Now he's using my words against me? Is he kidding me?

"What are we even in, Edward? Do you even know anymore? One minute you're here and we're dancing happily in my dad's kitchen. The next minute you're hiding your meds from me and you've emotionally checked out of whatever it is we were fooling ourselves in to believing we had! Then you leave and are gone for four fucking months and come back telling me how you're a 'new man'! I mean come on, Edward! You're giving me fucking whiplash here!"

"Bella, I'm sorry. I honestly don't know where that came from. You have to believe me; I wasn't fucking trying to hurt you, Princess."

"Sorry!" I laugh. "You're always fucking sorry! Sorry for leaving. Sorry for staying. Sorry for being an asshole. Sorry for Kate. Honestly Edward, you've wore sorry the fuck out!"

I'm being cruel. I know it. But can I stop it? No.

This is almost a full year of repressed anger being unleashed on his ass. I've let him go and come back twice now, with no repercussions, because I get it and I love him. But that doesn't mean that I'm not angry. He doesn't _have to_ manage his illness on his own. He could let me in and we could do this together. But for some fucked up reason, I am always left on the outside looking in and just expected to deal with whatever he throws at me.

It's bullshit.

"Go home, Edward," I finally mumble. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bella, I don't want to leave you!" he says, desperately jiggling the door knob.

"It's really too bad you didn't feel that way four months ago, Edward. I didn't want to let you go, but I did. Because I love you." I cried turning and resting my forehead on the door. "Now it's your turn. If you love me at all…you'll go."

**EPOV**

My hand slid down the bathroom door and fell limply at my side. She wants me to go? She wants me to fucking leave? I just came back to her and she's pushing me away?

I walked to the living room, grabbed my duffel and left. Locking the door on my way out.

The ride back to my apartment was a blur of tail lights and cigarette smoke. My eyes were so full of confused tears, that I felt like I was under fucking water.

"Fuck it," I mumble, parking my car all fucked up in my parking spot. It's only the R8; they can total the motherfucker for all I care.

I grab my bag and make my way upstairs. Walking into the apartment was a surreal experience. Just as Bella had predicted, there were piles of mail all over the floor and dust covering every square inch of the furniture. I sigh, drop my bag and walk right over the heaps of mail to get to the kitchen. Like I said…fuck it.

I pour myself a glass of Jack and down that shit in one gulp. I laugh humorlessly at the fact that even the bottle has dust on it.

"Does Bella know you're back?"

Jasper.

"Yup."

"Nice parking job, by the way. Mr. Schroeder is going to be happy to see that you've commandeered half of his parking place."

"Tell him to tow it," I mumble. Grabbing the bottle and going to sit on the couch.

"Let me guess, Bella didn't welcome you back with open arms?"

I laugh again. A cold, hard, bitter laugh.

"No. She did. But as is the norm for me, I fucked it all up," I growl. Pissed off that my fucking Zippo won't light. Piece of shit!

Jasper grabs the lighter from my hand and gets it lit on the first try.

"Thanks man," I mutter, exhaling a huge cloud of smoke.

We sit in an amiable silence for a few minutes. Eventually Jasper gets a glass and pours himself a glass of whiskey.

"So…" he breathes.

"We took a fuck awesome picture of ourselves and I fucked it up by making a joke and saying that it would be the cover of our wedding invitations."

Jasper was mid drink when I shared this revelation with him. He ended up spraying Jack every where.

"What the fuck, Jazz!" moving quickly for some towels. He managed to spray the entire front of my shirt, so I yank it over my head and toss it across the room. Gross.

"Please tell me you're kidding, Edward," he says, eyes wide. "Please tell me you honestly didn't joke around about that shit!"

"I wasn't thinking! I didn't even realize I had said it until Bella fucking flipped her shit and locked herself in the bathroom!"

"Jesus Christ, Edward!" Jasper mumbled, dropping his head into his hands.

"How do I fix this Jasper? How do I make this shit right with her?" I ask quietly, as I sit back down on the couch.

Jasper's head shot up and his eyes narrowed.

"What the hell is going on with you, Edward?" he accused. "You _never_ ask for my opinion or advice. It's always 'Shut the fuck up and stay out of it, Jazz!'".

I laugh at him and light another cigarette. He's not wrong. This is new territory for both of us. And he's right; I never want to hear his take on shit. I guess this 'new man' shit extends to all my relationships and not just the one I have, or had, with Bella.

"I'm taking Lithium," I mumble. "I feel like a completely different person. This shit is new for me, so don't get all mushy on my ass. Just tell me how to fix this shit or get out."

"What exactly did Bella say?"

"I don't know. Some shit about loving me enough to let me go, even though she didn't want to and that if I loved her, I'd go. So I fucking left. It tore my heart out, but I left."

Jasper shook his head and frowned.

"I honestly don't know what to tell you, except to give her the space and time that she's asking for."

"Time? All I have is fucking time," I grumble, heading for the stereo.

"Then use it wisely, Edward. Really think about what you're doing to her every time you leave and come back. It might help shed light on the situation," Jasper said, standing up. "I have to go. Alice and I got some take-out. Feel free to come on down if you want to."

"Nah, I'm not hungry."

"Alright, well if you change your mind…"

"Yeah," I said, turning towards him. "Thanks man."

Jazz smiled and opened the door as I turned back to the stereo. I was thumbing through my CD's when I heard the door shut. I settled on my 'Staind' CD and turned it up just enough to be background music. I turned to head back to the couch, when I froze in my tracks.

"Hey," she said softly, biting her lower lip. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah, of course!" motioning to the couch, asking her to have a seat.

Bella sits in a ball on one end of the couch, while I sprawl out on the other; hating the distance and tension between us.

"I'm afraid I don't know what's real anymore," she finally mumbles, a tear sliding down her cheek. "Every time you come back to me, you're someone else."

I want to reach out and pull her into my lap, but I don't know if I should. So instead, I stretch my arm along the length of the back of the couch and twirl the end of a lock of her hair, needing some sort of contact.

"I'm still me, Bella." I say softly with a smile. "I'm just a stripped down version of myself. Ya know, without all the anxiety and mood swings."

"I know," she nods. "But I love the man who's anxious and moody. The one who told me he wouldn't marry me, so I always had an out. He never would have even thought to joke about the invitations. He hurts me, but at least I can trust that it's not intentional. "

Fuck! So that's what it boils down to. She doesn't trust this new incarnation of myself. Now that I am more 'in control' of my emotions, she thinks that I will hurt her intentionally.

There's nothing that I can say here to make her trust me. There's no way to explain to her that while I might not be a moody fuck anymore, I am still the social retard I always was and that I'll still say all the wrong things, without even fucking thinking about it.

While I am sitting there, silently, trying to come up with something brilliant to say to put an end to this nightmare. The song changes and the opening chords start play. My head shoots up and I smile. Perfect!

I stand, grabbing the stereo remote from the table and turn the music up. I walk over to Bella and offer her my hand.

"Dance with me?"

She looks up at me confused. I smile gently at her and grab her hand, pulling her into my arms. As we start to sway to the sounds of 'Staind', I let the music speak for me, as I always have. Only this time, I sing the lyrics into her ear, so she doesn't miss their meaning.

_I sit alone and watch the clock  
Trying to collect my thoughts  
All I think about is you  
And so I cry myself to sleep  
And hope the devil I don't meet  
In the dreams that I live through_

_Believe in me_  
_I know you've waited for so long_  
_Believe in me_  
_Sometimes the weak become the strong_  
_Believe in me_  
_This life's not always what it seems_  
_Believe in me_  
_Cause I was made for chasing dreams_

_All the smiles you've had to fake_  
_And all the shit you've had to take_  
_Just to lead us here again_  
_I never had the things to say_  
_To make it all just go away_  
_To make it all just disappear_

_Believe in me_  
_I know you've waited for so long_  
_Believe in me_  
_Sometimes the weak become the strong_  
_Believe in me_

_This life's not always what it seems  
Believe in me  
Cause I was made for chasing dreams_

_Its my life_  
_Its my choice_  
_Hear my words_  
_Hear my voice_  
_And just believe_

_I sit alone and watch the clock_  
_Trying to collect my thoughts_  
_And all I think about is you_

_If you believe in me_  
_That life's not always what it seems_  
_Believe in me_  
_Cause I was made for chasing dreams_

_Believe in me_  
_I know you've waited for so long_  
_Believe in me_  
_Sometimes the weak become the strong_  
_Believe in me_  
_This life's not always what it seems_  
_Believe in me_  
_Cause I was made for chasing dreams_

Bella shakes with the force of her tears, in my arms. Holding her to me, I bring my mouth close to her ear.

"I can't promise you a stable, consistent, hurt free life with me, Princess. And I can't always guarantee that I'll be the man you fell in love with. But I can promise you that I will love you with my all my heart and soul, no matter what, until the day I die. No mental illness or medication can ever change that. No matter who I am today or who'll I'll be tomorrow, my love for you is constant and the only way it ever changes, is that it grows. Trust that. Hold on to that. Believe in that."

Pulling back from her, I slip a finger under her chin and pull her head up. Waiting for her eyes to open and make contact with mine.

"I need you to believe in me, Bella. Can you do that?"

After a minute of her watery eyes searching mine, she finally starts to nod her frantically and throws her arms around my neck.

"I'm so sorry!" she sobs. "And I do believe in you."

I reach up and grab one of her hands and place in on my cheek.

"Only this, my brain, is what changes Bella." I moved her hand down to my heart. "This, what's in here, _always_ stays the same."

**BPOV**

I looked at my hand, where it lay over his heart and the tiara tattoo he permanently branded his body with to represent me, and I knew. I knew what he was telling me was the truth. Only his thoughts and moods changed. Not his feelings. Not what was in his heart.

"I love you," I told him, pulling his forehead down to mine. "I'm so fucking sorry I doubted you. I'm such a bitch!"

"You didn't doubt me, Princess." he laughed, wrapping his arms around my waist. "You just need reassurances and it's understandable. That doesn't make you a bitch…it makes you human."

"But I ruined our reunion. It was so beautiful and I destroyed it."

"No you didn't," he said softly, kissing the tip of my nose. "You gave us a chance for a do over!"

Waggling his eye brows, he bent down and swiped the back of my knees with his arm. Catching me and scooping me up bridal style before taking off running for the bed.

We made love again. It was soft, slow, sweet and beautiful. There was no screaming, desperation or lust driven need. It was just love, tenderness and about reconnecting.

When we came, it was together, with quiet moans and whispered words of love and devotion.

As we lay there, tangled up in each other, Edward gently stroking my hair. He asked the last thing I ever expected.

"Would you consider moving in here with me? I want you here, every day, just like this."

I tilted my head to look at him.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm fucking serious," he smiled, kissing the top of my head and flipping me over, so he was looking down at me. "I need you here."

I thought about it and my first reaction was 'Hell yes!' But then I thought about how much I loved my apartment and hesitated. Which he of course didn't miss.

"You don't want to live with me?"

"No, it's not that," I told him, biting my lip and running my fingers through the back of his hair. "I'm just kind of sad about leaving my apartment. I love it there."

"I know you do," he sighed. "And I would move in there with you in a heart beat. But doing that would mean I'd basically live on the balcony. No offense, but your apartment is a bit too closed in for me. In the long term, it's not the best place for me."

I nodded, understanding what he was saying. Edward needed a very specific living arrangement to manage his illness better and my apartment clearly didn't fit the bill. This is why he spent most of his time on the balcony. So what it boiled down to is…do I love my apartment more than him?

Absolutely not.

"What about rent? I refuse to be a drain."

"Rent? Bella, I own this apartment. It was the only way I could do it, considering the remodeling I had to do make it livable for myself."

"Fine. Then I insist on paying for the utilities and food."

Edward laughed and lowered his head to rest on my shoulder.

"God, you're a stubborn fucking woman!"

"No I'm not. I just refuse to be a kept woman. If you want me to live with you, you're going to have to accept that I have a job, my own fucking money and that I can pay my own way. I just need you, not you're money."

"I know," he sighed, giving me the puppy dog eyes and a pout. "So are you going to fucking live with me or not?"

I rolled my eyes at his completely pathetic face.

"Well," I sighed. "It looks like you've got yourself a roommate."

Edward smiled hugely and then attacked me. Round three started out in the bed and ended in the shower. I think I'm going to like living here.

**Are we still hating on Edward? Or did this earn him some brownie points? Leave me some love! You know I love to hear from you! :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: A big thank you to all who have embraced this story! It's a roller coaster ride and appreciate every single one of you, for sticking with me through it! We have about 11 more chapters to go...give or take. But that number is soft, because I often find that chapters take on a life of their own as I'm writing and stretch the story out a little. But I don't think I'll be hearing any complaints about that! :)**

**mustlovertp: My Beta, my life saver, my writing guru has published another one of her stories on here. It's called "Cullen Rescue Ranch" and it's a great read! I am rather in love with Montanaward. The thought of him wrapped in flannel does things for me...sigh...READ IT AND REVIEW IT! And after you've done that, go back and check her other story "Across The Hall"! Both stories are great and definitely worth your time! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT! **

**EPOV**

Over the next week or so, things from Bella's apartment started to slowly trickle over to mine. Well, _our_ apartment. The biggest part of the process was her furniture. We really didn't need any of it, but Bella was reluctant to part with it. I understood her position. I mean my illness is unpredictable and there was no guarantee that this 'living together' thing was going to even work and if it didn't, she'd already have to find a new apartment. Why bother with having to find new furnishing as well?

In the end we decided to rent a storage unit. Like I said, I understood her reasoning. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting a little.

"Okay, this is last of what's going to the apartment," Bella sighed, taping up the box. "The rest of this you, Emmett and Jasper are going to have to move to the unit. Just be careful though. If I do end up having to sell it, I want to get my money's worth."

I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed the roll of bubble wrap and some tape.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Nope." I mumbled, wrapping the corners of her dresser in bubble wrap.

For the last two days, we'd been annoying the hell out of one another. Well, really it's been ever since I found 'the box' in the bottom of her closet.

I was helping her pack up her shoes and there was a shoe box at the bottom of the pile. At first I thought it was just another pair of shoes…until I dropped it and its contents spilled out every where.

Polaroid pictures, notes, a ring and some dried flowers were scattered around my feet. I wish I could tell you that I respected her privacy and put everything back without peeking. But that didn't happen.

No, I read through that shit and looked at the pictures. It was a much younger Bella, with some guy named Sam. There were Polaroid's of them frolicking playfully on a beach. Some of them before what looked like Prom. A few of them kissing. The notes were ones that _Sam_ had written, professing his undying love for her.

When I read the part that said "The other night was amazing and I've dreamt about it every night since," I wadded up the paper and squeezed my fucking eyes shut.

Irrational? Absolutely. Did I give a fuck that I was pissed off and jealous about an ex-boyfriend? Nope.

I left everything where it was and stormed out on to the balcony and lit up. Letting the familiar burn of the smoke distract me from thinking about a bikini clad Bella wrapped around some guys back and hips. Fuck.

I heard Bella come back in the room and then sigh dramatically. A few minutes later I felt her arms wind around my waist and her cheek press against my back.

"His name was Sam Wicks." Bella started. "We dated on and off for most of my Junior and Senior year. We went to his Senior Prom together, but he was a year older than I was and left to go to college at UW. We had gotten into a fight the week before my Senior Prom, because he was trying to get out of going with me. He kept saying shit about having finals, but I knew better. He just wanted to go up to Vancouver for the weekend with a bunch of his frat brothers. Anyway, we got into this huge fight and he wouldn't budge. I ended up going to prom with Rosalie's cousin, Dean instead."

"So why keep the box of mementos?"

"When I moved to Seattle after graduation, my intention was to find Sam and give him everything he ever gave me. So I put it all in a box and went to the frat house. When I got there though, I found him curled around some blonde on the front porch with his tongue shoved down her throat. I thought I was hurt and that I loved him. So I came back here and buried the box in the bottom of my closet and decided I'd mail it to his bride on their wedding day. It feels like so long ago now and if I'd remembered that it was there I would have thrown it away long before now."

I flicked my cigarette over the side of the balcony and turned, pulling her into my arms. Resting my forehead on hers, I asked the question I had to have the answer too.

"Was he your first?"

Bella reached up and stroked my cheek and chuckled.

"No Edward. His cock never touched me and there isn't a day that has gone by that I haven't thanked the fucking Lord for it, either."

"Oh, thank fucking God!" It's one thing to know she's been with someone else. But it's quite another to actually see the cock sucker!

Together, we went back in the house, collected the box and flushed its contents down the toilet! So long Sam…you stupid motherfucker!

As good as it felt to see the evidence of Sam go, I was still left with one lingering question.

"So, Bella. If Sam wasn't your first, who was?"

**BPOV**

Is he kidding me with this shit?

"That's a recipe for disaster Edward and you know it. I slept with one person who I'm confident you don't know and he is going to remain nameless."

"Please?"

"No."

"I'll give you my roster!"

"I don't want to know anything about who you slept with before me. I already know you are no angel and that's enough. I'm not a masochist…like some people."

"Hey!" I said indignantly. "I resemble that remark!"

Eventually Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice showed up and helped us get everything loaded into the moving van and taken either to _our _apartment or the storage unit.

It had been a really long day, so Rosalie and Emmett left shortly after getting everything unloaded, while Jasper and Alice decided to stay. Alice helped me unpack boxes, while Jasper and Edward picked up some pizza and beer.

"You're back!" I smiled, giving Edward a chaste kiss and pulling the pizza box from his hands. "I'm starving!"

We pulled out some paper plates and settled in on the couch to eat, drink and bullshit for awhile.

"So…" Jasper started, putting his plate down on the coffee table and pulling Alice into his lap. "We have some news to share and wanted to tell you both about it privately. No one else knows, so you guys are the first ones. I've asked Alice here to marry me and she's said yes."

Edward and I both looked at each other with equal expressions of shock.

"Wow!" I said, trying to sound excited. "That's great! Congratulations!"

I stood and pulled Alice into a hug, while I watched Edward follow my lead and congratulate Jasper.

"That's great, Jazz!" I heard Edward tell him, pulling him in for a hug. "Alice is great, you're a lucky man!"

Alice and I were in tears as we pulled apart from one another.

"I'm so glad you guys are on board with this," Alice cried. "Because Bella, I want you to my Maid Of Honor and Edward, Jazz wants you to be his Best Man! So would you both consider it? Please?"

"Oh hell, Alice!" I shrieked, hugging her again. "You know I'm in! What an honor, thank you so much!"

"Thank you Bella! I am going to ask Rosalie to be a Bridesmaid, so she shouldn't feel left out!"

Edward came over and snatched Alice out of my arms and gave her a spinning hug.

"Welcome to the family, Sis!" he said, causing Jasper and I to both smile and hug each other tighter. "You know I wouldn't miss a chance to completely humiliate Jasper with my Best Man speech do you? I've been waiting 14 years for this shit!"

Alice laughed as Edward set her down and then she turned deadly serious on us.

"There will be not cursing in your speeches you two! I will personally sew both of your mouths shut using an industrial needle and thread and a double top stitch! Do you understand?"

Edward and I both nodded in unison. Edward even ran his hand over his mouth while he cringed. I assume her threat gave him the same graphic imagery as it did me. Ouch!

"This is so great!" I squealed. "Have you picked a date yet?"

Alice and Jasper shared a look between them. Then Jasper raised his hand to scratch nervously at the back of his neck.

"Well, we were thinking of waiting until after we've moved."

"Move?" Edward laughed. "What are you guys buying a house or some shit? Are you gonna make Alice here start popping out little Whitlock's right away?"

"No," Jasper laughed nervously. "We're not buying a house. We're buying a condo to start out in."

"We have plans to meet with a realtor next week!" Alice added, excitedly. "I just made all the arrangements yesterday. We're going to be there for six days touring properties. It's so exciting! I wish you guys could come! I could so use your opinions Bella!"

I felt Edward tense next to me. The arm around my waist tightened violently.

"Going to be where for six days?" he asked anxiety clear in his voice.

Jasper gave Alice a nudge in her side and her eyes went huge when she thought about what she'd said.

"Oh!" she gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

Jasper looked back at Edward and his posture totally deflated.

"California, Edward. Alice and I are moving to California."

Oh shit!

**EPOV**

Wow. I have no words. I stumble over to the window and slide it open, lighting the smoke that I had stowed behind my ear.

"Wow," I mumble. "I really don't know what to say…"

"Look, I know that this is a little out of left field and not the way I planned on you finding out," Jasper reasoned, shooting Alice a dirty look. "I really wanted to invite you back to one of my therapy sessions and talk about it there."

I did go to one of Jasper's therapy sessions once. It was enlightening to say the least. With his therapist's help, Jasper was able to help me understand that he suffered from something called, Caretaker's Syndrome. This basically means that he put taking care of me and helping me manage my illness, before himself for so long, that he's now having problems separating himself from it. It actually explains a lot. Like why, while he was happy Bella and I were together, he was also resentful about not being the first person I came to anymore when things got rough or better.

I was actually really glad that I went to that session with Jasper. When we got back, I talked to Bella about it and _together _wedecided that she should go to therapy as well. I mean, I would kill myself if something like that happened to Bella and she stopped for living for herself, like Jasper did. Better to recognize that it most likely it would happen over time and give her the tools to prevent it…right?

However, while I was making sure Bella was cared for and wouldn't fall victim to my disease, Jasper slipped right through the cracks and now he's leaving. That's half my support system…just gone.

"So what's in California?" Flicking my ash out the window and tugging at my hair.

"Alice got the job offer of a lifetime. She had styled a magazine shoot for Vogue last year and they were so impressed, that they offered her a staffing position." Jasper smiled, pulling Alice into his side and kissing her temple. "If nothing else, she'll be able to make some famous connections and be able to work as a freelance stylist in a few years."

"That's great," my head nods, trying and failing to make me look and sound enthusiastic.

"Edward, I'm not trying to take Jasper away from you," Alice sighs. "We're just down the coast, not across the country. You can call anytime you need him and you can come visit anytime you want. I know how important Jasper is to you and would never try to come between you."

I look up at Bella who's been mostly silent since the big announcement. She's watching my body language carefully and mentally cataloging all my tell tale quirks. I'm not fooling her.

"Well, I guess congratulations are in order then." I smile, heading off towards the kitchen. "Who needs another beer?"

**BPOV**

Jasper and I share a look, as Edward walks off towards the kitchen.

"That could have gone better," Alice mumbles. "I really am sorry, Bella. My mouth just gets away from me sometimes."

"You're excited, Alice." I laugh, standing to hug her. "It's normal to want to share good news with your friends. He'll come around. We just have to give him time to get used to the idea."

Did I honestly believe the line of bullshit I just fed one of my best friends? No. I watched his mannerisms and he's fighting the melt down right now. Jasper leaving is like taking away a child's security blanket. Jasper is the one constant in Edward's life. If you take him down a few floors, an hour away or just down the coast, to Edward, you've put him on the moon. Sure he's gone months without seeing or talking to Jasper. But he also knew right where Jasper would be when he got back. I can't even wrap my head around how devastating this news must sound to Edward right now.

After a few minutes of standing around in awkward conversation, waiting for Edward to rejoin us, Jasper suggests that they should be going.

"I'm really sorry guys," I start, showing them to the door. "It's not that he's not happy for you. He just needs time to process and make peace with this."

"You don't have to explain it to me," Jasper sighed. "He's actually taken it a lot better than I thought he would. At least he left room before he freaked out, right? That's progress and a huge step for him."

I laugh at Jasper and give him a shove out the door. "Jasper, I think you should address your perpetual optimism with your therapist. It comes in handy in a crisis, but when it comes to the inevitable, it's a little annoying!"

I close the door with a smile, happy that I could send them off in a good place. The last thing they need is to be weighed down by guilt.

Edward and I never did discuss Jasper and Alice's impending move again that night or in the coming weeks. If anything, Edward avoided all discussion of it like the plague. I was concerned, but was told by my therapist not to push him on it. She felt that Edward needed to come to a place of acceptance on his own.

Since Edward's return it seems like everything is changing…including our relationship. Since he started on the Lithium, his sex drive has been through the roof! At first it was exciting and romantic. His near constant need to be inside me was a huge ego boost and made me feel so wanted. But as time went on, I quickly realized that it was more about needing sex with me, then actually wanting it. Something in his brain turned his hormones on full tilt and my body was being used as a means to an end.

Two weeks before my birthday, we had gotten into a huge fight about it, when I made the mistake of refusing his advances.

I was trying to sleep, since I had gotten a pretty nasty summer cold that morphed into walking pneumonia.

"_Edward! Stop!" I hissed, shoving his hands away from the hem of my shirt. "I'm sick and have a fucking fever!"_

"_I know," he chuckled, moving his hands back down my torso. "But it's a proven medical fact that semen has healing properties, Princess."_

_I rolled my eyes. He's been feeding me that line of shit for over a week now. It's old. _

"_I can barely swallow a sip of water! How the fuck am I supposed to swallow your load?"_

"_Baby, please? I'm getting blue balls over here!"_

_Great, now comes the begging! Honestly, all I want to do is sleep and let the second round of antibiotics do their job. If these don't work, the doctor is talking about hospitalization. I think not.-_

"_Jesus fucking Christ, Edward!" I yell, throwing back the covers and damn near falling out of the bed. "We were in doctor's office all morning! I have a fucking fever of 102 and you heard the doctor, if I don't rest and give these meds a chance to work, she'll admit me! I'm not going into the hospital for pneumonia AND exhaustion, because you need to get off!"_

"_What the fuck ever, Bella." Edward storms, getting out of bed, grabbing his smokes and heading for the front door. "I'm sorry if my need to show you how much I love you is too much of an inconvenience_ _for you! I'm going down to the club, I'll be back later."_

Yeah, Edward had also perfected the Guilt Trip too. I'm sorry to say that I gave into him that night and we made love. It was quick, messy and cost me an extra day of recovery time. But at least he was satisfied…for now.

As a result of my illness, I ended up having to go off the Depo shot. All the antibiotics had thrown my body off and gave me a really nasty yeast infection that didn't want to go away. So when my shot came due, my doctor was unable to administer it. She said it had the potential to just make things worse. We decided that I should go on the pill for the next 3 months until my shot came due again. I wasn't happy about it, but if meant getting rid of the discomfort the infection brought, then I could swallow a damn pill everyday.

A week before my birthday, I got an unexpected phone call from Esme.

"Bella!" Esme sang into the phone. "How are you feeling, dear? I've been so worried!"

"Well, the pneumonia has cleared up," I sighed into the phone, while making myself and Edward a sandwich. "But the meds have left a mess in their wake."

"Yeast infection?" she asks, by the tone of her voice, I can tell she's cringing.

"Yep." I say, popping the "P".

At this point Esme is like a mother to me, so it doesn't feel awkward to have this conversation with her.

"Well, I hope Edward is using protection. The two of you could end up passing it back and forth if you're not careful."

I smile and suppress a chuckle. Telling Esme about a bacteria imbalance in my hooch is one thing. Confirming that we are having sex with condoms and then telling her how pissed off that makes her son, is something else entirely.

So I deflect.

"So, what's on your mind, Esme? Is there something that you needed?"

"Oh yes! I wanted to talk to you about your birthday. Since you've been so sick lately, I figured you could use some cheering up! So I got together with Charlie and the girls and we've planned a cook-out for next weekend."

I wasn't especially big on celebrating my birthday, but I could do a low key affair. Plus it would give Edward and Jasper a chance to hang out and reconnect before the big move.

"Sounds great! Just tell me when and where."

Esme pauses for a minute.

"It's going to be here, Bella."

That's cool. Edward and I could drive down the day before and spend the whole weekend with his mom. Win/win for everyone.

"Sounds great!" I smile, shifting my phone to my other shoulder as Edward walks in the room and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "So where's Carlisle going for the weekend this time?"

Edward's eye brows shoot up to his hair line and he cocks his head in question.

"Your mom," I mouth to him with a smile.

He smiles, nods and then whisper's to send her his love into my ear, before grabbing his sandwich and going back to the living room. It makes me happy that Edward is OK with me having a close relationship with his mom.

"Well, that's the thing Bella. Carlisle isn't leaving that weekend. If it's OK with you, he'd like to stay and celebrate with us."

Oh no, no, no. Tell me this is not happening! I can actually feel my heart stop and then restart at a much faster pace in my chest.

I drop my phone and grab onto the counter for dear life. From the living room, Edward hears my phone hit the floor.

"Bella? Is everything alright, baby?" he shouts from the couch.

Oh fuck!

**Oh dear! What do we think of this lastest developement? Love me? Hate me? Tell me about it! **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I am STUNNED, literally blown away by some of the reactions to last chapter. You all are becoming really emotionally attached to these characters and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. I had some really good dialogue and conversations with some of you about last chapter! I am always excited to discuss any questions or concerns you might have, so feel free to PM me!**

**OK, so begins our "bumpy ride". Don't worry...I won't drag anything out or over due it. We'll all have reason to celebrate shortly! :)**

**mustlovertp...she's my rock! I love her and her stories! If you haven't checked her out...you need too! She's an amazing writer in her own write and I am lucky to have her working with me on this story! She's the macaroni to my cheese...this story would have been shit without her! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

"Everything is fine!" I shout back to Edward, as I reach down and retrieve my phone from the floor. "Just dropped my phone is all."

I cringe when I hear how choked my voice sounds. I take a minute to compose myself by sitting on the floor behind the island, with my back against the cabinets, before bringing the phone back to my ear.

"Esme, I really, really think that this might be a bad idea," I finally mumble into the phone. "Edward is dealing with Jasper's move, me being sick and some side effects to his medication. I think this may over load him."

I heard Esme sigh and a door slam.

"You can't put him in a bubble, Bella. He's the most stable he's been in almost 5 years. It's time Carlisle and Edward both dealt with the past and moved on. I can't live the rest of my life splitting myself down the middle and neither can you."

For the first time since meeting Esme Cullen, I can honestly say I'm little bit frustrated and disappointed in her. She understands better than anyone what kind of a ticking time bomb her son is. How can she honestly think this is a good idea?

"Yes I know Esme, but this feels like an ambush! It's one thing to broach the subject with him and get his input and quite another to drop it in his lap and expect him to deal with it." I shake my head and sigh. "I don't know, maybe would should consult with the therapist first."

"Bella." The way she says my name, I can tell she's just as frustrated with me. "We've discussed this with the therapist, remember? She wanted them to confront each other in one of Edward's sessions and he rejected the idea. If we don't take advantage of this window of opportunity and press him on it, nothing will ever get resolved!"

"And you think that _my _birthday party is the best place to initiate this?"

Sure I sound like a selfish, petulant child, but the whole last year has been about Edward. Can't I have one day where the focus is on me?

"Sacrifice's, Bella. We all make them," Esme scolds. "Ask me how many birthday's and holiday's I've been separated from my husband or son, because of this stupid feud! We won't have another opportunity to do this for awhile and you know it. Besides, if it works, then nobody has to miss out on another family gathering."

Well, now I know where her fucking son learned the art of the guilt trip. Turns out, it's hereditary.

I nervously chew on my thumb nail and decide to compromise.

"Alright, here's the thing," I tell her. "I'll agree to this under one condition. You come out and tell him yourself that Carlisle is there, as soon as we get in the driveway. If he chooses at that point to leave…he leaves! No one stops him or forces him to stay!"

Esme stays silent for several minutes while she thinks it over.

"I suppose I can live with those terms," she finally says.

"Good. Because they are non-negotiable and you never really had a choice!"

Esme gives a frustrated chuckle. "So we'll see you both next Saturday around noon?"

"Yes." I sigh unenthusiastically, while banging my head against the cabinets. "I'll talk to you later."

I end the call before she can respond. Sure it was spiteful and rude, but I can't talk about this anymore.

I stood up and looked down at the sandwich I had been preparing and felt my stomach roll, which sent me running for the bathroom. I made it just in time to spill what little was in my stomach into the toilet. All this stress and illness is killing me.

"Bella? Baby, what's wrong?" Edward asked, coming in and rubbing my back and holding my hair away from my face.

"Stress," I groaned. "Your mom, Rose and Alice want to throw me a birthday party next weekend at your parent's house. I hate being celebrated and I'm still not feeling well. I was just hoping we'd be able to stay home and cuddle on my birthday."

"Oh. Well I can call her back and tell them to fuck off if you want me to," he offers. "Don't feel like you have to do something you don't want to do."

I reach up and flush the toilet, then stand up to brush my teeth.

"No, it's fine. I'll live."

Edward shrugs, gives my ass a pat and then goes back to the living room. I felt horrible for lying to him. Sure I'm stressed, but I think it's more the guilt that's making me sick to my stomach. I really, really think that throwing Edward and Carlisle together, in a non-controlled environment, is a bad idea.

I stumble out of the bathroom and tell Edward I will be back in a few minutes and that I was going down to Alice and Jasper's to see if they had any Pepto Bismol. It isn't entirely a lie. I just left out that I was also going to discuss Esme's plan with them.

Alice answers the door wearing a huge smile until she takes me in.

"Jesus Bella. You look like hell."

"Thanks so much, Alice," I sigh, stepping past her into their apartment, which is basically nothing but moving boxes stacked up everywhere. "I like what you've done with the place."

"Yeah. I like to call this 'Displacement Chic'!" Alice giggles.

"Is Jasper around?"

"I'm right here!" Jasper calls, walking into the room with yet another full box. "Alice, you need to label this one and then it's ready to go. So Bella, what can I do you for and why do you look like death warmed over?"

I roll my eyes. I don't think I look that bad.

"Just stressed out about the birthday party being thrust upon me by Esme and my traitorous friends," I say, narrowing my eyes at Alice.

"Oh come on, Bella," Alice laughs. "Stop being dramatic! It'll be fun and one of the last times we can all be together before Jazz and I move."

"Whatever," I groan, fighting off the urge to vomit again. "I need to talk to you both, but I think I'm going to need some Pepto or something first."

"You do look a little green around the gills. Need a bucket or something?" Jasper asks, backing away from me like I might spontaneously start spewing bodily fluids at any moment.

"I don't have any Pepto, but I have ginger ale. Would you like to try some of that?" Alice asks, giving Jasper the stink eye and rubbing my back.

"I'll try anything at this point," I mumble, sticking my head between my knees.

Alice brings me back a glass of ginger ale and shares a concerned look with Jasper, as I sip it down slowly. So far so good, my stomach settles almost immediately.

"So what's up Buttercup?" Jasper asks, sitting down on the couch with me, but still maintaining some distance. And he thinks Edward has issues…jerk!

"Did Esme tell you about her grand plan to get Carlisle and Edward together at this party?"

"She what!"

"Yeah. She said Carlisle is going to be there and that she doesn't want Edward to know about it before hand. But I just think this is a recipe for disaster. Plus my conscience can't handle this kind of fucking deceit. I just got off the phone with her and I am already overloaded with guilt and puking!"

Jasper seems to contemplate everything for a few minutes.

"Maybe you should ask his therapist if this is a good idea."

I shake my head as I swallow another sip of ginger ale.

"We've already talked about it with her. She wanted them to meet for the first time in one of Edward's session, so she could control the direction of the conversation. That way it would be productive, instead of turning into a yelling match. But of course Edward didn't want to do it, so it was dropped after that."

Jasper cringes and stands up next to Alice, pulling her into his side and absently rubbing her back. It's nice to see them display some affection every now and then. Jasper is usually so serious and conservative in public. This isn't a side of him I see very often.

"Well, I mean this does have the potential for disaster written all over it," he finally concludes. "But I think they need to get their issues worked out at some point and Edward is in a place to be able to do that now. Maybe all he really needs is this push."

"Yeah, a push right over the cliff."

"Bella, it's never attractive to be so negative all the time!" Alice scolds. "Esme knows her son and husband. I seriously doubt she'd suggest something like this, if she didn't think it was for the best."

I just shake my head. I really wish I could see the bright side they were seeing. But deep in my nauseated gut, I just knew this wouldn't end well.

**EPOV**

In the week leading up to Bella's party, she'd gotten really moody and seemed to be on edge all the time. Not to mention her new addiction to ginger ale, which she drank by the gallon.

"What the fuck is going on with you?" I finally asked, the day before we were scheduled to leave for my mom's house. "You've been acting out of sorts all week."

I mean, I couldn't even guilt her into sex without her biting my head off. What. The. Fuck?

"I just don't feel right, OK! Christ, I've only been fucking sick for the past month, these goddamn pills are tearing up my stomach and you're trying to molest me every 10 seconds! I love you and I enjoy making love with you, but fuck, Edward. You have to let me come up for air!"

I watched as Bella lay down on our bed, curled into the fetal position and let a tear streak down her cheek.

Suddenly I felt the world's biggest shit.

I carefully crawled into bed behind her and pulled her to me, so her back was nuzzled up against my chest.

"I'm sorry, Princess," I whispered in her ear, placing a kiss just below it. "I know I have been pretty selfish lately and taking more than I give. But I just love you so much."

"I know you do," she sniffled. "I just have so much going on and I am really not looking forward to this party at all."

"We don't have to go," I offer.

She gives me a humorless laugh and reminds me who we are dealing with. If we don't show, we will have three irate women breaking our door down to drag us back to Port Angeles by the short and curlies. Well, my short and curlies, anyway. They would have to settle for dragging Bella by the hair on her head.

"Okay baby," I finally concede. "But I'm here to tell you, when you've had enough, we're leaving. And I don't care if the party is still in full swing or not."

That earns me a chaste kiss and a watery smile, before she finally falls asleep in my arms. As I lay there holding her, I can start to feel my anxiety rising again. I can suppress the urge to pull my hair, pace and chain smoke most days. But since Jasper and Alice dropped the bomb that they are moving, I can feel the dark clouds starting to move in over me a little bit more everyday.

I know I've been suffocating Bella lately. Always wanting to be near her and when that isn't close enough, I go caveman on her and climb inside her. I guess I just need that reassurance that's she still there and being intimate with her helps with the anxiety. I know it's sick and wrong to have sex just so you think with a clear head, but that's what it does for me. It clears the fucking fog so I can function like a normal human being. And Bella deserves a partner who is normal.

With that thought, I pull her closer into my chest; kiss the top of her head and drift off to sleep. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for both of us.

00000

"Did you put some ginger ale in the cooler for me?" Bella asked for the tenth time.

We'd spent the morning packing our bags and getting stuff together for the drive down to Port Angeles. Bella had woken up feeling and looking even shittier then she did yesterday. She's also been frantic and bitchy, which isn't helping my already dubious mood any.

"Yes, for the fucking tenth time!" I snap. "All the shit is in the car. Can we just fucking go already?"

I pull the smoke from behind my ear and light it. It's not even 9 a.m. and thanks to this bitch, I've already smoked damn near half a pack today.

Bella's nostrils flair when she smells the smoke and she takes off running for the bathroom with her hand clamped firmly over her mouth.

"Fuck!" I mumble to myself, tossing the cigarette out the window.

I knock on the bathroom door, where I can hear her cursing me out under her breath for making her puke after she'd already packed her tooth brush, on the other side.

"I put the fucking thing out. Can we go now?"

The door flies open and there's a very pissed off and pale looking Bella standing before me. She gives me a dirty look, puts her sun glasses on and storms past me out the door of the apartment.

"Let the games begin," I grumble to no one grabbing my fedora off the coat hanger and then locking up the door behind me.

**BPOV**

As I stand in the hall waiting on the elevator, I see Edward come out of the apartment with his fedora on his head. My heart stops.

Edward had been wearing it less and less, until eventually, he wasn't wearing it at all. It's presence today is sending all kinds of red flags up and my intuition is screaming at me to stop this train wreck before it happens.

Edward walks over to stand next to me and instantly reaches out to press the down button that I've already pushed. Before I can stop her, my inner bitch gets annoyed and lashes out at him.

"Do you honestly think I've been standing here all this time and didn't think to press the fucking down button?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Bella?"

"You just pressed the down button. It was already lit up, indicating that I had already pressed it."

"So?"

"So, do you think that by pressing it again it's going to make the fucking elevator come faster?"

Edward rolls his eyes, takes his fedora off and rakes a hand through his hair.

"Alright," he sighs angrily. "Because I love you and it's your birthday, I am going to concede this one and take the fucking stairs. But I strongly suggest you leave the bitch at home or it's going to be a very long ride to Port Angeles."

I watch as he disappears down the stairwell, just as the elevator opens. I get on and push the button for Jasper and Alice's floor. I had convinced them to ride with us, thinking it would be a good idea to have Jasper around when the shit eventually hit's the fan and Edward finds out he's been duped.

The doors open and like clockwork, there stand Jasper and Alice.

"Good morning, Sunshine," Jasper laughs, as he takes it my disheveled appearance and the scowl on my face.

"He's having anxiety issues," I mumble. "He walked out of the apartment with the fedora on."

Jasper nods his head and sighs. "It just couldn't be easy could it?"

I just shrug and pull my sweater tighter around myself.

"Where is he?" Alice finally asks.

"He took the stairs. Fucker double punched the down button and I couldn't let it go."

Alice and Jasper eye ball each other, probably wondering why they agreed to ride the short bus all the way to Port Angeles.

"I promise not to lick the windows!" I snap, when I see Alice mouth "because we love them" to Jasper.

They both blush and look anywhere but at me or each other when they realize they've been caught.

"How long is this fucking elevator ride?" I yell, desperately punching the parking garage button.

Alice snickers from behind her hand, while Jasper snorts. "Did you just triple punch the down button, Bella?"

Just then the doors open. I push past both of them with a "fuck you" and a warning not say shit to Edward about this!

I walk up to the car and see Edward already leaning against the passenger door. He's got a cigarette, but when I approach he graciously flicks it away.

"All better now?" he asks, with a crooked smile on his face.

"I'm fine," I mumble, sliding in the car when he opens the door.

I watch through the window, as Edward and Jasper trade arm punches and then load their bags into the trunk. Alice gets into the back seat and reaches around to rub my shoulders.

"You need to relax, Bella. All this tension isn't helping Edward's anxiety. Just breathe and have faith."

As if anything is that fucking easy.

**EPOV**

The ride to Port Angeles was actually peaceful. Bella fell asleep before we even made it out of Seattle and for once, I was happy to have her unconscious.

Alice, Jasper and I shot the shit for a little bit. But before long I turn on the stereo, Jasper gets on his laptop and Alice pulls out a book and occasionally we all laugh when Bella snores or talks in her sleep.

I almost drive off the road when she pulls a Dr. Seuss and starts talking about 'the cat that went splat'. But it was the 'birdle in a girdle' that prompted Alice to beg me to pull over at the next gas station. She had laughed so hard she damn near pissed her pants.

When we passed the Port Angeles sign, I shook Bella's shoulder to wake her up.

"Come on, Princess. We're almost there."

Bella woke up with a jolt and slapped her hand over her mouth.

"OH SHIT!" I yelled, whipping the car onto the shoulder of the road. Bella was out of the car and knee deep in ferns, before I could even bring the car to a stop.

I quickly apologized to Jasper and Alice, who'd been thrown violently around the backseat and then jumped out to help Bella.

Twenty minutes, three Altoids and a half of can of ginger ale later and we were pulling into my parent's driveway.

I pull the car in front of the garage and smile when I see my mom come flying out the front door.

Bella is sitting in the seat, not even attempting to move with her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry Edward," she whispers.

"Sorry? About wha…" I trail off, when someone catches my eye.

I look back at Bella, who now has her face buried in her hands and is refusing to look at me while she sobs.

"Bella? What the fuck?"

**Whoops! Someone is about to make a huge mistake! What do you think? Personally, the double punching of the elevator button is my favorite part. I had the same argument with my husband in the Sears Tower! I am lucky he didn't toss me out a window! FYI...never go sight seeing in Chicago when you're PMSing...just sayin!**


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: WOW! So many have you had very distinct idea's on how all this was going to play out! Well, I'm sorry to tell you that you were all WRONG! God that feels good to say! I have been waiting 3 Chapters to say that! **

**AS ALWAYS, A LINK TO THE SONG IN THIS CHAPTER, WILL BE PUBLISHED ON MY PROFILE! :)**

**I think you'll be happy with this chapter. We get a rare glimpse of endangered species, that we haven't seen about chapter 4! Get your Pom Pom's out...you may need them. Or at least I did! **

**mustlovertp...still the shittles, Kittles! (Hehe...channeling some of Bella's rhyming skills)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

I sit in the car staring at Bella, waiting for her to answer me. But she just sits there with her face buried in her hands, crying hysterically.

"Bella? Answer me! What the fuck is my dad doing here?"

I hear her sobs letting up some, but she still doesn't look at me.

"Your mom thought today would be a good day for the two of you to talk things out."

My eyes damn near bug out of my head.

"So this was the plan all along? You knew about this all fucking week and didn't say anything!"

Bella finally drops her hands in her lap in resignation, but stares straight ahead out the front window.

"Your mom made me promise I wouldn't. She said you wouldn't come otherwise."

I shake my head in disbelief. My mom I expect something like this from. But Bella? Never.

At least it all makes fucking sense now. All the puking and shit. Yeah, Bella's always wrestled with her conscience and feelings, to the point that it makes her physically ill. Here I've been the good caring, concerned boyfriend all week taking care of her and the whole time it was because she knew she was about to throw me under the fucking bus!

"You're unbelievable!" I spit, hatred seeping through my pores. "You actually had me fooled."

Yeah, I actually thought that she fucking loved me and was on my side. But here I sit in the driveway of my childhood home, face to face with the one man who tried to take everything, including my freedom, away from me. The same man who stood in court and told a judge that I couldn't function in the world on my own.

I grab a smoke and pop it in my mouth, lighting it and inhaling a huge hit. On the exhale I look over toward Bella while I pull my door open.

"Fuck him, fuck this…and fuck you!"

I jump out of the car and pop the trunk open. I waste no time throwing everyone's shit, but my own, all over the front yard. For good measure, I throw Bella's the hardest and her bag goes spiraling off into the woods.

"Edward…," my mom pleads.

I give her an evil glare and then look over at Jasper as I walk by. He says nothing, just hangs his head in defeat.

I ignore him and walk over to the passenger's side door of the car and yank that shit open. Bella looks up at me. Her face is wet with tears and her chin quivering. For a second my heart reacts, until I see my dad step closer. Then my vision becomes red and clouded with hate.

"Get the fuck out of my car!" I yell at her.

Bella swallows thickly and stands. Impatient, I reach back in behind her and grab her purse and shit, slinging it haphazardly over my shoulder. I can hear it hit the house and the contents scatter all over the driveway.

Bella reaches out and grabs my forearm. "Edward please! I'm sorry! I love you!"

I rip my arm out of her grasp and start laughing in her face.

"Yeah? You love me? Then what are we even doing here Bella? You had a week! A fucking week to tell me what the plan was and you didn't! You're no better then he is," motioning over my shoulder at my dad.

"Edward no!" she begs, shaking her head back and forth, trying to tell me I have it all wrong.

I can't even listen anymore. I walk around the Volvo and climb in. When I take off, the tires spin violently on the asphalt, causing a cloud of smoke to make every single one of the Judas's disappear in my rear view mirror.

I drop the window and light a smoke. Fuck them all.

**BPOV**

I watch as the Volvo disappears into a cloud of smoke and dust. I can faintly make out the tail lights and the whine of the engine. In seconds, both are gone, having taken my heart with them.

"Bella…" Esme says, stepping up to me and wrapping her arm around my waist. "It's OK, Bella. He just needs time. He'll be back."

I laugh and wipe frantically at my face, before pulling myself out her motherly embrace.

"No he won't. I told you this would happen Esme. I told you this was wrong and that he had a right to know! But you had to be selfish and insist that you knew best! Now _I'm_ the one he blames! Not you!"

I get distracted by the sound of car coming down the drive. I look up and see Emmett's full sized king cab truck pull up. I run up to the passenger's side, just as Rosalie flings the door open.

"Bella? What happened?"

I shake my head violently and barely squeak out "Edward's gone!"

Rose looks up at everyone standing there and gives them all a dirty look.

"I told you not to go through with this idiotic plan, Esme!" she yells. "I told you he'd blame Bella!"

Rose jumps down from the truck and helps me in. Then she picks up my phone and the scattered contents of my purse from the driveway.

"Just leave Bella the fuck alone! I've got her now," she tells Esme, getting in her face. "I hope this was worth ruining her birthday over!"

She looks over to Jasper and Alice and motions with her head for them to get into the back seat. They go without argument, slinging their bags into the bed.

Rose climbs back in and pulls me into her chest, telling Emmett to drive. We get a little ways down the drive before Jasper tells him to stop. He pulls over and Jasper jumps out, running into the woods and coming back out with my bag. As he's climbing back in, Charlie's cruiser pulls around the corner and stops.

"Everything all right kids?" he asks, trying to see into the high cab of the truck.

"No, Sir" Emmett tells him, his voiced laced with repressed anger. "We're taking Bella back to Seattle."

"And why is that?" Charlie asks, shifting the cruiser into park and getting out. He peers into the side window of the truck and see's me.

"Bella!" he yells, going for the door handle.

"We've got her, Chief Swan." Rosalie says, protectively, tightening her hold on me.

He looks at me again and his eyes harden. "What happened here? If it was that boy…"

"It wasn't Edward's fault!" I defend, looking my dad in the eye.

"I think you better talk to the Cullen's, Sir." Emmett says, looking into his rear view mirror. "They did this, so it's only right that they explain it."

Charlie gives a stiff nod and then instructs Emmett to get me home and taken care of. He'll take care of things here.

Over the next several weeks, I barely leave the apartment, except to go to work. Alice and Jasper are officially residents of California now. Life has gone on, for everyone except me.

My stomach is more fucked up than ever. My diet of ginger ale and soda crackers, helps, but doesn't stop the vomiting.

One Saturday morning, two months after Edward left, Rosalie shows up, using her key to let herself in. She finds me wrapped around the toilet.

"Jesus Bella! Again?"

I groan, unable to lift my face from the bowl.

"I came here to talk Turkey Day, but I can see that's a bad idea!" she laughs, wetting a wash cloth for my forehead.

Ugh…I had completely forgotten that Thanksgiving was two weeks away, even though Esme has been bombing my voicemail with pleads for me to call her, apologies and invitations to have dinner with them.

I heave more into the toilet and then finally feel like I can stand and brush my teeth. I gag on the tooth paste, while Rosalie watches me in the mirror, concerned.

When I turn to leave the room, I sway a bit and grab onto the counter for support.

"Alright! That's it!" Rose says, grabbing my arm and marching me towards the front door.

"Where are we going?" I whine, while she shoves my coat and shoes at me.

"To the hospital!" she fumes, grabbing my purse and keys. "You've been sick forever and now you can hardly stand up. I'm done worrying about you, Bella!"

I want to argue, but I just don't have the energy, so I give up and go.

Four and half hours later, we are finally being shown into an exam room. The nurse hands me a gown, a cup to pee in, takes some blood and instructs to leave the urine sample at the nurse's station.

I'm embarrassed that I have to ask for some water. I'm so dehydrated that I can't pee on demand anymore.

We wait another hour or so, until a doctor finally walks in with a big smile on his face.

"Hello Miss Swan, my name is Dr. Gerandy and I hear you're not feeling well."

My first reaction is "Duh!", but I hold it back and go with a more grown up explanation.

"Yeah, I had a bad break up with my boyfriend two months ago. I'm sure it's just stress playing with my stomach, but I agreed to come in to put my friend's fears to rest."

He nods his head and looks over my chart.

"Well, there is definitely _something_ playing with your stomach, but it's not stress," he finally says. "I'm really sorry about the break up with your boyfriend, but you may want to call and let him know he's about to be a father."

My breath stops, tears start and for some reason my hand instantly goes to my stomach. I'm speechless.

"Wait!" Rose says, completely in shock. "You mean to tell me that Bella is pregnant?"

Now it's the doctor giving her an expression that has "Duh!" written all over it.

"Did I stutter?" he laughs, turning to grab a machine with a TV attached to it. "Okay, Miss Swan, I need you to lay back and hike up that gown for me. I'd like to do an ultra sound and see if we can date this pregnancy and make sure your little one is okay."

Still frozen in shock, Rose helps me complete the tasks the doctor gave me. She lays me back and lifts my gown, gasping.

"Bella! How did you not notice this?" she asks, pointing to my stomach.

The doctor comes over and looks down at me, smirking. I lift my head off the table and gaze down at the extremely noticeable bump between my hips.

"Oh shit!" I gasp, slapping my hand over my eyes. How the fuck did I not see this shit? Have I really been that unobservant of everything to not notice my body changing?

Dr. Gerandy turns off the lights and pulls a stool up next to the bed. Rose climbs on the bed with me and puts my head in her lap, pulling her fingers comfortingly through my hair.

"This is going to be cold," he warns, squirting some clear blue liquid on my stomach.

"Normally we'd do this internally, but I have a feeling you're far enough along to see things this way."

He flips some switches and the machine hums to life. He picks up a wand and puts it on my stomach, smearing the cool gel all over.

He moves the wand around, stopping every now and then to click some buttons. When he gets to the side of my stomach, I watch as his head cocks to the side and then a grin nearly splits his face in half.

He clicks another button and sits back while the sounds of a fast paced thumping fills the room.

"What is that?" I ask, tears streaming down my face.

"That's the heart beat," he says, smiling. "Do you hear anything special about this sound?"

After a few minutes Rose finally speaks up.

"It sounds like an echo."

"Yes it does!" the doctor says, spinning the machine around so we can see the screen. "And that's because there's two babies in there!"

I look at the screen and see two arrows. One pointing to Baby A and one pointing to Baby B.

"Holy shit!" Rose exclaims, a river of tears running down her cheeks. "Bella! There are babies in there!"

"I…oh my God…how…" I can't complete a coherent sentence. My brain is scrambled, as I stare at the two little peanuts on the screen.

"I hope I don't have to tell you _how, _Miss Swan!" the doctor laughs.

I turn my head to look at him and frown.

"I meant that I've been on birth control since I was 14 years old."

Dr. Gerandy picks my file back up and thumbs through it.

"Well, it says here that you'd been sick and switched from the Depo shot to the pill."

"Yes." I confirm.

"Well, between the antibiotics and the BC switch, I'd say that your precautions were made ineffective."

"Shit!" I mumble. "It would be just my luck that all of that happens during Edward's sex binge!"

Dr. Gerandy clears his throat, as if uncomfortable with my statement and turns his attention back to the screen.

"Okay, well it looks like you got pregnant the second week of August, so that puts you at about 11 weeks, right now. It looks like you can expect the storks around May 6th."

He proceeds to hand me a handful of ultra sound photo's and explains that he's an OB that specializes in multiple and at risk pregnancies. After a lengthy conversation, I decide to go ahead and continue on with him. He gives me his card and tells me to call the office on Monday for an appointment. Since I am carrying twins, he tells me that he will need to see me at least twice a month for the time being.

As I am walking out of the hospital stunned and loaded down with pregnancy information and a prescription for Prenatal Vitamins, I suddenly break out into hysterical tears.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Rose says, pulling me into her arms.

"Edward! He's not here. He doesn't know. He won't want this. The Rules Rose. He won't want this!"

**EPOV**

It's the middle of December and I've landed back in Chicago. Unlike all the other times before, I haven't gone off my meds and turned into a loner.

This time I'm doing everything I should be. I'm seeing a therapist, trying to work through my issues with my dad and Bella's betrayal.

I'm still angry, but I am starting to understand Bella's reaction in the car that day. She was never on board with my mom's plan. That's why she apologized. She knew that it was wrong, but unfortunately got caught up in family drama that's been years in the making. Now my anger is directed more at my mom, than Bella. She should have never been put in the position that she was and the fact that she was willing to sacrifice her birthday for me…well that says a lot.

I called my mom a week ago and had it out with her. She apologized repeatedly of course. Claiming that she really just hoped that we could be a family again. She underestimated how deeply my disdain for my father really was. She assumed that because I was medicated, that I would be able to see things as they are and be willing to let him in.

What she didn't understand was that I hadn't reached a point in my therapy, where I could handle addressing things from my past. I was just barely understanding what was happening in the fucking present. Therapy is measured in steps, you can't just leap frog over everything that got where you are and go back to the beginning.

My therapist recommended someone for my parents to start seeing in Seattle. With my permission, she forwarded my file to the doctor, so he'd know what needed to be worked on. The biggest thing being my disease. Being a doctor, my parents understood the medical aspect of how being Bi-Polar affects someone, but they also need to have a firm understanding of the mental ramifications as well. If they truly understood, Bella's birthday never would have happened the way it did.

My mom thought she could fix me with love and my dad thought he could fix me with pills. They were both wrong.

Bella had it right though. She knew that only way to fix me, was to help me fix myself. She encouraged my therapy and never put pressure on me to right the wrongs in my life. She was always just quietly there, supporting me.

I grab a cigarette from the coffee table and light it, raking a hand through my hair. I know that I have to deal with Bella at some point. I just don't know how. I understand why she did what she did…to a point. But to go against everything our relationship was built on and not tell me…I just don't know.

I miss her like crazy and need to hear her voice. With determination, I walk over to my CD's and find the one I'm looking for. I pop it the CD player and cue up the song I am looking for, before dialing her number.

"Hello?" she sniffles quietly. Great! She's been crying.

Without further ado, I push play and hold the phone to the speaker and let the song speak for me.

_A hundred days had made me older  
since the last time that I've saw your pretty face_

_A thousand lights had made me colder and I don't think I can look at this the same_

_But all the miles that separate_  
_They disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_and I dream about you all the time_  
_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight it's only you and me_

_The miles just keep rollin_  
_as the people either way to say hello_  
_I've heard this life is overrated_  
_but I hope that it gets better as we go_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_and I dream about you all the time_  
_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight girl it's only you and me_

_Everything I know,  
and anywhere I go  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls,  
when it's all said and done  
it gets hard but it won't take away my love_

_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still on my lonely mind_  
_I think about you baby_  
_and I dream about you all the time_  
_I'm here without you baby_  
_but your still with me in my dreams_  
_And tonight girl it's only you and me_

As the song comes to a close, I bring the phone back to my ear and switch the stereo off.

I can hear her breathing and it's coming it short, quick, bursts. After a few minutes, her breathing finally levels off and she speaks.

"Seriously, Edward? Are you fucking kidding me?"

***Sniff, sniff* Our little Eddie is almost all grown up! I say almost, because it seems to me that he's about get schooled by one Bella Swan! So what do we think, kiddies? I know what you're thinking "Twins? Really?". I'll admit, that wasn't planned. I just got into it and thought..."What the hell would Edward do with that? That's like getting a visit from Karma and all her fucking sister's, right?". So yeah, I had to go there. Hee hee! Reviews...you know I love them! :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: This me caving in to begging and pleading for another chapter. I am giving this one, but that's it until tomorrow! I only have 30 1/2 Chapters written! I didn't expect you to devour them this quickly! LOL**

**OK, kids. Hold on tight! This chapter is a roller coaster ride! **

**LINK TO SONG FROM THIS CHAPTER WILL POSTED ON MY PROFILE! :)**

**mustlovertp...you're a saint! She is currently talking me down off the ledge, as I struggle to write Chapter 31! I love her...you better show her made love too! Go read her stuff! It's great...I'm telling you!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

Now I am totally pissed off! How dare Edward call here after three fucking months and play me a song about being there without me!

"Newsflash, asshole!" I yelled into the phone. "You're there without me, because YOU CHOSE TO BE! You're the one that had the tantrum and left! What? I am supposed to swoon because you miss me? Cry big fat crocodile tears for you, so you can get a hard on and then hang up?"

I honestly can't remember the last time I was this pissed off. Apparently my anger had gotten some attention, as I felt two distinct thumps from deep within. Instinctively I ran my hand over my stomach.

"Honestly Edward, I am so tired of playing these games with you. And now I am totally immune to your bullshit! These songs you play, while sweet, are just pissing me off. You miss me? Then come home. You don't like the miles between us? Then come home. You want to be in my life? Then come the fuck home! But don't call me, say nothing and then play songs that just make everything worse!"

Right then an idea struck! I marched over to his CD collection and pulled out another 3 Doors Down CD. Two can play this fucking game!

"You know what Edward?" I laughed. "Since you only seem to want to communicate through music, maybe you should listen to this and then interpret how I feel!"

I pushed play and put the phone up to the speaker.

_I hope you're doing fine out there without me  
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you  
The things I thought you'd never know about me  
Were the things I guess you always understood  
So how could I have been so blind for all these years  
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you_

_And everything I have in this world_  
_And all that I'll ever be_  
_It could all fall down around me_  
_Just as long as I have you right here by me_

_I can't take another day without you_  
_'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own_  
_I've been waiting so long just to hold you_  
_And to be back in your arms where I belong_  
_I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say_  
_But everything I've ever known gets swept away_  
_Inside of your love_

_And everything I have in this world_  
_All that I'll ever be_  
_It could all fall down around me_  
_Just as long as I have you right here by me_

_As the days roll on I see_  
_Time is standing still for me_  
_When you're not here_  
_I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say_  
_Everything I've ever known gets swept away_  
_Inside of your love_

_And everything I have in this world_  
_And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me  
Just as long as I have you right here by me  
_

_And everything I have in this world  
And all that I'll ever be  
It could all fall down around me  
Just as long as I have you right here by me_

By the time the song finished, I had tears rolling big and fat down my cheeks. I wipe the tears from my face and put the phone back up to my ear.

"You have more waiting for you back here then you know, Edward. And I'm done playing this game your way! The rules are about to change. I hope you're ready for it!"

With that, I hit the end button and then pulled up my contacts list. Finding the one I needed, I hit send and wait. Three rings later the phone is answered.

"Hey, it's me. I'm coming for a visit."

**EPOV**

By the time Bella hung up on me, I had already fallen to the couch in a heap. That song, that fucking song.

I guess I never really considered her feelings about our separations. I knew she missed me, but to tell me, through a song that her life means nothing without me in it. Well that's just fucking…WOW!

I spend the rest of night drinking Jack and cokes and chain smoking, trying to figure out Bella's cryptic fucking warnings. More waiting for me then I know? The rules are about change? What the fuck does that mean?

Part of me wants to jump in the Volvo and race back across the country to where my heart is. But the other half wants me to wait it out and work some more of my issues out in therapy. Childishly, I am still harboring anger about being ambushed at my parent's house. Bella didn't have to make herself sick all that week and none of this had to happen. All she had to do was fucking talk to me about it!

I stand in the open window, freezing my ass off; my conscience chimes in and reminds me that talking to me about things like this, have never gone smoothly in the past. If I'm 100% honest, I'm sure my reaction to the plans would have been just as dramatic on Wednesday, as they were on Friday.

Ugh…it's sucks to admit that I'm a Drama King.

Flicking my cigarette out the window, I decide to go to bed. There isn't much I can do until my therapy Tuesday anyway.

As I lay down, my thoughts are still plagued by Bella's warnings. What the hell could she have meant?

**BPOV**

As my plane made it's decent into LA, I ran a hand over my very prominent bump. My doctor wasn't happy that I was flying, but he didn't tell me I couldn't either. He just told me to be careful, get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids.

As I exited the plane I could see Alice and Jasper waiting patiently for me. As I got closer, both of their jaws hit the floor.

Yeah, I kind of kept the news of my pregnancy a secret. I really didn't want anyone finding out before Edward, but now he's made that wish an impossibility. Fucker.

"Bella?" Alice whispered, pointing at my stomach.

"Um yeah. So…Surprise! I'm pregnant!" I smiled happily.

"Ya think?" Jasper snarked.

"How far along are you?" Alice asked, laying her hand on my stomach and feeling a small thump.

"Er, about four and a half months…with twins!"

Both of their heads shot up, their eyes bugging out of their heads.

"Jesus Christ!" Jasper mumbles. "Edward would freak out and need ten years to adjust to the idea of one baby! But two?"

"I know," I muttered, rubbing a hand over my stomach. "But what's done is done. Like it or not. These babies are coming."

Alice, being the optimistic pixie that she is, wipes the tears from her face and changes the subject.

"Well, we need to celebrate!" she sings. "What do you feel like doing Bella and how long can you stay?"

I nervously bite my lip. This was the hard part. I wasn't here for a visit. I was here on mission.

"Actually, I'm looking to fly out of here today or tomorrow. It depends on how things play out."

"What?" both of them ask in unison.

"I'm not here socially. I'm here to hopefully get some information. If I get it, I'll be out of here today. But I need your help."

We load into the car and I give Jasper the directions to where I need to go and tell them my plan. Alice thinks it's a good idea, but Jasper is hesitant…as always.

"How do you even know he's in town?" Jasper asks, trying to be logical.

"I called his secretary and confirmed it this morning. She said he'd be in all day."

"Are you sure he'll even talk to you?"

"No. But I have to try, Jasper."

We pull up to the high rise building and I hop out.

"Okay, Bella. We're going to find a place to park and meet in you the lobby." Alice smiles. "Good luck!"

I take the elevator to the 10th floor, stepping off the lift and into a beautiful reception area. There was huge floor to ceiling windows that look out over LA. Amazing.

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asks, giving me a once over and then zeroing in on my bump.

"Yes. My name is Bella Swan and I'm here to see James Gideon."

She frowns and flips open an appointment book.

"Do you have an appointment? I don't have anything about a Bella Swan written down here."

"No I don't. But James and I are old friends. If you could please just let him know that I'm here, I would appreciate it."

She looks up at me and smirks.

"Look, if you're here for a paternity test, just leave the swab kit and your contact information and I'll make sure Mr. Gideon gets it. You're not the first one to come through this office knocked up and wanting."

I look down at her name plate and then lean over her desk, getting right in her face.

"Look Gianna, I get that you're just doing your job. But I don't have much time here and I'm an impatient fucking woman! And just so we're clear, what I need from him is none of your Goddamn business. Now I would appreciate it if you'd take that little manicured fucking finger of yours and punch the buttons on the phone to let James know I'm here."

Gianna gulps thickly and grabs for the phone, never taking her eyes off me.

"Good girl." I smirk, standing back up.

Gianna offers a quick smile in return and then punches in the extension.

"Um yes, Mr. Gideon, there's a Bella Swan here to see you."

A second later she hangs up.

"Mr. Gideon said he'd see you now. It's the second door on the left."

"Thank you, Gianna." I smile in satisfaction. "And by the way Gianna, I have never slept with James Gideon in my life. I have some taste, thank you very much."

I take note of the guilty look in her eyes and cringe. Ugh…we'll I least hope she's paid well.

I don't even bother knocking on the door. I'm past pleasantries at this point.

"Bella!" James says giddily. "I haven't seen you in…HOLY SHIT!"

James got half way around his desk, before he noticed that my waist line had expanded. After he composed himself, he finished.

"Well, I was going to say I hadn't seen you in so long. But from the looks of things, that's pretty obvious. I'm assuming that you're here to get a message to Edward about some news he's unaware of?"

"No messages this time, James." I snarl. "Your days of playing Mailman are over. Where is he?"

James cringed and then held his hands up.

"We've had this discussion before, Bella. I can't betray his trust. We're business partners and I need him to trust me or it doesn't work."

"Okay." I say, throwing an envelope down on his desk, watching as he picks it up and flips through the pictures. "Let's just assume for a second that you actually have a heart. Would you want to find out from your _business partner_ that you're about to be a father? Or would you want to hear it from the woman you love?"

James looks up from the pictures and for a second, I think I actually see a human being looking back at me.

"Are there two babies?" he asks, looking back at the ultra sound photos.

"Yes and they are growing more by the minute. So if you'd just tell where the fuck Edward is, I can put a stop this horse shit and bring him back so he can experience this pregnancy with me!"

He stuffs the pictures back in the envelope and hands it back to me with a sigh.

"You're going to find him, thinking he'll be happy about this." he says, motioning to my stomach. "But Bella, you have to know that he won't be. He never wanted children. Maybe the best thing for everyone involved, is that you go back to Seattle, have the babies and move on with your life. I'm telling you now. If I tell you where he is and you go after him; there will be no happy ending for either of you."

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back…

I storm up to where he is perched on the edge of his desk and grab him by the collar on his designer shirt.

"I'm done with this shit! Do you hear me! DONE! I'm tired of everyone thinking that they know what's best for Edward and me! You don't know shit about what Edward will and won't feel, but damnit, he has a fucking right to know about his children and I have the fucking right to be the one to tell him face to face! Now stop trying to talk me out of this and tell me where the fuck he is, before I go completely hormonal on your ass and rip your fucking dick off!"

Five minutes later, I am stepping off the elevator and into the lobby, where I quickly find Alice and Jasper.

"Did you get what you came for?" Alice asked excitedly.

"Yup. Now take me to the fucking airport."

"I can't believe it!" Jasper said incredulously. "How the hell did you get him to spill?"

"I threatened his dick!" I growled.

Jasper flinched and then mumbled, "Yeah, that would do it." As he held the door open for me and Alice.

**00000**

The plane ride into O'Hare was a nightmare. Alice insisted on coming with me for "emotional support", but only ended up annoying me with baby talk.

She had bought a baby magazine in the gift shop before we left LAX and was now pestering me about nursery layout and designs.

"Oh! Look at this one Bella! Fairies!"

I rolled my eyes at the picture being thrust in my face.

"Look Alice, now is really not the time for this. When I get back to Seattle, I promise you can fly out and we'll go over nursery themes then. Right now, let's just focus on getting my babies daddy back, okay?"

"Alright," she smiled, stuffing the magazine back in her carry on.

This is what I love about Alice. She's so agreeable in situations like these.

"So have you decided what you're going to say to him? I mean you can't just walk in there and announce you're pregnant."

"I'm not going to tell him about the babies right away. I just going to give him his options and then leave. I want him to really think about it. I want him there for the right reasons and not because he feels obligated."

Alice shrugged and then popped her ear phones in, leaving me to my thoughts for the rest of the trip.

When we landed, we rushed to the rental car counter and secured a mid-sized sedan. From there we got a hotel room close to the airport and that's where I left Alice, less than hour after touching down in Chicago. Now I am in the car, with the GPS programmed, going to find Edward.

**EPOV**

I was an emotional wreck after my therapy session. Nothing like your therapist calling you a selfish asshole for making a simple phone call. I believe she even told me to grow up, somewhere in her speech.

I returned to my apartment, looking to just hide out for the rest of the day and maybe get drunk. But all those plans went right out the window the minute I stepped off the elevator. I actually had to rub my eyes to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.

"It's me, Edward. You aren't imagining this," Bella said quietly. She was leaning on the wall opposite my apartment door, wearing a long coat, with a big messenger bag slung across her middle.

"What are you doing here? How did you even fucking find me?" I demanded feeling like my personal space was being invaded.

"Just open the fucking door and we'll discuss this inside. I don't think you want an audience for this conversation," she mumbled, glancing at the other apartments.

I unlocked the door, a feat made harder by my shaking hands. Bella looked even more beautiful then I remembered. She was practically glowing. I'm glad our separation has been kind to one of us.

She stepped in and looked around. She walked over to my sizable CD collection that was comparable to the one at home and ran her finger down the spines.

"So this is where you always came? To your fully furnished apartment that is almost identical to the one in Seattle."

She bends down and opens the drawer on the entertainment center, laughing humorlessly at the sizable DVD collection.

"You're such a bastard!" she says, looking up at me. Tears spilling from her eyes. "You have everything here that you do there, except the people who love you! I always thought you ran from yourself…your illness. But looking around here, it's obvious who you were really running from. All this tells me that you're comfortable with everything you have back in Seattle…the only thing that doesn't fit, is the people in your life."

I'm shaking my head, before she's even finished.

"That's not true!"

"Isn't it?" she whispers, taking a step towards me and pointing towards the bedroom. "I bet I can go in that room right now and find the same damn bed you have in Seattle, with the same fucking gold coverlet on it!"

I don't dispute her. I can't. So I shove my hands in my pockets and look down at the floor.

"And you can't even look at me," she accuses.

"What do you want me to say, Bella?"

"I guess I don't want you to say anything," she scoffs, looking up with angry eyes. "I just wanted to come here to tell you two things. One, I am sorry for not handling the situation with your parents better. I was a pushover and let your mom convince me that she knew what was best. But don't worry; my days of people telling me how to handle myself are over. I have other things to think about now besides myself and can't afford the luxury of being ignorant anymore. And two, if you want to be with me, you're going to have make and accept some changes in your life. If you can't or are unwilling to do that, then do me a favor and stay gone. This is for you."

She hands me a DVD in a purple jewel case and an envelope, before opening the door.

She pauses half way out the door, a small sob escaping her chest.

"Don't call me after you've looked at them. Just come home or stay gone. I'm done talking about it."

The door slams shut behind her and I am left in my apartment, with her scent swirling around me, feeling more alone then ever before.

**I would say Old Bella is back in the house and Edward just got bitched slapped with that door mat he almost turned her into! Who's on Team Bella? You wanted it, you got it...know leave me some love and tell me how you feel about it! :)**

**P.S. I am sitting in the middle of a fucking blizzard here people, about to buried under 20+ inches of forecasted snow tonight, not counting more snow that is expected tomorrow! Be kind and give me something to do! I love reading your reviews and PM's! :)**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: The response to the last chapter BLEW ME AWAY! I am so glad that you were all behind Bella! Yup, the Old Bella is alive and well and ready to kick some ass, I'd say! I know you guys are eager to get into Edward's head right about now. It fun reading your theories about how he would react to the news! I've had these chapters written for awhile, so it was hard to respond and NOT spill the beans! **

**As for me, we got 14 inches of snow last night and it's still coming down and blowing. We've got 6 foot drifts and they've declared a "Snow Emergency" and everything is shut down. So I'll be here...ready to read reviews and working hard on Chapter 32! **

**mustlovertp...still the bestest Beta/Pre-reader around.**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

My brain was on overload. If it wasn't for her scent lingering all around me, I would almost swear that I was imagining things.

Bella was here. Bella was fucking really here. But how?

I looked down at the DVD and envelope that she left me with. I set the envelope on the coffee table and put the DVD on in the player. I picked up the remote and pressed play, while I fixed myself a Jack and Coke in the kitchen.

As I was getting ice for my drink, I heard a strange thumping noise coming from the TV. I peered around the refrigerator door and immediately dropped my glass. The shattered pieces scattering across the floor.

"No fucking way!" I mumble, drawn to the television like I was stuck in a tractor beam.

In a second I was on the floor, on my knees in front of the screen. I reached up and ran my hand over where there were two arrows pointing one to Baby A and one to Baby B.

They looked like two little peanuts with nubs, squirming around. I turned around and grabbed the envelope off the coffee table and rip it open. At least a dozen ultra sound photos fall into my lap.

As I pick them up and look through them, I noticed Bella's name printed in the corner and an estimated due date of May 6th, 2011. I quickly make the calculations in my head and realize she got pregnant in August…while she was sick. Fuck.

I don't know how long I was still and staring at the photo's and the TV screen, but when I finally snap out of it, my face is wet and my whole world feels like it's shifted.

I stumble over to my phone and make an emergency phone call. I can't handle this shit on my own. I feel like a 2 year old who got kicked into the deep end of the pool without water wings on.

Fifteen minutes and two Jack and Cokes later; there's a knock on my door.

"Well, this is unprecedented, Edward. You've never used my emergency number before. What could have possibly happened between now and the time you left my office?"

I flag Dr. Denali over to the couch and motion for her to sit, as hit play on the DVD player. That thumping sound fills the room again.

"Edward. Would you like to tell me why I am watching someone's ultra sound video right now?"

"Bella was here." I tell her between pacing and gulps of my drink. "She was waiting for me when I got home. She gave me the DVD and that stack of pictures on the coffee table."

I watch as she thumbs through the photos with a slight smile on her face.

"Well, Edward. It looks like congratulations are in order."

"Congratulations?" Has this woman lost her fucking mind?

"Yes," she laughs. "It's customary and perfectly acceptable to congratulate an expectant father, Edward."

I grab my cigarettes and walk over the window, sliding it open and lighting a one.

"So you're not happy about this," she concludes.

"I don't know what I am," I mumble.

"Okay, well, let's start at the beginning. What did Bella say?"

"She noticed that my apartment and everything in it are almost identical to the one we share in Seattle. She accused me of running from the people I love. She said that I'm fine with everything in my life, except the people in it."

"Smart girl." Dr. Denali chuckled, scratching the back of her head. "So what did she say about the baby?"

"You mean _babies?" _I corrected, making her smile. "She said that if I wanted to be with her, I had to accept some changes in my life. She also said not to call her after I looked at the DVD and the pictures. That if I wanted this, to come home. But if I don't, then to just stay gone."

"Interesting. And how do you feel about that?"

God, what a question. How do I feel about this?

"I feel ambushed, cornered. Maybe even a little betrayed if I'm being honest. She knew I didn't want all of this. I told her before I never wanted to be a father. Any child of mine would have an 80% of being mentally impaired. I never wanted to do that to another human being and now look what's happened. I've done it to two!"

"I see," Dr. Denali says. "So you feel betrayed that Bella got pregnant, knowing that it's not what you wanted?"

"Sort of. Yeah."

"So you think that she got pregnant on purpose?"

"No," I scoffed. "But she knew she was on medication and didn't do anything to prevent it."

"Edward."

"Yes."

"Excuse my French, but as I said in our earlier session…you're an asshole." Dr. Denali said seriously, crossing the room to poke me in the chest. "You didn't want to have children? Alright. Well, what steps did _you _take to prevent it?"

"She said she was on the shot," I defended.

"So you don't want children, but you did nothing to make sure that a pregnancy didn't happen? You are so adamant that children are out of the question for you, but then you put the prevention entirely in someone else's hands? Now you want to stand there and try to be the victim?"

I swat her pointy ass finger away from my chest and start pacing again.

Okay, so she might have a point. I knew that her birth control was compromised. We used condoms, but I know they aren't 100% effective and technically we didn't start using them until after she developed the yeast infection and she was already on the antibiotics by then. Fuck.

And like it or not, Dr. Denali is right. When I found out Bella was on birth control, I put the prevention entirely in her hands. I didn't take responsibility for any of it.

She's right. I am an asshole.

"I can tell by the hair pulling, that I am striking a chord with you, Edward. So let me just tell you this. You are someone who doesn't own their actions. It's always someone else's fault or you hide behind your disease. You would rather run from everyone, then own your mistakes. That has to stop."

Fuck this woman! Why does she have to make so much sense?

"And I'll tell you something else, too. Any child you have may have an 80% percent chance of having a Depressive Disorder. But that child also has the benefit of having a parent who's been there and done that. Because you've lived through every possible mistake a parent could make with a child who has a mental disorder, you'll know what not to do with your own children. Pills aren't the answer for everything. So you look for the signs and get your child into therapy and let someone who's trained to deal with Adolescent Mental Illnesses, help them manage their disease. If your parents would have given you the tools you needed, your childhood would have been happy and hopeful."

By the time she's done talking, I am literally banging my head on the wall. Everything she's said is so honest and true. As much as I want to, I can't argue with her.

"Edward," she says quietly, resting a hand on my back. "You need to go back to Seattle, make amends with your parents and the demons of your past. Then find Bella and make a better future for yourself. It's time. The clock has run out. If you want to be a worthy father for you children, now is the time. Grow up and let go of the past and all your rules. Stop running from your mistakes and own them."

By the time Dr. Denali left, I felt like a different man. I sat on the couch and watched my children on the TV all night long and could feel my heart expanding with pride and love in my chest. By the time the sun started to rise, I was packed and ready to go. I had two weeks left until Christmas. Two weeks to right all the wrongs in my life. Fuck me.

**00000**

I arrived back in Seattle and got a hotel room. Bella was staying at her dad's in Forks, having taken a leave of absence from her work. According to Rosalie, her boss was less then thrilled with Bella's pregnancy. So she told Bella to take some time to consider her future in editing. Bitch.

The apartment was empty and I could have gone back to it, but there were some changes that needed to be made first. Emmett helped me arrange everything and Alice flew up to give her imput. Hopefully, this surprise would convince Bella I was serious about a future together.

Upon my return to Seattle, I immediately called my parents and the therapist they'd been seeing and set up a family appointment. Today would be the first time in 5 years that I would be face to face with my dad.

"Edward, it's nice to meet you," the therapist, Dr. Bertie greeted me. "Your parents aren't scheduled to arrive for another 30 minutes. I wanted some alone time with you and see where your head is at."

"I'm nervous, but ready to put all this behind me," I told him honestly.

"All of what? If you don't mind me asking."

I knew he'd push for a more direct answer. Fucking therapists.

"The past with my parents. The shit with my dad. Take your pick."

"I see. Well, Dr. Denali sent me your notes and I see here that you recently discovered that your girlfriend was pregnant and you were having a hard time accepting it."

"I've made my peace with that, actually. That's a non issue and not one that I want mentioned during my session with my parents. If and when they find out, I want to give Bella the option of being with me."

I noticed a faint smile on his face as he scribbled down some notes and he muttered "I see."

Yeah, he's one of _those _kinds of therapists.

"Is there anything else you want to avoid discussing?"

I thought about it for a minute and gave my hair a quick tug.

"No. I fine with any other topic of conversation."

He gave a nod and was about to say something, when his receptionist paged him over the intercom.

"Doctor, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are here to see you."

He looked at me and I gave him a stiff nod, before he instructed her to show them back.

A minute later the door opened and in walked my mom, followed closely by my dad.

I hadn't seen the man in 5 years, so to see some gray in his hair and faint wrinkles around his eyes and mouth was jarring. The old man is looking a little…well…older.

Dr. Bertie directed them over to the couch across the room from me. My mother gave me a warm smile and small wave. My dad, he just looked tense and had yet to make eye contact with me. If I didn't know better, I'd say he looked a little intimidated.

"Okay," Dr. Bertie started. "I know that this is the first time your family has been all together in the same room in 5 years. The idea behind this session is to problem solve, not place blame and point fingers. Carlisle, I think to really get to root of why we're here today, we should start with you. What part of Edward's anger are you willing to own?"

My father adjusted himself on the couch, pulling his ankle up onto the knee of the opposite leg. This was his classic defensive position. Meant to make him look cocky and confident, instead of insecure and uncomfortable. Nice front, Dad.

"Well," he started clearing his throat and making eye contact with me for the first time. "I guess I should start by apologizing to my son."

My head shot up, my eyes boring into his, looking for any hint of insincerity. There was none.

"I made a mistake, Edward. A huge mistake and it was at your expense. I'm a doctor. I'm supposed to know how to cure people. When someone is sick, you don't cure them half way or treat some of the symptoms. You treat them all and make them well. That's what I thought I was doing with you. It took me a long time to realize the differences between physical medicine and mental medicine. So I am sorry. I'm sorry that I subjected you to all those medications and their side effects. I'm sorry that I allowed my ego and lack knowledge in this type of medicine, to over ride my judgments as a father. I should have known when enough was enough."

"Yes you should have," I agreed. "You tore our family apart trying to find the perfect combination of drugs to make me normal. You led me to believe you were embarrassed to have a son who wasn't normal. You made mom feel guilty for bearing a son with a mental illness. And worse then all of that, you went to court and threatened to have me institutionalized."

"Edward, we said at the start of the session, that blame wouldn't get us anywhere today," Dr. Bertie reminded me.

"I'm not blaming him. To put blame on him, would be to throw out unsubstantiated facts and try to hold him accountable. What I am saying here and now _is _fact and I want to know why! Hiding behind being a doctor isn't enough. There had to have been some shame involved, to make him want to destroy his own family!"

Dr. Bertie didn't answer me. He simply lowered his glasses and peered over the top of them at my dad. Yeah, fucker…you know I'm right.

"You're right, Edward. There was shame. But it never rested with you. I always heaped it upon myself," my dad finally conceded. "And I did try to blame your mother. But I also blamed myself. I felt like we failed you. Your life was never going to be easy, because our defective DNA came together in such a way, as to cause you undue suffering. You were just a child for Christ sake!"

For the first time in my life, I could kind of see where my dad was coming from. The same guilt that always kept me from wanting kids of my own was the same guilt that drove my dad to over medicate me. He wasn't doing it to try and hide his defective son. He was doing it to try and make my life easier.

But there were still unanswered questions.

"What about the courts? What about trying to get Conservatorship?"

My dad sighed and then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"I was scared, Edward," he said, as his eyes filled with tears. "Life was already so hard for you. People were so mean and judgmental. The rate of suicide is higher for someone with a Depression Disorder. I was afraid that without supervision, people would tear you down. Of course by the time you were 18, I had pushed you so far away from us that if you left, I was afraid you'd never come back to us for help. So the answer seemed simple. Do anything necessary to keep you with us."

"So by dragging me through a painful legal process…" I started, swallowing around the lump in my throat.

"I thought I was protecting you," my dad finished. "It was stupid and selfish, Edward. I admit that. But you have to understand how frightened I was. You were my only child! If something happened to you…"

He took a minute to compose himself and hold my moms hand, before he continued.

"I'm just so sorry son. I never meant to hurt you. And I need you to know how proud I am of you and all you've accomplished. I'm so sorry. Not just for the hell I put you through. But for not believing in you, as well. In spite of me and all my negativity, you've done so much with your life. I'm honestly proud, son."

I nodded my head, at a loss for words. That was everything I wanted to hear and so much more. It almost was too perfect to trust.

"As much as I want to just forgive you and call it water under the bridge, I can't. But I can understand your motivation…now more then ever," I mumbled, running a hand through my hair. "So that being said, I suggest we start over. Maybe start building a new foundation for our relationship. I don't know how close we'll get to father and son, but we can at least try being friends."

"I would like that," he said, wiping at his eyes with a Kleenex.

The rest of the session was far less dramatic. We talked about boundaries for our new relationship and about them being a part of my life, but not controlling it. We talked about communication and helping me to manage my illness in a healthy way. By the time our 2 hours was up, I felt lighter…freer.

On our way out of the doctor's office, my parents and I discussed getting together for Christmas. I told them I would call them after I talked to Bella. If my plan worked out like it should, she'd be factored into my Christmas plans.

When I got to the hotel room that night, I sat down at the desk and crossed my parents off my "To Do List". Now all that was left was Bella and my babies and I still had 5 days until Christmas. The time frame wasn't ideal, but it was doable.

I called Emmett and was briefed on the situation at the apartment. He said they were on schedule to turn over the reigns to Alice tomorrow. Which worked out perfectly, since Bella called Rosalie and said she'd be back in town the day after, to celebrate an early Christmas with them. Perfect.

After hanging up with Emmett, I called Alice to tell her that I had booked her and Jasper on a flight for tomorrow. I wanted to make sure they would be here for the big reveal and if everything went as planned…the big celebration.

I also made plans to go shopping with Alice tomorrow. She got choked up over the fact that I wanted to be involved in the selection process. I told her to 'fuck off' and that I'd see her tomorrow. Bella my have turned me into a pussy…but I'm not a fucking pussy!

Sometime in the midst of this chaos, I also found time to call James. I know he was the one that told Bella where I was and I actually thanked him for it. If he hadn't told her, my life would still be in shambles. Of course James, being James, told me not to over think it. The only reason he caved and gave her the address was because she threatened his dick…then he hung up on me.

I laughed as I hung up my phone and walked out on to the balcony that over looks downtown Seattle and deeply inhaled. For the first time in a long time, I can't help but feel hopeful.

**Our Eddie is growing up! *Que chin quiver* And I don't know about you...but his therapist is THE SHIT! Talk about your mental bitch slap! Talk to me peeps! Let me know what you're thinking! :)**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: We approaching 200 reviews and I am thrilled! I know that's a small number of review in comparison to some stories that get thousands...but I've never gotten this many on one story before and I've made some new friends! That means the most to me! :)**

**OK, this chapter might be controversial and some of you may disagree with Bella here. I am prepared for that, so don't hold back! Tell me about it! I love having dialogue with you and discussing points of view! :)**

**A LINK TO THE SONG USED IN THIS CHAPTER IS POSTED ON MY PROFILE! IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE, I STRONGLY SUGGEST LISTENING TO IT. IT'S A GREAT SONG AND YOU NEED TO FEEL THE EMOTION BEHIND IT TO UNDERSTAND WHY EDWARD CHOSE TO PLAY IT FOR HER! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

It was Christmas Eve and I had gotten a call from Alice, asking me to come back to Seattle. Apparently she and Jasper were in town for visit and wanted to get together with everyone. I wasn't really in the mood to party. A week ago, I had to finally concede that my Jeep just wasn't going to be practical anymore. Being pregnant, I could barely get in and out of the thing and it was only going to get worse. Plus juggling two car seats, it just wasn't going to happen.

Charlie tried to talk me into a sensible Mini Van, but I just wasn't having it. Instead, I did the unthinkable and settled on a Volvo XC90. It took everything I had not to bawl my eyes out when I handed over the keys to my beloved Jeep. Silently, I was cursing Edward and his super sperm. He hasn't had to give up anything, but here I am almost 5 months in and my life is already unrecognizable. Asshole.

I stopped at the apartment to unload all my bags. I can't say I was thrilled about coming back here, but I didn't have a choice. I had to stay here until I found another place to live.

I'd spent the last two weeks hiding out at my dad's house. After Trish and I got into it at work, I just needed a break. Technically I am supposed to be on a Leave of Absence, but I think it was just a nice way of letting me go. I wish I could say I was upset about it, but I'm not. I've decided to say fuck it and write my own damn book.

"I knew you'd come here and try to carry all this shit up yourself!"

Rose scared the hell out of me! I was so lost in thought, I totally missed her car parked in our…my…Edward's, extra spot.

"Yeah, well. I can't hide out in Forks anymore," I sighed, handing her one of the bigger bags. "Esme has been prowling around and it's getting harder to hide from her the bigger I get."

"Nice ride! Did you take a page from Edward, when you picked this beast out?"

Her just mentioning his name made me flinch. It had been almost three weeks since I went to Chicago and he'd made no effort to get a hold of me.

"Sorry," Rose said quietly. "I didn't think…"

"No, it's fine." I smiled, as I swallowed thickly. "I thought the same thing when I ended up on the Volvo lot. But no, I went with this because of its safety rating and because I could get in and out of it without any problems."

"Yeah, you've definitely grown! Wow, has it only been two weeks?" Rose laughed, reaching out to touch my belly.

"I get bigger by the day!". It's ridiculous how big this bump is getting. I'm even waddling now.

Two weeks ago I could wear a baggy sweat shirt and still be able to camouflage my bump. Now? I can barely see my feet and I still have more than 5 months to go.

Rose helped me onto the elevator and slipped her hand in mine when she saw the tears starting to form in my eyes the closer we got to his floor.

"I hate that I have to come back here," I whispered, as tears ran down my cheeks.

Rose rubbed my back and offered me a small smile. Just then the elevator dinged and came to a stop.

I took a deep breath and when the doors opened, I stepped off. As I turned to walk down the hallway, I noticed the apartment door wide open and music coming from inside. I turned around to ask Rose what the hell was going on. But all I found was the rest of my bags sitting in the hall. The elevator was already gone, taking Rose with it.

I turned and walked back towards the apartment. The closer I got, the stronger the smell of fresh paint got. I peeked my head in the door opening and my jaw hit the floor. I had to check the number on the door to make sure I was in the right place.

The apartment was completely different. There were actual walls separating the space! The kitchen, dining room and living room were still open, but there was now a hallway with four doors.

I made my way to the first door and opened it. Inside was Edward's piano and paintings. Obviously this was meant to be his music and painting room. It was painted a deep red and had white trim. It was amazing.

The next door I opened across the hall was a bathroom. It had a tub, toilet and vanity. It was done in a nice neutral stone tile and was simply beautiful. Definitely something I would have chosen.

I made my way down to the next door, but there was a sign on it that said "Open Last". So I skipped it and moved on to the last door at the end of the hall.

I was stunned by the new master bedroom that I found on the other side. It was still all of Edwards's furniture from before, but there was now a set of stairs next to the bed on my side. I am assuming that was added to make things easier on me. Fucker.

I opened the closet doors and found a huge walk in closet that was already organized. My things on one side and Edward's on the other. I had to swallow hard against the lump in my throat.

I moved on to another door and found a master bath that was again done in a neutral stone tile. It had a massive stand alone shower, complete with a bench and a massive whirlpool tub next to that. The vanity with a double sink was absolutely amazing too. It looked like something you'd see in a Five Star hotel.

I made my way back to the door I was instructed to open last and twisted the knob. I was only half way through it when the tears started.

It was a gorgeous nursery painted in a soft soothing brown with white wainscoting around the bottom half of the wall. Above the wainscoting there was a 2 foot thick white stripe with pink and brown inter locking circles in different sizes painted on it. On each side of the room, against the walls, were two matching white sleigh style cribs with pink, brown and white striped bedding. On the back wall was a large white changing table, a matching dresser with framed pictures of the ultra sound photo's I had given Edward and a white rocking chair with padding that matched the bedding sat in the corner. It was absolutely amazing.

I felt him before I actually saw him.

"Obviously Rose spilled the beans about the sexes," he said softly.

I had just found out the day before yesterday that we were expecting girls.

"Rose always did have a big mouth," I whispered, frantically wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I slowly turned and saw Edward leaning in the doorway with his hands shoved in the pockets of his pants.

"You did this." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"Why?"

He looked up at me and his eyes were sad. "Because I love you. And because I love our daughters."

"How long have you been back?"

"About two and half weeks. I had some things I needed to do before I came to you."

"Things?"

"Bella," he started, walking into the room and stopping when he was about 6 feet from me. "I needed to slay some demons. You made me see that. So I came back and started going to therapy with my parents. My dad and I have talked. Things aren't perfect, but they're definitely better. We can talk and have agreed to start over…as friends."

I was stunned speechless. My shock must have been written across my face, because he laughed at me.

"Do they know?" I asked, motioning to my huge stomach.

"No," he said, staring longingly at my bump. "I didn't want to tell them without you."

Just then, one of the babies did a somersault and made me flinch. "God, I'll never get used to that!" I yelped, grabbing my stomach.

"May I?" he asked, looking down at my stomach and back up at me.

I took a few steps forward and reached for his hand, placing it over the spot that had just been pummeled. A second later, you could feel a party in my uterus. It was like they knew their daddy was waiting to feel them and they weren't going to disappoint.

"Oh my god!" Edward gasped, dropping to his knees and pressing both of his hands to my stomach, tears running down his face.

"Yeah, they are really active. I've been feeling them for about a month now." I told him, between sniffles.

"It's so amazing," he cried, leaning forward and placing two kisses on my stomach.

I was fighting to hold in the sobs that desperately wanted to break free. His tenderness was enough to gut me.

"I can't believe we did this," his voice filled with awe, as he moved his hands around my belly, following the small kicks and thumps. "Our babies are in there."

I didn't want to ruin the moment, but I had to know.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?"

Edward sighed and then stood back up, leaving one hand firmly planted on my stomach, rubbing soothing circles.

"Yes. I really am," he said, looking directly into my eyes; his voice filled with conviction. "I think I always knew I wanted this with you. I was just afraid to want it. Afraid of the "What if's". But it's been pointed out to me, that all the mistakes have been made on me. With the knowledge I now have on what _not_ to do, if our kids are sick, I think we'll be able to handle it the right way. Our kids will never go through any of the shit I did."

"You had to pay a therapist to tell you that? I could have told you that myself for free!"

"What can I say? I'm slow on the uptake!" he joked, making me chuckle a little.

"You are a fucking idiot half of the time!"

"Agreed."

"So what about us?" Deep down I was still afraid that he wouldn't want me. That he was still angry with me for betraying him that day at his parent's house.

"Well," he said, smiling as one of the babies thumped the palm of his hand. "I think that can be best summed up by song."

He grabbed my hand and led me into the living room, where he pressed play on the stereo, before pulling me into his arms. As the song played, he swayed us back and forth and sang the words to Johnny Lang's "Breakin' Me" softly in my ear.

_Every day I see your face I wish I'd stayed  
Don't even know what made me run away  
It's just the way I play the game_

_Emotional is not a word I'd use to explain myself_  
_But now I'm down upon my knees_  
_Baby please take me back_

_I don't want to be in love but you're makin' me_  
_Let me up I've had enough. Girl you're breakin' me_

_Here I am just half a man standing alone_  
_Feeling like I lost my only chance_  
_At happiness when I let you go_

_I don't want to be alone thinkin' bout you girl_  
_I got nothin' left to hold in this lonely world_

_The first time my heart was ever touched_  
_Was the day I lost your love_  
_I can feel it in my flesh and blood_  
_My soul can only take it so much_

_So there it is. Why can't you give us one more try_  
_You and I could find a way to live_  
_If you let me in one more time_

_I know you lost your faith in me but I still believe_  
_Can I make you understand, can I make you see_  
_That I'm desperate for your love and it's breakin' me_

_It's breakin' me_

**EPOV**

I sang the words to her, I could feel her shaking and sobbing in my arms. But I needed her to understand that I was done with the running and leaving. I would do whatever it took to become the man that her and my daughters deserved.

When the song ended, I pulled back so I could see her face and cradle it in my hands.

"I'm done with the running," I told her sincerely. "I've put the Chicago apartment on the market and I've already gotten some offers on it. It's gone."

"But…"

"No." I cut her off. "No buts. I didn't go off the Lithium when I left and I've been using the therapy to get rid of everything in my life that made me want to run. It was never you, Bella. I need you to understand that. You had it all wrong in Chicago. You were never what I was running from."

"Then why?" she sobbed. Her tears were killing me.

"I was stubborn and selfish. I wanted to hold onto all the hate that I had for my dad and my disease. It never occurred to me that I could let it go and live a semi normal life. Since my dad and I have talked, my anxiety is almost a non issue now. It's still there, but it doesn't rule my life anymore. I don't wake up and have to fight with it. It's amazing Bella, the difference in how I feel and how I see things."

She nodded and looked up at me with her watery eyes. "So what about us? What do you want from me?"

Just the question I was hoping she'd ask. I couldn't fight the smile that took over my face.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a ring, holding it up for her inspection.

"I really want to marry you," I told her honestly. "I want you, me and our daughters to live happily ever after."

Bella gasped and raised her hands to her face. The tears flowing freely once again, as I dropped down on one knee.

"I fucking love you, Bella. I have since that first night, when you saw through all my bullshit and straight to the heart of the man I am inside. You've stayed with me even when I had given up on myself. You've loved me when you should have hated me. And you've given me everything I never knew I wanted. You've made me complete and turned me into a man my mother and daughters can be proud of. I want to share my life and name with you. I want you to be Mrs. Isabella Cullen. Will please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

"No," she said, matter-of-factly.

I think I actually felt my heart shatter with that one simple word.

"Okay,"casting my eyes to the floor, so she wouldn't see the heart break in them. "I guess I deserved that."

"You do!" she fumed. "And more."

Shit! Maybe Jasper was right. Maybe it was too soon to propose. God, I'm such a fucking moron!

"I'm sorry." It was all I had.

"You should be," she said, putting a finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at her. "How dare you just assume I would go by Isabella Cullen? Maybe I'd like to keep my maiden name or maybe I want to hyphenate it and go by Isabella Swan-Cullen."

"Bella?" she had me thoroughly confused.

She laughed at the expression on my face. "Of course I'll marry you, you silly fucking boy! You had me the minute I stepped off that elevator."

I shot up off my knee and pulled her into my arms, chanting "I love you" over and over again in her ear.

After several minutes I pulled away and slid the 2 Carat Princess cut diamond ring onto her finger and gently kissed it.

"Now you're mine forever."

"Forever." she agreed, as I pulled her to me again. Laughing when I felt a kick to my stomach.

"Looks like they've already started celebrating!" I chuckled, gently rubbing a hand over my babies. "I can't wait to meet them and see who they look like."

"Me too," Bella sighed, resting her hand lovingly over mine.

I pulled her over to the couch and sat with her sitting sideways across my lap, nuzzling my nose into her hair as I continued to stroke her belly.

"We still have to tell your parents," Bella said after a while. "You're mom has been prowling around Forks, trying to see me. I had to sneak out of town."

"Tomorrow is Christmas. I can't think of a better gift, then to present them with two grandchildren and a daughter in law."

"Maybe we should wrap up a defibrillator…just in case." Bella laughed.

No shit! My parents are going to go fucking nuts when they find out about this! Part of me wants to jump in the car and go tell them right now. But I need this time with my Bella.

I gently picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom.

"Edward, you should put me down! You'll throw your back out!" she laughed.

"Nonsense. You hardly weigh anything."

Okay, so that wasn't entirely true. She definitely wasn't as light as she used to be. But I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that.

I set her down on the bed and crawled in next to her on my hands and knees.

**BPOV**

With the way he was looking at me, I knew what was coming next.

"I want to make love to you," he said quietly, tugging on my shirt.

God how I wanted him. He was all messy hair, white button up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, bare feet and worn jeans with a hole in the knee and frayed hems. He was beautiful.

"I'm kind of embarrassed for you to see me this way," I said quietly, looking down. "My body has changed so fucking much…"

"Hey! Stop that," he said sternly, resting a hand on my belly. "You're pregnant with my children. You've never been more beautiful then you are right now."

I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but sincerity there. Instead of answering him, I just raised my hands over my head and allowed him to pull my shirt off.

My jeans, bra and panties followed soon after. When I was completely bare and laid out before him, he gasped.

"Fuck you're beautiful," he whispered, the moonlight highlighting the tears in his eyes.

I sat up and pulled his shirt over his head and helped him remove his clothes. It was a slow process, as I insisted on kissing every inch of new skin I exposed.

When he was finally nude, he sat up Indian style and pulled me into his lap.

Our mouths connected in a deep passionate kiss. I raised myself up, reaching down, guiding him into me. We both groaned as I slowly sank down on him.

"Fuck!" he moaned, grabbing my hips and grinding me down on his cock. "I'll never get over how good you feel."

I rode him hard, as he kissed down my neck and chest, taking a nipple in his mouth.

"Oh God!" I cried, grabbing handfuls of his hair and pulling. "Edward, fuck me please!"

He moved me off of his lap and guided me onto my hands and knees, putting a pillow under my hips for support.

"Tell me if I hurt you," he said quietly, kissing the back of my neck.

He waited until I nodded in acknowledgment, before he plunged back in.

"Jesus…fuck…you're so tight like this, Princess," he groaned into my shoulder.

"Edward…" I begged, needing him to fuck me hard.

He started moving, picking up speed and depth with every snap of his hips.

I could feel myself starting to come undone. When he went all the way in on his next thrust, he hit my G spot and I instantly clamped down on him. He stayed buried in me as he grinded the head of cock on my sensitive spot, talking me through my orgasm.

"That's right, Princess. Come for me. Come all over me."

Jesus Christ. His soft velvety voice talking dirty in my ear, was enough to throw me into a second orgasm. When he felt the next wave start, he began thrusting again.

"Oh no you don't, Princess. Not without me!" he grunted, right before I felt him explode deep within me, as my muscles quivered and shook around his cock.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" he yelled, as he reached his peak. Grabbing and squeezing my hands, like it was the only thing holding him to the earth.

After a few minutes, he gently rolled to the side, pulling my back against his chest and kissing my shoulder.

"I've never come that fucking hard in my life. I love you so much," he said between kisses.

"Mmm.." I hummed in contentment. "I love you too and I've never come that hard and that many times before."

"Yeah, what was that?" he laughed. "Is that like a pregnancy thing?"

"No. It's an Edward thing. You've got mad skills, baby."

I felt him chuckle and play with the ring on my finger as I started to drift off to sleep. The last thing I heard and felt was Edward kissing my belly and telling his babies that "Daddy loves you".

**Alright, who feels like Bella let him off easy? I know there are several of you who are going to feel that way! :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Well, it looks like you guys were split down the middle last chapter! I expected it and it was fun to read of all your thoughts on the matter! :)**

**OK, so here's the new situation concerning this story. We are in the home stretch. There are 3 Chapters and an Epi left! However, you guys devoured this story much faster than I anticipated, so I only have ONE more chapter finished after this one! I am hard at work on Chapter 32 now, but I had to go to the doctors today because I have a sinus infection! BOO! So yeah, you might have to wait a day or two between chapters after I updated tomorrow! I am going to try and make that NOT happen...so please don't kill me if it does! **

**mustlovertp...you reek of awesomeness! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

"That's it! I am going tomorrow to buy another one of these. This thing is fucking awesome!"

We're on our way to Port Angeles and I convinced Bella to let me drive her new Volvo XC90. This car is badass and now I must have one.

"Really Edward? I know we are having twins and all, but do we really need two identical cars?"

I can't help but laugh at her. Silly girl.

"Hello. My name is Edward Cullen. Have we met?"

Bella chuckles and shakes her head. "You're right. I forgot who I was talking to there for a minute."

"You've got it in black, so I'll get it in silver. It'll be awesome, Princess. I promise."

I'm trying my damnedest to keep us distracted. Bella's nervous about delivering the Christmas Stork to my parents. And I'm scared shitless that I'll be dodging bullets at Charlie's house.

Of course Bella was really fucking supportive about seeing Charlie.

"_Don't worry about it Edward. He probably won't shoot you. He'll most likely just slap you around a little bit and break a few bones. Man the fuck up, already!"_

Man the fuck up? Her father is trained to dispatch people with extreme fucking prejudice! He'll probably get medieval on my ass. Maybe I should bring some donuts as a peace offering?

"Edward stop worrying about my dad. I won't let him hurt the father of my children!"

"Whatever Bella! What the hell are you going to do to stop him? You've got a good Bitch Brow, but I doubt it's enough to quell any of his homicidal impulses!"

"You're over thinking this!" she snorts. "He's just going to put the fear of God in you. You deserve it, so suck it up."

I pull the car over onto the shoulder of the road and jump out. Yanking the smoke from behind my ear.

"Edward? What the hell?" Bella yells out the passenger window.

"I'm not smoking around you or the babies. Just chill the fuck out!"

The window goes back up with no further argument, so I light my smoke and inhale deeply as I lean against the front bumper.

As I get my nicotine fix, I realize Bella is right. I need to suck it up and take this shit like a man. Granted, I didn't know Bella was pregnant when I left, but I sure as hell knew it was a possibility every time I got my dick wet in her.

I smoke my cigarette right down to the butt, before flicking it off into the woods, earning an eye roll from Bella.

"Shut up!" I tell her as I climb back into the car. "You can pretend to be a tree hugger all you want, but I've seen you flick my smokes over the side of your balcony a few times."

She starts to argue and then decides against it. Instead she chews on her bottom lip and looks out the side window. Fuck, she's adorable.

As we pass the "Welcome to Port Angeles" sign, I reach one hand over and rest it on Bella's belly, smiling when I feel a thump against my palm.

"Your mom is never going to forgive me for avoiding her all this time and not telling her about the babies."

"Maybe," I say quietly. I honestly can't predict my mother's reaction, so there's no use in trying to pacify Bella with bullshit.

We pull into the driveway and I barely have the car in park when the front door flies open.

"You have some explaining to do, Bella. I have been trying to call you for months!" my mother fumes from the door step.

I give Bella a sympathetic smile and then get out of the car.

"Carlisle, call your wife off and take her inside so I can get our shit in the house. We're not doing this in the driveway."

**BPOV**

I watch as Carlisle leads Esme back in the house. When they disappear from sight, Edward opens my door.

"Are you alright?"

"She's so angry," I mumble, wiping a stray tear from my cheek.

"We don't have to do this, Princess. We can say fuck them and send them some flowers and a copy of the ultra sounds."

Fucker! He knows how to play my ass!

"You're not getting out of seeing Charlie, Edward! So even if we left here now, our next stop is still Forks!"

"Fuck!" he mutters. "Well there went your out, Miss Swan. Get the fuck out of the car, Bella."

Edward helps hoist my bloated ass out of the car and then patiently waits as I get my bearings. My legs feel numb from the long car ride.

"You okay?" he asks, giving my belly a rub.

"Yeah, it's just hard to navigate."

I catch a glimpse of myself in the glass of the Cullen's front door and groan.

"Jesus Edward! I look like I'm ready to give birth tomorrow!"

"You better not! You still have to cook those babies for another 4 months," he laughs, as he kisses the top of my head and helps me up the front stairs. "Besides, you look fucking beautiful. If I could, I'd keep you pregnant forever!"

I totally believe him when he says that. Last night he kept playing with my bigger boobs and woke me up twice for sex. I won't even get into finding him sitting on the toilet this morning, watching me shower. It's like he can't get enough of looking at my body. It's sweet, but weird at the same time.

"Alright, let's do this," Edward sighs, as he opens the front door and pulls me in behind him.

I look over his shoulder and see Carlisle and Esme standing in the doorway to the den.

"Mom. Dad. Have a seat and we'll be in in a minute," Edward tells them, setting our bags down at his feet, but still keeping me blocked from view.

When they disappear into the den, he turns to me.

"Everything will be fine, Princess. I won't let them hurt you. You trust me, right?"

I nod and sniffle, wiping more traitor tears from my cheek.

"Okay, well I think I know of way to lighten the mood some," he says seriously, bending over and reaching into his duffle bag.

"What's that?" I ask, watching him with confusion.

"Just shut up and don't get angry," he chuckles, standing up and putting a huge stick-on red bow on my belly. "Maybe they'll accept it better if its gift wrapped."

I can't help it. I start laughing at the ridiculous bow on my stomach.

"Thank you!" I smile, giving him a chaste kiss. "I knew you'd find a way to make this easier."

Edward winks at me and then grabs my hand.

"On the count of three…" he whispers as we walk into the room. "One, two, THREE!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" we yell in unison.

**EPOV**

After we yell Merry Christmas and I step to the side so they can see Bella in all her glory, I swear you could hear crickets chirp in the room. My parents looked absolutely stunned.

It took a good 5 minutes before my mom finally stood up and walked over to us.

"Is this why you've been hiding from me?" she seethed. "You've been trying to hide the fact that you're pregnant with another man's baby?"

"What!" Bella yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Mom…" I started, but she cut me off with her hand.

"Don't you 'mom' me, Edward Cullen!" she spat. "This baby would have had to have been conceived in April or May and you weren't here then! Don't tell me you didn't do the math!"

"Esme…" my dad tries, but he's cut off as well.

"No Carlisle. I'll be damned if she's going to come here and try to pass this child off as Edward's. Here I thought you genuinely loved and missed my son. I sat and nursed you through all those tears and then you come in here pregnant with another man's child! It's probably that Jacob person isn't it? You're expecting my son to take responsibility for a child whose father stole from him! How could you, Bella Swan!"

"MOM!" I scream, finally getting her attention.

When she finally shuts up and turns into my fathers chest, sobbing. I walk over to the DVD player and pop in the DVD I had been holding.

"Sit down, shut the fuck up and watch this! When you're done, I expect you to give my fiancée a fucking apology!"

I push play on the remote and walk back over to Bella, pulling her into my arms, wiping the tears from her cheek and whispering apologies in her ear.

"Oh my god!" my mom gasps.

I turn and look at the screen. It's the picture of both babies with arrows pointing to Baby A and Baby B. I'll be damned if that sight doesn't still choke my ass up.

"We'd like you to meet your granddaughters who were conceived in _August_, when I was here," my voice cracking with emotion.

"Bella?" my mom says quietly turning her head from the screen, her own tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know…"

"No you didn't!" Bella snaps, still upset about her earlier outburst. "But thank you for believing the worst, before giving us a chance to explain."

"You were hiding from me, Bella," mom says coming to stand in front of her. "I thought you were hiding the fact that you were pregnant. I mean, if it was Edward's, why would you hide it from me?"

"Because I thought that Edward would want to be here to tell you himself. He's your only child. I thought you both deserved to hear it from him. That's why I convinced James to tell me where he was so I could go after him."

"You what?"

"She flew out to Chicago and gave me this DVD and the ultra sound pictures. She told me to come home or stay gone," I said quietly. "She gave me the reality check I needed."

"So you're happy about this, Edward?" my dad asked quietly. "It's going to be a huge adjustment."

"No. They are my kids, not an adjustment or something I have to learn to live with," I snap. "Of course I am happy about this. I'm going to be a daddy and God gave me two lives to be responsible for. Why would he do that if he thought I couldn't handle it?"

"Why indeed," my dad smiled, offering me a hand shake. "Congratulations son."

As I turned back to mom and Bella, they were embracing each other and whispering words back and forth. Rather than interrupt, I followed my dad into the kitchen, where he was pouring himself and my mom and congratulatory glass of champagne.

"Grandpa," my dad laughed under his breath. "I never thought I'd live to see one grandchild, let alone two!"

"Tell me about it!" I chuckle. "And worse yet…they are both girls! Like I said, either God believes in me or he's getting fucking even with me."

My dad smiles and then his face turns serious.

"Have you mentioned this to your therapist? I mean I hate to be nosy, but I think you should start working with him on preparing yourself for this."

My first gut reaction was get mad and defensive that my father was still bringing this shit up. But deep down, I now know that his worry is coming from some place good. I'm his son; it's only natural for him to worry.

"Yeah, we've talked about it. He seems to think that I'll be just fine. I just have to be aware of my anxiety levels and catch it before it has a chance to do any damage."

"Good. Now we just need to get you to stop smoking," he laughs, motioning to the smoke stowed behind my ear.

"One hurdle at a time, Old Man," I tell him, opening the sliding glass door and stepping out on the deck to light my cigarette.

**BPOV**

"I'm so, so sorry, Bella." Esme whispers in my ear. "Will you ever forgive me? I shouldn't have just assumed."

I watched as Carlisle and Edward left the room. Deep down I wanted to go with them. But that wouldn't solve anything. How many times did Edward have to leave, to prove that?

"Yes. I can forgive you, Esme," I said, pulling out of her arms. "I want to be bitter and resentful, but shutting you out for months, probably wasn't the best decision on my part. I left you here wondering what you did wrong…well, besides that stupid plan to spring Carlisle on Edward."

"That was pretty stupid," she chuckled, wiping at her eyes with a Kleenex. "And I am really sorry about that. I honestly thought he'd reached a place where an intervention would work."

"I know you did," I sighed. "But you can't assume anything with Edward. I think that's a lesson we've all learned the hard way. And just for the record, Jacob Black _never _stuck his dick in me!"

The shocked look on Esme's face, made me laugh, which got her laughing.

"Oh shit! I know that! I have no idea where that came from. I was just so stunned and hurt."

"Yeah, well so was I. A valuable lesson when dealing with me…if I step back, you step back. I'll find you again when I need to."

I wasn't necessarily proud of my reaction to things. But I never had a "motherly" influence in my life and learned to deal with things on my own.

"Well, as long as it's a step back and not a step out of my life, I think I can heed your advice."

"Good." I smiled, pulling her into another hug.

"And thank you for bringing my son back. All those therapy sessions and he never said anything. I'm gonna kick his ass!"

I chuckled at her, which got someone else's attention. We both gasped, when we felt the thumps between us.

Esme pulled back and rested her hand on my belly. "This is really happening? I am really going to be a Grandmother?"

"Yup." I smiled. "Twice!"

"What a blessing," she sniffled. "I never thought I'd have the opportunity. Thank you, Bella."

"Thank your son! It's was his Super Sperm and over active sex drive that did this. Well, actually I take that back. It was my cold and prescription antibiotics that made it possible. But it was Edward's Special Sauce that did it. You're boy has some competitive swimmers going on down there!"

I looked up after finishing my rant and laughed at the expression on Esme's face.

"Seriously Bella, I think I need a drink. That was just entirely too much information!"

**EPOV**

We sat around and celebrated with my parents, watching the DVD at least 10 more times, before Bella announced it was time to go see Charlie.

"Does he know?" my mom whispered to me.

"Yes."

"And you're still breathing?" she joked.

"Like I said…_we're_ goingto see him. You should really hug your son, this might be the last time you see him alive."

"So dramatic!" mom laughed, hugging me. "And stop talking about yourself in the third person. It's rude."

"Ready?" Bella smiled, barely able to contain her excitement. The bitch was looking forward to this.

Ten minutes later we were back in the car and on our way to Forks.

"It's the last hour of your life, Edward. Any confessions you want to make?" Bella chuckled.

"Yeah," I smarted off. "I met, knocked up and asked this total bitch to marry me. Do you think my condition has progressed from a mood disorder to pure insanity?"

Bella laughed and then punched the shit out of my shoulder.

"Call me a bitch again and I'll use one of my dads dull hunting knives to cut your dick off!"

"Gahhh," I whined, as I felt my cock tuck under my balls and dig in like my taint was a fox hole.

"I think he's done playing with you until the hormones level off."

The rest of the ride was quiet. Thankfully, Bella needed to stop and use the bathroom about 7 miles out, so I was able to smoke a few cigarettes and calm myself down.

"Trying to give yourself lung cancer before we get there?" Bella snarked, walking up to me.

I held my hand up motioning her to stay back, before tossing the butt away.

"Shut it, you," I chuckled, opening the passenger door for her. "And don't walk up on me like that when I'm smoking. Maintain a safe distance and let me know you're there."

Seriously? Doesn't she know about the dangers of second hand smoke?

Fuck. Maybe my dad was right. This shit would be a whole lot easier if I just fucking quit.

I'll think about it.

As we were pulling up to the front of Charlie's house, I couldn't help but notice something.

"Doesn't your dad's house look a little like the Amityville Horror house?"

"It does not, Edward!" Bella laughed. "Stop being a pussy!"

"Seriously Bella, it fucking looks like there should be bodies buried in the crawl space!"

"Edward…"

"A green porch, Bella? Psycho killers love the color green! Look at that one dude, the 'Green River Killer'. See that's it! He wants to kill me because I have green eyes! You're dad's a murderer Bella…you're in denial!"

"Edward, I swear to fucking _God…"_

"You shouldn't swear, Princess. It's not good for the babies to hear that. As a matter of fact, we both should get a handle on our mouths. I don't want our kids' first words to be 'fuck'. That would be embarrassing…."

"EDWARD!" she yelled, getting right in my face and pulling me to her by my coat lapels. "If you don't stop stalling and get your ass out of the car, you won't have to worry about my dad killing you, because I will gladly do it myself!"

"Is this what I have to look forward to when you go into labor?"

Bella gave me the evil eye and growled.

"Okay, alright…I'm going!"

I jump out of the car and jog around to the passenger's side. I help Bella out of the car and then pull her in front of me.

"Are you seriously using your pregnant fiancée and your children as a shield?" Bella huffed. "This is definitely not the best way to get in his good graces, Edward!"

Good graces? Shit! That reminds me.

"Fuck! I forgot the donuts!" I said quickly. "You go head on in and I'll go get them."

"No. No, sir!" Bella yelled, grabbing me by the back of the coat. "You are not going anywhere. Just get the gifts and let's get this fucking over with! I'm tired, grumpy, my back hurts and fucking feet are swollen!"

I groaned and grabbed the poorly wrapped tackle box and plaid shirts out of the backseat.

"I can't believe you wore your Vans today!" Bella hissed.

"Why? Now he has something against Vans?" I asked incredulously.

"No. I just assumed you'd be smart enough to wear your Nikes or something! I don't know how you plan to get a head start in slip ons!"

"Are you fucking kidding me, Bella? I specifically asked you if I was dressed okay before we left this morning and you said it was fine!"

"And it is. But you weren't wearing shoes when you asked…just saying." Bella shrugged, heading for the house.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to the packages, when I heard it.

"Well hey there Bells! Looks like you brought me a piece of shit for Christmas! You shouldn't have."

Oh fuck!

**So a little lighter chapter after all the heavy! Has Edward redeemed himself at all? Or are we all laughing at his soon to be face off with Charlie? Let me know!**

**Something to laugh about! I went to send a partial of Chapter 32 to my Beta and sent it to my sister instead! That's right! I totally outed myself as a Fanfic Writer to the one person who will NEVER let me hear the end of it! See, this is how miserably sick I am! Send me some loves...I need them! :)**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. I've been sick as hell and then had an allergic reaction to the meds they had me on and I was in the ER yesterday morning. My blood pressure dropped to 90/47...good times. Anyway, my fever is down to 101.5, so I thought I'd get a little work done between naps. I do have Chapter 32 ready for Beta and hopefully I'll get Chapter 33 done today or tomorrow. We're in the home stretch now! :)**

**THE LINK TO THE SONG USED IN THIS CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED ON MY PROFILE!**

**mustlovertp...still the bestest Beta/Pre-reader/friend around! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

It was two days after Christmas and I was driving us back to Seattle. Bella was passed out in the passenger's seat beside me.

What a fucked up Christmas this has been. First telling my mom and dad about the impending arrival of their Grandchildren. Then having to go over and face Bella's dad. My mind was still reeling from that fucked up conversation.

"_So Edward, why don't you start by telling me why you constantly feel the need to run from Bella? I get that you're all screwy in the head and everything. But that's my little girl and I've seen her heart broke one too many times by you."_

"_Uh, well, you see…I…er…we…shit." I stuttered, realizing that I honestly had no explanation._

"_That's what I thought." Charlie grunted, taking another gulp of his beer. _

"_Let me spell this out for you boy. You've got two little girls of your own on the way…grow the fuck up! Think about what you would do to the piece of shit that broke their hearts repeatedly. I mean, get a good mental image of them bawling their eyes out, heaving into a toilet and screaming out in their sleep for this dickhead. Can you do that?"_

_I nodded and felt my pulse start to quicken with rage. _

"_Good. Because as a father, that's what you've put me through. So here's what I want to do to you, but can't, since you went and knocked up my daughter and she needs you around. Long story short ; I want to put a bullet in your sorry ass, run your body through a wood chipper, scoop up the remains and use it as chum on my next finishing expedition. You feel me son?"_

_I swallow thickly and nod._

"_Good, now keep that in my mind. Because if you ever run out on Bella or those babies ever again…I'll have your dick mounted on my mantle!"_

"_Ye…" I started, having to stop and clear my throat before I continued. "Yes, sir."_

I've never felt a more immediate threat to my junk, then I did in that moment. I don't know if he planned it for effect or what, but he made damn sure we had that conversation in his den. Where all his guns and an impressive collection of hunting knives were housed.

In another time and under different circumstances, I might have considered that room an awesome Man Cave. But now, having my shit threatened in there, I saw it as some sort of perverse torture chamber. Just thinking about it makes me fucking shudder.

However, my conversation with Charlie wasn't all bad. After he'd gotten all the threats out of his system, he'd actually given me some valuable fucking insight into his daughter.

"_To be frank here, Edward. I fucked up with her. After Renee passed, I was left to care for a little girl and I had no idea what to do with her. So I went with what was natural and raised her like a little boy. By the time she was five, most of her wardrobe was compromised of overalls and flannel. Not a good choice when you're child is going through their formative years. It's around that time that, Lillian Hale, Rosalie's mom, stepped in. She came over, demanded my credit card and hauled Bella off to Seattle for the weekend. When she came back, she had lots of pink and dresses."_

_I smiled, imagining a young Bella, being thrust into frilly clothes. I bet that went over well._

"_Needless to say, a battle ensued. Half the time I would compromise with her and she'd dress up in a dress for school, paired with her old sneakers and a baseball cap. "_

_Yup, that's my Bella._

"_Anyway, things started to get better and the older she got, the more she started warming up to the idea of being a girl. By the time she hit her teen years though, her mouth left something to be desired. Without a woman here, there was no one to ride me about having a filter around the child. Needless to say, she had a very colorful vocabulary…especially when she was angry."_

_Amen! I'd been on the receiving end of that mouth, one too many times. _

"_But she was a good kid. Always driven, always a caretaker. She cooked, cleaned and I let her. I didn't know any better. But she had balance back then. She could do for herself and balance the household chores and caring for me. She even managed to keep that balance when she went out on her own. But all that changed when she met you."_

_Fuck. _

"_Yeah, she fell for you hard and I am sorry to say that my tough as nails little girl, lost herself in you."_

"_She did." I agree, swallowing against the lump in my throat. The tears burning behind my eyes. _

"_I'm glad you realize that, son. Because MY Bella is back now and I'll be damned if I'll let you take her from me again."_

I was pulled from my memories by Bella stirring next to me.

"Are we home yet?" she stretched, absently rubbing her belly. I fucking loved to see her do that.

"About an hour." I smiled, lacing my fingers with hers on her stomach. I was greeted with a tiny thump.

"So your mom asked me about the wedding." she sighed.

I knew my mom would corner her about that.

"And? What did you decide?"

"I don't know." Bella shrugged looking out the side window. "I don't really want to go down the aisle when I'm pregnant. I am days away from being 5 months along and can't even see my fucking feet."

"So you want to wait until the babies get here?"

"I think so. I mean there's no rush, right?"

"No rush." I smiled, pulling her hand up to my mouth and kissing the back of it. "I was actually kind of thinking about September. The two year anniversary of the first time we met, actually."

"September 15?" she mused. "That could be cool."

"So we have a date then?" I smiled, as she nodded her head.

"We have a date."

We fell into another peaceful silence, as Bella fished around in her bag and came up with a book to get lost in.

My thoughts wandered back to Charlie's house and when he first spotted the ring that sat upon Bella left hand.

"_What the hell is that?" Charlie bellowed, pointing at her hand. _

"_We're engaged, Dad." Bella said, rolling her eyes._

"_You mean you're actually going to marry that Mother Scratcher? What the hell is wrong with you, Bella?"_

"_Whoa!" I yelled, grabbing Charlie's attention. "I hardly think it's necessary to yell at her, Charlie."_

"_Just like you didn't think it necessary to come ask me for her hand?" he scowled, crossing his arms across his chest. "Where I am from, son. You don't propose to a woman until her father gives his OK."_

"_Well, Charlie, I mean no disrespect, but Bella is already pregnant. Therefore whether or not you approve is irrelevant, sir. I want to be with Bella and raise our children together. Bella's permission is all I need for that to happen."_

"What are you thinking about?" Bella asked, her voice sounding amused. "You look scared."

"I was just thinking about when your dad figured out we were engaged."

"Oh!" Bella hissed, cringing. "I didn't think it was possible for anyone to turn that fucking purple."

"Yeah, well that's all fucking over now. He knows and maybe one day he'll even learn to accept it." I laugh.

"One can only hope." Bella chuckled, as I pulled into our parking garage.

Home at last.

Bella waddled upstairs, while I made multiple trips between the car and the apartment with the bags and various Christmas gifts we'd received.

"Bella!" I yelled, coming through the door with the last of the bags. "Where are you, Princess?"

"Back here!"

I made my way down the hallway, finding Bella sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery.

"What the hell are you doing, Baby?" I asked, squatting down next to her.

"Just imaging." she sighed, giving her belly a pat. "This time next year, this room is going to house babies. It's mind blowing."

"Tell me about." I say, giving my hair a tug.

Bella's eyes brows furrow as she watches me.

"Are you still OK with this?" she asks, nervously.

"What? Bella…shut the fuck up! Of course I am still OK with this! Jesus, just because I give my hair a little yank, doesn't mean I am out the door. Like it or not, this…" rubbing her belly. "Represents a lot of anxiety. Hair tugging is going to happen."

"Oh." she said quietly. "Sorry."

"I just wish I could see what's going on in there." I went on. "You know, be certain that everything is OK and that they have all their bits and pieces."

Bella smiles and sighs, resting her head against the back of the chair. She reaches her hand out to stroke my hair.

"They're going to perfect, Edward. They have to be. They are half you."

I gave her chaste kiss and laid my head down on her stomach. My favorite past times the last couple of days.

"We haven't talked about names." I said quietly, kissing her belly.

"Hm, no we haven't, have we?" Bella mused. "Do you have any ideas?"

I lifted my head and smirked.

"Right, Bella. Because baby names are something I've had to think seriously about."

"Oh, that's true." she chuckled.

We were silent for a few minutes. Each in our bubble of bliss.

"What about Astrid and Ingrid?" she said suddenly. Like she'd just had an epiphany or some shit. "I read a book called "White Oleander" and those were the mother and daughter's names. It was a really good book."

"What was it about?"

"The mother, Ingrid murders her boyfriend when he doesn't want her anymore and the daughter, Astrid is bounced around to different foster homes, while she tries to come to terms with her mom being a psycho."

"So you're telling me you want to name our precious angels after a homicidal maniac and her daughter?" I laugh.

"It just popped in my head."

"Yeah, well the shit that pops in your head scares me a little, Princess."

**BPOV**

To be honest, until Edward brought it up…I hadn't even thought of naming the babies. But now that it was out there and had to be done, it was all I could think about.

When he mentioned it, the first thing that popped in my head was Astrid and Ingrid. I remember reading that book and wondering where the hell author's come up with these names at. I mean, a manuscript crossed my desk once and the character's had named their daughter, Renesmee. Really? No…just no.

"I want their names to mean something." Edward said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What do you mean? Like Tyler, means roofer?" I laughed.

"No." he chuckled, lifting his head off my belly and sitting with his back to the wall, stretching his long legs in front of him. "I mean like, I want them named after something that's special to us."

Something special to us?

"Edward, I don't think 'Missionary and Reverse Cowgirl Cullen', would go over very well when they start school."

"Oh my god, you're so fucking funny, Bella. Seriously, I'm like busting a gut over here." he mocks, smacking my leg.

"I know what you meant." I laughed, rubbing my leg. "That hurt fucker!"

"And we really need to start cleaning up language. Maybe start one of those cursing jars my mom was talking about."

"Shit!" I laughed hysterically. "Between the two of us, we'd have their college education paid for before they are even born!"

I laughed some more and wiped some tears from my eyes as I looked over at Edward. He was sitting there staring at me, with a peculiar expression on his face.

"What?" I asked, feeling self conscious.

"You." he said simply. "You're so fucking beautiful. It's just overwhelming to see you sitting in this nursery, your belly full with my children, laughing. It's surreal and I can't believe I almost robbed myself of having this with you. It's seems like blasphemy that I ever thought I didn't want this. Because right now, it's all I want. I love you and our daughter's so much."

I bite my lip and fight to hold in my tears…but it's useless.

"I love you too and you'll never know how happy I am that you came home."

"Come on." Edward smiled, standing up and offering me his hands. "Let's go to bed. I just want to hold my girls."

**EPOV**

We went into our bedroom and while Bella went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, I went over to the stereo and put on some music.

"Music, Edward?" Bella laughed, poking her head out of the bathroom with her tooth brush hanging out of her mouth.

"You can save the seduction, Mister. Newsflash…I'm a sure thing."

"Quiet, you!" I chuckled, shaking my finger at her. "It's been too long since I pulled out all the stops for you and made you feel loved. That changes tonight."

"Jesus, Edward." she snorted. "I think I just swooned a little."

"Can it!" I laughed. "Just get those teeth clean and then get that sweet ass in here…naked."

I fished around in the cabinet and found some candles. I dispersed them through out the room, until it was all awash in a soft glow. Perfect.

I walked over to the bed, turning down the covers. Then I undressed myself and crawled in. Ten minutes later, Bella emerged from the bathroom…in my Ramone's t-shirt?

"Bella? What the fuck? I said naked!"

"I know I'm getting there." she said, sliding under the covers, yanking the shirt over her head and then pulling the blankets up to her chin.

"Alright. What gives?" I ask, sitting up and yanking at my hair.

"Nothing."

"I call bullshit, Bella." turning to her and trying to yank the blankets down.

"Edward STOP!" she yells, holding onto the covers with a death grip.

"I will when you tell why you're hiding!"

"BECAUSE I'M FAT!" she screams, letting go of the blankets and nearly sending my flying off the bed on my back.

"Are you happy now, Mr. Beautiful?" she cried, wiping at her tears. "You get nothing out of this pregnancy. But I get a fat butt, stretch marks, swollen ankles and shit hanging out of my ass! I'm disgusting, Edward!"

What the fuck?

"Um, Bella? Shit hanging out of your what?" I cough to cover a chuckle.

"My ass!" she huffs. "Hemorrhoids, Edward."

"Oh." I say, turning my head to cringe. Am I going to be balls deep in her and feel something slapping my boys? I shake my head to rid myself of the image.

I turn back to Bella and frown.

"What?" she snaps, folding the blankets across her chest and resting her arms on top.

"What?" I repeat in the same shitty attitude. "Will you listen to yourself? I don't know what you see when you look in the mirror, but I see a really beautiful woman, who is bringing my children into the world."

Bella rolls her eyes at me and huffs, still not buying it.

"Alright then." I say, grabbing her up and taking her over to the full length mirror on the back of the closet door.

"Edward! Fucking stop!" she protests, trying to squirm out of my arms.

"No way, babe. This shit stops now." setting her down on her feet and turning her towards the mirror while I stand behind her.

I rest my hands on her belly and my chin on her shoulder.

"Open your eyes, Bella." I whisper in her ear.

Her eyes slowly blink open, as a tear runs down her face.

"Look at you." my voice filled with awe. "Look at the lives inside you that we created."

I slowly turn her to the side so she can see her profile. My voice catches audibly in my chest.

"You're the epitome of beauty, Princess. The way your body has changed and become softer. You're amazing and you take my breath away."

**BPOV**

I stared into the mirror at his green eyes and the way he was watching me…made me feel beautiful. He was so gentle and loving. He was touching me and staring at me reverently, like I was the most precious thing in his world.

"Thank you." I choked out around a sob.

He smiled gently at me and then picked me up and carried me back over to the bed, laying me down so I was laid out for him to see.

"So beautiful." he whispered, before his lips met mine in a heated kiss.

He broke away from my lips and worshipped my body with his mouth. How gentle he was with my overly sensitive chest made me love him even more.

When he moved down and kissed all over my belly, lovingly stroking it and even "shushing" it when he felt a thump, brought a goddamn tear to my eye.

He delicately parted my legs and waited until I looked down at him to flash me that patented sideways smirk, right before he stuck his tongue out, showing me the piercing there and then diving face first into my sex.

"Holy fuck!" I yelled, balling the sheets in my fists as I felt the metal roll around my clit. When he started flicking his tongue, it felt like the fucking thing was vibrating.

"Jesus! I'm going to come, Edward!" I warned, feeling the tell tale burn in my stomach.

"Let it go, Princess." he whispered, adding and finger and quickly flicking his tongue again.

It was game over for me. My legs shook violently, my head thrashed from side to side and my legs felt like rubber.

Edward kissed and sucked the inside of my thighs, as I came down.

As my breathing came back under control, I started laughing.

"You are never taking that fucking ball out of your tongue!" I laughed, pulling him up to me by his hair. "I don't care if you're 90 fucking years old! It's staying!"

He kissed me deeply and I could taste myself on him. So fucking hot.

"How do you want to do this, Princess?" he whispered in my ear, sucking on the lobe. "I want to make love to you, but I don't want you to be uncomfortable, either."

This was definitely the tricky part. I so wanted to be able to see and hold him while he loved me. But my belly made it nearly impossible. Last time we attempted sex, I was on my hands and knees. It was good, but not very romantic.

"Here, I have an idea." he said, rolling me over onto my side and nuzzling in behind me.

He pulled my leg back over his hip and slowly entered me. I gasped and it brought him to a screeching halt.

"Are you OK?" he asked, panic lacing his voice.

"It's good." I moaned. "So fucking good."

I felt a chuckle rumble through his chest, as he continued to slide into me. When he was all the way in, he stopped and checked in to see how I was doing. I nodded in approval and he began to move.

"Fuck, Bella. You feel so goddamn good like this." he groaned, picking up speed.

Moans and whimpers were rolling off my lips as I reached around and grabbed his ass, forcing him in deeper.

"I know you love me, Edward. But I need…I need…"

"What? What do you need, Princess?"

"Just fuck me, please!" I begged, as I clawed at the sheets.

That was all it took. Edward scooted a little lower down behind me for better leverage and then told me to hold on. A minute later he was fucking me hard and deep. Rubbing and pinching my clit.

"You…are…the…most…beautiful…fucking…thing…I've…ever…seen." he growled with each thrust.

"Oh my god!" I screamed, digging my nails into his ass.

"Say it, Bella. Scream that shit for me! NOW!" he ordered.

Knowing exactly what he wanted, I moved my hand down to where he was furiously working my clit and applied a little more pressure to his fingers. That was all it took.

"EDWARD!" I screamed, over and over again as I fell off the edge into the most mind blowing orgasm of my life.

"Yeah, that's mother fucking it, baby!" he moaned behind me, as he grunted and spilled into me.

"Fuck me, holy shit!" he chanted as his orgasm rocked his body.

Edward pulled out of me, but kept me cradled against his chest as we both tried to regulate our breathing.

"Don't ever try to hide your beautiful body from again, Bella." he whispered in my ear, while kissing my neck. "I love you no matter what."

"No matter what." I agreed, reaching back and scratching the back of his head with my nails.

We laid there wrapped up in each other listening to the music from the stereo. "One" by U2 started playing and Edward sang the words in my ear, making me smile.

_Is it getting better  
Or do you feel the same  
Will it make it easier on you now  
You got someone to blame  
You say..._

_One love_  
_One life_  
_When it's one need_  
_In the night_  
_One love_  
_We get to share it_  
_Leaves you baby if you_  
_Don't care for it_

_Did I disappoint you_  
_Or leave a bad taste in your mouth_  
_You act like you never had love_  
_And you want me to go without_  
_Well it's..._

_Too late_  
_Tonight_  
_To drag the past out into the light_  
_We're one, but we're not the same_  
_We get to_  
_Carry each other_  
_Carry each other_  
_One..._

_Have you come here for forgiveness_  
_Have you come to raise the dead_  
_Have you come here to play Jesus_  
_To the lepers in your head_

_Did I ask too much_  
_More than a lot_  
_You gave me nothing_  
_Now it's all I got_  
_We're one_  
_But we're not the same_  
_Well we_  
_Hurt each other_  
_Then we do it again_  
_You say_  
_Love is a temple_  
_Love a higher law_  
_Love is a temple_  
_Love the higher law_  
_You ask me to enter_  
_But then you make me crawl_  
_And I can't be holding on_  
_To what you got_  
_When all you got is hurt_

_One love_  
_One blood_  
_One life_  
_You got to do what you should_  
_One life_  
_With each other_  
_Sisters_  
_Brothers_  
_One life_  
_But we're not the same_  
_We get to_  
_Carry each other_  
_Carry each other_

_One...life_

_One_

I turned in his arms, until I was facing him. Tracing his features with my hands.

"I love you." I breathed. "And I love this song."

"Mmm…me too." he smiled, closing his eyes in contentment, gently rubbing my back.

A minute later his eyes popped open.

"Bella! I think I have names for the babies!"

**Raise your hand if you think Edward is slowly redeeming himself? I gotta say it...I kind of wanted to lick his 'Cullen' tattoo after this chapter! :)**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: OK, so this is last chapter that I had prewritten and I haven't yet written Chapter 33, because I am still sick. :( But I am going to try to get it written and to you by this weekend! Sorry, but your patience is appreciated! This wasn't my intention and am I willing to throw my friends 6 year old son under the bus for bringing this bug into my house and infecting me, which in turn delayed the progression of this story! He's only six...you guys could take him! :)**

**mustlovertp...you're amazing for checking on me everyday to make sure I'm still alive! Much love my sister! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV **

**24 Weeks…**

As the weeks rolled on, Bella got bigger and moodier. To put it mildly, protecting the family jewels had become a full time job. With every stretch mark that appeared, my balls were threatened. Not fucking cool. I might have Super Sperm, but I believe one of her eggs was involved in the process! It's not my fault if it caved under pressure from my swimmers and decided to split!

It's the second week of February and Bella is officially six months pregnant and honestly, I don't think I've ever seen her more beautiful. I decided to make it my mission in life to keep her knocked up. There's something so sexy and primal about seeing her swelled with my children.

"EDWARD!" Bella screamed, before slamming the apartment door shut behind her.

I was in my music/art room working on some tunes I had floating around in my head.

"In here!" I yelled back.

"Edward! What the fuck?" she fumed, waddling into the room with her hands on her hips. "How could you not tell me that you were Godzilla Baby?"

"Godzilla? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was just having lunch with your mom and she casually mentions the Cullen trait of big babies! Apparently you were 9 pounds 3 ounces at birth and would have been bigger if your mom hadn't gotten sick in the weeks before you were born. And your father! Your fucking father was the biggest fucking baby at the hospital he was born at in New Hampshire that they had ever delivered! According to Esme, 48 years later, he still holds the record at 11 pounds 2 ounces!"

I couldn't help but cringe at that. Good fucking God, how does someone pass that through their vagina and live to tell about it?

"Bella." I got out between chuckles. "I seriously doubt our girls are going to be that big."

I got up from the piano and walked over, pulling her back against my chest, so I could rub her giant belly.

"There's only so much room for them to grow, Princess. Trust me, we will be lucky if they weigh much more than 12 pounds combined."

"But what if they're not, Edward? What if they weigh 9 or 10 pounds each? I am going to have to have re-constructive surgery and shit to put my Who Ha back together!"

"Bella, baby…calm down!" I soothed, spinning her around so I could rub her back. "I seriously doubt they would let the babies get that big, okay? You'll be fine…I promise! If you're that concerned about it, we'll talk to Dr. Gerandy about it at your appointment next week."

"Okay," she sniffled against my chest. "We'll do that then."

She pushed off of me and wiped the tears from her face.

"You know what?" she asked with a smile.

"What?" I chuckled.

"I want some mashed potatoes with ketchup and horse radish!"

As I gagged and tried to hold down my lunch, she pushed past me and waddled toward the kitchen on a mission.

**25 Weeks….**

"Godzilla Babies are an impossibility, Bella." Dr. Gerandy assured her. "There is no way your body can physically handle the stress of carrying one baby of that magnitude, let alone two!"

"But Edward's mom said…"

"I don't care what she said, Bella. As a medical professional, I am here to tell you that it WILL. NOT. HAPPEN." he stressed. "Now stop worrying about this non-sense and keep doing what you're doing. Our goal here is to deliver healthy babies, not stress over their size, alright?"

I couldn't help my big shit eating grin. He just said everything I had been saying for the last week! Hopefully it sinks in and I'll get good fucking nights sleep, without being woken up by Bella screaming from nightmares about giant babies.

I watched as Dr. Gerandy set up the ultra sound machine. I've got to say it; I am pretty stoked to see my girls on screen again.

He killed the lights in the room and flipped the machine on. A second later, two little babies appeared on the monitor. Two seconds after that…my cheeks felt wet.

"Wow," I breathed. "It never gets old."

"No, it doesn't." Bella agreed.

"Look here guys!" Dr. Gerandy pointed out. "Baby B is sucking her thumb!"

We had a laugh, while he clicked buttons and took measurements.

"Well, Bella. I would say that judging by the measurements and what not, these girls are each about 2 ½ pounds now. I think it's safe to estimate that they'll be about 6 pounds each at term. Hopefully that eases some of your fears." Dr. Gerandy smiled.

"Can you tell if they are identical or fraternal?" I asked. That question has been plaguing me for the last month.

"No. Not yet. They each have their own sack, so it could go either way."

A half hour later, Bella and I were walking hand in hand out of the doctor's office, with our latest ultra sound DVD and pictures to show the family.

"I'm hungry." Bella whined, as I helped her into the car.

"I'm afraid to ask, but what sounds good?" I laughed. Some of the concoctions she'd been craving were absolutely disgusting and I was finding it harder and harder to eat around her.

"Fish sticks!" she smiled hugely. "Dipped in peach jam!"

**29 Weeks…**

"These are definitely contractions, Bella." Dr. Gerandy sighed, reading the print out from the fetal monitor she was hooked up to. "We're going to try to stop them and then I am afraid you are going to have to go on complete bed rest for the duration of your pregnancy. Luckily, you only dilated one centimeter, so there's a good chance you'll carry them for at least another four weeks. You're 29 weeks right now and we need them to be at least 34 weeks, for the best possible outcome."

"Oh my god!" Bella cried. "I shouldn't have taken the stairs today. I should have just waited for the Goddamn elevator."

I rubbed Bella's shoulder and nuzzled my face into her neck for support. I would have disagreed with her, but under the circumstances, her choosing to take the stairs was pretty fucking stupid!

"I don't think that's what caused this, but it definitely didn't help." Dr. Gerandy said sternly. "We talked about this Bella. No physical exertion. That means no stairs."

"I know." she sniffled. "I'm sorry."

**31 Weeks…**

"Thank fucking God you're here!" I said, as I hugged my mother tightly. "I need to get the hell out of here for a few hours or I am going to lay into her!"

"That bad?" my mom laughed.

"You have no idea! Between the constant need for something totally heinous to eat and the mood swings, I am getting ready to clock the bitch!"

My mom cocked her eye brow and then poked me in the chest.

"You, Sir, are the last one to talk about mood swings! All of us, including Bella, have dealt with our fair share of yours! I think you can be a little more compassionate to the mother of your children, who is bed ridden and trying to make sure that your daughter's come into the world healthy."

Ugh…this woman has perfected the guilt trip!

"EDWARD!" Bella bellowed from the bedroom.

"Let me." mom said.

"No. I knocked her up, I'll do it." I sighed.

**34 Weeks…**

We made it to the end of March and Bella is still pregnant…thank god! We had a doctor's appointment two days ago and Dr. Gerandy assured us that if Bella went into labor, the babies would be okay to deliver and have very little risk for complications.

He also did another ultra sound. He didn't say anything to Bella, but he did pull me aside to tell me that the babies looked to each be about 5 pounds. Which means that if Bella did carry to term, there's a very good chance she could have Godzilla babies. Anything over 7 ½ pounds for twins, is considered sizable.

My balls and I thanked him profusely for keeping that between him and I.

"Edward! Jasper and Emmett are waiting for you downstairs!" Alice yelled, letting herself and Rosalie into the apartment.

Alice and Rosalie have graciously come over to sit with Bella while I get some time out with the guys. I love Bella...I do. But she driving my ass positively banana's since she's stuck in bed.

"Thanks guys. This really means a lot to me."

"It's cool," Rosalie said, waving me off. "How's Little Momma doing today?"

"She's good…a little moody. But she's in there right now with her glass of lemonade and green olives, so it's improving."

The look of horror on the girl's faces when I told them what Bella indulged in and craved was absolutely priceless!

The guys and I were going to shoot pool for a little while. It had been weeks since I'd been out of the house. My mom came up for a weekend, last month. But with her mind fuckary and guilt trips, I couldn't escape for a second, unless it was to the grocery store.

"So have you had to douse Bella with Holy Water lately?" Jasper laughed.

"I've come close." I sighed. "I was cleaning the apartment the other day and had gone in the bedroom to put laundry away. She sat on the bed watching me for a good ten minutes, before she burst into tears and accused me of robbing her of her nesting instinct!"

"Damn," Jasper chuckled, shaking her head.

"I know, right! When she fell asleep, I took all those goddamned "What to Expect When You're Expecting" books out of the room!"

"I don't know," Emmett frowned, while leaning in for a shot. "She is stuck in bed, that's tough enough. If she wants to nest, maybe you could let her help fold the baby clothes or something. That way she's a least doing _something, _besides playing incubator."

Jasper and I stared at Emmett like he'd grown a third head or some shit. Why the fuck didn't I think of that?

**35 Weeks…**

_We're on a beach on some secluded island somewhere and Bella's stomach is completely flat and she's wearing a white, barely there, string bikini. _

_We were making out in the sand like a couple of fucking teenagers, when Bella suddenly gets up and starts running for the crystal blue water, tugging on the strings of her bikini as she goes._

"_Edward come on!" she yells, naked from the surf. "The water is so warm!"_

_I run for her, shedding my trunks as I go and tackle her to the ground, capturing her lips with my own, while the water surges for the shore around us. _

"_Ugh, Edward," Bella mumbles, grabbing my cock. "You have to get up."_

"_I am up, baby." I moan into her neck, grinding my cock into her soft hand. _

"_I'm wet, Edward. You have to get up."_

"_Mmm…wet." I agree, snaking my hand down her stomach. _

"_EDWARD!"  
_

"WHAT THE FUCK!" I bolt upright in the bed and rub my eyes trying to figure out where the fucking beach went.

I look at Bella and she's staring at me like I've lost my mind.

"What's the matter, baby?" I ask, turning towards her. I put my hand down on the bed between us and it's wet.

Now I'm confused.

"What the hell? I haven't had a wet dream since I was fourteen!"

Bella rolls her eyes and throws the blankets back, getting out of bed.

"You didn't have a wet dream you idiot! My fucking water broke!"

My sleep and lust filled mind still isn't making the connection to what she just said.

"Jesus Bella, did you have to break it all over the bed?"

She growls at me and pulls my head back by my hair with one hand, while she pulls her sweat pants on with the other.

"I said my fucking water BROKE! As in the babies are coming and we need to get to the hospital!"

It takes about five seconds for my brain to process this new information.

Five, four, three, two, one….

"HOLY SHIT!" I go to jump out of the bed and get tangled in the sheets, which sends my naked ass flying to floor in a heap.

"Motherfucker!" I yell, kicking myself free, before running for the closet, where I stub my toe on the door.

I grab some jeans, a random tee shirt, pull on my boxers and shove my feet in my slip on Vans.

"OK, baby, I'm ready. Let me grab your bag and my keys and we're out of here."

"Um, Edward?"

"Not now, baby. Just breathe. Remember? Pant, pant, blow." I simulate the breathing exercise for her and immediately start hyperventilating and the room starts to spin. I grab the wall to steady myself.

"I'm not having contractions yet, Edward, so you can slow down." she says, her tone is amused.

"Okay, good that gives us time." I grab her hand and head for the door. But she doesn't budge.

"Bella?"

"I'm not going anywhere until you put your boxers _under_ your jeans…where they belong." she smirks.

I look down at myself and sure as shit…I've put my underwear on over my jeans!

"Fuck!"

I make the necessary adjustments, before Bella sends me to the bathroom to quickly shower and brush my teeth. It takes me less then ten minutes.

I stop in the baby's room to grab the pre-packed bag for the hospital and pause. Holy shit balls! The next time I am in this room, I'll be bringing my daughters with me. I have to wipe a tear from the corner of my eye.

"Okay Bella, I've got the bags, let's go."

She's sitting on a towel on the couch, rubbing her enormous belly and I notice that her breathing has picked up some.

"You okay?" I ask, kneeling in front of her.

"Just scared and the contractions have started." she says, offering me a tight smile.

"Bella, you're going to have our babies today." I tell her, letting a mega watt smile dance across my face. "I love you so much."

"I know," she offers, cupping my cheek. "And I love you too…but if we don't get to the fucking hospital, I am going to be delivering them in the car."

I laughed and help hoist her off the couch. We head for the door and I snag my fedora off the hook as we went.

"Ugh." Bella groaned. "I'm fat and about to give birth and then you have to go and look all sexy. So not fair!"

We arrive at the hospital a half an hour later. The trip should have only taken ten minutes, but I missed the turn off to the hospital twice.

Fifteen minutes after arrival, they already have Bella in a room and strapped to a fetal monitor.

"It's April 1st, if this is a joke…it's tacky!" Dr. Gerandy laughed, as he came in the room.

"No joke." Bella growled, as she breathed through another contraction.

"I see that," he mumbles, reading the print out. "These contractions are starting to regulate and turn productive. I want to get an ultra sound before we let this progress too much further. We need to see what positions the babies are in."

Right as he said that, two things happened simultaneously…Bella yelped in pain and her entire stomach rolled over in a wave pattern.

"The fuck?" I mumbled, backing away from her and plastering myself against the wall, with a look of horror.

"Someone turned." Dr. Gerandy chuckled. "Now we need to make sure they turned the right way."

An hour later the ultra sound has confirmed that Baby A flipped over and is in a head down presentation. So the decision is made to let Bella continue on with her labor and see how it progresses.

While the nurses fuss over Bella and get her comfortable, I step out to make the necessary phone calls. Out of respect, I call Charlie first.

"Chief Swan and someone better dead." he grumbles into the phone. I look up at the clock and it's just past three in the morning.

"Sorry to wake you, Chief, but I thought you'd want to know that Bella is the hospital. It looks like it's time."

"Time for what?" he yawns loudly in my ear.

"She's going to have the babies, Chief."

The only thing I hear in the seconds following, is cursing, slamming drawers and the sounds of shit being thrown around the room. He comes back on the line a few minutes later.

"I'm leaving now! I'll stop and grab up your parents. We'll run lights and sirens the whole way and be there in half the time."

And then he hangs up on me.

Next I call my parents. My mother was about as coherent as Charlie, at first. But when she finally caught on to what I was telling her, she started crying and handed the phone off to my dad.

"Congratulations, Edward." he laughed into the phone. "Did you have to use your GPS to find the hospital?"

Fucker! I knew where it was, but in the end I did use the navigation so it would remind me to turn off at the appropriate time.

"The Chief will be there shortly to pick you both up." avoiding his question. "He said something about lights and sirens."

My dad laughed and then got off the phone to help dress my mother.

Next I called Jasper and Alice. They had gone back to California, but promised to fly back for the birth.

Alice, predictably, screamed into the phone like a mad woman and assured me they'd be on the next flight out.

Lastly, I called Rose and Emmett. It took me a half an hour and Emmett talking to two nurses and Dr. Gerandy, before he was willing to believe this was not some sordid April Fools Day joke. Although in the time that he had kept me on the phone, Rose had already left without him and was walking through the hospital doors as I hung up.

"He's a fucking idiot!" was all she said, as she hugged me.

"I already knew that." I smiled, pulling off my fedora and giving my hair a tug. I had left without my cigarettes, so I could feel my anxiety building.

Rose smiled and pulled a fresh pack of smokes and a lighter from her pocket.

"I figured you wouldn't think to bring them." she chuckled, handing them to me. "Go ahead and get yourself right. I am going to go check on Little Momma."

I kissed her cheek and thanked her again, before stepping back outside.

I leaned against the brick facade of the hospital and took a huge drag off my smoke, letting it fill my lungs with nicotine.

"You came in with a pregnant woman, right?" I heard a female voice ask me. I opened my eyes and saw a nurse with long red hair, standing a few feet away with her cigarette.

"Yeah, my fiancée. She's having our twins today." I smiled.

"Cool. Congratulations. Do you know what you're having?"

"Girls. I think its Mother Natures way of playing a sick joke on me or some shit."

"Fiancée, huh?" she smiles, stepping closer to me. "I wouldn't have thought she was your type when you brought her in here. I thought maybe she was just a friend or something."

Oh for fucks sake! Not now!

"Stop." I tell her, snubbing out my cigarette against the building. "That's the woman I love you're talking about. You're way the fuck out of line and I'm not interested."

She just shrugged and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"I didn't mean any harm," she laughed, putting her own cigarette out on the ground and handing me a card with her phone number on it.

"That is for when you get tired of playing house with Mommy Dearest. The name's Victoria, by the way." she smiled as she ran one finger down the length of my arm as she walked by.

"Victoria?" I called, staring at the card in my hand.

She stopped and turned back to me with a sexy smirk on her face.

"Yes?"

"Fuck off." I laugh, holding up the card and tearing it to shreds, letting the wind carry it off into the parking lot.

As she stormed back into the hospital, clearly pissed off, Emmett came running up.

"Did she have them yet?" he panted, trying to catch his breath.

"Would I be out here if she did?" God he's a fucking moron.

"Oh right."

Just then my phone went off. It was a text from Rosalie.

**Get ur ass up here and bring an exorcist w/ u! ~ Ro**

I smiled at the message and clapped Emmett on the shoulder.

"Let's go, man. It's show time!"

**Anyone want to crack at how Edward is going to handle a laboring Bella? Or how a laboring Bella is going to handle Edward? Talk to me, people! :)**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys! My sinus's have made writing near impossible! By I got off my ass and got this done, just for you! And you'll be pleased to know that Chapter 34 is almost done as well. This chapter was originally planned to play out a LOT differently, but once I got writing, the characters decided to fuck with me and write themselves. They wouldn't listen to my idea's. Bella was being difficult. Edward was being..well, Edward. So anyway, it turned into something I hadn't planned, which means we will be adding another chapter or two to this story! So we have about 5 more chapters left! LOL**

**mustlovertp...thanks for putting up with my plot changes! You rock!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

"Where the fuck is he?" I yelled at Rose, as another contraction rocketed through me. "I thought you texted his stupid ass!"

"I did! I swear, Bella!"

"Whoa, baby! Take it easy on Rose." Edward laughed, walking into the room.

The nurse who was trying to find a vein for my IV looked up and her jaw nearly hit the floor when she caught sight of my man.

"Excuse me? But do you want to stop eye fucking my babies' daddy and pay attention to what the fuck you're doing!" I snapped at her.

"Sorry." she half smiled, peeking at Edward again out of the corner of her eye.

Bitch!

"Where does it hurt, Princess?" Edward smiled, leaning over me and hovering his lips inches from mine.

Why the hell is he so calm all of a sudden? Two hours ago he was putting his underwear over his jeans!

"Everywhere!" I growled. "But mostly my back."

Edward motioned for me to sit up and then he squeezed in behind me. Placing a pillow in my lap to curl around, he started slowly massaging my back.

"Is that better, baby?"

"Yes." I moaned.

"Jesus Bella," Emmett whined from across the room, while adjusting himself. "You sound like a damn porno!"

I gave Emmett the stink eye, while the nurse finished up my IV.

"Alright Miss Swan. You're up and running."

"Thanks."

"Now, is there anything I can get for you?" she asked, looking over my shoulder at Edward, biting her lower lip. "We have some sodas and stuff at the nurses station."

"Unbelievable! Are you seriously flirting with him?" Rose growled crossing the room and getting in Nurse Hatchets face.

"Oh, I…I mean…I was just trying…" she stuttered, clearly scared shitless of Rose.

"Oh, shove your tits back in your scrubs and run along!" Rose said, waving her off with her hand.

I couldn't help but laugh as the bitch all but ran out the door. However, my humor was short lived as another contraction came on. I was trying to do my breathing, but my lungs didn't want to do anything but scream.

"Shhh, baby." Edward soothed, wrapping one arm around my upper chest and still rubbing my back with the other. "Just breathe, baby. In and out, Bella. Breathe with me, Princess."

I shut my eyes and concentrated on the feel of Edward's chest against mine and slowed my breathing down to keep pace with his.

"Good, girl. Now blow it out, baby. It's almost gone."

When the last wave of pain died out, I collapsed backwards into Edward's arms.

"It hurts."

"I know baby," he whispered, while kissing the top of my head. "But you're doing so well."

I closed my eyes and tried to rest some before the next contraction hit. But I was lost somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness, when I caught Edward talking to Rose and Emmett quietly. He asked that they go down to the waiting room and wait for everyone else to arrive. Apparently he didn't want a bunch of people in the room, so he told Rose to call when they got here.

God I fucking love this man. We hadn't discussed who would be in the room with us, but I really didn't want anyone in here. I wanted it to be just Edward and me when we meet our girls for the first time.

What can I say? I'm a selfish bitch.

"Baby? I'm watching the monitor over here and it looks like another contraction is coming," Edward said quietly in my ear.

My eyes shot open as another pain started in my back and then worked its way to the front.

"Holy fuck!" I cried, grabbing handfuls of Edward's jeans on his thighs. "It feels like I am being ripped in two!"

"Breathe, Bella. You can't forget to breathe. Concentrate on me and breathe, baby." Edward cooed in my ear, as he hugged me tighter to him. "Pant, pant, blow. Nice and slow…remember?"

"Oh god!" I whimpered in between breaths. "How much longer?"

Edward raised his head and looked over at the monitor.

"It looks like it's peaking, baby. It's almost over. Just hold onto me and breathe."

A few minutes later, Dr. Gerandy walked in, pulling on some rubber gloves.

"Alright, Bella. Let's see how much progress we're making, shall we?"

I pulled my legs up and open for the good doctor, while Edward kept his position behind me and held my hand.

"Deep breath now, Bella." Dr. Gerandy instructed as he slipped his hand inside me to check my dilation.

Right as the doctor is wrist deep in my vagina, the door flies open.

"I don't give a shit, Rosalie. I want to see my daughter!" Charlie roared, as he came barging in the room like a bull.

He immediately stopped and took in the scene around him. I'm lying on the bed, being support by Edward. Dr. Gerandy has his hand up my cooch and is talking about dilation and lost plugs.

Charlie pales and immediately stalks out of the room.

**EPOV**

"Go help my dad." Bella grunts. "I'll be fine."

Dr. Gerandy gives me a reassuring smile, as I slide out of the bed and out the door.

"It's horrible in there!" I hear Charlie tell Rose as I walk toward them. "There should be crime scene tape around her door!"

I cover a laugh with a cough, as I walk up to them.

"What the fuck is going on in there?" Charlie demands.

"That's the doctor and he's checking Bella's cervix."

"Well, where's her cervix located? Her throat?" he grumbles, bending over to rest his hands on his knees, looking a little green.

The door to the room opens before I can explain and Dr. Gerandy walks out.

"Good news!" he tells me. "I've measured her cervix and it looks like we're half way there. She's a bit more then five centimeters dilated."

"Measured?" Charlie huffed. "It looked like you were trying to turn my baby girl into a damn hand puppet!"

Rose and I both rolled our eyes at his ignorance.

"Sorry you had to walk in on that, sir." Dr. Gerandy smirked. "But I have to use my hand to measure her progress."

"Where I come from, if you have to measure something, you use a tape measure!"

"Oh for Christ's sake!" Rose yells at Charlie. "She's in there having babies, not building a fucking gun cabinet!"

"Yeah Chief. I thought you'd know about this stuff. You had Bella and all." Emmett laughed.

"I wasn't there when Bella was born. I was out fishing and that was back in the days before cell phones." he admitted, almost shamefully.

"Alright, well, I need to get back to Bella. I'll keep you guys updated on her progress."

As I turned to go back in the room, Charlie grabbed my arm.

"I want to see Bella." he barked, his grip tightening around my bicep.

"You're going to have to wait. Bella's not up for visitors right now." I growled at him, glancing between him and my arm. A silent invitation for him to stop fucking touching me.

"Not good enough," he snarled. "That's my daughter in there and I'll be damned if you or anyone else is going to tell me I can't see her."

"Sorry Charlie, but intimidation doesn't work with me. Not today. That's my fiancée, the love of my life and mother of my children in there. If she says she doesn't want visitors, then I will respect that and enforceit. You have no power here, so I suggest you step the fuck off and go back to the waiting room or I'll have you escorted off the floor."

Charlie's hand falls from my arm and he takes a few steps back, obviously having decided that I wasn't fucking around.

"Edward!" I hear my mom yell, as she runs off the elevator with my dad in tow. "Where's Bella and when can we see her?"

I quickly bring my parents up to speed on Bella's progress and explain that Bella isn't accepting visitor's now.

"What!" my mom wails. "You mean I can't see my Grandchildren's birth?"

"I'm afraid so, mom. Bella and I don't want an audience. This is about us and our children. Please accept that."

"We do son." my dad assured me, as he clapped me on the shoulder. "Just be sure to give Bella our love."

As I turn for the door, something occurs to me.

"I thought you and mom were riding with Charlie? Why are you just now getting here?"

"We did." my dad laughed. "But when we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, Charlie jumped out before he had even parked the car or put it _in_ park, for that matter. I had to jump into the driver's seat before the cruiser rolled into a bunch of parked cars!"

"Nice!" I laugh, looking back at Charlie, before walking back into Bella's room. "What a fucking idiot."

I'm still laughing as I walk back into Bella's room.

"Who's an idiot?" she asks, panting through another contraction.

"Your da…dumb friend, Emmett." I say, chickening out on telling her truth, when I take in the look on her face.

"How's my dad?"

"Scarred for life, but I think it's a good thing." I chuckle. "Maybe next time he'll leave the badge at home and listen to people for a change."

"Am I going to have to worry about the two of you killing each other today?"

"No, Princess. I had my say and I think he got the message loud and clear."

"Did you actually stand up to Charlie?" Bella asked incredulously.

"I did." I reply, resting my hand on her belly. "You and our daughter's are my life now. Whether he likes it or not, your safety and well being rest in my hands now. That's a job I take seriously and now he knows it too."

Bella thread her hands into my hair and pulled my lips down to hers.

"That's so hot!" she chuckled, before attacking my lips.

Just as I am about to deepen the kiss, Bella gets hit with another strong contraction and bites down on my bottom lip, causing me to cry out.

"Ow, ow, ow!" I try to yell, as Bella attempts to chew my lip off. "Wet go wuv!"

She finally releases her hold on my lip and it snaps back like a rubber band.

"Jesus!" I feel my lip and am not surprised when I taste blood.

"Sorry!" she cringes, as she pants through her pain. "I didn't mean to do that!"

"I know. Just breathe." I reassure her, as I rub her knee and hold a Kleenex to my lip to help with the bleeding.

She's lucky she in labor or she would be getting her ass clocked right about now. I can actually feel the wetness on my lashes, as I try to hold back the tears. That shit hurt!

Her contraction finally eases and she relaxes back into the bed.

"I'm scared, Edward." she sighs, rubbing her belly.

"It's only natural that you would be, Bella." I tell her, as I snag her glass of ice chips and start packing the space between my lip and gums.

"I'm not afraid of giving birth, so much." she says, tears running down her face. "I mean, you've been with me for the last few months and have been supportive through my bed rest and weird cravings. You've made sure I've had everything I've wanted…"

"Including your newest craving for my blood." I dead pan, as I continue to pack my lip.

She chuckles and then sniffles as more tears fall.

"But I'm afraid that once the girls are here, you're going to leave me again. I know it's irrational, but I just can't shake the feeling. I just need you to promise me that you won't leave again."

I sigh and throw the empty cup of ice in the trash.

"Bella, I know you want guarantees, but I also know that you understand I can't give them to you. As much as I want to tell you that I'll never leave, we both know it would be a lie. But I can tell you, with 100% honesty, that I never _want _to leave you again. I've never _wanted _to leave you. But that part of me that can say that isn't in control when I leave and it robs me of my ability to make my own decisions."

"I know." she sobs. "It just isn't fair."

"No it isn't. But it's the reality of life with me. Are you sure you still want it?"

I watch her carefully as she thinks over her answer. Part of me is relieved when she doesn't answer right away and part of me is terrified, because she didn't answer right away.

"I do." she finally says, bringing her eyes up to meet mine and there's nothing but truth in them. "I'll never want anything more than you."

"Oh baby." reaching out my hand to cup her cheek.

Though the moment was totally ruined when my swollen lip allowed a long string of drool to escape my mouth.

"Are you drooling?" Bella giggles, wiping my chin with a corner of her sheet.

"Yesth!" cringing at my newly acquired lisp, as my lip gets fatter and fatter. "You bit my fucking lip, Printheth!"

"Oh my god! I am so sorry, Edward!" she says, as she howls with laughter.

**BPOV**

Edward and his lisp is fucking hilarious! I know I should show some remorse and stop laughing, but the shit is fucking funny!

However the humor I find in the situation is short lived, as another contraction shoots through my back and stomach. I gasp, as the pain takes my breath away.

"Breave, baby. Breave. Deeps Breffs, Printheths! Breave wiff me, baby. Nith and thlow." Edward says, as he tries to coach me through it.

But his fucking lisp that was so funny a few seconds ago is now annoying as fuck.

"Deep Breffs, Printheths."

"Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I scream in his face, as I grab the front of his shirt and pull his face into mine.

"Thorry, baby." he whimpers, trying to pry my fingers loose.

Right then, Dr. Gerandy comes back in the door.

"How are we doing in here, folks?" he says happily, pissing me right the fuck off.

"Fucking great!" I growl. "It hurts and there's pressure!"

"Pressure, eh? Sounds like we might be ready to get this show on the road!"

He snaps on some gloves and checks my cervix. As he's feeling around inside me, he glances up at Edward and his eye brows shoot up to his hair line.

"What the hell happened to your lip?"

"Thee bit me." he groans, pointing at me.

"She…" Dr. Gerandy stops to clear his throat and cover a chuckle. "She bit you?"

"Yesth." Edward nods. "Thee kithed me and the neth thing I know thee ith biting my fucking lip!"

Dr. Gerandy openly laughs now, shaking his head.

"It's a rookie mistake. But for future reference, keep you lips and dick away from a laboring woman."

"Fanks for the advith." Edward scowls, packing more ice in his lip.

"Alright folks! Bella is dilated to ten and that pressure you're feeling is Baby A's head engaging the cervix. It's show time!"

With those words still hanging in the air, a flurry of activity starts to happen in the room.

My bed is broken down and taken apart, my legs are hoisted into stirrups, flood lights are directed at my hooch, bassinets are wheeled into the room, a full sized mirror is brought to the end of my bed, so I get a good look at my nether regions, nurses are tearing open tools and helping the doctor with his gown, gloves and safety glasses.

Edward crawls into the bed behind me and lisps sweet nothings in my ears. But that's all background noise, compared to the whooshing sound roaring in through my head.

"I'm not ready." I mumble, as my heart tries to race out of my chest.

"What?" Edward asks.

"I'm not ready. I can't do this!" ripping my legs out of the stirrups and crossing them. "I changed my mind. Lets just go home now, okay?"

"Baby. You can't juth thange your mind and go home."

"No! Fuck that. Just go get the car, Edward."

All at once my head is ripped around, so I am staring into Edwards green eyes.

"Baby, you can do thith. You are the throngeth woman I know. If anyone can kick ath at thith, it'th you. Now I don't know about you, but I'm weady to meet our girlth."

Suddenly everything snaps into place and I feel resolved.

"Okay." I say. "Lets do this."

I put my feet back in the stirrups, just as another contraction starts.

"Okay, Bella!" Dr. Gerandy yells with excitement. "This is it! Bear down!"

Edward helps pull my knees back and counts while I push with everything I have.

"Won, thu, fwee, fo, five, thix, theven, eight, nine, then…" he counts quietly in my ear. "Breave, baby."

I take huge gulps of air and then push again.

"Won, thu, fwee, you're doing tho good, fo, five, thix, theven, eight, nine, then….breave."

I feel Edward wipe my face down with a cold wash cloth and hold a glass of ice chips up.

"I'm tho proud of you, baby." he whispers, kissing the side of my sweaty hair.

"Alright, Bella! Big push now…I can see the head!"

My head jerks up towards the mirror and there it was! A baby head crowning and covered in hair.

"Oh my goth, Bella! Look, thath our baby!" Edward cries from behind me. "Puth, wuv! Thee's almoth here!"

I take a deep breath and curl around my stomach as Edward excitedly counts it out for me. I feel a ripping and burning sensation and then Dr. Gerandy yells for me to stop pushing.

"The head is out, Bella! Stop pushing! Whatever you do, don't push until I tell you too!"

I watch in the mirror, as he unravels the chord from around the baby's neck.

"Is she okay?" I yell out.

"She's fine! Now push, Bella! One more and she's here!"

I grab Edward's hand and give it everything I have.

Just then the room is filled with the muffled sound of a baby's first cry.

"You did, Bella! Baby A is here and she looks good!" Dr. Gerandy smiles laying her on my stomach and handing Edward a pair of scissors. "Would you like to do the honors dad?"

"Yesth." Edward sniffles. I turn to look at him and his face is wet with tears.

He grabs the scissors from the doctor and cuts the cord that connects me to my daughter.

"Thee's beautiful, Bella! Fank you tho much." he cries, grabbing my face and kissing me hard.

I look down at my daughter, as a nurse rubs her with towels and wipes her clean. I can tell almost instantly that she has Edward's facial features and my heart shaped face. I can't tell what color her hair is yet, but she seems the perfect combination of us both.

Edward reaches a shaky finger around and gently strokes her tiny palm and gives a watery laugh when her fingers instinctively closes around it and holds on.

A nurse leans over us and quietly tells us that they need to take her across the room and assess her, before taking her from me. Edward chuckles, when the nurse has to pry her small fingers off his.

"Let go of daddy, Sweetness. He has to help mommy bring your sister into the world." she coo's as she walks away.

"Alright, Bella." Dr. Gerandy says, getting my attention. "Baby B has turned and dropped into the birth canal. Let's help her out, shall we?"

"OK, wuv. One more thime and our family ith complete." Edward whispers and then starts to count.

"Won, thu, fwee, fo, five, thix, theven, eight, nine, then…breave, baby!" he cries, watching the mirror, as our second daughters head emerges.

"Stop and pant, Bella. On the next contraction, push!"

Edward kisses the side of my head and whispers, "Weady?"

I nod and bear down.

"Won, thu, fwee, fo, five, thix…"

"It's another girl!" Dr. Gerandy yells, holding the baby up as she wails.

I feel Edward bury his face in my neck and shake as he cries.

"You did it, wuv!"

Dr. Gerandy hands Edward the scissors and he once again cuts the cord, frantically wiping away his tears, so he could see the whole time.

I look down at my second daughter and laugh.

"Edward! I think they're identical!" she looks exactly like her sister, if a little smaller.

Edward laughs behind me and rests his chin on my shoulder as he reaches around and offers his finger to his daughter. Just like with her sister, she grabs on tightly and jerks his finger in time with her flailing arms as she cries.

"Hi baby. I'm your Daddy!" he smiles, tears running down his cheeks in a constant stream.

"You said that without a lisp!" I laugh, kissing his cheek.

He pulls his head away, looks directly in my eyes and then presses his forehead to mine.

"I love you." he says and the sincerity in his voice leaves no room for question.

"I love you, too" I smile, giving him a quick kiss, as we both go back to marveling at the lives we created.

***Sniffles and wipes the tears from her eyes.* So the babies are finally here! What do we think? Let me know! :)**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Alright party people, I have two things to go over with you! I have been working hard and have gotten this story ahead a few chapters again! YAY! But here's the deal...I know there's always strings, right? Anyway, this week is a pretty big week for me. Not only was Valentines Day this week, but I also turn *gulp* 36 on Thursday! So here's the thing. Part of my birthday present is that my hubby is going to take me to Chicago for the weekend! He got a suite at the Marriott downtown and everything! So I will be gone Friday -Sunday. You'll get another update on Thursday, before I leave and then the next one will be on Monday. Please be patient with me. This trip means a lot, it's the first time in YEARS the hubby has gone above and beyond to celebrate my birth! :)**

**Second, I need your help! I really want to see "With or Without You" do well and earn some awards. To do that, we need to get the reviews up over 500 to even be consider for a nomination (I know, total crap, right?). So do you think you could give me some recommendations, so we can get the readership up? If nothing else, I would love to get my Beta, mustlovertp, recognized. She is the driving force behind this story and it wouldn't have been possible without her! She literally pushed me to write this. When I mentioned my idea for this story to her, she was onboard immediately and became a cheerleader for it! So thank her for this, otherwise, it might still be rotting away in the deep recesses of my twisted mind! :)**

**LINK TO THE SONG USED IN THIS CHAPTER IS ON MY PROFILE. PLEASE LISTEN TO IT IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD BEFORE! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

As Dr. Gerandy finished up his business between my legs, Edward sat behind me and held me, while we watched the nurses and Pediatrician assess, weigh, measure and bathe our daughters.

"They look perfectly healthy!" Dr. Cole announces. "Baby A is a healthy 6 lbs. 8 oz. and 19 inches long and Baby B is 6 lbs. even and 18 inches long."

"Six pounds!" I yell. "But they're a month early!"

"Shhh, baby. They are healthy. This is a good thing." Edward whispers in my ear, trying to calm me. Luckily one of the nurses had thought to give him an ice pack, so now that the swelling has gone down in his lip, he's no longer lisping.

"But if they weigh this much now, think of how much they would have weighed if I made it to May 6th!"

"They would have been record sized, I'd say!" one of the nurses laughed.

"You said Godzilla Babies weren't a possibility!" I growled, turning my ire onto Dr. Gerandy, who was fucking chuckling at me as he stitched.

"And I meant it. If they would have gotten much bigger, I would have induced."

"So how much do you think they would have weighed had they not come early?" Edward asked, hesitantly.

"Eh, maybe about 8 ½ or 9 lbs. Definitely not more than ten, though." Dr. Gerandy shrugged.

"TEN!" I screamed, turning on Edward. "I told you the Cullen's have Godzilla Babies!"

Everyone in the room, except for Edward, who knew better, started laughing at my outburst.

I turned back to Dr. Gerandy then.

"Since you're down there, do you think it's too early to talk about tying my tubes?"

**EPOV**

Once I got Bella calmed down and talked out of permanently closing her uterus for business, I got up and wandered over to my daughter's.

"They're beautiful," the nurse, who'd openly, flirted with me while Bella was in labor, said. "They look just like you."

I glanced between my two perfect angels and smiled. They were in fact identical. Both had my nose, lips and hair color. But the shape of their face and eyes, were all Bella. Only time would tell if their eyes would be brown, green or hazel.

Another nurse walked up to me as my daughter's each held onto one of my fingers. Tears I couldn't stop if I wanted to, streamed down my face.

"Excuse me, but I have the cards here for their bassinets. Would you mind filling in their names for me? We need first, middle and last."

I looked over to Bella and lifted my eye brow at her in silent question. We had picked out names a while back, but I wanted to make sure she was still on board with them.

She smiled and nodded back at me with a wink. So with pride, I took the pen from the nurse and filled in Baby A's name, then Baby B's.

Harmony Hope Cullen and Melody Faith Cullen.

When I first thought of the names, they just seemed perfect. So many of mine and Bella's feelings had been communicated through music, that it seemed only fitting to honor it. Hope and Faith were in honor of what it's taken us to get this far. Since I found out about Bella's pregnancy, I've _hoped_ I could be the man and father Bella and the girls would need me to be. While Bella has always had _faith_ that I could be the man and father I needed to be.

The nurse smiled when I handed the cards back to her.

"Beautiful names. Someone in your family must be musical and have a lot of heart!" she smiled before inserting the cards into their rightful places and wheeling the babies over to Bella's bed.

"Would you like to do the honors?" the nurse smiled.

I nodded and scooped up my daughter, holding her for the first time.

"Alright, Harmony Hope. Say 'Hi' to mommy," giving her a kiss on the head before handing her off to Bella.

My heart filled with so much love and joy seeing Bella with our daughter for the first time, it almost hurt. I had tried to imagine the scene playing out before me a million times, but my imagination couldn't do it justice.

"She's so amazing," Bella sighed, with tears running down her face.

"No. You're amazing." I told her, letting my own tears go.

She looked up, grabbed my hand and mouthed an "I love you" to me.

Just then, a whimpered cry came from the other bassinet.

"Is someone feeling left out?" I cooed to Melody, as I picked her up.

The minute she was in my arms, her eyes opened and locked with mine. They were so expressive and so much like her mother's it took my breath away. Her crying immediately stopped and she snuggled into my chest as I raised her to my shoulder and sat down on the side of Bella's bed.

"I think we have a Daddy's Girl." Bella chuckled, as I nuzzled my daughter's neck and breathed in her sweet baby scent.

Bella and I spent the next hour and half bonding with our girls, before it was suggested that I go down and inform the troops that they had been born. I didn't want to leave the room, but knew I had too.

I walked into the waiting room and was immediately surrounded by seven crazy people.

"Well?" Charlie asked.

"Are they here?" my mom wailed.

"Are they tiny?" Alice squealed.

"What the hell happened to your lip?" Emmett laughed.

I held up my hands to silence everyone and then sat down in the closest chair, running my fingers through my hair.

"At 7:15 and 7:22 a.m. our identical twin daughters were born." I started with a smile, as the room erupted in cheers. "Bella was amazing and everyone is doing fine."

"How big were they? What are their names? When can we see them?" everyone asked at the same time.

I laughed and started answering questions.

"Harmony Hope Cullen was born first and weighed 6 lbs. 8 oz. and was 19 inches long. Melody Faith Cullen was born seven minutes later, weighing 6 lbs. and 18 inches long. Both are completely healthy and absolutely beautiful. Charlie, Mom and Dad, I can take you to go see them now and the rest I can take two at a time until we get moved into another room."

I got hugs, kisses and man hugs from Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice, before leading the Grandparents to go meet their Grandchildren.

"Keep your voices down. We don't want to startle them. And Mom, easy on Bella. She's tired and sore." I warned, before walking in.

Once we were in the room, there were three separate gasps, when they spotted Bella with two tiny bundles in her arms.

"Come say hello to Harmony and Melody." she smiled.

My mom shoved me out of the way and sprinted to the bed.

"Oh my god! They're stunning!" she cried, pulling back the blankets to see their faces. "Edward! They have your hair…and lips…and nose!"

"I know." I laughed, as my dad gave me a slap on the back and walked over to join my mother, who had managed to wrangle a baby away from Bella.

"Which one do I have?" mom laughed.

"That's Harmony." I chuckled.

"How can you tell them apart?" Charlie frowns, glancing between the two tiny infants.

"Their hats, Dad." Bella smiles, handing Melody off to Carlisle. "Harmony's is pink and Melody's is purple."

"Amazing," my dad breaths in wonder as he gazes down at Melody.

"Here Charlie. Carlisle and I didn't mean to be baby hogs." my mom sighs, trying to hand Harmony off to him.

"Oh no!" Charlie panicked, throwing his arms up. "I don't want to break anything."

"Oh non-sense! Now sit down and hold your Grand daughter!" my mom demanded, backing Charlie up, until he falls into the chair.

She shows him how to cradle his arms and then sets the baby in them.

"Oh wow." Charlie marvels, looking at the baby in his arms.

I look at Bella, who's looking at me, and give her a smile and a wink.

"I don't care if they are girls, Bells. These girls are going to learn how to fish!" he sniffles.

It's early evening and Bella has finally been moved into her recovery room for the night. Our parents left to go stay at a hotel and Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice left for the night. It's finally just us and our girls.

"I think Melody is definitely a Daddy's Girl." Bella says, nodding at the content infant, curled up on my chest while I rock her in the rocking chair. While Harmony is quietly suckling at Bella's breast.

"Nah. I don't play favorites." I grinned. "I love all my girls, equally."

"Mmm. Maybe you don't have favorites, but I think she does."

I allow my eyes to drift close, as I kiss the top of Melody's head and say a silent prayer thanking God for bringing Bella and my daughter's through labor and delivery safely.

"No books, classes or videos could have prepared me for this."

"For what?" Bella says, as she shifts Harmony to her other breast.

"This intense love." I say quietly, smiling as Harmony gives a greedy little grunt, as she continues with her dinner. "It's overwhelming and consuming. I can't even begin to explain it."

"You don't have to." Bella smiles at me. "I feel it too."

"I just don't know how to thank you enough, Princess. You gave me everything I never thought I wanted, and here I am. Happy about it. Two years ago, I was lost and wandering around the country a broken man. And here I am today…found, put back together, engaged and the father to the most incredible kids ever. It's just…amazing. Thank you so much. You'll never understand how fucking much I love you, Bella. Ever."

She smiles at me and reaches out grabbing my hand, as the room falls silent.

An hour later, I am putting Melody in her bassinet, so I can take Harmony from a sleeping Bella. Doing what the Lactation Specialist showed Bella, I use my finger to break Harmony's suction on her nipple.

"Okay, sweet girl," I whisper to Harmony as I pick her up. "Come to daddy and let mommy get some sleep."

I quickly burp her, give her a quick kiss on each cheek and then lay her on her side in the bassinet, so she's facing her sister.

I go back to Bella and give her a kiss on the forehead, before tucking her breast back in her gown and pulling the blanket up to her chin. I then lower her bed flat, so she can sleep without hurting her neck.

Silently I wonder, as I look down on her, if Bella will ever grasp how proud and amazed I am by her. What she did today, delivering our daughter's, there's just no words. She's without a doubt, the bravest woman I know.

Tiny snuffling and crying noises pull my attention back to the girls. Grabbing my Ipod, I walk over to their bassinets.

"Alright, my lovelies. Daddy's waited a long time to be able to play this for you."

I scroll through my song list, smiling when I find the one I want. I hit play and watch in amazement as the sounds of Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam singing 'Just Breathe', quiet my fussing daughters.

Amazing! Even hours old, it's already obvious they have the old man's taste in music.

I watch as their eyelids droop and fall closed, and then I climb in the bed and curl myself around Bella, as I listen to the words whose meaning meant nothing to me, until today. I smile and let my tears go, as I drift off to sleep with my kids and future wife.

_Yes, I understand that every life must end, aw-huh, As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw-huh, Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love,_

_Some folks just have one,_  
_yeah, others, they've got none, huh-uh_

_Stay with me,.._  
_Let's just breathe._

_Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win, aw-huh, Under everything, just another human being, aw-huh,_  
_Yeah, I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world_  
_to make me bleed._

_Stay with me, you're all I see._

_Did I say that I need you?_  
_Did I say that I want you?_  
_Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see,_

_No one knows this more than me._  
_As I come clean._

_I wonder everyday as I look upon your face, aw-huh, everything you gave and nothing you would take, aw huh, Nothing you would take everything you gave..._

_Did I say that I need you?_  
_Oh, did I say that I want you?_  
_Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see, No one knows this more than me._  
_As I come clean, ah-ah..._

_Nothing you would take everything you gave._  
_Love you till I die, Meet you on the other side._

**BPOV**

I'm woken up by the sounds of bassinets being moved and immediately fly out of the bed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I yell at the nurse who is in the process of pushing my babies out the door.

"Taking them down to the nursery. It's hospital policy that they have to spend a few hours down there under observation."

"It's okay, baby." Edward says, wrapping his arms around me. "They told us they'd be down for them."

"I don't want to be without them." I turn and cry into his chest as the nurse wheels them out of the room.

"I know, Princess. But they need to make sure there isn't any kind of apnea or other complications, okay? They'll be fine. They are right down the hall."

He ushers me back to the bed and lays down beside me, rubbing my back as I cuddle into his chest.

"I miss feeling them move in my belly." I sniffle, looking down at my awkwardly shaped and empty stomach.

"I was thinking the same thing earlier when I got in bed with you. I rested my palm on your stomach and no one was thumping me." Edward laughed quietly, kissing the top of my head.

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you too, Princess."

A few hours later, I'm awakened a second time, when they bring two howling babies back in the room.

"Time for breakfast, Mama." an entirely too giddy, older, short Latin nurse sings. "My name is Carmen and I will be your Discharge Nurse today."

"Discharge?" Edward grumbles.

"Yes, Dr. Gerandy gave you the all clear to head home this afternoon," she smiles, as she hands me Melody.

Edward sits up and smiles as he's handed Harmony and a small bottle filled with pumped breast milk. I decided that I would alternate feeding one baby on the breast, while Edward fed the other with a bottle, so that he wouldn't feel left out.

I watched as he gently ran the nipple over Harmony's lips and then laughed as she eagerly latched on and started sucking, making little grunting noises.

"She's going to be the one with the big appetite!" Edward chuckled, cradling her close. "Daddy's Little Piggy, aren't you?"

Ugh…the way he says "Daddy" with such love, pride and devotion. It brings me to tears every time.

"You okay, baby?" Edward asks his brows furrowed as he watches the tears run down my face.

"I'm perfect." I smile, wiping my face. "I just love to hear you call yourself Daddy."

With the feedings over, we take the girls down to the nursery and bathe them with Carmen's supervision. She walks us through how to care for their belly buttons, until the cord falls off. I notice Edward trying to cover up a gag as she explains this, and laugh at him. He shoots me a dirty look and then shrugs.

"It's not natural to hear about how things will dry up and fall off my kids. Shoot me," he grins.

By the time we make it back to the room. Esme and Carlisle are waiting for us, with two car seats in tow.

"Thanks for stopping by the house to grab those," I laughed. "I can't believe we didn't think to grab them!"

"It's no problem. Charlie wanted to be here, but got called back to Forks on an emergency." Esme explained. "So we had to stop and rent a car or we would have been here sooner."

"Yeah, like at 4 a.m. when you woke up the first time." Carlisle laughed. "It was incredible. I had to wrestle the woman to get her back into bed!"

I laughed as Carlisle walked over to Edward and handed him a pill bottle. My heart stopped when I realized it was Edward's Lithium and cringed as I waited for him to go off on his dad for bringing them.

But I was pleasantly surprised when Edward smiled and thanked him for grabbing them for him. It was then that I realized that Edward has asked him to bring them. I gave Edward a proud smile, as I handed him my glass of water.

How far he's come.

Edward and I were working on dressing the girls and getting them bundled and put in their car seats, while Esme hovered and tried to take over. Edward finally had to get firm with her.

"Mom, stop!" he said, raising his voice, when she tried to shove him out of the way, so she could finish dressing Harmony for him.

"These are our children, not yours. I realize you have more experience and are eager to help, but I have to learn how to do this myself. Now back off or I'll make you leave!"

Carlisle and I bit down on our lips to keep from laughing at the dejected expression on Esme's face.

"Come on, Dear. Why don't we get out of the way and let them handle this." Carlisle chuckled, giving her a shove towards the door. "Well go get some lunch and meet you back at the apartment."

Edward gave his dad a grateful nod and then went back to work dressing Harmony.

"I think I like this side of you." I chuckled, strapping Melody into her seat.

"What side?" Edward asked, as he tried to figure out what snaps went where on the Harmony's onesy.

"The 'caveman, protector of the family' side." I said, trying to not step in as Esme did and help him.

Edward rolled his eyes at me and went back to work. Five minutes later his face lit up in a smile.

"There! I figured it out!" he grinned, holding Harmony up for my inspection.

"Very good, Daddy!" I laughed, running my fingers through his hair.

Luckily he was faster about getting the rest of her clothes on. Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in a wheel chair, waiting on the elevator. Edward stood beside me with his fedora on, proudly carrying two babies in their car seats.

Carmen helped us get the seats in the car and checked all the connections, to make sure Edward had secured everything.

"Okay, Cullen Family. Everything looks good here. God Bless and good luck!" Carmen smiled, hugging me and Edward and then handing him a card with her number on it. "I don't do this with all of my patients, but I like you two. In case you need some help after you get home, here is my cell phone number. Feel free to call it anytime and I'll be there to help."

"Thank you so much, Carmen." I cried, hugging her. She reminds me of my Grandmother and I feel attached to her.

"It's okay, Bella. You're an excellent mother. You'll do fine." she reassured me, as Edward peeled me off of her and helped me into the Volvo.

Edward drove a top speed of 35 mph all the way home. It was all I could do not to laugh at him. It was hysterical when he hit the flashers and started flagging people to go around us.

A half hour later and we were walking into the apartment, which had been decorated with streamers, balloons and a huge banner that read "Welcome Home Harmony and Melody". My eyes flooded with tears at the thoughtfulness of our friends and family.

"Dad!" I cried, when I saw him standing off to the side. "I thought you went back to Forks?"

"Eh, it was a little white lie. I was actually helping Rose and Alice decorate," he shrugged.

Rose and Alice each quickly commandeered a baby for themselves and had them out of the car seats and de-bundled in record time. I saw them both whip off a sock from my daughter's feet and pull out a bottle of nail polish.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Edward yelped, rushing over to them.

"Relax, Poppa Bear." Rose sighed, rolling her eyes. "You can't keep these hats on them forever, so we're just going to paint one of their toes pink and purple so you can tell them apart."

"Yes. And now that they are here, Esme, Rose and I are going to go shopping and buy them each matching outfits in pink and purple!" Alice chirped excitedly. "But in the meantime, Jasper, show them what I got them down in LA!"

Jasper laughed and went to go get the bag from Alice's purse.

"I saw them the other day and knowing that these were Edward's babies, I just knew they had to have them!" Alice laughed, as Jasper help up two pairs of baby Converse. One pink and one purple.

"Jesus Christ." I mumbled into Edward's chest as he pulled me into a hug laughing.

**OK! Who's in love with Daddyward? And what do we think of the names? You can be honest, it won't hurt my feelings! My inlaws hate both my kids names and it didn't stop me from naming them whatever I wanted! LOL **

**Talk to me peeps! You know I love to read what you have to say! :)**


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: OK, kids! I'm officially 36 today and you get the gift of another chapter! I know I said it last chapter, but I am out of tomorrow through Monday, so don't expect another update until Tuesday or Wednesday...sorry! **

**I'm really glad that most everyone liked and understood the significants of the twins names! This chapter is a roller coaster ride and hopefully answers some unanswered questions. I think it's safe to say, the elephant leaves the room this chapter! :)**

**A LINK TO THE SONG USED IN THIS CHAPTER IS AVAILABLE ON MY PROFILE! **

**mustlovertp...hands down the best Beta around and gifted writer in her own right. She has some amazing stories posted. Now get your asses over there and read and review them! You'll love them...I promise! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

It's not even 4 a.m. and there's a wail coming from the baby's room for the fifth time tonight.

"Go back to sleep, baby. I've got this one." Edward whispers in my ear, kissing the side of my head.

I smile into my pillow and thank the Lord for such a sweet, selfless and giving man. We've been home with the girls for two weeks now and he's split diapering and feeding duties with me, without complaint.

"Hey there, little Miss." I hear Edward's soft voice whisper through the baby monitor. "What's got you so upset?"

I always love listening to his one sided conversations with the girls.

"Okay, let's change that diaper and then Daddy will go get your bottle, alright?"

Ah, it must be Melody who's up. She was the last one to breast feed. Had it been Harmony, he'd have brought her to me.

I've got to say it. I fucking love the schedule we've worked out for feeding the girls. I've heard horror stories about breast feeding twins, but our method of alternating one on the bottle and one on the breast, seems to be working well for us. Edward feels involved, the girls are thriving and my nipples aren't sore. Bonus all the way around!

A few minutes later, I hear the creak of the rocking chair as Edward settles into it for her feeding.

"You and your sister are Daddy's Little Princesses aren't you?" he coo's to Melody. "Since Mommy is Daddy's Big Princess."

I stifle a laugh at his banter. Just four days ago, Alice came over to sit with me and the girls, while Edward went out under the ruse of having to fill in behind the bar at Eclipse for a few hours. When he came back, he had added two new tattoo's to his collection.

It turns out that Kat was able to fly into town and put the girl's names over my tiara on his heart in a beautiful script that started the first letters with a musical note. Of course I cried like a baby when I saw them. To see Edward embracing fatherhood and so completely…well, it never ceases to amaze me.

I fell back asleep, listening to Edward hum a sweet tune softly to our daughter.

**EPOV**

I crack an eye open and glance at the numbers on the clock. It's 6:30 a.m. and another baby calls.

"It's Harmony. I've got her." Bella sighs, kissing my cheek and getting up.

I laugh, when minutes later I can hear her greedy little grunts over the baby monitor, as she drinks from Bella's breast.

I hear Bella start humming a familiar tune and smile as she begins to sing, recognizing the Lee Ann Womack song immediately.

_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder_

_You get your fill to eat  
But always keep that hunger  
May you never take one single breath for granted  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed  
I hope you still feel small  
When you stand by the ocean  
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens  
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance _

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
I hope you dance  
I hope you dance_

_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_  
_Never settle for the path of least resistance_  
_Living might mean taking chances_  
_But they're worth taking_  
_Lovin' might be a mistake_  
_But it's worth making_  
_Don't let some hell bent heart_  
_Leave you bitter_  
_When you come close to selling out_  
_Reconsider_  
_Give the heavens above_  
_More than just a passing glance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Time is a real and constant motion always)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Rolling us along)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Tell me who)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)_  
_(Where those years have gone)_

_I hope you still feel small_  
_When you stand by the ocean_  
_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_  
_Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance_

_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance  
Dance  
I hope you dance  
I hope you dance  
(Time is a real and constant motion always)  
I hope you dance  
(Rolling us along)  
I hope you dance  
(Tell me who)  
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)  
I hope you dance  
(Where those years have gone)_

_(Tell me who)_  
_I hope you dance_  
_(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)_  
_(Where those years have gone)_

By the time she's finished, I'm wiping tears from my face. I always thought that song was terrifically cheesy…until now. I make a mental note to add it to my Itunes.

My tears quickly turn into tears of laughter though, when I hear Harmony give a good and loud fart/burp combination over the baby monitor. It sounded wet, so I bet she left a present on Bella's shoulder and in her diaper.

I'm rolling around like a fool, holding my gut laughing, when I roll right off the bed with a thud.

"Did you hear that, Little Girl?" Bella's soft voice laughs. "Daddy's laughing at the fact that you take after him!"

And here I am. Lying on the floor, rubbing my sore head, laughing my ass off and totally loving my life.

_00000_

A week later and I'm standing in my therapist's waiting room with Bella and the babies.

"I should have arranged to have your mom and Rose come over to watch the girls," Bella sighs.

I snap my head around and look at her like she's crazy.

"Like hell." I tell her. "We haven't left them with anyone yet, I hardly see why we have to start now."

This has been a point of contention with Bella and me for the last several days. She thinks leaving them for a few hours in someone else's care is acceptable, while I feel differently.

"Jesus, Edward! It's your _mother_! If you can't trust her, who the hell can you trust?"

"It's not that," I say, kissing the top of Harmony's head, as I cradle her to my chest. "What if they do something monumental and I'm not there? My stupidity made me miss out on more than half your pregnancy. I'm not missing anymore!"

"Sounds to me like someone is growing up!" Dr. Bertie smiles from the doorway. "Come on in guys!"

Bella and I gather up the diaper bags and car seats and follow him into his office.

"Did you bring the twins to show off or have you decided to get a jump start on their therapy?"

Yeah, laugh it up, Asshole!

Bella giggles beside me, but shuts up when I shoot her the stink eye.

"So," Dr. Bertie starts. "How is the parenting thing going for you?"

"Pretty good, for the most part." Bella says, leaning over to wipe some spit up from Melody's chin. "Obviously we disagree about leaving the girls with family and friends. But mostly, we've been good."

"Edward? How about you? How do you feel things are going?" Dr. Bertie asks, interrupting me while I make funny faces at Harmony.

"Great! I love being a Dad. There's nothing more rewarding."

Dr. Bertie raises his eye brows in surprise and writes down some notes.

"So, Bella...I guess I hardly need to ask, but would you say Edward is pretty hands on and helpful where the girls needs are concerned?"

"Absolutely." she smiles, grabbing my hand in hers. "He changes diapers, bathes and feeds them. He's amazing with them. A very hands on, Dad."

"Okay, well...let's get to the thick of it then. How are you feeling about Edward's commitment to your family, Bella?"

**BPOV**

Talk about cutting right to the chase. I feel Edward tense next to me.

"For the most part, I feel good about it. But I still have my doubts." I admit, biting my lip, while trying to ignore Edward's eyes boring a hole in the side of my head.

"I understand, for the most part, that he can't promise that he'll never leave again. But a part of me gets up every morning and wants to walk on egg shells around him. It's the same part that always has me asking "is today going to be the day it all falls apart?"."

"I see." Dr. Bertie muses. "And what does Edward say when you mention this to him?"

I glance over at Edward and he offers me a tight smile as encouragement. I know it hurts him to hear this. But it's necessary.

"He just reminds me that he can't promise he won't leave and tells me that he doesn't want to leave. That he's never wanted to leave."

"Mmm…and how does that make you feel?"

And there it is. The question I've been dreading. I look down at my twisting fingers and try to decide if I should be 100% honest or not. I feel Edward's arm wrap around my shoulders, as he whispers in my ear, "Be honest, baby."

I look in his eyes and see nothing but sincerity there. With a deep breath, I decide to let it all out.

"It pisses me the fuck off!" I blurt, turning my attention back to Dr. Bertie. "Every time he's left, I've repressed my anger and welcomed him back with open arms because I love him. But honestly, it gutted me every time. I wanted to yell, scream and hate him, but then he'd show up and I was so afraid he'd leave again, that I could never show him how much it truly hurt me."

I look over and see a tear run down Edward's cheek, but I press on.

"I feel like after everything I've been through with him, that I am OWED some assurances. Maybe they aren't his to give, but damnit, I deserve more than "I don't want to leave." His _daughter's_ deserve more than "I don't want to leave."

"Edward. I think Bella's concerns are pretty cut and dry here. Why do you feel reluctant to give her your reassurances?"

His head flew up then as he scoffed at Dr. Bertie.

"Because they aren't mine to give!" he says, setting Harmony in her car seat. "I can't promise her never! It would be a lie!"

"Do you honestly feel like it would be a lie or are you just trying to leave yourself an out?"

Now the good doctor's getting down to it! That's the exact same question I have!

Edward pauses to think it over and then sighs.

"Fuck!" he mumbles, leaning forward on his elbows and covering his face with his hands, looking like a man who just had an epiphany.

Dr. Bertie smiles and presses on.

"Edward, you _can_ tell Bella you'll never leave her again and have it not be a lie. It's within your power to do that."

"I know!" Edward sighs, running his hands through his hair and looking down at our daughter's, before moving his eyes back to mine.

"I'm so sorry, baby." he says, as tears stream down his face. "I didn't realize…I mean…shit!"

"Edward, look at me." I tell him, pulling his face back to me. "It's okay. You're learning to live a different life. I get it. But if you truly want to move on and embrace a future with me, you are going to have to let go of your crutches and grab it with both hands. Can you do that for me? For the girls? For us?"

"Jesus Bella, I would do anything for you!"

"Then do it, Edward! Tell me and mean it!"

Edward stands up from the chair and kneels down in front of me, grabbing both of my hands and looking me dead in the eye.

"I promise you, Isabella. I will _never _leave you again."

I nod my head and give him a kiss. "Thank you." I muttered, wiping tears from my eyes. "You don't know how much that means to me."

Edward sat back down and dealt with his own tears, while Dr. Bertie cleared his throat and turned to me.

"Okay, Bella. Now what happens if Edward breaks his promise and leaves again?"

I took a few minutes to think it over. I hadn't really thought about consequences. I didn't want to hit him where it hurts. But then again, if he abandons his daughter's willingly, I guess he really doesn't leave me a fucking choice.

Confident in my resolve, I turn to Edward taking his hands in mine and waiting until his eyes meet mine.

"Edward, I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. But I also love our daughter's and will do whatever I have to to make sure that your illness never impacts their lives negatively. I know you feel same, because you've worked so hard to overcome so much for them. But, if you leave again and abandon them, you'll leave me no choice but to make sure that you aren't a part of their lives anymore. I would rather die then take them from you, but I can't let you hurt them the same way you've hurt me. So I need you to understand, here and now, if you leave again…you need to stay gone. Permanently."

Edward looks up at me and looks completely defeated, with tears running rivers down his cheeks, it almost breaks my resolve. Almost.

"I don't want to do that, so please don't make me. But baby, the girls and I deserve a rock…a constant. Someone who we can count on to be here with us all the time. Please tell me you can be that person."

"I don't have a choice, Bella. I can't lose you! I can't lose my daughter's!" Edward cried, pulling me into his arms. "I swear to God, I'm not fucking going anywhere. I'll be whatever you want me to be, just don't leave me!"

For once, Edward's tough exterior broke and he let me in. As I held him in my arms while he sobbed, I felt all my fear and doubts melt away. For the first time in two years…I truly believed in him.

When we left Dr. Bertie's office that day, it was with a hand shake and well wishes for the future. He felt like we could finally pull the plug on our joint sessions. He said that we were a strong couple and now that the lines of communication and understanding were up, it was up to us to see that they never shut down.

Did I feel pressured? Absolutely. But I also felt hopeful.

In the coming weeks, the girls grew at an alarming rate! Edward found that playing with them on the floor during tummy time, was his favorite. He'd blow raspberries on their tummies and one day in early June, Harmony awarded him with her first laugh.

After that his mouth was glued to their bellies. The sounds of their laughter filled our small apartment everyday and I loved it. Edward and I had never been stronger and for the first time in our relationship, I wasn't waiting for the bottom to fall out of our happiness.

Rose, Alice, Esme and I moved on with plans for the wedding. Edward and I decided we wanted a small personal wedding. Nothing over the top and fancy. Just intimate.

By July I had lost enough of the baby weight that I felt comfortable with going and looking at dresses. I had lost all but five pounds and with the help of P90X and Rose, my stomach was almost flat again.

"I can't believe how well your body bounced back after having twins!" Alice grumbled as we looked through racks of dresses. "I'll never get that lucky."

"I know. She's a total bitch, right?" Rose mused. "But at the same time she has worked hard for that body she's rocking now. She's almost wore the fitness DVD's out."

"So what does Edward think of your new body?" Alice asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"He can't get enough of it!" I blushed. "He loves the new curves."

And how true that was! I was practically beating him off with a stick!

"Since I'm nursing, I can't take birth control, so we've had to use condoms. I swear we've gone through three boxes since I got the all clear from Dr. Gerandy a month ago!"

Bringing up the day I got a thumbs up to resume sexual relations, sent my mind spiraling back to that night. Without my knowing, Edward had worked it out with his mom and dad to stay with the girls at the apartment, while we went to sex it up at Seattle's finest Five Star Hotel.

Initially I was shocked that Edward wanted to leave the girls. It would be the first time he allowed it. But then I realized that the hotel was less then two blocks away…idiot!

_Walking into the room, my nose was immediately assaulted by the smell of roses. Edward had made me close my eyes and keep them covered, while he ran about the room. When he finally told me to open them, the room was lit with nothing but candles and the bed was covered in red rose petals. _

"_Too cheesy?" Edward cringed, when I didn't say anything._

"_No." I sniffled. "It's just…beautiful. But you didn't have to go to all this trouble."_

"_Yes I did, love." Edward said, his voice low and seductive in my ear. "I love you and this is about us…reconnecting. Every time we were together should have been special and romantic. I wasn't in the frame of mind to give you that then, but I am now, so this is my do over. My chance to show you how loved and cherished you are."_

_Poof! My panties were gone! _

_Where the fuck did this Edward come from and where the fuck has he been hiding?_

_Edward came to stand in front of me, tracing my collarbone with his finger as he went. _

"_You are the sexiest creature I've ever laid eyes on. You're soft, yet strong. I've witnessed your body do astounding things. I've felt you fall apart in my arms." he murmured, using his finger to lift my chin to look him in the eye. "All I have to do is touch you and you blush for me. You're amazing Isabella and you're mine."_

_Oh god, I am going to cum just from his words. Touch me, you bastard, please!_

"_I can see your need, Bella. Do you want me...as badly as I want you?"_

_I just nod dumbly, unable to speak. _

_He walks a slow circle around me, practically fucking me with his eyes. He comes to a stop behind me and pulls the zipper on my dress down, slowly._

"_I'm going to have you tonight, Isabella…many times. I hope you're ready for it."_

_I moan in response and rub my thighs together for friction. _

_Edward removes my clothes and leaves me standing before him completely naked. _

"_Beautiful." he murmurs, as he starts tugging his clothes off. When he's finally nude, he lifts me in his arms and places me on the bed. _

"_Edward, please." I moan pulling him to me._

_He settles himself between my legs and kisses me deeply. Over the next hour he worships every part of body. Paying special attention to every stretch mark on my tummy. _

"_I love these." he muses, kissing each one. "You carried my children in here and these are just a reminder of the beautiful things we created together."_

_I can't help the tears that leak from my eyes. I had been so insecure in my post pregnancy body, that I hadn't really let him see me nude. It the 8 weeks since the girl's birth, he hadn't seen me naked at all, up until tonight. With tender kisses and words of love, he took away all my doubt and insecurities about my new body and left me feeling beautiful. _

_Edward kissed me from head to toe, before finding his way back to my heated center, where he lavished it with kisses and licks until I came, screaming his name. _

_He barely allowed me to come down, before he sheathed himself in latex and pushed into me. Both of us crying out in pleasure. _

"_Jesus Bella, you're even tighter than before." he moaned in my ear. _

_Inwardly I smiled. My 'tightness' had been a worry for me, since the girls were born. I had heard about that 'extra stitch' thing and secretly hoped Dr. Gerandy had done it._

_Edward's thrusts were slow and deep. He kissed me and whispered words of love to me, as he slowly rocked us towards oblivion. When we came together, it wasn't loud and boisterous. It was hushed and incredible. _

_We fell asleep in each other's arms after that. Though I was woken a few hours later, to someone playing with my chest. _

"_Wake up, baby." Edward whispered slyly in my ear. _

"_Mmm…is romantic Edward up for Round Two?" I playfully mumbled, turning in his arms. _

"_No." he chuckled menacingly in my ear. "Romantic Edward has left the building. Kinky Edward is back and he wants to fuck you."_

_I smiled so hard, I nearly split my face in two. _

"_Is that so?" I asked, rolling away from him and up on my hands and knees. _

"_Then come fuck me, Edward." I hissed over my shoulder at him, as a shook my ass in his face. _

"_Oh fuck, yeah!" he moaned, pulling on a condom. "Come to daddy!"_

_With that he slammed into me, balls deep._

"_Tell me how much you love my cock, Bella." he said, leaning over my head and pulling it back by my hair, so he could grunt in my ear and give my ass a firm slap. _

"_Fuck yeah; I fucking love your cock!" I groaned, as he slammed into me again and again. _

"_You can do better than that." he laughed in my ear. "I want this whole fucking hotel to know who owns your pussy, Bella."_

"_Fuck, Edward!" I screamed, as his hips picked up the pace and he slammed into me so hard, that my chest was crushed against the head board. _

"_What's my name, baby?" he goaded, reaching around and pinching my clit. _

_And that was all it took for me to go flying off the edge, screaming his name at the top of my lungs. _

_Edward followed after me a few thrusts later and we collapsed on the bed in a heap. _

_A minute later, Edward reaches over and takes the hotel phone off the hook. _

"_What are you doing?" _

"_Avoiding the inevitable noise complaint, phone call. Now shut it and go to sleep."_

"Bella!"

"Huh? What?" shaking my head and bringing myself back to the present.

"Where did you just go? I asked how you like this dress." Alice said, holding up a low cut beaded nightmare.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking." I blushed. "And I love the dress. Put it with the other "Try Ons"."

I turned back to the rack in front of me and spotted Rose, who was smiling like the fucking Cheshire Cat.

"Need some clean panties, Bella?"

Fucking hell. I'm busted.

**It's my Birthday, so Edward asked that I allow Bella and him to act out all my fantasies, sexually. I told him that what I've dreamed of doing to him, couldn't be pared down and put into one chapter (which he was OK with...Egomaniac). So we compromised and went with the hottest one! So thank you Edward and fuck you Bella for being on the receiving end of it instead of me! **

**So what do we think? Leave me some love...it's my Birthday I would LOVE to break 300 Reviews! :)**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: First, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES! Wow, I have some of the greatest and most loyal readers on the planet. I bow to you! Second...WE BROKE 300 REVIEWS! We even got some from new readers...so thank you for that! Due to my birthday weekend in Chicago, I haven't been able to get back with most of you and I'm sorry about that. I am trying to go back and answer you! If you haven't heard from me yet...please know I appreciate the time you took to write me a little warm and fuzzy! **

**mustlovertp...you are the BESTEST! Much love to you girl! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

It was now the first of August. The wedding was a little more than a month away, the babies were officially four months old and doing great…life was good. Until Bella came home from shopping with my mom and Alice.

"Baby? What's wrong? You've been sulking since you got home."

"Nothing." Bella mumbled, offering Harmony another spoonful of bananas, while I was trying, unsuccessfully, to get Melody to eat her pears.

I dropped it for the time being, but once the girls were fed and laid down for their nap, I pounced.

"I'm not buying your bullshit, Bella. Something happened today and I want to know what it is."

Bella was sitting on the bed with wedding papers and fabric swatches scattered in front of her. When she looked up at me her eyes were filled with tears.

I looked down at the mess of papers and fabrics and that's when it all clicked.

"What the fuck is all this? I thought you wanted our colors to be a soft green, muted lavender and silver?"

I asked, wondering why I was now looking at burnt orange, rusty red and brown silk swatches.

"Apparently the colors I chose are summer colors. Since our wedding is September 15th, it's more appropriate to go with a fall theme." Bella sighed, wiping at her face with her hand.

"Now I have to go back and redo everything. I have to call the bridal shop and have the dress colors changed and get all the table linens changed and call the florist and let them know that we are going with Gerbera Daisies instead of the Calla Lilies…"

Oh hell the fuck no! Unacceptable.

"Bella, wait." I cut her off. "Who the fuck told you that you couldn't have what you wanted?"

"Your mom and Alice," she sighed, looking totally defeated.

"When I showed them everything, they gawked at me and looked completely horrified. The next I thing I knew, we were in a fabric store and they were thrusting all this stuff at me."

Okay, where the hell did _my _Bella go? The one who doesn't take shit from anyone. The one who actually stands up for herself?

I picked up the mess from the bed and left the room with Bella hot on my heels.

"Edward! What the hell are you doing? I need that stuff!"

"No you don't," I growled, flinging the front door open and walking over to the garbage chute that leads to the incinerator and dumping it all in.

I then stormed into the apartment and called Rose to come over and watch the girls for a bit. When she showed up, I grabbed Bella and went down to the apartment Jasper and Alice had still yet to sell.

When I barged in, I found the two people I was looking for, hunched over a table with sample flowers, fabrics and poster board with seating charts and a bunch of other crap scribbled all over them.

"You could knock, Edward!" Alice huffed. "And what are you even doing here? I sent Bella home with a folder full of people she needs to be calling. We have to get the changes into the vendors before it's too late!"

"ENOUGH!" I yelled, startling my mom and Alice and making Bella flinch.

"Now I don't know what the hell went on this afternoon, but when Bella left this morning, she was happy and excited to share all the details of the planning she'd done with the two of you. Yet when she came home, she was in tears, withdrawn and defeated. Now do you mind telling me why she came home with some of the most God awful color swatches I've ever seen and a completely different theme for _our_ wedding, then the one she left with?"

My mother rolled her eyes at me and huffed.

"Edward, son, you're a man. You don't understand and it's like we told Bella, you can't plan a summer themed wedding, when you're getting married on the cusp of fall. It's not traditional or customary. Just trust us. Everything will be beautiful, I promise. Oh! Bella, here's some updated notes on the flower arrangements. We've decided to add Pin Cushion Mums to the center pieces."

I felt Bella's hand jerk out mine and watched with glee as she stormed over to the table filled with wedding crap and over turned it.

"Fuck your center pieces!" she snapped, tearing up the paper my mom had given her.

"How dare the two of you take this away from me and tell me I'm wrong! If you want a fucking fall themed wedding, then have Alice and Jasper get married in the fall. They can have those ugly as fuck colors you picked out! But me, I'm going with what I originally planned and if you don't like it, you can both go fuck yourselves and not come!"

With that, Bella stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her and I was proud as shit. Finally! _My _Bella showed up!

"Well, that ungrateful…" Alice started, when Jasper cut her off.

"Ungrateful? Are you kidding me, Alice? Please tell me you did not chuck all of Bella's plans and idea's and take over this wedding?"

"We didn't take it over." Alice defended. "Bella just doesn't have any concept as to how the season dictates the themes and colors of weddings. She should be lucky she has us to guide her."

I watched as my mom nodded her head in agreement.

"You just don't throw a wedding together with wants. It's doesn't work that way, Jasper. If she wants a soft, summery wedding, then she should have gotten married in July!"

"Are you even fucking listening to yourself?" I asked in wonder of her heartlessness. "Who the fuck are you to tell Bella she can't have her wedding the way she wants it?"

"It's not traditional, Edward! Are you even listening to the girl?" my mom yelled.

"FUCK TRADITIONAL! What has _ever _been traditional about Bella and me? Name one thing you can think of, that has ever followed traditions or customs!"

Both women glanced at each other with furrowed brows and then stared at the ground.

"Exactly! Don't you two get it? Bella and I are unique. We aren't like everyone else…we just _are_! When are you people going to back the fuck off and start realizing that?"

With that I turned and left the apartment. I got half way to the elevator when Jasper stopped me.

"Man, I am so sorry! I had no idea Bella wasn't on board with all this. I thought these were her ideas and they were just helping."

"It's cool. Just make sure all that shit gets pitched and then keep the two of them away from us. Bella and I will plan our wedding our way."

"As it should be." Jasper agreed with a nod. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to clean house."

When I made it back upstairs, Rose was cuddling Melody on the couch.

"She's upset." is all she said, without taking her attention away from the baby.

"I know," I mumbled, giving Melody a kiss on the top of her head, before going to find Bella.

As I had thought, she was in the bedroom pacing, the anger rolling off of her in waves.

"Edward, I'm sorry, but I couldn't handle it anymore. _Pin Cushion Mums_? Are they fucking kidding me?"

I had to cover a chuckle with a cough. Leave it Bella to be set off by a fucking flower choice.

"It's okay, Princess. Come here," I said, sitting on the side of the bed and patting my legs.

Reluctantly, she came over and allowed me to pull her down into my lap. Resting my chin on the top of her head I sighed.

"I'm proud of you. What you did down there, needed to be done. They were both way fucking out of line. This is your wedding and I want you to plan it your way."

"Ugh" she groaned, lifting her head. "That's just it! This is _our_ wedding, Edward! What I have realized, thanks to Alice and your mother, is that I have been doing to you, what they did to me. I was making all the plans and choices. You had no input. I don't just want our wedding to be about _me. _I want it to be about _us."_

I couldn't fight the smile that slowly spread across my face.

"So what are you saying, Bella?"

"I want _us_ to plan our wedding!" she smiled. "I'm throwing out all my original plans, with exception of the dress, because I love it. But everything else we do together. Deal?"

"Deal." I said, nuzzling her neck. "But keep the Calla Lilies in there somewhere. I fucking love that flower."

**BPOV**

Over the next several weeks, Edward and I worked together to pull off the wedding of our dreams.

Our first order of business was to cut the guest down. Instead of the 150 people that were originally invited, we pared it down to 50 of our closest friends and relatives. We were going for intimate, not garish.

We also changed the venue. We found a spot in a park outside the city that was amazing. It had rolling green hills that surrounded a beautiful lake…it was perfect.

There was a gorgeous ballroom nearby that was glass on three sides, so you could look onto the lake and surrounding grounds, for the reception.

We also elected not to go with a band, as Esme had asked for and went with a DJ instead…the one from Eclipse, to be exact. We wanted our reception to be memorable, relaxed and fun.

"This color had to have been Edward's idea!" Rose laughed from inside the dressing room.

"Just come out and let me see it." I prodded, while bouncing a giggling and drooling Harmony on my knee.

It was two weeks before the wedding and we were having our final dress and tux fittings today, so Edward and I split the twins up. He took Melody and I took Harmony.

"Okay, here goes nothing," she sighed, before stepping out.

My mouth immediately hit the floor. Rosalie was a vision in red! I had chosen for her a long floor length blood red gown, with spaghetti straps and an empire bust, that had glittery red piping running under the bust and then criss crossed the back.

"Wow!" I mused. I am going to look like a nun standing next to this bitch!

Alice was the next to step out. Her gown was the same as Rose's, but it flared out and hit her at the knees.

"You both look amazing!" I laughed, as Harmony clapped and cooed at them.

"I told you she would be the one who was all about fashion!" Alice clapped and grinned. "You and Auntie Alice are going to have so much fun together!"

"So...tell us," Rose smiled, adjusting her tits in the full length mirror. "Did Edward pick the red or did you?"

"Edward did. He said he wanted to sex it up a bit." I chuckled. "But I suggested the black and silver to tone it down some."

"And what flowers did you go with?" Alice asked quietly. She'd been reluctant to ask many questions since my melt down.

"Roses and Calla Lilies."

"That sounds beautiful Bella." Alice smiled. "And I'm really sorry about before. I was out of control."

"I'm not going over this again, Alice." I sighed. "I'm over it."

Just then one of the sales ladies comes over to offer her assistance.

"I can hold the little one, if you'd like to try on your gown." she offered with a smile, tickling Harmony's tummy. "Her green eyes are stunning with that bronze hair color."

Yes, it's true. Our daughter's both looked exactly like their dad, except for the heart shape of their faces.

"Thank you." I smiled. "She and her twin sister look just like their dad."

"Wow. He must be a very good looking man then. You're very lucky." she winked. "Now, would you like me to hold her?"

"Um," I said nervously, not knowing how to tell her 'fuck no', without offending her.

"That won't be necessary." Rose said, winking at me. "I'm done here. Everything fits fine. I'll be out to take her in five minutes, Bella."

I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't comfortable with strange people handling my babies.

I tried on my gown, which was a simple white dress that was fitted on top, flared at the waist and had a red sash that tied around my middle. It made my boobs look incredible and my waist look tiny. Perfect.

When we were done, we went back to the apartment so I could feed Harmony and lay her down for her nap.

**EPOV**

"Mommy! We're home!" I yelled, as Melody and I came in the door.

"Shhh." Bella scolded, taking a laughing Melody from my arms. "Harmony is asleep."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry." I pouted, giving her a kiss. "We missed you today."

"I bet you did." she growled, headed for the couch. "How many women did you have to beat off you this time?"

I sighed in defeat. Ever since Emmett fucked up and told Bella that I was constantly getting hit on when I was out with the girls, I hadn't heard the end of it.

"You really need to get off that." I huffed. "I can't help it if they're attracted to my insanely cute babies."

"Yeah, because the hot guy, wearing a fedora and covered with tattoo's and piercings, that is holding them doesn't hold any appeal at all."

"Whatever." I mumble. Sitting down on the floor in front of her and making funny faces at Melody.

Bella was totally right. Melody was quite the little Daddy's Girl. She thought I was the shit and the funniest thing ever. Harmony loved me, but she had more of Bella in her. I would make faces at her and sometimes she'd roll her eyes at me and other times she'd throw her rattle or pacifier at me. Bella likes to call her; "Daddy's Little Critic"…like it's a joke. Yeah, it's great to know that even your infant daughter is judging you. Hysterical.

"So how did the fittings go?" I chuckled, as I took in Melody's gummy grin.

"Fine." Bella sighs, running her fingers lazily through the baby's hair.

"Rosalie looks amazing in red. I almost thought about scraping the dresses and putting her in a Hefty Bag instead."

Oh, my dear, sweet, fucking annoyingly insecure, Bella. Whatever will I do with you?

"Do you just want to say fuck the wedding and go to Vegas?"

"Language, Asshole!" Bella hisses, as she covers Melody's ears.

"How many times do we have to go through this? And no, I don't want to go to Vegas. I just want it to be over with already."

"Aw, baby." I coo. "Are you that desperate to be married to me?"

"As if." Bella says, rolling her eyes and trying to suppress a smile."It would just be nice to have the same last name as my babies."

I can't fight the smile that takes over my face. She's so eager to become, Mrs. Edward Cullen.

**Two weeks later…**

"Dude, you look like you're about ready to hurl."

"Emmett, man, I swear to _God, _if you say one more thing about hurling, I will end you!"

It's the day of my wedding and it is due to start in twenty minutes. I've been a little on edge all day, and fucking Emmett keeps trying to make it worse. Apparently, I am not nervous enough…by his standards.

"This is just the rest of your life, is all I'm saying. If you feel like you need to hurl, hurl. It's not like we'll hold it against you or anything."

I shoot Jasper an exasperated look, begging him to do something about the Village Idiot over here.

'Emmett, STOP!" Jasper warns. "You're an usher. Shouldn't you be out there, I don't know, ushering people?"

Emmett's eyes get huge and he mutters an "Oh, shit!" before disappearing out the door.

"You cool?" Jasper asks, hesitantly.

"I'm good." I half smile in the mirror. "Though I wish I didn't have to wear this monkey suit!"

"It's called a Tux, Edward." Jasper chuckles. "Besides, you shouldn't be complaining. If I were in your shoes, there's no way in hell Alice would agree to let me wear a fedora and Converse on my wedding day."

I can't help but smile. Jasper's right. My Bella is the cat's ass. She didn't fight me at all when I said I wanted to wear my fedora and Chucks. She even bought me a new pair of black ones especially for the occasion. My girl fucking rocks.

"Okay, say "Good luck to daddy!" my mom, cooed walking in the room with Harmony on her hip and my dad behind her with Melody on his.

My girls looked precious in their white satin dresses that were exact replicas of Bella's wedding dress.

"How are Daddy's little Princesses?" I coo at them, placing a kiss on each of their heads.

"Fussy." my mom mumbles, straightening Melody's dress. "They've missed their parents this morning. Since you rarely leave them with anyone, they don't know what to do with themselves when you're not around."

"Aw. Come to daddy, Sweetie." I chuckle, as Melody leans out of my dad's arms, desperately reaching for me.

"Did you miss your daddy?" I ask her with a smile, as she pats both of my cheeks with her chubby little hands and giggles.

I lean over and nuzzle my face against Harmony's cheek, earning a giggle from her as well.

"Okay, lets go get seated," my dad laughs, taking Melody from me.

I give each of the girls another kiss and wave as they leave the room.

"You ready?" Jasper asks, clapping on the shoulder.

"More than." I smile, straightening my tie. "Let's do this."

**BPOV**

"I can't believe you had the twins dresses made to look just like yours! They are just too cute!" Alice laughs.

"Actually, that was all Edward's idea." I laugh. "He said he was marrying all of his girls today, so they should have special dresses too."

"You let Edward see your dress?" Alice whispers, turning pale. "That's bad luck, Bella! Everyone knows that!"

"I think you mean its bad luck to see the _bride_ before the wedding, Alice!" Rose snorts, from it front of the mirror, rolling her eyes.

"Where the hell did you find lipstick to match your dress?" I laugh, as Alice zips me into my dress.

"It's by Smashbox." Rose grins. "It's called 'Vamped'! Hot, right?"

"More like gaudy!" Alice laughs from behind me. "Alright Bella, you're ready to go."

I turn and look at myself in the full length 3-way mirror and my eyes instantly fill with tears.

"Oh my god!" I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand.

Who is this woman in the mirror? My hair is glossy and swept up into a complicated up-do and topped off with a ruby and diamond tiara that Edward insisted I wear.

My make up is subtle. My eyes look huge and smoky, my cheeks have just a hint of color and my lips shimmer with a light pink gloss.

"Edward is going to shit when he see's you." Rosalie's reflection marvels in the mirror from behind me. "You look amazing Bella. Like an honest to God, Princess."

Just the look I was going for!

"Bells, it's time." Charlie said poking his head through the door with his eyes covered. "Is everyone decent?"

"Yeah, Dad…you can look." I smiled.

He took his hand down and blinked twice, before his jaw hit the floor.

"Bells? Is that you?" he asked, stepping into the room. "Baby, you look…amazing."

The look of awe on my dads face and the tears in his eyes were enough to do me in. I felt my own tears start to pool.

"Oh, no you don't, Chief!" Alice yelled, dabbing my eyes with a hanky. "If you cry, Bella will cry, then I'll cry and then our make-up and all my hard work will be ruined. Save it for after the pictures! Got it?"

Charlie shook his head and wiped his eyes. "Got it, Alice."

Rose handed me my bouquet, grabbed her own, gave me a quick hug and then her and Alice disappeared out the door.

"Shall we?" my dad smiled, offering me his elbow. "There's a polished turd standing at the alter waiting for you."

I rolled my eyes at him and took his arm. "You really need to get over your beef with Edward. He's going to be part of your family in a few minutes."

"Not by choice, Sweetheart." he smiled, escorting me out the door.

**EPOV**

The music started and before I knew it, Bella was standing at the end of the isle smiling at me…and she took my breath away.

She looked like the Princess I always envisioned her as. It was all I could do to stand there and let her come to me. It seemed to take forever.

"Hi." she whispered.

"Hi." I smiled. "You look…amazing."

"Pshh...Plagerist." Charlie mumbled, flinching when Bella gave him an elbow to the ribs.

"Old Fart." I muttered with a condenscending smile on my face, as he passed her hand to me.

"I may be dressed like a Penguin, but I am still packing, Shit for Brains." Charlie smiled as he gave me a manly and much to hard clap on the shoulder, before taking his seat.

I sigh and turn my attention back to my beautiful Bella.

"You didn't trip!"

I had to tease her. She'd been having nightmares for weeks, about her falling down the isle.

"Only because I cheated." she smiled, biting her bottom lip.

I gave her puzzled look, making her laugh.

"I didn't where the heels Alice wanted me to," she laughed, pulling up her dress and sticking her foot out.

My eyes almost bugged out of my head and I had to fight not to burst out in hysterics. There, on Bella's foot, was a pair of glittery red Chucks. Awesome.

"Bella!" Alice screeched in a whisper and stomped her foot.

"Shut the fuck up, Alice!" Bella and I whispered yelled at the same time, causing the entire wedding party to dissolve into hysterics.

"Welcome to the Bella and Edward Show!" Rose mocked, wiping laughter induced tears from her eyes.

I looked behind me, when two distinct little giggles grabbed my attention. And there, perched on their grandparents laps, were my two little angels. Laughing and clapping at their silly mom and dad. Could this day get anymore perfect?

Pastor Webber cleared his throat to get our attention. "Are we ready to continue?"

I looked at Bella and laughed as she shrugged.

I nodded in agreement and turned back to the Pastor Webber, "Let's do this!"

**Marriage, Edward and Bella style. Do we approve? Next up...the reception! I have to be in court tomorrow and possibly Friday, so the next update will be Saturday. Until then...leave me some love! :)**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Sorry this is late! I've been trying to post it for hours, but FF was having internal issues and it wouldn't let me! So here we are! The wedding! There is only 2 more chapters left and then an Epi/Future Shot. *Sniff-Sniff* I am going to miss these characters! :(**

**LINKS TO ALL SONGS USED IN THIS CHAPTER, ARE ON MY PROFILE. I RECOMMEND THAT YOU LISTEN THEM. IT JUST MAKES THE CHAPTER "MORE".**

**mustlovertp...you rock! You made this chapter so much better with your idea's and suggestions. You forever have my friendship and gratitude! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

"In preparation for today's nuptials, it's customary for the person officiating to sit down with the intended bride and groom and go over details of the ceremony. When I sat down with Edward and Bella, the first thing they said was "We're not traditional and we don't want traditional." Pastor Webber chuckled, as our friends and family also laughed in agreement.

"They went on to say that music has been an important component in their relationship. Often they would express their thoughts and feelings for one another through song. So important is their love of music, that named their daughter's Melody and Harmony as homage to their beautiful girls being the music of their lives."

_Fuck! Don't cry Cullen._

"So it was with this in mind, that Edward and Bella came to the decision to forgo traditional vows, opting to use music to declare their allegiance to one another. Edward? If you would begin please.

_Shit! I'm on._

I turn to Bella with watery eyes and a broken voice…

"Bella. You mean everything to me. You've given me life, stability, everything I never thought I wanted and two beautiful daughters. When it came down to choosing a song that would express my love, appreciation and gratitude, nothing seemed good enough. Then one night I was frustrated and starting digging through my old CD's and I found one by fucking Richard Marx." I chuckled, rolling my eyes.

But then I heard gasps from the audience and a huff from Pastor Webber and realized what I said.

"Oh, shit! I'm sorry!"

"Edward!" Bella laughed, looking back at Rose who was covering her mouth, trying to hold in her snickers.

"Just continue, Edward." Pastor Webber groaned.

"Anyway," I started again, trying to keep my filter intact. "I almost threw it out, appalled that I even owned the fu…er, it. But something told me to put it in and play it…which startled me. I mean, I'm on Lithium. Theoretically, I shouldn't be hearing voices that want me to listen to Richard Marx."

With that, Bella starts to giggle and the next thing I know, everyone is laughing. But I ignore them and press on.

"So I play the CD and this song comes on and he gets one verse into it and I know it's perfect. So Princess, this is for you."

I nod at Emmett, signaling for him to press play. I smile at Bella and bring her hand up to my mouth for a kiss.

I'm expecting the music to start, but I hear Emmett's mouth instead.

"Dude, you know this song is from that movie with Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger. You know that one where they are all Bonnie and Clyde!"

"Oh yeah! And then Jim Carey and Tea Leoni made fun of one of the scenes in their movie "Fun With Dick And Jane". What was the name of that movie anyway?" Rose muses.

"I know which one you're talking about!" Alice claps, all excited. "Kim wears a totally to die for Chanel head scarf in it!"

"Oh my god!" Jasper mutters in disbelief next to me.

"THE GETAWAY!" Pastor Webber bellows, rubbing his forehead anxiously. "The movie is called "The Getaway". Can we get on with it now, please?"

"Yup! That's it! Way to go, Pastor W!" Emmett cheers, offering him a high five.

"Music!" I grunt at Emmett, angrily pointing to the CD player.

"I got it!" Emmett says, but pauses before pressing play. "Hey wait. Didn't Richard Marx end up marrying that skinny blonde broad from "Dirty Dancing"? You know, the one that had the illegal abortion that Baby's dad paid for?"

I look around and everyone has gone quiet. My mom and dad have their hands firmly braced over the twin's ears. Bella's mouth is hanging open. Pastor Webber is mouthing a prayer and I'm hearing crickets.

"Excuse me." Rose says, breaking the overwhelming silence and handing Alice her bouquet.

She walks around Bella and I, storming up to Emmett and smacking him violently upside the head.

"What is the matter with you?" she scolds, loudly. "We are in the House of the Lord! Ya know, VIRGIN MARY, immaculate conceptions and you want to bring up abortions? God, Emmett! You are such an ass!"

"I can't breathe." Bella stutters, grabbing onto my arm.

My eyes are huge and I have no idea what to do. I cursed, Emmett's brought up abortion, and Rose has taken the name of the father in vain and gotten violent.

Then my pleading eyes land on Charlie. _Salvage this, Asshole!_

"Alright, alright…" Charlie says standing and unfastening his tux jacket, so everyone can see his holstered side arm on his hip. "Let's just focus, people and get back on track. I didn't drive all the way up here to see a comedy. I came to see my daughter make the biggest mistake of her life in marrying this, Jackass."

I roll my eyes and storm over to the CD player myself and hit play. I walk back over to Bella and offer her a smile of apology, as the music starts.

_Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage  
in my head  
You make sense of madness when my sanity  
hangs by a thread  
I lose my way but still you seem to understand  
Now and forever  
I will be your man_

_Sometimes I just hold you_  
_Too caught up in me to see_

_I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given_  
_to me_  
_I'll try to show you each and every way I can_  
_Now and forever_  
_I will be you man_

_Now I can rest my worries and always be sure_  
_That I won't be alone anymore_  
_If I'd only known you were there all the time_  
_All this time_

_Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the_  
_sand_  
_Now and forever_  
_I will be your man_  
_Now and forever_  
_I will be your man_

**BPOV**

I'm stunned. Absolutely speechless. Sure, I'm still recovering from the totally random and humiliating scene that just played out, but Edward's song, while gay and cheesy, is also perfect. The words, they are so amazingly profound, that they take my breath away.

I stare into Edward's green eyes and mouth "I love you" while I let my tears flow unchecked.

"Bella?" Pastor Webber prompts, getting impatient and probably just wanting us the fuck out of his church. "If you'd like to proceed with your song, you may do so."

I clear my throat and wipe at my wet cheeks.

"Edward, you are a third of my life, my heart and my soul. Everything that I have and everything that I am, belongs to you and our gorgeous daughters. When we first came up with the idea of using songs for our vows, I thought I knew exactly which one I would use…"Crazy For You" by Madonna. But then one day I was in the car, flipping through stations and this haunting song started to play by Sade. By the end of the song, I knew without a doubt, that I had to use it. It expresses everything that I want to say and more. I love you so much, Edward."

I nod at Emmett and wipe a stray tear from Edward's cheek as the music starts. Thankfully, Emmett was smart enough to just press play and not offer any commentary.

_You think I'd leave your side baby?  
You know me better than that  
You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?  
I wouldn't do that_

_I'll do you right when your wrong_  
_I-Ohhhh, Ohhhh_

_If only you could see into me_

_oh, when you're cold_  
_I'll be there to hold you tight to me_  
_When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in_  
_I will show you, you're so much better than you know_  
_When you're lost, when you're alone and you can't get back again_  
_I will find you darling I'll bring you home_

_If you want to cry_  
_I am here to dry your eyes_  
_and in no time you'll be fine_

_You think I'd leave your side baby_  
_You know me better than that_  
_You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees_  
_I wouldn't do that_

_I'll do you right when you're wrong_  
_I-I, Ohhhh, Ohhhh_

_If only you could see into me_

_Oh when you're cold_  
_I'll be there_  
_To hold you tight to me_  
_Oh when you're alone_  
_I'll be there by you're side baby_

As the music fades to black, Edward's mask has crumbled and his tears run in rivers down his face, his chin quivers and his eyes are full of love and reverence. He's beautiful.

**EPOV**

She'll never give up on me. She'll never just walk away from me. She'll always believe in me and see the best of me.

I never believed any of it, more than I do right now.

"I've always seen the best of you, Edward. And it's what made me want you, wait for you and run after you. Your innate goodness is all I ever wanted and all I ever will want from you."

Silly girl…

"Bella, you already have the best of me and they are sitting six feet to your right on my parent's laps."

Bella gives me a watery chuckle, as I put my forehead to hers.

"I know baby," she whispers. "And you'll never know how grateful I am for that."

I suddenly hear an unfamiliar sniffle and look up at the same time Bella does and laugh.

"Suck it, Cullen." Rose blubbers, while she wipes her eyes with a hanky Pastor Webber handed her.

Bella and I exchange rings and then Pastor Webber is pronouncing us man and wife.

I kiss my wife and Bella hands her bouquet to Rose and together we walk over and each grab a baby from my parents. We clasp hands and proceed up the aisle as a family.

It isn't long before we are engulfed in well wishes from our friends and family. Harmony and Melody are both excited about the extra attention and seem content to think that it's all being directed at them.

"Well, well, well, Cullen." James says, sauntering up next to me.

"That was quite the production you and the missus just put on. I'm so glad I was here to witness it. I got the whole thing on my Blackberry too. I'm thinking you'll be a YouTube phenomenon when I post this sucker!"

"Great." I mutter, helping Harmony, who's on my hip, with her bottle.

"Wow." James gasps, looking between Harmony and Melody, who is perched in Bella's arms. "You're girls look just like you, Edward. It's fucking freaky!"

"Language!" I scold.

"You'd look in good in drag, Cullen." he smirks, fingering the hem on Harmony's dress.

I smack his hand away and position Harmony on my other hip.

"Piss off, James. I think my girls are still a little bit too young for your charms, even by your standards."

"Touché." James laughs. "I guess I'll see you at the reception? Be sure and save me a dance with Mrs. Cullen."

"Keep your greasy fucking paws off my wife." I growl, making him laugh as he walks away.

"Language, Cullen." he throws back at me, over his shoulder.

Fucking idiot.

**BPOV**

I am Mrs. Edward Cullen. Even as I stand here, engulfed in a sea of well wishes, that reality is still hard to absorb.

"You ready to get to our reception, husband?"

"Absolutely, Mrs. Cullen." Edward smirked, leaning over and giving me a kiss, while the girls in our arms, squealed and slapped at our faces.

"Hey, this is mine and Mommy's day, you silly girls!" Edward cooed.

I am still amazed at how hot he is when he's engaging our daughters. The smooth velvet of his voice and eyes, chock full of love and adoration, is enough to melt my fucking panties.

Everyone was already in the ballroom by the time we made our way there. Rosalie and Jasper met us outside the door.

"Do you want us to take the babies?" Rose asked, poking Melody in the tummy.

"No. We're going to walk in there as family." Edward said, grabbing my free hand and squeezing it.

"Alright." Jasper laughed, throwing open the doors, signaling the DJ to announce us.

"Ladies and Gentleman, it is my honor to present you with Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Isabella Cullen. Who are being escorted by their lovely daughter's, Melody and Harmony Cullen."

As we entered the ballroom, the place erupted into cheers and applause. At first, Melody startled and reached out to Edward. After a quick baby swap, she calmed down and shyly buried her face in Edward's neck. Always the Daddy's Girl.

Harmony on the other hand, basked in the attention. She waved her hands around, squealing and bouncing in my arms. It's amazing to me how extroverted she is.

We made our way to the head table, depositing the girls in their high chairs, positioned on either side of Edward and me. The plan was for them to stay with us through dinner and the first dance. After that, Rosalie's mother would take them back to the hotel for the remainder of the evening.

Dinner was amazing. The filet mignon was butterflied and cooked to perfection. The grilled vegetables were crisp and amazing and everyone seemed to dig in and enjoy it, as well.

Finally, it was time for our first dance. During the planning process, when we talked about songs, I was frustrated and told Edward to surprise me.

Edward gave me a sly smirk, as he made his way over to the DJ booth, which had me worried. Esme and my dad came over, taking the girls from me.

"Excuse me, please. If I could have everyone's attention." Edward bellowed into the microphone, as he waited for things to quiet down.

"It's time for my first dance with my wife. When we were planning the wedding, Bella became frustrated with the little details, like finding a wedding song. In her infinite stupidity, she left that job up to me. So Isabella, get your ass out here and come take a spin with me around the dance floor."

Oh. My. God. What the fuck has he done?

I made my way out to the floor and waited for him to join me. He stalked around me like a predator, before finally coming to stand in front of me.

"Ready for this, Princess?"

"Just please tell me it's not "Get Off" by Prince!" I squeaked.

I was lying in bed one night, while he was going through songs in the living room and heard him play it. It never occurred to me, that he could be considering it.

A huge, beautiful smile lit up his face and he winked, as he signaled the DJ to start the music.

The music filters throughout the ballroom and I stare at him in disbelief as he grins and spins me around the floor.

"I can't believe you!" I laugh hysterically as everyone starts whooping and laughing around us.

_All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall  
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep  
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'  
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown  
And I don't know why_

_But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_  
_I know, right now you can't tell_  
_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_  
_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_  
_I know, right now you don't care_  
_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_  
_And how I used to be, me_

_I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train_  
_And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me_  
_I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think_  
_There must be somethin' wrong with me_  
_Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind_

_But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_

_I know, right now you can't tell_  
_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_  
_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_  
_I know, right now you don't care_  
_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_  
_And how I used to be_

_I've been talkin' in my sleep_  
_Pretty soon they'll come to get me_  
_Yeah, they're takin' me away_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell_  
_I know, right now you can't tell_  
_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_  
_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired_  
_I know, right now you don't care_  
_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_  
_And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be_

_How I used to be_  
_Well, I'm just a little unwell_  
_How I used to be, how I used to be_  
_I'm just a little unwell_

By the end of the song, all of our friends and family have joined us on dance floor, twirling around us, laughing and singing at the top of their lungs.

Esme and Charlie brought the girls out and now Edward and I were twirling with them and laughing as they clapped and squealed.

On my last twirl with Harmony, Edward reached his arm out and snagged me around the waist.

"Happy Mrs. Cullen?"

"Ecstatically!" I smiled, tilting my head and giving him a kiss.

"Thank you so much. This day is everything I ever dreamed of and more."

The smile that lit up his face was brilliant.

"You're most welcome." he smiled against my lips. "But these people need to clear the floor, so we can have our real first dance."

My heart started to race again. Not "Get Off"…anything but "Get Off"!

Esme and Carlisle took the twins, as everyone else filed off the floor.

"You know you're beautiful, right, Mrs. Cullen?" Edward murmured into my ear, after he spun me out and back in again.

Before I could answer the music queued up…and it was definitely, Prince.

_Could U be the most beautiful girl in the world?_  
_It's plain 2 see You're the reason that God made a girl_

_When the day turns into the last day of all time I can say I hope you are in these arms of mine_  
_And when the night falls before that day I will cry_  
_I will cry tears of joy cause after you all one can do is die, oh_

_Could you be the most beautiful girl in the world?_  
_Could you be?_  
_Its plain to see you're the reason that God made a girl_  
_Oh, yes you are_

_How can I get through days when I can't get through hours?_  
_I can try but when I do I see you and I'm devoured, oh yes_  
_Who'd allow, who'd allow a face to be soft as a flower? Oh_  
_I could bow (bow down) and feel proud in the light of this power_  
_Oh yes, oh_

_Could you be (could you be) the most beautiful girl in the world?_  
_Could you be?_  
_It's plain to see you're the reason that God made a girl_  
_Oh, yes you are_

_And if the stars ever fell one by one from the sky_  
_I know Mars could not be, uh, to far behind_  
_cuz baby, this kind of beauty has got no reason to ever be shy_  
_Cuz honey, this kind of beauty is the kind that comes from inside_

_Could you be (could you be) the most beautiful girl in the world?_  
_So beautiful, beautiful_  
_its plain to see (plain to see) you're the reason that God made a girl_

_Oh yeah! (Oh, yes you are)_  
_Girl (Could you be?)_  
_You must be ... oh yeah!_  
_(Could you be?)_  
_You're the reason ... oh yeah_  
_(Could) {x3}_

"Hey. No crying, beautiful girl." Edward murmured as the song came to a close.

"Happy…" I breathed, as I wiped at my wet face. "I love you so much."

"I know." he smiled and then spun me out and back in again. "As I love you."

"Forever." I breathed, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Forever, Mrs. Cullen."

**So it's official...they're hitched! What did we think? Was it a classic Edward and Bella moment? Talk to me people! :)**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: OK, so it's been awhile. Sorry. RL has been conspiring against me. First, we lost our Vivianne (thank you for all the kind words and messages. I appreciated all of them). Then my computers charger decided to quit working. I found a universal charger for $20 online, but it was back ordered. I waited and waited but couldn't take it anymore, so I finally caved and spent $80 for one at Best Buy! Can you say "RIP OFF"? Anyway, then my daughter went to Mexico for Spring Break and there was nightmare of securing her travel papers and getting her a summer wardrobe to take with her. Then there has been glitches all over FF that held up the publication of this chapter. Sorry if you received repeated update alerts, that contained a link to the old author note. Gay I tell you...GAY! So yeah, it got just crazy around here. BUT, I'm back and you got a longer chapter than usual! Yay! So we have one more chapter left and then an Epi! You should see them post quickly, because I am in the mood to finish this up and then wrap up my other story "Lives In Chaos". I have so many story idea's bouncing around in my head, I need to get them out! :)**

**P.S. I call this chapter "the ass" chapter. If you're not down with it...move along! :)**

**mustlovertp is still the bestest Beta around! She's amazing and was willing to work on this chapter for you, even though she's in the process of painting and moving into her house! I love you girl! You so rock! **

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

"I SAID NO, GODDAMNIT!"

"Edward"

"FUCK YOU AND YOUR RIGHT TURNS"

"Edward"

"I AM GOING TO GET A FUCKING TICKET IF I LISTEN TO YOUR ASS!"

"Edward!"

"Not now Bella, I'm trying to get us to the fucking Hotel and this fucking bitch keeps telling me to make right turns on one way streets."

This is totally NOT how I planned on the beginning of our Honeymoon in Hawaii playing out. I thought we'd be all caught up in the romance of our wedding and stupid in love. But the reality was that I'd been married for exactly 24 hours and spent the last hour listening to my idiot husband arguing with the rental cars GPS system.

"Slow down and make a right turn at the next intersection." the annoyingly female voice spewed from the GPS.

"See Bella! Look at this shit! One fucking way!" Edward yelled pointing to the GPS system mounted on the dash. "I bet you they hired one of the bitches that couldn't read a fucking map to save her life, to fucking voice this thing!"

"Edward, people are starting to stare. Can you stop fucking arguing with it? Newsflash, she can't hear you!" and then muttered an "Asshole" under my breath for good measure.

"I'm not going to quit yelling until you learn how to shut this bitch up!"

"I can't shut her up, Dickhead! The fucking thing automatically powers up when you start the car!"

Edward gets shitty then and sticks his head so he's literally two inches from the screen and screams, "FUCKING BITCH BETTER PUT HER APRON BACK ON AND GET HER DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED ASS BACK IN THE KITCHEN!"

I roll my eyes and wave at the 300 pound Samoan guy in the next car who is watching the exchange intently, while filming it on his cellphone. Lovely, Edward should have 80,000 hits on Youtube in a few hours. Jackass!

"Put her apron on and get back in the kitchen?" I finally ask, as we pull away from the stop light and leave the amateur film maker behind. "Can you maybe say something a little sexist please?"

"Sexist? What the fuck, Bella?" Edward fumes, lighting his tenth cigarette since we landed.

"What you said was sexist and demeaning to woman, Edward. Is that what you are going to tell me the first time I disagree with you?"

"Bella, shut the fuck up! You and I have disagreed about EVERY fucking thing since we got together and I haven't _demeaned_ you yet!"

"Yes you have. You said you liked me barefoot and pregnant." I said calmly. "How 1950's of you."

Edward flicks his ash out the window and laughs without humor.

"At the time I fucking said that, you were literally pregnant and couldn't wear shoes because your feet were so swollen. That was not a derogatory statement, it was an observation. Besides, you had your bare feet in my fucking lap, while I painted the toe nails you couldn't fucking reach!"

Just as I was about to respond, I was cut off by that useless bitches computerized voice.

"Make U-Turn at the next intersection and then turn left at the first crossroad."

Edward growled and pulled his fist back.

"Edward wait!" I yelled, blocking the screen with my body. "You got rental insurance, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

I answered him by pulling out my water bottle and dumping it over the screen, smiling as I heard the snap, crackle, pop of the internal components being fried and watched the screen go black.

"There. Now if they ask, we tell them the top got left down in a rain storm." sitting back with a huge shit eating grin and relishing the silence.

"Oh my god, baby!" Edward exclaimed, laughing. "You are such an evil fucking genius!".

0o0o0

We arrived at the Hotel 25 minutes later. Edward had to go 6 miles past the place, to finally find a road that wasn't one way so he could finally make the much fussed about right hand turn.

"Wow! This place is fucking awesome!" I breathed, upon entering the suite.

Looking around, I knew a gay man was responsible for the décor. From the marble floors and half naked male statues, to the soft peach coloring on the walls…it screamed "The Bird Cage". I almost expected Robin Williams and a weepy Nathan Lang to come waltzing out of the master bedroom.

I began moving around the place, throwing open doors. The master bedroom was over the top. It had a huge carved wood canopy bed, with decadent gold colored bedding and rich red walls. Directly across from the bed, there was double doors that lead out to a balcony that over looked the ocean. It was amazing.

I stepped across the hall and opened another door, finding another smaller bedroom. It was simpler then the master bedroom, offering only a queen sized bed, with an ornate wrought iron head board.

Stepping down to the next door, I reached for the door knob. But before I could complete the turn that would open the door…Edward stopped me.

"Why don't we unpack and look around later, Princess." he said nervously, giving his hair a tug.

_I smell bullshit._

"What's got you so nervous, Edward?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Nothing." he responded wide eyed. A little too wide eyed. "I'm just anxious to call Rose, Mom and Alice to check on the twins."

My heart warmed a little bit at his concern. Leaving the girls behind to go on our honeymoon, was a big concession for him. We'd fought about it for weeks, but he finally agreed, so long as Rose, Alice and his mother were there to take care of them.

"I'm sure they're fine, baby." I told him, hugging him tightly around the waist. "We just left them and with Rose, Alice and Esme there, you know they are more than fine and getting spoiled rotten as we speak. Now screw unpacking, I want to check this place out!"

I turned back for the door, but before I could make contact with the knob, I was spun around into the wall next to it and my lips were being attacked.

"God Baby, I want you so fucking much! Sitting next to you on the plane was torture." Edward groaned into my mouth. "I almost made you a member of the Mile High Club, Mrs. Cullen."

The door completely forgotten, I jumped up and wrapped my legs tightly around his waist. Grinding my wet, hot center on the bulge in his pants.

"Not here." Edward panted, turning and walking us back to the master bedroom. Carefully laying me out on the humongous bed, underneath him.

He hovered over me, just staring down at me. "You're so fucking beautiful." he finally said, with so much sincerity, it brought tears to my eyes.

Pulling his head back down to me, we kissed slow and long, until his lips pulled away from mine and moved down to my neck and collarbone.

Clothes were shed and bodies were worshipped. As Edwards head dipped towards my center, he swung his body around and laid himself out next to me on his side. He looked up at me with a small smirk on his face, before rolling me on my side next to him and diving face first into my goods.

I yelped in surprised and then returned the favor, taking him into my mouth and all the way down my throat…earning a muffled groan from him that resonated through my whole body and made my clit, that he was so expertly working with his tongue, tingle.

I don't know when this went from ridiculously hot tandem oral sex, to an all out competition to see who could make who come first. But Edward suddenly stepped up his game, kicking all his of his pussy eating tricks into play.

He buried two fingers in me, while his tongue made figure eights around my clit, causing me to lower one hand to his hair and shove his face further into me.

The fucker actually chuckled when he felt me pull his hair. The sound made me release his head and bring my hand up to his balls, cupping them and giving a gentle tug, while I hummed around his cock.

"Fucking cheater." he hissed, thrusting his hips forward, catching me off guard and making me gag.

That mother…alright, Cullen. Game on!

Without warning I popped him out of my mouth, pulled his balls back and stroked his cock, while my mouth sucked on the skin on the underside of his nut sack, while at the same time, I wetted my fore finger and circled his back door.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" he wailed, rolling over onto his back and pulling his hips off the bed.

Knowing he was close, I quickly sucked his cock back into my mouth and slipped my finger in his hole, finding and pressing down on his prostate. Two seconds later his cock erupted in my mouth, spilling the evidence of his orgasm down my throat.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckinggod!" he chanted, as he rode out his orgasm and unconsciously rocked his hips into my finger.

After a few minutes, I pulled off of him and sat up with a wicked grin on my face.

He peaked at me from under his arm that he'd thrown over his face. "Where the fuck did all that come from?"

I just shrugged and said, "Google." as I slipped off the bed and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands.

A few minutes later, I returned and stifled a giggle as Edward was exactly where I left him, with a small shy grin on his face.

"This doesn't mean I'm gay." he says shyly.

"I know that!" I laughed, lying down on the bed next to him. "Straight men can enjoy the product of prostate stimulation too, Edward. It's not like the gay community has a monopoly on that gland or something."

"I know, but it's just so…ugh!" he groaned, covering his face with his arm again. "Why did God have to hide the male equivalent of a G Spot in our ass?"

I laughed at him, having no answer for his clearly rhetorical question. So I snuggled into his side and began lightly brushing my fingers over his cock, watching as it slowly came to life once more.

"OK, Mrs. Cullen." Edward sighed. "Now it's your turn to come!"

Quicker then I thought possible, Edward flipped me over onto my back and was hovering over me.

"Since you changed the rules, this isn't going to be slow and sweet like I planned." he grinned wickedly.

He then stood up and strolled over to the suitcase, grabbing something from it. When he turned and held up the product of his search, my eyes went huge and I gulped.

"That's right, Mrs. Cullen." he said with a smirk. "Thanks to Emmett, we can find out what kind pleasures your ass is hiding too!"

Fucking Emmett and his "Honeymoon Emergency Kit" filled with lube, a vibrator, anal beads, warming lotion, a dildo and a purple butt plug. Clearly the ass's hidden treasure of pleasure was not lost on his stupid ass.

"Oh no, Mister!" I scolded, backing up until my back hit the headboard and my knees were pulled up to my chest. "You're not sticking anything but you in my butt."

"No purple butt plug?" he pouted, fighting to hold off a smile.

"Absolutely not. This is Emmett we're talking about. There's no telling where that fucking thing has been!"

Edward immediately dropped the bag in his hands like it had burned him.

"You don't honestly think?" he whispered with a cringe.

"Emmett is like a curious child, Edward. I wouldn't put anything past him."

Edward picked up the bag, unzipping it and shaking the contents onto the floor picking up only the bottle of lube. The rest he kicked outside on the balcony.

"So, where were we?" he smiled, slamming the balcony door shut and stalking back over to the bed.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly, as he stalked across the bed on all fours, all sexy like. "Have you ever fucked anyone in the ass before?"

Edward stopped mid crawl, sighed, and flopped over on his back, pressing his palms into his eyes.

"I think a bucket of cold water would have been less effective, Bella." he groaned, motioning towards his softening cock.

"I'm sorry, but if you don't know what you are doing, you can seriously fucking hurt me."

"No." he snapped, clearly frustrated and yanking at his hair. "I've never had fucking anal sex before. Happy now?"

I chewed on my bottom lip for a minute, before making my decision.

"I think we should research it." reaching over my laptop bag.

"Bella." Edward groaned, turning beet fucking red with embarrassment. "I am not going to watch cheesy fucking internet porn with you."

"Duh." I quipped, rolling my eyes and waiting for the computer to boot up. "I wasn't going to go to Youporn, Edward. You can Google anal sex and read everything you need to know about it."

"Oh god" Edward moaned, rolling on his side facing away from me.

**EPOV**

I laid there and listened as my new wife clicked away on her laptop.

"Oh Edward! Look!" she said, slapping my butt in excitement. "This is really interesting! There are steps that you follow. Kind of like a recipe!"

"Yay." I mumbled sarcastically.

"No seriously, baby. You have to see this. First you have to use lube and insert one digit into the anus slowly. Once the anus is stretched to accommodate it, you gently add another digit and more lube if necessary. Once the anus can comfortably accept two digits without pain, you begin moving them in and out with a scissor like motion" Bella read, enthusiastically holding up two of her fingers like a peace sign and making a scissor motion. "Carefully stretching the anus until the muscles relax and become slack."

"Jesus fucking Christ." I muttered to myself.

"No Edward, you have to listen to this. I don't want you tear my fucking ass up."

Suddenly the visual of Bella propped up on her elbows and knees with her nose damn near pressed to her laptop screen, reading the steps off as I kneel behind her, goes through my head. I think not!

Fed up, I rolled over and snapped the laptop shut tossing it onto the night stand.

"I don't need you to tutor me on anal sex, Bella. I've been watching porn since I was 12 years old. I think I know the fucking mechanics involved in making my dick fit in your ass."

Taking advantage of her stunned state, I flip her over so she's on all fours. I nudge her legs further apart and then lay down face up between them, attacking her clit with vigor.

Within seconds she's moaning and biting at the pillow underneath her. While she's distracted with my tongue, I flip open the bottle of lube and dump a sizable portion onto my fingers. I bring my index finger to her hole and generously coat it with the slick substance.

"Oh shit" Bella moans, grabbing at my hair and pushing my face into her pussy.

A circle around her entrance a few more times, before gently pressing my finger in. Bella gasps and the outer ring of muscle clamps down on the tip of my finger.

"Baby, this isn't going to work if you don't relax." I whisper, looking up into her face.

She nods and buries her head back in the pillow with a sigh. A minute later her butt cheeks unclamp and she relaxes.

"Sorry. It just felt weird." she mumbles into her pillow.

Returning my tongue to her clit, I slowly work my finger all the way in. Bella moans and shifts her hips a little.

"How ya doing, Baby?" I ask quietly. "Does it feel good to have my finger in your ass?"

"Yesss" she hisses, bringing her pussy back down to my mouth.

Looks like all systems are go.

After a few minutes of gently stroking my finger in and out of her tight entrance, I slowly add my middle finger to the mix. Bella hisses and tightens up for a second, before relaxing again.

"God, I feel so full." she moans, pulling at her hair with her hands.

I chuckle and then bring my other hand down, slipping two fingers into her core, moving them in time with the ones in her ass.

"FUCK ME! OH MY GOD! EDWARD!" she yells, bucking her hips, clearly enjoying being completely filled and with my mouth on her.

I scissor my fingers a few times, stretching her. When I think she's ready, I slip out from underneath her and kneel behind her. I quickly add a generous amount of lube to my cock and give it a few pumps, while I prep her ass a little more.

"Ready, Princess?" I ask gently, while rubbing her ass cheek.

Bella nods and closes her eyes.

I bring the head of my cock to her back door and just as I go to push into her, I make a split second decision.

"No." I tell her, grabbing her hips and flipping her onto her back. "I want to see your face."

Bella smiles and then pulls her legs up to her chest, opening herself up for me.

I leaned down and kiss the shit out of her, as I grab my cock and slowly push into her.

She gasps into my mouth and her fingers dig into my back as she struggles to relax, so I can push past the tight ring of muscle.

Holy fuck she's tight!

Bella's eyes are as big as saucers by the time my hips finally make contact with her cheeks and I can go no further in.

"How are you doing, Princess?" I ask, slowly stroking her hair and peppering her face with kisses.

She nods frantically as her eyes glaze over. "It feels really different. But good. Is it good for you?"

"You feel fucking amazing." I smile down at her. "So tight and warm."

"Can you move some?" she finally asks.

I give her another deep kiss, as I slowly start to pump my cock in and out of her.

"Faster." she moans, grabbing onto my ass cheeks and throwing her legs over my shoulders.

I pick up the speed a little, while trying to control to the depth, not wanting to hurt her.

"Fuck Edward! Harder!" she screams, grabbing my ass and forcing me in harder.

My hips are snapping against her ass cheeks filling the room with the sound of slapping skin.

"Yes! Fuck me, Edward!"

Bella gets vocal when you fuck her ass. Who knew?

"You like me fucking your ass?" I ask her, sucking on her lower lip.

"Fuck YES!" she yells, bucking her hips up to meet my thrusts.

Just when I thought this shit couldn't get any hotter, I watch as Bella's hand moves down her stomach circling her clit once, before she puts two of her fingers in her pussy.

"Yeah. That's it, Princess. Fucking touch yourself!"

Suddenly she has both hands down there. One is frantically rubbing at her nub, the other is pumping her fingers in and out of herself. Fucking hot!

I start to feel Bella's walls begin to shake and I know that she's close. Thank fucking god, because my balls are burning and I know that am seconds away from the most mind blowing orgasm of my life and I need her to come like now. Right fucking now.

"Oh god! I'm gonna fucking come!" Bella mumbles incoherently beneath me, pressing her head back into the pillow and biting her lip.

The burning in my balls increases and the pressure is almost unbearable. Desperate to come and take Bella with me, I lean down into her ear.

"Baby, your ass feels so fucking good. Fucking come for me, Princess. Let me feel you come with my dick in your tight fucking ass!"

That's all it took. Bella inhaled and on the exhale she screamed bloody murder and came apart underneath me. Her body spasming like she was a having a seizure. One more pump and I followed her, screaming through my own release.

We lay there connected for a few minutes, until my muscles will allow me to move. Then carefully I lower her legs from my shoulders and slip out of her, falling onto my side next to her. My breathing still labored.

"Holy shit!" Bella laughs, turning her head towards me. "I had no idea that ass play could feel that good."

"Me…either…that…was…fucking…awesome!" I gasped, playfully grabbing her tit and giving it a shake.

Bella smacks my hand away and goes to the bathroom, starting up the shower. I follow her a few minutes later, when I can breathe again.

"Are you sore?" I ask, giving her ass a little tap, as I get in the shower behind her.

"Maybe a little." she shrugs. "But it's not too bad."

"Good" I smile, kissing the side of her head. "Thank you for letting me do that with you. You have no idea how good it felt and how hot that was. That was enough Spank Bank material to last me the rest of my fucking life."

0o0o0

After our shower we called home and checked on the babies. Of course everything was fine and Bella was almost suspicious when we were given our update and rushed off the phone.

"What the hell?" she said bitterly, staring at her phone after Alice hung up on us. "What's the fucking rush?"

"I don't know, baby. Maybe they have plans or something."

She eyes me suspiciously. "Why aren't you upset about this? Don't tell me Mr. "I won't leave my fucking kids alone with anyone" is suddenly OK with this?"

"No I'm not fucking OK with this, Bella. Jesus!" I snap, getting off the bed and going out onto the balcony with my pack of cigarettes.

"You're hiding something." she accuses.

I snort at her, light my smoke and flip her off.

"Why didn't you want me to see the other guest room, Edward?"

"What are you fucking talking about? You're paranoid." I lie, trying to cover my ass.

Bella doesn't buy it and is off the bed and out the door before I can stop her. I hang my head as I hear the guest room door open.

"I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! EDWARD!" she screams across the suite.

Yeah, I'm fucked.

**Anyone wanna take a guess as to what Edward did this time? Sounds like he's in the dog house and it's only been 24 hours! Oops! Leave some love! You know I love to hear it and I REALLY love to see this story break 500 reviews! :)**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: *Sniffles and blows her nose!* This is it kids! The last regular chapter of WOWY! My heart is breaking. Part of me is not ready to let this version of Edward and Bella go. But, it must be done! Good news though! You will get an Epilogue that will be a future shot of the lovely couples life after the honeymoon! You may also want to leave this story on "Alert" status. I may revisit it from time to time and give you more future shots and outtakes! If there's an out take you'd like to read, send me a message and let me know! :)**

**My loyal readers. You guys have been amazing and the best cheerleaders in the world! You all supported this story and hung in there from the beginning! I owe you guys so much and more! You are the reason that I do this. Reading your hilarious reviews and threats of bodily harm if I don't update in a timely manner, made my day and kept me sane through this whole process. I love you all and thanks for taking this ride with me! :)**

**As for me. You can still get your fill of the crazy shit that goes through my head, by reading "Lives In Chaos" a story that I have in progress and will start working towards finishing up. After that, I have several stories cooking that I want to start working on, so be sure to put me on your Author Alert List. Fanfiction hasn't even started to see my craziness yet! :)**

**mustlovertp...this woman deserves a standing ovation! Not only has been writing her own fuck awesome stories (READ THEM IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY), but she also Beta'd and damn near co-authored this story with me...all while painting and moving into her new home! She rocks and was there when this story was an under developed idea I had bouncing around in my head. She challenged me and fought with me to make this story everything that it is! So go visit her profile, read her amazing stories and leave her tons of love! :)**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**EPOV**

I quickly snubbed out my cigarette, going back in the bedroom and pulling on pair of pajama pants and a wife beater, figuring it's best to face my demise without my dick hanging out. The last thing I want to do is give her any fucking ideas about lobbing my dick off.

"EDWARD!" Bella screamed again, making me wince.

I made my way down to the second guest room at a snails pace, in an attempt to draw out the inevitable and found Bella in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips. She's only been a mom five months and she already has all the mannerisms perfected. Scary!

"What the fuck are those doing here?" pointing her finger at the two cribs set up in the room, next to the queen sized bed.

"Would you believe that they came with the suite?" I laughed humorlessly, pulling at my hair.

"You're un-fucking-believable!" she muttered, shoulder checking me as she walked around me and back to the master bedroom.

"Look Bella…"

"No!" she yelled, turning on me. "Don't even try to hand me any half assed excuses right now! How could you do this? This is supposed to our fucking _honeymoon. _It's supposed to be about us and having hot sweaty monkey sex whenever we want! It's not supposed to be about breast feeding and diapering and getting up in the middle of the night! This was supposed to be the one week where we could be a carefree Edward and Bella and you fucking ruined it!"

"Will you calm down? Jesus Christ!" I fumed. "First, it's not going to be about breast feeding and diapering or any of that other crap. Rose, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Mom, Dad and Charlie are all going to be here helping out with the twins! So you won't have to worry about shit. Second, hot sweaty monkey sex? I just fucked you in the ass, Bella. How much more "monkey" Yeah, I actually made air quotes around that shit. "Do you want our sex life to get?"

"They are ALL coming here?" she sneered, looking like her head was about ready to explode. "You invited all of our friends and both sets of parents on OUR honeymoon? FUCK EDWARD! HOW COULD YOU?"

Well when she puts it that way. Christ, what the fuck did I do?

"When are they coming here?"

"Er, they should be boarding the plane in about an hour."

"Where are they all staying?"

I gulp and subtly move to protect my balls.

"I got Mom, Dad and Charlie their own rooms and…"

"And what? Where are the others staying?"

"In the guest rooms?" I squeaked, sounding a lot like a fucking pubescent Peter Brady.

Bella's eyes went absolutely huge and who knew a persons face could turn that red?

"OUT!" she screamed, picking up my suite case and heaving it out the door. "Take all your shit and get the fuck out! You can go bunk with the boys for all I fucking care! You ruined my fucking honeymoon and I fucking hate you for it!"

"Bella…"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ROOM, EDWARD! I swear to God if you don't leave through the door right now, you will be going off the balcony in 30 seconds!"

Realizing that trying to stay and hash things out right now was the wrong idea; I gather my smokes and fedora and head for the door. I pause in the doorway and look back at her. Tears of rage are running down her cheeks and her breathing is labored. Yeah, I royally fucked up.

"For what it's worth" I say quietly. "It wasn't my intention to ruin anything. When you told me you were pregnant and I came back, I made you and the girls a promise that I would never leave them. I don't know how seriously you took that oath…but it means everything to me. Even leaving them behind for our honeymoon felt like a betrayal. I'm sorry. I should have discussed this with you first and I know that. But this is me trying to keep my promises."

With that, I shut the door and wandered down the hall to the second guest bedroom. I guess if I can't sleep with my wife, then I'll sleep with my daughters when they get here.

**BPOV**

That fucking bastard! Trying to play on my sympathies by telling me how all this fuckary is because he's trying to keep promises. What kind of fucking idiot does he take me for?

But Edward isn't the only person I;m pissed the fuck off at! How could those traitor mother fuckers I call family and friends, agree to crashing my honeymoon like this? How could they sell me out for a free vacation? They should have known this was all kinds of wrong.

Pulling out my phone, I call Alice. I would go after Rose, but frankly, she scares me a little. So I guess with the lesser of the two evils.

The traitorous whore answers on the third ring.

"Bella? I'm sorry but I am kind of busy and can't really talk right now."

"Oh yeah? Why's that? Too busy getting stripped searched by airport security?" I fume.

There's a long pause and then muffled voices. It's a good two minutes before she speaks again.

"So, erm, I guess that means that Edward decided not to surprise you after all?"

"Surprise me? And you thought this would be a good surprise that I would be happy about? Like I would do back flips because my children, family and friends are invading my honeymoon? How the fuck could you all do this to me? What? Edward waves an all expense paid trip in your face and you all sell out?"

I couldn't stop the tears that were running rampant down my cheeks. I was hurt, confused and fucking pissed off. I can't remember the last time I was this mad…oh yeah, wait! The last time was when Edward called and played me a song about missing me, even though he was the one that chose to leave. Fucking idiot.

Alice made a disgusted noise down the phone at me.

"Seriously Bella, you have to be one of the most selfish people I have ever met!"

"What?" how the fuck was I the bad guy in this situation?

"Don't "what" me!" she yelled. "Let me just fill you in on a few things, Miss High and Mighty. Yes, when Edward planned this out, he had us staying in the suite with you and the parents were going to stay one floor down in their own rooms. But none of us are really comfortable with that arrangement, even though we understood Edward's reasons for it. So we decided that when we got there, we were all going to sit you both down and tell you that we were getting our own rooms at another resort about 10 minutes away. That way you could all still have your privacy, but we would be close enough to help out with the girls. No one wants to take anything away from you Bella, but you have to understand that all of this is very hard on Edward. Yes, he's been doing better. But think back to the beginning of your relationship. Who has done all the changing to get you to the point that you are at today?"

No, no, no! I was the one who was supposed to be doing the ass chewing here and making her feel like shit, not the other way around! Damn her for making sense anyway! I kick the fucking bed in anger, stubbing my toe. I bite down on my fist to keep from wailing in pain. Alice continues on her tirade like I didn't just almost break my fucking toe.

"Edward has come so far Bella and has done a complete 180 from where he was a year ago. He loves his daughters and yes, he does have some attachment issues where they are concerned. But these are all things he tried to talk to you about for weeks, but you wouldn't listen. You just shot down all of his ideas and concerns without even hearing him out. If you had listened, you would've heard what the rest of us heard. Which is that he didn't think he could get through 2 weeks away from the girls, without his anxiety sky rocketing and effectively ruining your honeymoon? Contrary to what you think, he was thinking of you and your honeymoon happiness. How happy would you have been if he was battling his illness the whole time?"

"Um…"

"Um, what? You didn't think that far ahead? We all watched as he tried to tell you, reason with you and compromise with you for WEEKS. But you wouldn't even hear him out! When he finally sat down with all of us and explained his concerns, we were all only too happy to help…FOR YOU! Which by the way wasn't at all easy, considering that I had to ask for time off I wasn't entitled to yet. And Carlisle, well he'll be working doubles at the hospital for over a month for this! And by the way, yes, Edward paid for the plane tickets, which Rose, Em, Jazz and myself down graded from first class to coach. But your parents stayed in first class because they'll have the girls. And yes, he planned to pay to put the parents up. But none of that is happening now. We're all paying for our own accommodations. So you can take your assumptions and stick them where the sun doesn't shine!"

"Alice…"

"No. Don't you dare "Alice" me." she scolded. "You need to fix this! I bet you didn't even hear him out, did you? I bet you just went nuclear and sent him packing. Typical Bella. Always the victim! Well listen up, sister. You need to fix your shit, before you push the best thing that ever happened to you away!"

Without any warning, Alice hung up on me, leaving me standing there rubbing my aching toe and gaping at my phone. Did Alice just say "shit"?

I flopped down on the bed and stared up at the ornately carved canopy. How did shit get so fucked up? Maybe Alice is right. Maybe I was being a bit of a Bridezilla and not hearing Edward out.

I thought back over all our conversations over the past few weeks and cringed. He had tried to tell me on several occasions that he wasn't comfortable with leaving the girls for 2 weeks and that he was afraid that he'd be so distracted that he wouldn't be able to enjoy himself. And of course, like Alice said, I blew him off and told him to suck it up. God, I'm such a bitch.

But Alice was also right about Edward making the majority of the change necessary for us to get to this point. He'd worked hard to become the man that the girls and I needed him to be. Yet, what changes had I made to be the woman that he deserved? Yes I loved him unconditionally through all the ups and downs, but I also dismissed his feelings and tried to the wear the pants in the family. Looking back on it, I can easily see where he could and rightfully should, feel a little emasculated.

God I hate when hind sight is 20/20. Edward had been trying so hard to make me happy, that he'd pushed his own happiness to the side. I mean, the only thing he asked for in all this wedding nonsense, besides adding the color red to the wedding colors and converse shoes, was that the girls accompany us on our honeymoon with a babysitter, so we could spend time with them, but still have time to ourselves.

I rolled over onto my stomach and groaned into the pillow. I am such an evil shit! One fucking thing. He asked one fucking thing and I shot him down without even hearing him out. Oh Edward…I'm so fucking sorry.

I lay there for a few minutes, organizing my thoughts and making a mental list of all the mistakes I made, before I finally got up and went looking for him.

**EPOV**

Thank god there was a small balcony off the guest room. I desperately need to smoke and figure out how I was going to fix this cluster fuck that I had created. Why did I have to let my anxiety over ride my good decision making skills?

I slid down the wall to left of the door and lit my smoke. Only I could fuck things up in under 48 hours! I didn't mean to try and pull a fast one on Bella. I tried talking to her about my concerns regarding the girls, but she wouldn't listen. She didn't want them coming along…so they weren't. End of story.

I would have been OK with that, had it not been for the nightmares. I kept having these reoccurring dreams of me sitting in a therapist office with both my teenage girls and having them confront me on why I abandoned them to go to Hawaii, when I promised them I would never leave them again. It was fucking heart wrenching and I would wake up covered in sweat.

I don't know. Maybe we should've waited until the girls were older to get married. When we could sit down and explain to them that we weren't abandoning them or intentionally leaving them out of a trip, but that we were just going to celebrate being man and wife.

I mean fuck…they're just babies. They can't possibly understand where Mommy and Daddy went and why we aren't there to care for them. They must feel so lost and lonely. Ugh…it kills me just to fucking think about it.

"Edward?" I heard Bella whisper, just before she walked out on to the balcony. "Are you out here?"

"I'm sorry." I breathed, scaring the shit out of her.

"Oh Jesus! There you are!" holding a hand to her racing heart. "I didn't see you sitting there."

"I didn't mean to scare you."

"Forget about it." she said, waving her hand in front her. "Look, we need to talk."

I nodded in agreement.

"I tried to get a hold of everyone and tell them not to board the plane, but no one would answer their phone."

Bella sighed and then came to sit down next to me.

"Edward, I owe you an apology. You've been trying to tell me for weeks' how hard leaving the girls was going to be on you and I…well, I just didn't listen. You've done so much work to over come everything and I haven't done anything but take, bitch, whine and complain. Looking back…I'm completely ashamed of myself."

I couldn't help but stare at Bella with wide eyes.

"If I would have listened, we could have come to some sort of compromise and you wouldn't have had to go behind my back. I get it. This is all my fault and..."

Finally finding voice I cut her off.

"No Bella. I was the one who was wrong here. I put my issues before your happiness. What I did was fucking shitty and selfish."

Bella barked a laugh at my apology and then started to cry. She turned so she was straddling my lap and kissed me hard.

"Edward I don't deserve you. You've been putting my happiness first, sacrificing your own in the process. I'm so sorry I didn't see it. These past few months, you've been the least selfish person I know. You've been an amazingly attentive and involved father. You gave me my dream wedding and didn't even fight me on the details. You defended me when Alice and your mother tried to take over. You met every condition I placed on you. You went to therapy and you've been taking your meds. And most importantly, you never asked for anything for yourself until now. And what do I do? I call you selfish and throw you out of our bedroom. I'm the one who's to blame here. I'm the one who needs to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about you and us. I'm the one who needs to fix this this time."

I wiped the tears from her face, as she wiped the tears from mine. Oh Bella. I think we're both totally fuck ups in our own way.

"Thank you, baby." I mumbled in a broken voice. "But I never sacrificed my happiness. Not even once, so please don't ever think that I have. I've never been fucking happier then I have been these last few months. I was happy and I just wanted you to be happy too. As for your thoughts on me as a father…well, I fucking love you for it. I don't always know what I am doing, but it's nice to hear that you think I'm doing a good job. Your opinion means everything to me. But I am sorry that I went behind your back. I just was afraid that my anxiety would ruin the trip for you and I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"I know baby." she cooed, hugging me. "I love you for thinking of it and recognizing what you can and can't handle. And I love you even more for trying to communicate that to me, even though my stupid ass wasn't listening!"

"Aw, you're not a stupid ass, baby. A dumb ass maybe…but definitely not a stupid ass." I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

Bella giggled and then smacked me in the back of the head "God, you're such a fucking smartass!".

"Well, everyone is on their way and unfortunately I can't stop it. So now what the fuck do we do?" I muttered into her neck.

Bella chuckled, climbed off my lap and sat down next to me with her head on my shoulder.

"Well, the way I see it we have two choices. A. We can send them all back on the next available flight or B. We let them stay and we come to some sort of compromise."

Obviously option A was ridiculous and option B was interesting. We'd never actually tried compromising before.

"Compromise, eh?" I mused. "I'm intrigued. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, I talked to Alice before they boarded the plane." she admitted sheepishly. "And she said that they weren't really comfortable staying in the suite with us or the hotel even, for that matter. So they had all planned to stay at another resort a few miles down the beach."

"I'm listening." Interested in where she was going with this.

"So I was thinking that maybe the girls could stay there with them and we could take them to the beach or something and maybe even have them stay here a night or two here with us. And then everyday we could take them and have a family dinner together. That way we spend time with them, but we get some private time too. What do you think?"

I screwed up my face in concentration for a minute, before standing up and offering Bella my hands to pull herself up. Once she was standing, I pulled her into my arms and rubbed my nose up against hers.

"I think that sounds fucking terrific! Thank you so much for understanding and putting up with my shit."

"Talk to Alice about that one. She's the one who pointed out what a total tyrannical bitch I've been. What she said was harsh…but also what I needed to hear. I never want to take you for granted, Edward. I love you so fucking much."

"You do realize you're in love with a complete asshole, right?" I smiled, backing her up towards the door. Come on, Bella. Argue with me. Go there.

"No, you're in love with a total, bitch!" she smiled, biting her bottom lip.

Yes! She took the bait.

I continued walking her backwards through the bedroom and out into the hall, pulling her t-shirt over her head.

"I think the usage of the word, "bitch" is debatable. I didn't marry a fucking female dog."

Bella laughs and then looks over her shoulder to see where I am directing her. She looks back at me and then pulls my wife beater over my head and then runs her fingers down my chest, giving my nipple piercings a tug. Ugh, she so doesn't play fucking fair.

"Yeah, well I think the usage of the word "asshole" is also debatable. Assholes fucking stink and I didn't marry Pig Pen."

I can't help but smile down at her, as I continue to guide her slowly backwards. She's so fucking cute. I bite my lip as I push her shorts and panties down, making her step out of them and running my finger up her wet slit and then lick her juices off my finger, as I continue to guide her backwards.

Bella naked…fuck! Even after twins, my wife has a rocking body.

"So if you're not a bitch and I'm not an asshole, what are we then?"

"Well?" Bella starts, furrowing her eye brows hard in concentration, while pushing my pajama pants down so I can walk out of them. Then she takes a long lick up the underside of my cock on the way back up. "I think I might most definitely be a cunt and you, if you're lucky, might be a gigantic fucking dickhead."

"I like that analogy, Mrs. Cullen. Dickheads and cunts go together like peanut butter and jelly."

Bella tries not to laugh as I guide her through the master suite door and slam it shut behind me. We're both completely naked as I continue to back her up across the room until her the back of her knees hit the bed.

"We do belong together like peanut and jelly." Bella sighs into my mouth, peppering my lips with soft kisses and stroking my cock. "We just have to remember that the perfect sandwich is composed of equal amounts of both. You can't put more of one on the bread, then the other."

I have to laugh, "I love how you are using this PB&J analogy as a fucking life lesson. Yes Bella, I get it. As long as we remember that we are both equals in this marriage and remember to listen and fucking communicate…we'll live happily ever after."

Bella rests her forehead against mine and sighs.

"And that's exactly it too. I love you so fucking much, Edward. Even more than grape jelly!"

"I love you to, Princess." I sigh, giving her a chaste kiss. "Now I don't mean to be your stereotypical pig of a fucking husband. But does this mean we can have make-up sex now?"

_THE END!_

**Well, that's all she wrote! These crazy kids have finally grown up and learned how to work through their problems. For once Bella pushed him and Edward didn't run! Yes, our boy has come a long way! :) Well, I hope that I did them justice and that everyone is OK with where I'm leaving them. They're in a good place, I think! Leave some love and let me know what you think! Also let me know what you'd like to see in the Future Shot/ Epilogue! Your opinion counts! :)**


	40. Epilogue

**A/N: BIG NEWS, PLEASE READ! WOWY has been nominated for the Avant Garde Awards in 3 catagories...Best Canon Coupling, Best Realistic Lemon and BEST EDWARD! Voting starts on May 22nd...so please remember to go to www (dot) avantgardeawards (dot) com to vote! I don't know who nominated my story, but if you're out there reading this, I LOVE YOU! Thank you so much! **

**A big to thank you to all the loyal reviewers who supported this story! I love you guys and your reviews are what kept me going! I will be forever thankful to all of you! **

**Since my story is wrapping up, you all need to check out my awesome beta mustlovertp's new story "Love Ink". She just published 5 chapters today and this story is AMAZING! I had the honor of being able to pre-read it and I was blown away! You'll love it. It's got everything...including Tattward! Yummy!  
**

**Also, guess who went and got herself a Twitter account! Yup, you can go on and add me (screen name xXKiwiCullenXx) and I'll be happy to chat with you, answer questions, get to know you, update you on stories...who knows, Edward may hijack my tweets every now and then! So add me people...I want to know who's reading my stuff! **

**mustlovertp...it's been a trip girl! This is our labor of love and I owe you so much. I could have never written this story without you! My success are all yours! I look forward to collaborating on more stories with you! Much love!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!  
**

**EPOV**

I come home from running some errands and found Bella and the girls curled up on the couch with a photo album.

"Whatcha got there, ladies?" I asked, plopping down on the couch beside them.

"All of our pictures since our wedding." Bella sighed, flipping the page.

"Oh look! There's me!" Harmony clapped, bouncing up and down on the couch.

"No, that's me!" Melody sighed. "You think every picture is you!"

It was a picture from the beach in Hawaii, when we went on our honeymoon. I was in the picture holding Melody's little toes in water, looking up at Bella and smiling as Melody squealed. I remember that day…one of the best days ever.

I chuckled and tickled my baby girl's sides, while hoisting them up on my lap and snuggling into Bella's side.

It's hard to believe that's it's been 7 years since Bella and I got married. Our girls were now approaching their 8th birthday.

"What made you decide to get these out?" I asked Bella, sighing as the ever independent, Mini Bella, otherwise known as Harmony, wiggled out of my arms and shot me a dirty look for messing up her hair.

"Dad be careful!" she scolded. "Aunt Alice helped me do my hair today and it took a really long time!"

I stuck my tongue out at her, making Melody laugh and snuggle into my chest. Just as Bella predicted, she was the consummate "Daddy's Girl". She was exactly like me in both demeanor and looks. While Harmony also looked exactly like me, her attitude was ALL Bella. I could easily see her busting some poor unsuspecting boy's balls in a few years. Poor bastard!

"I remember this! Your first birthdays!"

"God, do you remember how big of a mess they made with the cake?" Bella cringed, flipping the page.

It was true. There was pink icing everywhere. I think clean-up would have been easier with a fire hose.

"Remember this day?" Bella asked, bringing me back to the present.

A smiled at her. "How could I forget the day you told me you were pregnant again?"

Two months after the twins turned two, we found out we had another baby on the way.

"God I was HUGE!" I couldn't help but chuckle as Bella took in the picture of her and I at my parents for Christmas. She was almost seven months pregnant and looked like she was due anytime. I was standing behind her, with my arms around her hips and my hands on the sides of her belly. She was so big I couldn't get my arms all the way around her.

"The Cullen's curse of Godzilla Babies, strikes again." Bella murmured flipping the page.

Yeah, my genes were definitely a strike against Bella that time. Our boy came into the world weighing a whopping 10 lbs. 8 oz. It was unbelievable that a baby could grow that big inside her little body. But it was even more miraculous that she could also deliver him. I would always be in awe of what Bella's body could do.

When he was born, Bella and I wanted to keep with the tradition of naming him after something that meant something to us. So he was blessed with a moniker in honor of our favorite drink and the culprit single handedly responsible for his conception. So it was that, Jack Daniel Cullen was born.

"What time is Jack due home?" I asked Bella, checking my watch.

"Oh, um, about an hour. It's Emmett's turn to car pool this week." Bella said, glancing at the clock.

Jack was now 5 years old and takes karate with Emmett's sons. Shortly after our honeymoon, Emmett and Rosalie discovered they were 3 months pregnant. They were married two months later, wanting to get it over with before their son, Emmett Jr. or E.J. as he would come to be called, was born. After that, a baby a year joined their family. Embry, Emerson and Emmanuel…all boys and all named after their dads inflated ego. Rose was on a mission to have a girl, even if that meant having a soccer team in the process. Luckily they just found out that Rose will be having a girl this time…we can't wait to meet little, Emily.

"Jack looks just like you, Dad!" Melody said, pointing to a picture of him when he was two. It's true; all 3 of the kids took after me. The only thing Jack got from Bella were her brown eyes…I loved his eyes.

"Why does Daddy have an ice pack on his nuts?" Harmony asked, pointing at a picture.

Bella fell over on the couch laughing, while I tried to disappear into the cushions.

"That would be daddy after he had his vasectomy." Bella laughed.

"What's a vasectomy?" the ever inquisitive Harmony asked.

Bella put down the album and excused herself to the bathroom, having almost pissed herself laughing so hard.

"A vasectomy," I told the girls "Is a pointless surgery that mommy made daddy get, so I wouldn't get her pregnant anymore."

Both girls pointed at me and giggled. I knew what they were thinking, "Sucker".

Yes, when Jack was 2 years old, Bella decided that we were done having kids. A week after she declared this, I was sitting in a doctor's office, getting my junk clipped.

A month later, Bella gave away all our baby shit to Alice, who had just found out she was pregnant. Jasper and I packed everything up and drove a U-haul back to California to set up the nursery in their house.

A month after that, I was told that I had zero active sperm and that Bella and I were free to pursue an active sex life, sans condom or the pill. We celebrated like jack rabbits.

A month after that, I was rudely awakened one morning with a punch to my junk and a positive pregnancy test upside my head. Apparently there was at least one swimmer left.

"What are the fucking chances, Edward?" Bella screamed at me, before storming out of the room.

It would be her mantra all the way through the pregnancy. Anytime I walked into the room, she'd be there muttering underneath her breath, "Less then 1% chance of ever conceiving again, my ass!"

8 months later we welcomed our second son into the world. Again we went with a name that meant something special to us and it seemed the choice was obvious. Our friends and family snickered when we introduced them to, Chance Edward Cullen.

Chance was our hyperactive child, which had me scared. He was like a mini Tasmanian Devil and just never stopped until he dropped, a trait my mother said he shared with me as a child. Yes, this was one of the dreaded "symptoms" we were praying not to see in one of our kids. He's only 2 ½ now, but we've already got him working with a behavioral therapist twice a week. Hopefully he'll develop the tools he needs to have a "normal" childhood.

Unlike the other 3 kids, Chance is also different in the looks department. Where the other 3 favored me, Chance is the perfect combination of Bella and me. He has her dark hair, complete with mahogany highlights, but it's chaotic like mine. He has her long eye lashes, high cheek bones and pale skin. But his eyes are green like mine and he has my nose and smile.

Which reminded me. "Is Chance still down for his nap?"

"No." Harmony said, rolling her eyes. "Grandma came and got him after mom called and begged her for a break."

I laughed and flipped the page in the photo album. The next set of pictures was from when we bought our house. After Jack was born, we knew we needed something bigger, so we moved to Port Angeles to be closer to our parents. Emmett and Rose followed us a few months later; having grown tired of the city themselves.

Jasper and Alice stayed in California until after the birth of their daughter, Carolina. Named for Alice's favorite clothing designer. Unfortunately, Alice had a pretty serious bout of postpartum depression.

Jasper tried everything to reach out to her, but nothing worked. It got to the point where she hardly interacted with their daughter. After a few months, Jasper finally asked for help.

Bella, Emmett, Rose and I went down and packed up their condo and moved them home. After some medication and therapy, Alice snapped out of it and was able to be the mom she always wanted to be. They spent 18 months in Seattle, before finally deciding to join all of us in Port Angeles. Jasper went to work for the school as a social worker and Alice opened her own successful dress shop. They are happy with their lives and are talking about trying to get pregnant again.

Alice has her reservations, but she's working through them with her therapists. Though it's funny, since her illness manifested, Alice and I have never been closer.

I flipped ahead a few more pages by the time Bella returned.

"Where did the girls go?" she asked looking around.

"Upstairs I guess. They got tired of looking at the pictures and wanted to pack for the sleepover at Jamie's house tonight."

I flipped another page and cringed, trying to quickly flip past it before Bella saw.

"What's that?"

I turned the page back and heard her sharply inhale when she saw the picture.

"Oh my god." she breathed, pulling the picture from the album and running her finger over it reverently, with tears in her eyes. "I thought all of these were in the other album."

We had tragedy strike 16 months ago, when Charlie was in an accident and killed. Some 14 year old kid stole a car and decided to go joy riding in it. Charlie ran the plate and found it reported stolen and proceeded to try and pull the kid over. The kid didn't stop and a chase ensued. The little bastard ended up losing control of the car on a turn, spun out and hit Charlie's cruiser, sending him careening into a tree. We were told he died instantly.

"I can't still can't believe he's gone." Bella whimpered, burying her head in my chest and sobbing.

We were both startled out of our revelry a short time later, when the front door flew open and slammed against the wall.

"Mommy! Daddy! Look what I learned!" Jack said excitedly, before turning on Emmett and giving him an unexpected karate chop to the diaphragm, dropping him to his knees instantly.

"Oh shit!" I barked, turning my head into Bella's shoulder, trying to stifle my laughter as Emmett rolled around on the floor gasping for breath.

Bella punched me in the arm, telling me to set a good example and control my son…her own laughter making her anger come out in gasps.

"Demon spawn." Emmett gasped, pulling himself up to his knees and holding his chest. "And to think Rosie told me to offer to let that little monster stay the night tonight."

Bell and I immediately stopped laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Well, yeah." he coughed, still trying to catch his breath. "You kept the boys last time, your mom has Chance and Rosie said the girls had a sleepover to go to tonight. She'd thought it would be nice to give you some alone time."

Well now I just feel like shit! It's been at least 2 or 3 years since Bella and I had any quality time to ourselves. Once you get over 3 kids, people stop asking to have the kids for the weekend…at least all at the same time.

"Emmett, you don't know what it would mean to Edward and I to be able to have some time to ourselves." Bella gushed, with a huge smile on her face.

"I get it. Rosie and I don't get much time alone anymore either. So go get Jack's crap packed and have a talk with him about not pulling out the karate moves on Uncle Emmett." Emmett sighed, pulling himself onto the couch.

Bella grabbed Jack and flew up the stairs with Emmett's three oldest boys in tow.

"You're welcome." Emmett laughed, elbowing me in the side. "And what the hell are you looking at?"

"Just some old pictures." I shrugged, flipping the page and freezing on it.

"Oh man…" Emmett mumbled, looking away quickly.

"I'll never forgive myself." I murmured, brushing my finger over the faces of Bella, Harmony and Melody at Halloween, when the twins were 18 months old.

"Hey man, you came back. That's all that matters."

"Yeah." I laughed humorlessly. "I never should have left to begin with."

Unfortunately our life hasn't been 100% happiness. When the twins were 16 months old, I had a relapse, for lack of a better word. Bella and I had just celebrated our first anniversary and I had convinced myself that I didn't need the Lithium anymore. It took less than a month for me to flip out and run.

I ran back to Chicago and stayed holed up in a shitty motel room for 6 weeks, before Bella tracked me down. She came armed with her temper and divorce papers. She told me to get my ass back to Dr. Denali or it was over and she was taking both my girls and I'd never see them again.

I wasn't in a good place then, so I did what I thought was best for everyone. I signed the papers, wrote letters to my girls and said goodbye to Bella.

Just before Christmas, a month and a half later, I was rudely awakened at six in the morning by pounding on the door. I no sooner got the door open, when I was bum rushed by Emmett, Jasper, my dad and Dr. Denali. It took some doing, but eventually they were able to convince me that I was being a shit and that I needed to get my head out of my ass and go back to my family.

I went back on my meds, packed my shit and arrived at our apartment in Seattle Christmas morning. I don't what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I got. I knocked on the door, only to have it answered by a guy I didn't know, who had Melody on his hip.

I still remember that day like it was yesterday.

"_Can I help you?" he asked, with a big stupid smile on his face._

"_Can you help me?" I laughed, throwing down my bag. "This is **my** house and that's **my **daughter. Who the fuck are you?"_

"_Daddy!" Melody squealed, clapping her hands and holding her arms out to me._

_The guy swallowed thickly and yelled for Bella, shifting Melody on his hip, so she was being held away from me. I wanted to jack this motherfucker in the face. How dare he come between me and my daughter!_

_I stepped around him and slammed the door shut so violently, it shook the wall. _

"_Give me my fucking daughter!" I snarled. _

"_Riley, sweetie? Can you bring Melody so I can get her in the…oh shit." Bella mumbled, freezing in the hallway. "Edward? What the hell are you doing here?"_

_I grabbed Melody from the dude with a gay name and walked over to Bella. "We need to talk."_

_I didn't wait for her to answer. I went into the girl's room and put Melody in the crib with Harmony, giving them both kisses on their foreheads. God I missed them. _

_As I went to go back into our bedroom, I saw a sight that made my blood boil. _

_There in the middle of **MY **living room, was that runt with the pansy ass name, with one hand cupping Bella's cheek and the other on the top of her ass. **MINE**!_

_He seemed to be whispering sweet nothings to her, as I saw her nod in acknowledgment, then lean and press a chaste kiss to his lips, before telling him that she'll call and let him know when it's safe to come home._

_Home? What the fuck? This is **MY** house! _

_I grabbed the door knob to the bedroom, nearly ripping the door off the hinges. As I entered the room, I stared at the bed in contempt. Was that spineless turd fucking **MY** wife in **OUR** bed? Was he keeping **MY** side warm for her? And whose fucking half drunk glass of water is that on **MY** nightstand? _

_Just as I crossed the room to grab the glass and hurl it out the window, I heard Bella come in. _

"_What the fuck are you doing here Edward and what are you doing with my glass of water?"_

_Her glass of water? Good! She just saved it's life. _

_I slam the glass of stale water back and put it back on the stand…with force. _

"_Is your Cowboy gone?"_

"_Cowboy? What the fuck are even talking about, Edward? You're the one who just barged in here, ripped Melody out his arms and started barking fucking orders at me. If anyone is acting like a fucking Outlaw Cow Poke, it's you!"_

_Bella stormed around me, grabbed her glass off the nightstand and then stomped back out to the living room after checking on the girls. _

"_What did you expect me to fucking do, Bella? Shake his fucking hand and wait for an invitation into my own fucking house? It didn't take you long did it, Bella? Did you have a revolving door installed in this motherfucker? What kind of wife and mother brings a new man in, in less then 3 months?"_

_I barely got the words "months" out, before I was ducking to dodge the glass that had been hurled at my head. _

_When I looked up, Bella was standing there literally vibrating with anger. _

"_So now I'm a whore? You **abandon** me and our girls, leave me here **alone** to do everything for them myself and now I'm the fucking whore, because I have someone here who cares about us and is willing to help? You know what? Fuck you, Edward! You're not welcomed in this house anymore!"_

_Bella turned her back on me, placing her hands on the island in the kitchen, taking deep breaths to calm herself. She was beyond pissed…and so was I._

"_Not welcome? IN MY OWN HOUSE!" I yelled, still unable to believe what was going on. She was supposed to jump into my arms when she saw I was home…what the fuck?_

_Bella picked up a folder from the counter, throwing it at me. It's contents floated to the ground at my feet. _

_The divorce papers._

"_You signed them, remember?" she snarled. "Perhaps you should have read the fine print. I asked for sole custody of the girls and the apartment. It's mine, get out."_

"_So it's official then?" I asked softly, all the anger I felt immediately dissipating, as I bent over to pick up the papers. _

"_It will be when I file them." Bella whispered._

_She hasn't filed the papers yet…so that means I still have a chance. _

"_I fucked up." I said in a quiet voice. "I made you a promise and I reneged."_

"_Yes." _

"_Give me a chance to fix it?"_

_Bella straightened her posture before turning back towards me. The look on her face said it all, I knew before she even spoke._

"_No."_

I let out an audible sigh, as the memories from that day came flooding back. Emmett, still sitting next to me, clapped me on the shoulder in silent support.

"_No?" I repeated, as I felt my heart break into a million little pieces._

"_No." she said with more determination. "I can't let you back in, Edward. With Riley's help the girl's and I were just starting to learn to live without you."_

"_Riley." I snorted, angrily. "Since when do you go after yuppie twinks, anyway? I mean fuck. Bella. Was that guy wearing a cardigan?"_

"_Don't you even start on Riley, Edward! He has been a god send to me! Melody won't go to sleep at night, because all she wants is you! I did mornings and you did bedtimes, so that's all she knows. Now everything is fucked up and you weren't here. Then Riley comes along and is willing to get up with them in the mornings, so I can sleep in. If it wasn't for him, I think I would have gone fucking insane by now!"_

"_So your solution was to bring a strange man in the house? What about Emmett? Jesus, Bella!"_

"_Fuck you, Edward!" Bella snapped. "Emmett tried. But at the end of the day, he has E.J who needs him too. And now with Rosalie pregnant again, he couldn't be here every night taking up your slack!"_

_Emmett knocked Rose up again? Fuck, they didn't waste any time._

"_Then Jasper and Alice came back for a few days and they introduced me to Riley. At first I was reluctant to entertain the thought of bringing another man in the picture, but I was lonely, we got along good and he was great with the girls."_

_Gah! I don't want to fucking hear this! And how could Jasper fucking betray me like that?_

_Bella started moving around the apartment, picking things up as she continued._

"_In the beginning Riley stayed at his place and only came over during the day. He was great, you know? I could get some writing done and have some "Me time" while he was here. Then Melody kept getting worse about going down at night. She'd lay in my arms for hours screaming for daddy, before she finally exhausted herself. Riley could see the toll the exhaustion was taking on me, so we talked and decided we should take our relationship to the next level. So he moved in." she finished, while looking longingly at a photograph of the four of them together. "He's been great and having him in our lives, is one of the best decisions I've ever made."_

_Ouch! Why doesn't she just come out and say that she regrets marrying me? I think that would be easier to hear._

"_So that's it then?" I sighed, swallowing against the lump in my throat. "He's welcome here and in your life, but I'm not? You don't want to be my wife anymore?"_

"_You're the one who signed the divorce papers and wrote those pathetic notes to our daughters." she laughed humorlessly. "You're the one who didn't want us. Don't even try to be the victim here, Edward."_

_Fuck! I really fucked up this time. I pulled my fedora off and raked a hand through my hair. For the first time since I met Bella, I can't undo this. I can't fix us. _

"_I can't believe you're choosing him over me." I sputtered almost to myself, but Bella heard it. Snapping her head up with a look of confusion. Then her expression morphed and her eye brows pulled together and the corners of her mouth pulled up a little, like she was having some huge epiphany or some shit. _

"_Riley isn't going anywhere, Edward." she then said with determination. "The girl's love him and I won't have another man ripped from their lives. This is what you wanted. You wrote it all out on paper. You told them that you wanted me to move on and find someone worthy enough to be their father."_

_Using my words against me…well played, Bella. Well played. _

"_I wasn't myself when I wrote that. You know that." I snarled. _

"_Hey, you wrote it and I don't care which voice it was in your head that dictated it. At the end of the day Edward, it was your hand that put the pen to paper!"_

The next two months following my return, were the worst of my life. I ended up guilting Jasper into letting me stay at their old apartment, since it was empty and in the same building as Bella and my babies.

If I couldn't be there in the same space as them, I could damn well be in the same building. Which was a brilliant idea at the time, but ended up being the bane of my existence.

Everyday I had to see my wife and kids going about their lives with _him. _What's worse, I could see the girls, but only in my old apartment and under the supervision of Bella or _him._

It killed me to listen to their playful banter in the kitchen, while they fixed dinner. I was never invited to stay, of course. After my hour long block of visitation time, I had to make the lonely trip back down to an apartment that wasn't my home.

In the middle of March, Jasper and Alice came up to Seattle for a visit. The minute they walked in the apartment, I could see the disappointment written all over their faces and boy was the conversation that followed one for the books.

"_Edward? What the fuck?" Jasper sighed, picking up the half drunk bottle of Jack off the table. _

"_You oughta know, Jasper. You're the one that brought that Ass Clown into Bella's life."_

"_Are you talking about, Riley?" Alice asked, sitting down on the couch next to me. _

"_Pft, what kind of name is Riley, anyway?" I mumbled, slamming back the rest of the Jack in my glass. "So gay."_

"_Hey, Riley is a really great guy, Edward. Don't hate on him, when you haven't even bothered to get to know him."_

"_Get to know him? Really, Alice? He dresses like he raided Cliff Huxstable's sweater collection and he presses his chinos. What the fuck more do I need to know? Bella is obviously all about guys that are the polar opposite of me, nowadays. Do you know that fucker baby-sits me while I spend time with my kids? I can't even have them to myself. If I leave the room with them, he's hot on my fucking heels."_

"_Boo hoo, Edward." Alice snarled. "Everything's always about you! You're lucky that Bella even lets you see those precious babies after the crap you pulled! And as for Riley, the girl's love him and he brought Bella back from the dead. You should be thanking him, instead of insulting his wardrobe choices. I mean if that's the most you can find wrong with him, then maybe you need not look to him for the problem and look at yourself instead!"_

_I plugged my ears with my fingers and started singing "La la la"._

"_Real mature, Edward." Alice mumbled, rolling her eyes. _

"_What? You want me to sit here and listen to you tell me how this guy moving into **my** house and fucking **my **wife, is the best thing that ever happened to her? Whatever Alice, why don't you go organize your closet or something?"_

_I grabbed the bottle of Jack from Jasper and poured myself a refill. Things got really quiet and when I turned around, I caught Alice and Jasper in the middle of a silent conversation, before they both burst into hysterics. _

"_You think Riley is fucking Bella?" Jasper gasped, between laughs. "Oh my god…that is so great!"_

"_Yeah, well see if it you find it funny, when it's your wife he's buried balls deep in two floors up, Asshole!"_

_At that, Jasper fell on the floor in a fit of laughter and Alice had black mascara stained tears running down her face. What the fuck is wrong with these people?_

"_Edward!" Alice panted, reaching down to help Jasper off the floor. "Have you ever noticed that Riley isn't around on Saturday nights?"_

"_No. Bella doesn't let me see her or the girls on Saturday's. Why?"  
_

"_Oh god, Bella is a genius!" Jasper says, falling on the couch still cracking up._

"_Jasper, shut up!" Alice laughed, giving him a slap on the head. "It's not Edward's fault that Bella played his ass!"_

"_Played me? What the hell are you talking about? And did you just say 'ass'?"_

"_Yes I swore…the occasion called for it. And yeah, you got played by your wife. I'm guessing she wanted to teach you a lesson."_

"_What lesson?"_

"_That the next time you leave, it might not be a **gay **man that answers the door!"_

_Gay? What?_

"_Huh?" _

"_He's gay, Edward!" Alice huffed, throwing her arms around dramatically. "Riley is gay. He has Saturday nights off, because his partner Garrett, comes up from Portland and they hit the gay bars together. And I mean they are like **really** gay, Edward. They get all dressed up like the biker dude from The Village People!"_

"_Garrett even sports the 70's porn stache…it's great man!" Jasper chuckled, calming down some. _

_Son of a ….I was moving for the door before I even realized what I was doing. _

"_Where are you going?" Alice yelled, as I ripped the door open._

"_To talk to my wife. If you're right, then she should be alone, while her resident Butt Pirate is out partying."_

_When I stormed off the elevator, I didn't even bother knocking on the door. I turned the knob and barged right in. I found Bella sitting on the couch reading a book. _

"_Where's your man?" I hissed._

"_Edward, you don't live here anymore. You can't just barge in like this!"_

_Oh hell no. She's answering my question._

"_Where is he?"_

"_He went to the store." she huffed, walking past me to the kitchen. "We needed milk and he offered to go. He doesn't like the idea of me going to the store alone at this hour."_

_One fucking time I made her go to the store at midnight…will she never let it go? I had the runs and needed Pepto…get over it!_

"_The store?" I laughed. "Does he usually wear leather chaps to go to the store?"_

_That stopped her dead in her tracks. She just stood there for a few minutes, before she turned back to me. What I saw wasn't what I expected. _

_Bella was silently laughing her ass off. Fucking bitch!_

"_IT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY!" I yelled, my voice echoing around the room. _

_That shut her up quick. She turned on me, mad as hell now. _

"_Watch your fucking mouth and keep your voice down!" she hissed, tip toeing down the hall to the girls room. "I just got them down for the night. God help you Edward Cullen if you fucking woke them up!"_

'_God help me!" I whispered yelled. "You're the one who lead me to believe that he's been nailing you for the last 2 months!"_

"_I never said he was nailing me, Edward."_

"_You said that you decided to take your relationship to the next level and he moved in!"_

_She snorted a laugh and walked past me back to the living room, satisfied that I hadn't woken the girls up. _

"_See, that's the thing when you assume things, Edward. You make an ass out of **U** and an ass out of **me.**"_

"_So what did I get wrong then? Enlighten me, Bella. I was just going by what you said."_

"_Yes, and you immediately assumed that Riley living here meant that he was sleeping in our bed and fucking me. But see, there's another room here Edward. Your precious piano got shoved into a corner to make room for Riley's bed…where he sleeps alone. Unless Garrett is in town."_

_Well shit. Instead of feeling relieved that there were two strange dicks in my house and neither of them were fucking my wife, I now felt sick that they had possibly defiled my music room! How am I supposed compose masterpieces with the lingering scent of gay sex in the air?_

"_I'm an ass." I muttered._

"_Agreed." Bella said, with a smug smirk._

"_But you knew I had the wrong idea…you could've corrected me weeks ago!"_

"_I could have. But what lesson would have come from it?"_

"_Lesson? What's with you and Alice and fucking lessons?"_

"_You just learned the hard way, that the next time you decide to take a walk and leave this family…we might not be here when you get back!" she yelled. "God Edward! Are you really this fucking dense? You told me to move on and find someone else! I knew you didn't mean it, but the next time you say it…I AM MOVING ON! This was just a taste of what that reality will feel like! I suggest you remember it!"_

_Bella stormed past me, moving towards the bedroom._

"_What the fuck? Where are you going?"_

_Is she seriously going to leave me standing here like a chump?_

"_I'm going to bed. Are you coming?"_

That was six years ago and I've haven't walked away again since. In fact, now I am anal about going to therapy once a week and I take my medication everyday like a good boy. When I feel the need, I now talk to my therapist about lowering or raising the dosage. I will never just not take them again. Lesson learned, thank you Bella.

As for Riley, he stayed with us for another year. Once I found out he was gay and a professional Manny, I warmed up to the idea of him.

But the idea of him in the same house with me? No way. There's only room for one cock in my house. Once I moved back into the apartment, Riley moved downstairs to Alice and Jasper's apartment. The arrangement ended up working out well for him and Garrett, when he was in town.

Unfortunately, after Jack was born and we decided to move to Port Angeles, we had to say goodbye to Riley. He came with us to scope out the town, but with little to no gay community here, he decided to stay in Seattle. He and Garrett still make the trip here for the kids birthday parties and for random visits. Only they are now known as Uncle Garrett and Aunt Riley. Go fucking figure.

I flip another page in the book and immediately started cracking up.

"Oh shit! I remember this! This was last summer at the picnic at your parents house!" Emmett laughed.

There in the picture is Riley and Garrett at the bottom of a pile of kids. Emmett's boys had tackled them to the ground and the rest had piled on once they were subdued. My little Chance standing proudly on top, flexing his muscles.

"Good times." I chuckled, wondering where the time went.

"OK, we're ready!" Jack said, bouncing into the room with E.J, Embry and Emerson hot on his heels.

"Come give me a fist bump, Little Man." I smiled, knowing that he would never voluntarily give me a hug.

We bumped fists and as he turned away from me, I snatched him from behind, gave him a bear hug and blew a raspberry on his cheek.

"Dad! Jeez…grow up!" he spat, frantically wiping at his cheek. Much to Bella and Emmett's amusement.

Once they were gone, Bella came and sat next to me again on the couch with a sigh.

"I get to sit down for 15 minutes and then I have to walk the girls down the block for their sleepover."

"Yeah, but that means that in 20 minutes will be childless for the next 24 hours. I can't even remember the last time that happened."

Bella looked at me, snorted and then rolled her eyes. "Yeah, no thanks to you!"

I'll admit it. I was a total a baby whore in the beginning. I didn't like to be away from my kids for a minute. But that was when we just had the girls. You add a boy in the mix and shit got annoying really quick! By the time Chance arrived, I was on the phone weekly with someone begging for a break.

"Where's Aunt Riley when you need him. Huh?" I snickered, pulling her into my chest.

Ten minutes later, I was toting the girls wheeled Barbie luggage down the stairs.

"Harmony, what the hell did you pack in here? Rocks?"

"No dad." she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Aunt Alice says when packing you should always give yourself a decent number of clothing options. "

"So you packed your closet?" I said incredulously, while Bella stood off to the side and laughed at our exchange.

"Honestly babe, this thing must weigh 40 pounds! She's just going to the end of block…not across country!"

Bella threw her hands up and backed away.

"She learned from Alice and I learned along time ago to never question her fashion philosophy."

"Whatever." I huffed, following my wife and children out the door and down the block.

By the time we got back, I was exhausted and my back was aching.

"Tomorrow you're going to be the one helping her lug that shit home." I told Bella, as I fell face first into the couch.

Bella came over and picked up the photo album, putting it back on the shelf where it belonged.

"Stop being a baby." she chuckled. "We finally have a night off from Mommy and Daddy duty and you want to be a whiner. Well news flash, Edward Cullen. I don't fuck whiners!"

My head shot up from it's face plant in the couch. Did someone just say fuck?

I turned to look at Bella and was smacked in the face by her shirt.

"But if you're not in the mood for anymore physical activity tonight, I could always dig out my box of toys." she cooed as she left the room with her bra hanging off the end of her finger.

Toys? The only toy she's playing with tonight, is currently clawing at my zipper trying to get out.

Bella popped just her head back in the room and tossed her panties at me.

"Coming? Edward?"

"Oh, I plan on coming several times tonight, Princess." I laughed, as I catapulted over the back of the couch and chased her up the stairs.

**Six Weeks Later….**

"GODDAMNIT EDWARD! YOU GOT ME AGAIN!" Bella screamed, as she came charging out of the bathroom at me like an angry bull, waving around a familiar white stick.

Oh fuck…

**Well, that's all folks...or is it? As you can see, I left a lot "avenues" to explore in outtakes and left the door open for a possible sequel. I would suggest adding me to your Author Alert lists. You never what hat trick I am going to pull next! If I post outtakes, they will posted as a separate story. In other news...I'm working on a brand new story! Yup...the idea has been bouncing around my head and it's begging to be let out! So like I said...put me on alert and I'll see you next time! :)  
**


	41. Outtake: Terrible Two's

**A/N: I'M BACK! I know I said I was going to publish the outtakes as separate story...but I changed my mind! Sorry! Anyway, this is me having some fun with my characters! The following contains lots of lemons, laughs and ridiculousness! Read at your own risk! Also, I will be marking this story complete in a few days...but I will still be adding outtakes and stuff to it. So be sure to add it to Story Alert so you don't miss anything!  
**

**GUESS WHAT! "With Or Without You" made it into Round Two of voting for an Avant Garde Award for Best Realistic Lemon and Best Canon Coupling! Voting is open until 6/24...if you love me and my story, you'll go to www . avantgardeawards . com and vote today! I would really love to see my little underdog of a story take home a prize! **

**PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! Even if it's only a :)! Most people judge a story based on it's reviews and I'm feeling like many are missing out on reading my story due to lack of reviews! I hate to beg, but this is me on my knees! Pretty please?  
**

**mustlovertp, my amazing Beta and friend has a new story out that is kicking some major ass. It's called "Love Ink" and has a very sex Tattward...and some car lovin'! CHECK IT OUT! It's drool worthy...I promise!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!**

**BPOV**

"EDWARD!"

Where is that gigantic asshole? I said nothing over the top today. I just wanted a quiet get together with our friends and family, but no…Mister High and Mighty had to do it his way!

Dr. Denali told us this would be a problem after Edward came back from hiding out in Chicago again. His guilt for leaving me and the girl's would overwhelm him and he'd try to over compensate.

"Over compensate" turned out to be the understatement of the fucking year. Everything Edward attempted to do recently was completely over top and absurd. Don't even get me started on him filling the apartment with roses on Valentines Day or the damn singing Leprechauns he sent to my door on St. Patrick's Day. Both were over the top, but this fiasco…it trumps them all!

I finally found him herding a goat out of the guest bathroom.

"Bella, don't fucking say a word, I swear to God!" he growls, shoving the goat down the hallway.

"Why would I say anything Edward? There's only a pony out there eating the girl's birthday cake!"

"OK, so maybe the Mobile Petting Zoo wasn't such a great idea." he concedes, giving the goat one final kick out the sliding glass doors.

"Low key, Edward. I asked for a low key, but you can't even begin to grasp the concept!"

"Look, I royally fucked up the girl's Christmas, I totally missed Thanksgiving and Halloween…shoot me for over compensating a little on their birthday! They only turn two once, Bella!"

Just then Emmett comes running in the house, slamming the sliders closed and locking them.

"Alright fuckers!" he cries, with literal tears in his eyes. "Who invited the clowns?"

"CLOWNS!" I screech turning on Edward, who just shrugs and gives a nervous laugh.

"Ha ha, very funny fucker!" Emmett fumes. "You know I hate clowns and that they give me nightmares! How could you do it man?"

Right on cue, two clowns on a mini motorcycle go flying past the door. Emmett visible shudders and lets out a frightened whimper.

"So we have clowns and a Mobile Petting Zoo on the loose?" I fume, opening the doors and stepping out onto the patio. "What next?"

I didn't have to wait long for the answer, as Carlisle goes galloping past us, laying over the side of one of the ponies, trying to hike a leg over its back.

"I'll get the pony, you guys deal with the elephant!" he yells, as the pony makes the turn around the side of the house.

"Elephant?" I groan, as I turn and take in the giant behemoth who is currently trying to empty Esme's garden water feature that was just installed last summer…gold fish and all!

Luckily, before I have a chance to tear Edward limb from limb, my attention is drawn to a desperate plea coming from my two best friends.

"Bella! Help!" Alice screams, as she and a pregnant Rosalie circle the table, trying to not be pelted by the cupcakes that the escaped monkeys are throwing.

"Where the hell is the handler?" Edward says, yanking at his hair.

"Fuck the handler! Where's the girls?" I panic. Looking around frantically.

Emmett knocks on the slider getting our attention and then cracks it open just enough so we can hear him.

"The girls are fine. When the animals got loose, Charlie locked them and E.J in the garage with Esme."

"Oh thank god!" I sigh in relief.

"So where did Charlie go? We could really use some back up right about now." Edward yells, stepping out of the way of a runway chicken.

"Oh, he's over by the cruiser, running back ground checks on some of the circus performers."

"Circus performers? Are you fucking kidding me, Edward? Please tell me you're fucking kidding!"

"We'll fight later, Bella!" Edward says. "Right now we have to figure out how to get control of this mess!"

Out of nowhere Jasper comes running up covered in cupcake and carrying two monkeys' by the tail.

"I caught the little food flinging bandits!" he says proudly.

"Great." Edward mutters, rolling his eyes. "Go put them back in their cages in the truck and find the fucking handler."

"Yeah, he's over there corralling the Lama's." Jasper says, cocking his head in the direction of the destroyed food table. "Oh by the way, there's a rabbit in the punch bowl…it should be an easy catch."

"Looks like you're up." I say, slapping Edward harder than necessary on the shoulder and pushing him towards the food table.

I take one step into the yard and am nearly run over by the clowns on the mini bike.

"Oh sorry, Ma'Am." the non-mute one says, plucking a fake flower from his hat and holding it out to me. "A flower as a truce?"

Just as I am about to tell him to go fuck his flower and get the hell off Carlisle and Esme's property, I hear a high pitched wail and turn just in time to see a terrified Emmett disappear behind the thick curtains he pulled over the sliders. _Pshh, men!_

"These are brand new!" Alice cries, as she fishes one of her Prada Pumps out of a pile of elephant shit.

"Look Mr. Clown." I start, pausing to take in the Contortionist who just walked by doing some sort of fucked up crab walk, with her legs pulled over her shoulders.

"As you can see, we have a _situation_ here, so take yourselves and whoever you came here with and leave. NOW!"

"Such a Killjoy." clown number two, who's supposed to be mute, mutters.

"I heard that!" I fume. "Now unless you want to scoop elephant shit for your wages, I suggest you leave now!"

Nothing more needed to be said. Both clowns lit a cigarette and motored off into the sunset on their ridiculous little motorized bike.

I briefly considered sending my dad a text asking him to ticket them for not wearing helmets, but I don't have time. Someone has to get this fucking mess straightened up.

I look over to see Edward covered from head to toe in red punch, carrying an unnaturally red rabbit in his arms.

"Easy catch my ass!" Edward spat, as he grabbed up a cage and threw the rabbit in it.

"Well that's one." I sighed. "Maybe we should work on rounding up the chickens next?"

"Already taken care of." Rosalie grins looking proud of herself and gesturing over to the gated kiddies' corral we used to keep the kids in check. Sure enough, her and Alice had managed to get all the chickens rounded up and inside.

"Good job!" I high fived her. "Now what about the elephant?"

"The elephant we deal with last. Did Dad get the pony taken care of?" Edward wondered, looking around for him.

"Last I saw of Carlisle, he was riding down Elm Street towards the Thrift Way." Rose shrugged.

"My Dad rode a pony to the grocery store?" Edward asked in disbelief.

"I use the term "riding" loosely. He had one leg tossed half way across the pony's back and was hanging onto the saddle, while his other leg was in the stirrup."

"Oh Jesus." I muttered, getting a cringe worthy visual.

"Alright, we'll fucking worry about him later." Edward decides. "Lets go out front and see if there's any animals that need to be caught."

The front yard wasn't much better then the back. Only unlike the backyard, it wasn't over run with animals. No, every cliché Circus Freak imaginable was up here.

"Is that a Bearded Lady?" Rose laughed.

"I told them to just bring the clowns and an acrobat." Edward mumbled, taking in the chaos.

"Heads Up!" a Juggling Unicyclist yelled, causing us all to jump. "Coming through!"

"Oh my god." Edward sighed, covering his face with his hands.

And there in the middle of the Circus, was my dad. He was on the radio checking the background of the Ring Leader and already had the Strong Man and one of the Midget Clowns subdued in the back of the cruiser.

"Thanks for the help out back, Chief." I snarked rolling my eyes. "I said we needed help rounding up animals, not the Circus Performers."

"Yeah, well I round up a different type of animal, Bells." he replied, hiking up his pants with authority. "The two legged, criminal kind. I was just about to nab a runaway Zebra, when these shady looking miscreants showed up."

I looked into the back of the cruiser and snorted. "Yeah, that little one looks like trouble. Every woman here in a skirt should be grateful."

"Seriously Bells, that little one is a freak! He's wanted in Denver for fondling a Department Store mannequin." he shuddered, completely repulsed.

An hour later all the animals were rounded up and accounted for, the Circus Performers who had clean backgrounds were gone and Edward was cited for 3 different ordinance violations…all issued by my dad.

So here we sit now in the local McDonalds play area, trying to salvage what is left of the twin's birthday.

"Hey Rosie?" Emmett asked, handing her E.J. "Can you keep an eye on him for a minute? I have to piss like a race horse."

"Yes and watch your mouth!" she scolded, while handing E.J his sippy cup full of orange drink.

"Yeah, we've had enough of horses today." Carlisle scowled from across the table, adjusting himself in his chair. Apparently it still hurt to put pressure on his left ass cheek.

His little romp through town, hanging off the side of the pony was an eventful one. Luckily Animal Control caught up to him before he was able to merge onto the 101 headed towards Seattle.

"Mama!" Harmony squealed, running at me full speed. I picked her up and put on my lap, just as Edward walked up and handed Melody off to me.

"Jazz and I are gonna be right back. Think you can handle the girl's for a minute?"

"Sure?" I said like a question, seeing the mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Be back in a minute." he winked, before running off with Jasper.

"They're up to something." I sighed, warning everyone else. "We may be getting the boot in a few minutes."

"Speaking of the boot…" Alice not so subtly segued. "When are you going to let Edward move back in? He's been back almost 4 months now and has been doing so well…at least up until today."

It's true. Since Edward came back at Christmas, he's been staying in Jasper and Alice's old apartment. I hate for him to be away from me and the girl's at night, but I have to work on being able to trust him again. He has to prove to me that he deserves a place in our lives. Lately I've been thinking that he's accomplished that.

"It will be sooner rather than later." I smiled, playing with a lock of Harmony's hair.

"I hope so." Alice sighed. "I know he misses the girls terribly and it sucks to have him in the next room when we come back for a visit."

I was about to respond when an ear splitting scream came from the direction of the restrooms.

"Oh that poor woman!" Esme gasp, holding her heart. "I wonder if it's hemorrhoids? My mother had terrible hemorrhoids and would howl like a wounded animal in the bathroom."

Just then Edward and Jasper came running back in the play area laughing.

"Alright! What did the two of you do?" I demanded handing the girl's off to Alice and Esme.

"Er…" Edward started, as he followed me back to the bathroom with everyone hot on our heels.

As I approached the Men's Room door I could hearing someone sobbing and praying to god to make something go away.

I threw the bathroom door open and what I saw, will haunt me for the rest of my days.

There was Emmett; curled up on top of one of the toilets sucking his thumb and crying, while a massive Ronald McDonald loomed over him, blocking his exit from the stall.

Oh my god!" I stormed, turning on Edward. "I can't believe you did this to him!"

Jasper and Edward were laughing so hard that they were holding onto each other for support.

"He…he…he…crapped his pants!" Edward wailed pointing to Emmett's soiled jeans.

"Of course he did you idiots!" Rose yelled. "He's scared shitless of clowns! You know that!"

"I don't think "shitless"applies here." Charlie observed with a chuckle. "The boy shit himself. I think it's safer to say he had the shit scared out of him!"

"Really?" I wailed. "You're seriously going to question the accuracy of a hyperbole in this situation?"

"I'm just sayin, Bells. The man shit his pants. That's hardly shitless." Charlie defended.

"IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEECH!"

"Excuse me? Is there a problem in here?" a man claiming to the manager, interrupted. "This is the Men's Room…and what is Ronald doing in here?"

"Can you please just get rid of the fucking clown?" Emmett cried, putting his thumb back in his mouth.

Ten minutes later, we had Emmett cleaned up and squeezed into Rose's maternity pants, while she wedged herself into a pair of yoga pants that I had in the trunk of my car.

We parted ways with everyone in the parking lot, after promising the manager that none of us would ever frequent their restaurant again.

_I guess when I'm in town; I'm going to have to take the girl's to Hoquiam from now on for a Happy Meal. Assholes._

"I really am sorry, Bella." Edward said for the tenth time, as I drove us home. "I didn't mean for today to turn out this way."

As I looked at my sleeping babies in the rear view mirror, I had to hold back a chuckle. Both were completely exhausted and covered in cotton candy, chocolate ice cream and ketchup. If you asked them, today was probably the best birthday ever. It didn't matter to them in the least that the Petting Zoo was a bust. They still got to see animals of all kinds…even if it was from the garage window.

You're daddy running from an irate horned Pigmy Goat? You definitely don't see that everyday!

"Whatever, Edward." I sighed. "It's over and if I ever have a Big Mac attack while visiting your parents, thanks to you and Jasper, it would be faster to have it UPS'ed then to drive to go get it."

"I really am sorry."

"Yeah, you're going to be." I grinned. "You get to bathe the girls and then hand wash Emmett's pants when we get home!"

An hour later, I left Edward in the bathroom with the girls, while I went to answer the door. I couldn't help but laugh. Edward was soaking wet and covered in bubbles. It was adorable and he loved every second of it. Especially after dealing with Emmett's pants. Between the gagging and dry heaves and scrubbing his hands with straight bleach and a scrub brush… I thought I was going to shit myself!

"Oh! Hey you guys!" I smiled, moving to allow Alice and Jasper in.

Jasper held up a bottle of Jack and 12 pack of Coke.

"I thought we could all use a little something to loosen up after today." he chuckled, heading toward the kitchen.

"Awesome." I cheered. "But skip the mixed drink bullshit. Today demands shots and chasers."

"Ohhh! And Scrabble!" Alice squealed, clapping.

"Definitely!" I grinned, following Jasper into the kitchen. "Get the game set up and I'll heat up some salsa and chips."

Twenty minutes later, Edward came stumbling down the hallway running a towel through his wet hair, wearing his favorite worn jeans, a fitted black t-shirt and god help me, he was barefoot.

Snatching the shot glass from Jasper, I quickly filled it and tossed it back…grimacing a little at the whiskey burn.

"Something wrong Bella?" Jasper snickered, following my eyes over to Edward.

I shot him an evil glare and then tossed back another shot. I'm sorry OK, I'm a woman and I have needs. Needs that haven't been attended to since last September.

Yeah, since Edward has been back, part of his punishment for leaving, was having to go without sex. It seemed like a brilliant way to torture him. Every opportunity I got, I made sure he saw me in various states of undress or dressed to kill. At first it was fun, but then he started firing back by wearing shit like he had on now.

_Fucker._

"Slow down, sister!" Jasper laughed, snagging the shot glass from me. "We have all night."

Just then, Edward padded into the kitchen, tossing the towel in the laundry room.

"I got the girl's to bed. They were asleep before their heads hit the pillow."

"Good." I sighed. "I need a relaxing night that doesn't include chasing kids back to bed."

So you guys are playing Scrabble tonight?" he asked hesitantly, obviously not sure if he was welcome to play or not.

"Yes we are and so are you." I chuckled, motioning to the counter behind me as I walked past. "Grab that bag of chips."

An hour and many shots later, we were all well on our way to being shit faced and were arguing amongst each other.

"I'm fucking tell you that "wussier" is not a word, Edward." I yelled.

"Yes it is!"

"Use it in a sentence."

"Emmett is "wussier" than Jasper." Edward said, crossing his arms across his chest and sitting back triumphantly.

"I think not. Proper English is "Emmett is a bigger wuss than Jasper" assuming that "wuss" is even a legitimate word." I countered…or slurred.

"I'm siding with Bella on this one." Jasper chuckle. "Drunk or not, she's the English major."

"You're biased!" Edward wailed.

"Am not! I let you have "Jackassery"." Jasper argued, downing another shot.

"Whatever." Edward pouted, taking his rejected tiles off the board.

"So do you have another word or not, Cullen?" I goaded, clinking shot glasses with Alice before we tossed them back.

"I think he's screwed!" Alice cackled, as Jasper tried to help her stay upright.

"Nope!" Edward smiled, deviously. "I got one!"

He carefully arranged his tiles on the board, being sure to cover it with his hand so we couldn't see. When he lifted his hand, Jasper blew a mouth full of Jack across the table.

Edward had added on to my word "love".

"Mouthlove? Are you serious, Edward? That's not a word!" Alice laughed.

"Is to!" he countered. ". Look it up!"

Jasper pulled out his iPhone and set about proving Edward wrong, while Edward and Alice argued relentlessly.

As for myself, my long neglected lady bits went into over drive, simply at the suggestion of a mouth lovin' on her. Specifically Edward's.

I took another shot and then bit down on my bottom lip, trying to stifle a moan, while my legs rubbed together trying to create some friction.

"I'll be damned." Jasper proclaimed. "He's right. It is one word!"

Edward stood up giving an obnoxious fist pump, toppling over his chair in the process. As he reached down to get it, he must of noticed my little problem under the table, because he sat up and looked at me funny.

"Everything alright down there, Bella?" he snickered, waggling his eye brows at me.

"Just fine." I muttered, shifting in my seat slightly, looking for some relief.

"Are you sure?" he went on. "You look a little uncomfortable."

Oh, he is such a shit!

"I said I'm fine! Can you we just fucking play the game already?" I growled, immediately regretting wearing my white sleep pants. The damn things are so wet right now, the crotch must be transparent.

"OK, well if you need any help, let me know." Edward smiled, before licking his lips, making sure that I saw his piercing, even going so far as to flick his tongue suggestively.

Yeah, fucker's not playing fair….AT ALL!

Alice and Jasper got distracted with their turns, so I tried to covertly slip a napkin underneath me to absorb some of the moisture.

While they missed it, Edward didn't. I watched a wide smile take over his face.

"Bella? Do you think you could be a doll and get some more salsa from the kitchen?"

My eyes went wide. There's not a fucking chance in hell that I'm getting up from this table!

"Oh yeah, Bella! Could you, please!" Alice begged, scooping up the last little bit in the bowl with her chip.

"I HATE you!" I mouthed to Edward across the table.

He only answered with a sly grin and a wink. Smug asshole!

"Oh fuck it!" I mumbled under my breath. "I've already lost my dignity."

I stood and grabbed the bowl from the table and turned for the kitchen.

"Bella! What happened to your pants? Did you spill something? Oh my god, you're not wearing panties! We can totally see your ass!" Alice wailed, making sure to draw Jasper's attention.

Edward dropped his head to the table laughing, while Jasper just sat and stared.

"Thanks Alice!" I spat, giving her the bird and retreating to the kitchen.

I made sure to slam cabinet doors and make as much noise as possible…which only made Edward laugh harder. His chortles filtering loud and clear back to me. Asshole.

Fuck him and his mouthlove! _Yes, please!_

I spotted the other fifth of Jack sitting on the counter and went for it. I had it up to my mouth gulping down mouthfuls when a warm body came up behind me and snatched the bottle from me.

"Whoa there, Princess." a sexy raspy voice that I hadn't heard in far to long, breathed in my ear. "If you pass out, I won't be able to help you with your little problem."

"God…." I whimpered, feeling moisture flood my pants and run down my leg.

"No baby, it's Edward." he laughed sexily in my ear. "Has it been that long since you last screamed my name?"

Sweet baby Jesus! This mans voice…he's going to fucking kill me. Or just fuck me…I'm game for either.

Edward spun me around and pinned me against the counter, running his nose up the side of my neck.

"So tell me, Bella. Did you accidentally spill your drink or did my word and the thought of my mouth on you make you wet?"

"Yes" I breathed, swallowing hard as my body reacted to him and erupted with goose bumps.

"Yes what? Yes you spilled your drink? Or yes, the thought of me licking your clit makes you wet?" he asked, rolling the ball in his tongue up my jugular.

Before I could answer, Edward must have heard something I didn't, because when I opened my eyes, he was gone and leaning against the island facing me with a smug grin on his face, just as Jasper walked in the room.

"Oh hey, Bella." Jasper said, clearly not picking up on the sexual tension in the room, while Edward and I stared each down. "Don't worry about the salsa. Alice is pretty shit faced, so I am just gonna go ahead and take her home."

"OK." I answered robotically, while watching Edward seductively lick his lips…again.

"Are you coming then?" Jasper asked, assuming Edward would be staying with them tonight.

_No. But he will be! This man isn't going anywhere but between my legs tonight._

Edward cocked his eyebrow in question at me. Unable to form a coherent answer, I rubbed my thighs together…he noticed.

"Nah, you go ahead." he told Jasper, while locking eyes with me and speaking in that low, sexy voice. "I'm gonna stay here and help Bella…clean up."

Dear god…can you fuck a voice?

"Oh, well then I guess I'll see you in the morning." Jasper smiled, clueless and still not picking up on the electricity humming in the air. "Unless you'd like us to stay and help you out?"

"NO!" both Edward and I blurted at the same time.

"Alright then, jeez!" he said, sounding offended. "I'll just get Alice and go."

The door to the apartment hadn't even closed behind them before Edward was back and had me hoisted up onto the counter.

"Such a little fucking tease aren't you, Princess?" he growled in my ear, as he licked the entire shell and then bite the lobe. "Always have to push my buttons, don't you?"

Yes! Primal Edward is out to play. God, I've fucking missed him.

"Look at you, walking around with no panties on, getting all wet and showing your ass to Jasper. Did that make you hot? Is Bella the little exhibionist slut now?"

Normally I would be pissed off and slap the shit out of him for suggesting that I was slut, but right now…I've ruined the counter top! Holy shit that is hot!

"You want me to fuck you don't you, Bella? You want me to pound you right here in the kitchen, don't you?" he babbled in my ear, while he ripped my pants off.

My brain idly noted that these were my favorite Victoria's Secret sleep pants, but my body over rode it and told it to fuck off.

I grabbed his face and brought his lips to mine. My tongue darted into his mouth. I threaded my fingers through his hair, while he fumbled with his pants. I heard the faint sound of a zipper, seconds before the sound of heavy material hitting floor. He kicked the pooled the jeans away and pulled away from me long enough to strip off his shirt and mine, chucking them behind him, not caring that his was currently hanging from the light fixture over the island.

He devoured my mouth again, before moving down my neck and down to my chest.

"Fuck I've missed your tits." he muttered, before pulling a nipple into his mouth.

"Fuck!" I cried, gripping his head and wrapping my legs around him, pulling him in closer to me.

He switched sides and lavished the same attention onto the other breast, pulling and tugging on the one he just left.

"Oh my fucking god!" I moaned, feeling another rush of moisture leave my body.

"Jesus Bella, you're fucking soaked!" Edward groaned, sliding his fingers between my folds. "You're leaving a puddle on the counter."

Without breaking suction on my nipple, he reached behind him and unlocked my legs from around his waist, propping my feet up on the edge of the counter and leaning me back, so I had to support myself with my arms.

Breaking away from my chest, he gave me a sexy smile and then sucked his fingers coated in my wetness, into his mouth.

"Fuck yes." he groaned, his eyes rolling back into his head. "Now that's what I've been fucking missing."

I barely had time to register his words, before he dipped down and his head disappeared between my thighs.

"Jesus…fucking…christ!" I stuttered, as his tongue made contact with my neglected and overly sensitive clit.

My hand instantly went into his hair and pulled him closer to me, seeking more contact. He could have crawled all up in my vag jay jay and it wouldn't have been close enough.

I quit breathing when he started circling my nub with that goddamn ball in his tongue. The sensation had me on the edge of my orgasm and made my thighs shake uncontrollably.

"Breathe Bella." he ordered, as he shoved two fingers into my dripping wet core, causing my first non-self induced orgasm in months to roll through me like a wrecking ball.

I was screaming out his name with all kinds of nonsensical bullshit. Behind my eye lids were fireworks and stars. I've never cum this hard in my life.

Edward didn't even let the whole thing play out, before he stood up and slammed into me, burying himself balls deep.

"That's right baby." he growled into my neck. "Cum all over my fucking cock!"

Pounding, pushing, pulling, slamming, rocking, and grinding over and over again. We were loud, reckless and feral.

Edward picked me up from the counter and pinned me against the refridgerator, still pounding away at my aching, wet pussy.

"Yeah, Princess. You're going to cum on my cock again, aren't you?"

I grabbed a big handful of hair and pulled his head back so I could look into his eyes.

"Fuck my pussy and make me cum, Edward. Harder, faster, deeper…make me scream your fucking name!"

"Holy fucking hell!" he growled, spinning us around and supporting me with one arm, while his other arm swiped across the island, knocking everything on it to the floor.

He laid me out on the counter top and hoisted my legs up on his shoulders.

"You may want to hold on for this." he warned, before slamming his cock back into me, with a force that nearly sent off the other side.

I white knuckled the edge of the counter top and held on for dear life.

"So. Fucking. Good. Tight. Wet." he panted, pounding away at my pussy and hitting my G-spot every time.

"Edward…close…" I moaned, shaking my head from side to side, feeling the mother of all orgasms building. "Just need…more."

He moved a hand around to my clit and flicked it…that's all it took.

"EDWARD!" I screamed. "So fucking good! So fucking…oh my fucking god…good!"

Edward thrust into me a few times before his head fell back and he was screaming.

"Fuck yes! Fucking make me cum! Oh yeah….fuck…Bella! Milk my fucking cock!"

After shocks rolled through my body, gripping and releasing his cock as it pulsed deep within me.

Edward collapsed on top of me, his face nuzzling into my neck.

"Never fucking better." he groaned, shoving his cock further inside me, making me shudder with pleasure.

I brought my hands up and played with his hair, kissing him on the cheek.

"You can fucking say that again." I agreed.

"Never fucking better." he chuckled, repeating himself like an ass.

I laughed with him and slapped him on his fine naked ass.

"Jesus Bella, stop fucking laughing or you're gonna make me hard again."

I tried to contain my chuckle, as he stood up and broke our connection.

We looked around the kitchen and both sighed. It was destroyed.

The counter where we started was wet and there were chips everywhere from where I accidently toppled the bowl. There were papers that were on the refridgerator scattered across the floor. Cooking utensils were everywhere and dry goods containers where broken and their contense was spilled out all over every where, from when Edward cleared the island. White flour dust had settled onto every surface available, making it look like a fucking crime lab had been in here dusting for prints.

"Wow…clean up is gonna fucking suck." Edward noted, while helping me down off the counter.

Once I was verticle, my alcohol laden mind caught up with the reality of the situation, as it ran down the inside of my thighs.

"Oh fuck!" I cried , looking up at Edward with horror filled eyes.

"What? What's the matter?" he panicked, running over to me, scanning my body for damage. "Did I hurt you? Fucking talk to me, Bella!"

"No condom." I whimpered, my bottom lip quivering uncontrollably.

"Huh?"

"We didn't use a condom." I sobbed, begging him to catch on to what I was telling him.

"You're on the pill." he said, his tone suggesting I'd lost my mind.

I shook my head violently back and fourth. "I never went on it after I stopped pumping my breasts back in October. You weren't here and I guess I just didn't see the point."

Edward backed away from me until his ass hit the counter on the other side of the kitchen. His eyes wide with shock.

He reached out and picked up the bottle of Jack from the counter, taking a long swig.

"Well…fuck." he said, a few minutes later.

"I know." I sniffled, wiping my nose on a napkin. "What the fuck are we going to do?"

He was quiet for several minutes, until the wail of one of the girls broke into his consciousness.

"Well, I guess if it's a boy we name him Jack Daniel Cullen." he sighed, putting the bottle back on the counter and coming over to kiss me on the top of the head, before grabbing his jeans up off the floor.

"I'll see to the girl's." he mumbled, slipping them on and leaving them unbuttoned…looking all kinds of sexy. "Just don't worry about anything. We'll just have to wait it out."

"Right. Wait it out." I agreed, still in my own little bubble of shock.

Edward paused on his way out and turned back to me.

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." he grinned and then disappeared through door, leaving it swinging behind him.

"I love you too."

**Love it? Hate it? Too over the top? Leave me some love and let me know or I'll torture Emmett with more clowns! :)**

**Peace and love until next time...and remember www . avantgardeawards . com cast your vote today! Lots of great stories nominated! Check it out! :)**


	42. Outtake: To Hoist Or Not To Hoist

**A/N: Hello my peeps! I'm back with another Outtake. It's a shorter one this time, but it kept nagging at me, begging to be written. So here it is. But first I have some news! WOWY won an Avant Garde Award for BEST REALISTIC LEMON! I am sooo beyond thrilled! Thank you tons to all of you who voted! You rock!**

**Also, you can now find me on both Twitter (xXKiwiCullenXx) and Facebook (Search for Kiwicullen Fanfiction-Author). I'll try to get both links posted on my profile soon! My Facebook is really cool! I've added photo albums that include pics of Cast of Characters/Cars/Houses/Clothes for all my stories. Come on over, friend request me and check it out. I'll also be adding teasers and announcing updates on the new story I'm working on! :)**

**mustlovertp...I love you, you rock and I couldn't do this without you! Please go check out her story "Love Ink". It's kicking ass and people are loving some Tattward!**

***DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!  
**

**BPOV**

"Edward?" I whisper and nudge him slightly.

Nothing.

"Edward?" I try again, nudging him a little more insistently.

I get a grunt, a snore and then nothing.

"Edward!" I all but yell, shaking him violently.

"Not now baby." he mumbles, turning his face away from me.

That's it.

"EDWARD!" *SMACK!*

"HOLY!" he yells, jumping from the bed, looking around for an attacker. When he see's no one, he looks back at me with an angry scowl. "What the fuck, Bella?"

"I have to pee." I shrug, biting my bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

"Did you forget where the bathroom was?" he quipped angrily.

That did it….

"I can't get out of the bed, OK!" I wailed, unable to hold back the tears anymore.

I was 8 months pregnant with my third child and was as big as a house. I don't even think I was this big when the girls were born.

"Fuck." Edward mumbles, crawling back in the bed and pulling me into his chest. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to get impatient with you."

I know he didn't mean it, but I couldn't help but feel pissed off. This whole thing is all his fault! He couldn't just knock me up! No, he had to impregnate me with my biggest fear…Godzilla Baby.

When I hit the 4th month, Dr. Gerandy measured me twice and then did two ultra sounds to confirm that there was only baby in there. Apparently he couldn't believe I was that big already and was only carrying one child.

By the 6th month we'd found out it was one very large boy. That sent Edward strutting around like preening Rooster for a week straight. He had his little girls and now he was getting the boy that would help beat the crap out of any of their potential suitors.

_Pshh…men!_

By my 7th month, my feet were long gone and so was my mobility. A bout of early onset labor left Dr. Gerandy with no choice but to side line me for the rest of my pregnancy. My body just wasn't handling the stress of carrying such a big load.

This is what lead to the predicament I find myself in now. Since Edward just had to have this humongous bed that I had trouble getting in when I wasn't pregnant and now it's holding me and my compressed bladder hostage.

"I know." I sniffled. "I just can't roll over, sit up and get out of the bed by myself. I tried, Edward. I really tried."

"Shhh…baby. I know you did." he said gently, stroking my hair.

He sat and rocked me for a few minutes, until my tears my subsided. It was sweet, but I _really _had to pee.

"Er…Edward?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I really need to go to the bathroom."

He immediately jumped up and grabbed both my hands in his.

"OK, Princess. On the count of three, I'm gonna hoist you up!"

I immediately pulled my hands from his and covered my face before bursting into tears once again.

"Shit, baby? What's the matter? Did I hurt you?" Edward panicked, rubbing my belly and my back at the same time, while I swatted at his hands, trying to get them off me.

"Stop touching me!" I finally cried, rolling over on my side.

Edward huffed and then walked around the other side of the bed so he could see my face. But I was having none of it. Completely annoyed, I rolled back over to my other side.

"Bella, damnit!" Edward growled, walking back around the bed.

"Just don't Edward!" I warned. "I can't leave the room to get away from you and I just want you to leave me alone!"

"What about the bathroom?"

"Fuck the bathroom!" I yelled.

"What did I do now, Bella?" his voice telling me that his patience was starting to wear thin.

_Oh no he didn't!_

"Hoist?" I growled, while trying to sit up. "You'll HOIST me out of the bed? What the fuck, Edward! Why don't you just bring a fucking crane in here to move me to the bathroom so you don't risk throwing your back out?"

Dragging a hand through his hair, Edward starts pacing.

"I'm doing my best here, Bella. I'm trying to be an understanding and caring husband, I really am. But right now…I just want to throw you out the fucking window! When I used the word _hoist_, it was just supposed to explain what I was going to do. That's all. Jesus…FUCK!"

I was pushing him…I knew it. The problem was I was powerless to stop it. I was trapped, huge and cranky…and it was ALL his fault. We don't use a condom; I get fat and he gets bragging rights. In what kind of world is that fair?

"You could have said "On the count of three I'll pull you up"!"

"I can't win!" he said, throwing his arms up and leaving the room.

I waited a few minutes, but he didn't come back. Now I was worried. I can't move, my bladder is full and Edward is gone. I reached over to the wall and hit the button on the intercom system.

"Edward?"

Nothing.

"Edward, please."

Nothing.

"Edward, answer me now or I am so peeing on your side of the bed!"

Nothing.

I gulped hard. Maybe he really fucking left?

A minute later the intercom crackled to life.

"What do you want?" Edward's voice barked.

"To piss you moron!"

"Shut the fuck up, Bella. You are not in any position to be a bitch right now!"

"You did this to me!"

"Really? Because I thought you were there and an active participant that night too!"

Oh, so NOW he has to have a point!

"Fuck you! Just help me pee!" I growl.

"I can't without HOISTING you up!"

I let out a loud, angry scream and throw the only thing I can get a hold of across the room…my glass of water.

Edward's evil chuckle resonates from the intercom.

"That's right, Princess! Smash your water glass against the wall. Now I guess you don't have to worry about taking a piss any fucking time soon!"

Oh…that fucking…if I could get out of this bed, I'd….SIT ON HIM!

**EPOV**

I've tried to be patient and understanding…but its 3 o'clock in the fucking morning and she's in there have a full scale, five alarm melt down!

She's big, she's uncomfortable, and she's stuck in bed all day…I fucking get it. I've put up with the nit picking, the bitching, the whining and the constant need for attention. But when she starts taking issue with my terminology…I have to draw the fucking line.

So now here I sit in the living room, arguing with her over the intercom system I fucking regret installing last month. When her water glass hit's the wall, I can't help but laugh.

Feisty little shit, she is.

She gets quiet for awhile and then I hear knock at the front door. What the fuck?

I open the door and find a very pissed off Rosalie on the other side…complete with bed head, bunny slippers and pajama's with cows on them.

_Have these women never heard of Victoria's Secret?_

"Out of my way, Edward, I'm not in the mood!" she growls, shoving past me. "I have to go help PULL your wife out of bed, since you only seem capable of is hoisting her."

"She called you! Are you fucking kidding me?"

Rose stops and spins on her heel.

"For the sake of your balls, I am just going to assume that was a rhetorical question. I was just up breast feeding my own small cow for the 5th time tonight. It's not like I just thought "Hey! You know what! Instead of sleeping I should go see my good, HYSTERICAL friend, Bella!"

_Well fuck…when she puts it like that._

"Don't let me get in your way." I say, swallowing thickly and stepping to the side.

"Good boy." she grunts, patting me on the chest before disappearing into the bedroom.

**BPOV**

I'm in agony. My bladder is at critical mass and threatening to rupture! Where the fuck is Rose!

Just then, the door opens and my savior breezes in.

"Alright Prego, lets get the show on the road. I have a kid at home who wants to hang off the teat all night."

Grabbing my hands, she doesn't even give me a count of three option. She just grabs and hoists.

_Holy shit! Did I just think…hoist?_

I shake my head to clear it and then allow my body to follow the momentum Rose is providing me with.

Finally my feet find purchase on the floor and my butt clears the bed. The good news is…I'm up. The bad news is…gravity is taking over.

I squeeze my knees together and hunch over.

"We gotta waddle fast, Rose. I don't think I can hold it!" I grunt, somehow thinking that if clench my jaw hard enough, my bladder won't explode.

_Yes people. Sperm and hormones render you stupid. Just say no!_

We make it to the bathroom, but it's a close one. As soon as the pee starts flowing, I grip the walls on both sides of me and release the mother of all moans.

"Oh God that's good!" I breathe as my toes curl.

Rose laughs and pulls a new roll of toilet paper out for me.

"So he had the nerve to say hoist, did he?"

Ugh. Why does everyone keep saying that word? For the next four weeks it's banned from this house.

"Yes he did. The insensitive prick!"

"Don't you think you're being a tad hormonal, Bella? It's not like he said, "let me go call the National Guard in here to help hoist you out of bed." she chuckled. "I'm mean, cut the guy some slack. In his defense it is after three in the morning, you woke him up and he was trying to help you."

"I know. But that word is just so offensive."

"No, you're just being hyper defensive. I'm here all the time, Bella. That man out there loves you and worships the ground you walk on. You don't have to want for anything when you're pregnant. He thinks you're a Goddess and waits on you hand and foot. You're lucky. I was still doing all the housework, chasing after E.J and making dinner the day before I had Embry."

"So what are you saying, Rose?" I huff, getting annoyed.

"I'm saying stop being a bitch and consider yourself damn lucky to have a husband like him! I'm mean, shit. You could be like me and have an Emmett! The man can't even dress himself in the morning if I don't lay out his clothes for him."

She does have a point. Emmett is pretty much useless in any domestic capacity. I mean, he's good at throwing the kids around until they puke…then he hands them off to Rose.

"Ugh…I hate it when you're right." I groan.

"That's my girl!" she smiles, handing me a wad of toilet paper.

"Um, Rose…I kind of can't reach my…you know…to wipe it." I cringe.

It takes her about three seconds to process my words, before her eyes go wide and she bolts for the door screaming.

"OH HELL NO! EDWARD!"

**EPOV**

I hear someone screaming in the bedroom and run down the hallway, where I meet Rose.

"Your wife needs you to…yeah, she just needs you. You're welcome and I'll see you later." she gives me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek and then all but runs out the front door.

I slowly make my way to the bedroom door and peek my head in. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see the bed empty and that Bella isn't there to ambush me. Then I notice that I had been unconsciously covering my dick with my hand.

_Yes, for the last six months, my cock has been deathly afraid of my wife. Can you blame him?_

"Bella?" I squeak and then clear my throat and try again. "Bella?"

"In here." she says from the bathroom, sounding utterly defeated.

I push the door open and see her sitting on the toilet with her head in her hands.

Fuck being mad at her. It's clear that she's upset, so I go and kneel down in front of her and gently rub her back.

"Bella? Baby? Are you, OK?"

"Yeah, I'm just humiliated that's all."

"Why?" I ask cautiously…incase this is some kind of set up.

"I can't get out of my own bed, I treated you like shit, I think I had an orgasm while taking a piss and now I can't…" her voice trailing off into whisper.

She can't what?

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't catch that last part. What can't you do?"

"Oh God…" she mutters from behind her hand. "I'm so completely mortified."

"Oh Sweetie, no." I coo, hugging her to me. "It's OK…I'm sure it just felt really to good to go pee, that's all."

One minute I am trying to soothe her and the next minute I'm across the room and slamming into the wall.

"Really Edward? Are you fucking serious? You think I'm mortified over taking a piss? It's the best thing I felt in six months!"

"Hey!" I protest, rubbing my head and getting up on my feet. "I resent that."

I know damn well I fucked her into oblivion about…shit. I guess it was about six months ago. My bad.

"You resent that? Really? You want to HOIST your dick over here and say that to my face!"

Clearly that was supposed to be a threat and one that I would've taken seriously; had she not been sitting on the toilet with her panties around her ankles when she made it.

"God, what the fuck are you so bent out of shape about? The only thing I heard was that you were humiliated about having a orgasm when you pissed. If I got it wrong, then fuck, correct me or something. But don't go zero to bitch on me! I'm only trying to help!"

Her whole posture deflates then and she buries her head back in her hands, sobbing.

"Oh God, you're so right! You've been nothing but great and supportive through all this and here I am, treating you like shit."

I approach her like a she's a wounded animal, tilting my hips so my dick is pointed away from her. When she makes no move to hurt me, I kneel down again and pull her hands from her face, wiping her tears away with my shirt.

"Do you want to have this discussion now while you're on the toilet or would rather tell me what the problem is, so I can fix it and then we can talk in bed?"

"I'm to embarrassed." she mumbles, biting her lip and looking away.

"Hey. None of that." I say gently, grabbing her chin and pulling her face back so I can see her eyes. "We're in this together. Whatever you need just tell me. I'll help."

She takes a breath and releases her lip from her teeth. My heart breaks for her when I notice it quiver.

"I can't wipe myself." she finally whispers, as one lone tear streaks down her cheek.

Oh. Well this is a new development.

I feel my brows furrow, but quickly right them. This situation calls for a good Poker Face. One wrong facial tick and I could be dealing with another hormonally induce mood swing.

"OK." I breathe, shrugging my shoulders like it's no big deal and grabbing a wad of toilet paper, while praying to go that she doesn't notice how I'm wrapping it around my entire hand thickly. "No big deal, I can help with that."

With three quarters of the roll wound tightly around my hand, I smack my other fist into like it's a catcher's mitt.

"Alright! Lets do this!"

Bella laughs at me, thinking I was making a joke about the catcher's mitt thing. That's good though…she would have gotten pissed if she knew I was testing it. I figure if I can't feel my fist through the paper, then I won't feel anything else either…wet or otherwise.

Once I have Bella cleaned up, I help her back to the bed and then retreat to the bathroom with the plunger. Flushing my toilet paper mitt turned out to be a bad idea. Who knew?

"Edward?" I hear Bella call, as I scrub my hands with a half a bottle of Bath and Body Works Anti-Bacterial Hand Soap like a surgeon getting ready for surgery.

"Yeah, baby?" I call back, drying my hands on the hand towel before tossing it in the hamper and making my way back to the bed.

"I love you." she smiles sadly. "And I'm really sorry for getting mad at you for saying hoist. I know you weren't trying to offend me. I just let my insecurities get the best of me sometimes."

"It's quite alright and I love you too." I smile, flopping down on the bed next to her and giving her a kiss "I'd probably be a completely basket case if I was in your shoes right now. You're so much stronger than I am, baby. I'm in fucking awe of you."

I help her roll over onto her side and then wrap myself around her back and pull her into my spoon. We lay there quietly for awhile and relax as Bella rubs her hand up and down the arm I have wrapped around her. I smile when I feel Jack kick my hand.

"Does it hurt when he kicks?" I ask quietly, rubbing her tummy to calm him down.

"A little." she sighs, tucking another pillow under her belly.

A few minutes later, Bella's breathing slows and she lets out a cute little snore. I smile, kiss her temple and then reach behind me to turn off the lamp.

Snuggling my face into her hair, I start to drift off. Just before I'm completely under, I hear Bella's sweet voice.

"Edward?"

"Mmm?"

"I need to pee again."

**Poor Edward! But before you judge Bella too harshly, put yourself in her shoes. I was in her place once. My son weighed almost 10 lbs. at birth and I was horrible to live with the last few weeks! And the night time pee thing...yeah. My hubby eventually just gave up on sleep and stayed up all night to help me up to the bathroom! LOL**

**Until next time my lovelies...leave me some love. I'd still love to see this story break 500 reviews! :)**


	43. Outtake: A Chance Encounter

**A/N: Well, we've seen the conception of all the other kids. So it's only natural that Chance have his turn! :)**

**We're in position to break 500 Reviews with this chapter! So be kind and leave me LOTS of love! I'd love to see this story reach 1000 at some point! Also, I am happy to report that "With Or Without You" has been nominated for 5 Tomato Soup Awards! Yay!  
**

**mustlovertp...show this woman some mad love! She stayed up until 2 a.m pre- reading this chapter for you, so I could get it out to you as soon as possible! **

***DISCLAIMER* I own nothing Twilight!  
**

**EPOV**

"Well, from the looks of these tests, you have zero active sperm left." Dr. Brown said, throwing my chart on his desk. "I'd say resuming normal sexual relations without a condom is doable."

HA! Normal sexual relations! Bella hasn't let me touch her with a ten foot pole! The most action my cock has seen lately, is when I jerked it into the little plastic cup for these tests! She swore that it would be just our luck and the condom would break, before I could jack off and ejaculate out all the live sperm. No, the woman definitely wasn't taking any chances.

"So you're absolutely, one hundred percent positive, that Edward can't knock me up again." Bella clarified.

"Zero active sperm, Mrs. Cullen." Dr. Brown sighed. "That's pretty conclusive evidence that there is no way that your husband can impregnate you. "

"Yeah, but what if there's one sperm in there and its hiding."

"Oh Jesus." I groaned, leaning forward in my chair and giving my hair a tug.

"Edward this is serious!" Bella wailed. "We have 3 kids at home already! Excuse me for wanting to be sure that your Super Sperm isn't impervious to sterilization procedures. Your juice split one of my eggs in two for Christ sake!"

"I've been clipped, tied and burnt!"

"So! They put the Grand fucking Canyon in front of Evil Knievel and he jumped it!" Bella explained, flailing her arms about dramatically, like she was the only one in the room being rational.

"Well, if you're that fucking worried about the procedure not working, then why did you make me go through with it? You could have had shit tied up on your end and been done with it!" I growled.

"Hello! Jumpers!" Bella yelled, throwing her hand out, motioning to my crotch.

"Mrs. Cullen." Dr. Brown coughed, drawing our attention back to him. "There is literally less than a one percent chance of you getting pregnant again by your husband."

"But…"

Dr. Brown held his hand up, silencing Bella.

"I would also like to go on record and say that sperm cannot jump buildings in a single bound and they definitely cannot jump from one clipped, tied off and burnt seminal tube to another clipped, tied off and burnt seminal tube. It would actually have to find its way out of one and into the other for that to occur."

"I don't know." Bella mused, chewing her bottom lip. "Maybe I should get my tubes tied, just in case."

"Fuck this!" I muttered, digging my smokes out of my pocket. "I let this asshole cut my ball sack open, clip my gnads with cuticle scissors and then burn the fucking things with a soldering iron. If that isn't iron clad enough for you, then you need your fucking head examined!"

I stormed out of the office and stabbed the down button on the elevator. I heard the office door open and then close. I knew it was Bella, so I hit the down button again.

"Did you just double punch the down button?"

I laughed humorlessly without turning around. "Now is really not the time to be a smart ass!"

"I'm sorry, Edward, that I have genuine concerns about the effectiveness of your….procedure." Bella huffed.

Just then the elevator arrived and was loaded with five other people. I stepped on and Bella squeezed in behind me.

"My procedure!" I said lowly. "The guy wrapped a fucking rubber band around my dick and safety pinned it to my shirt to keep my cock out the way! Lets just call it what it really was…a mid-evil torture ritual still enforced by sadistic modern day housewives with too much fucking time on their hands!"

I heard the woman behind me gasp and the man standing next to me stifle a laugh.

"Yeah, laugh it up fucker." I growled. "Some day you're going to get married and then it's going to be you holding down the swelling with a bag of frozen peas."

The elevator dinged open when we arrived at the lobby. I didn't even wait for my wife. I just hauled ass for the nearest exit. If I didn't get some nicotine pumping through my veins right fucking now, I was going to go ape shit on someone.

I hit the revolving door and heard Bella's heels clicking in the compartment behind me. I was annoyed and needed to at least get my smoke lit before I had to deal with her. So when it was my turn to exit, I gave the door an extra hard shove, making it impossible for her to exit without getting thrown out on her ass. I smiled and flipped her off, as she jogged right on by with scowl on her face and ended up back in the lobby.

"Fucking bitch." I chuckled, lighting my cigarette. I felt my entire body relax, as I exhaled a nice big hit.

The clicking of heels on the pavement signaled the end of my temporary reprieve from stress.

"Edward!" Bella fumed. "What the hell was that?"

I didn't need to see her face to know that it was purple. It always went purple before she blew a gasket.

"Wheel of Fortune…you went bankrupt." I dead panned, walking down the street, toward the parking garage.

"Very funny, asshole!" she mumbled, her heels clicking faster as she tried to catch up to me. "You're so fucking insensitive, Edward. I've been traumatized by first carrying and delivering twins. Then by Godzilla Baby! I have legitimate fears of you getting me pregnant again! Every time you knock me up, it just gets worse! Next time it might be a three headed baby with a parasitic twin!"

"Because it's all my fault, right?" I laughed, turning on her, so she slammed into my chest. "Like my genes are the only ones defective enough to make your nightmares a reality! Sorry, sweetheart, but you've got some fucked up shit going on in your own gene pool. You want to know what my nightmares consist of? Jack…with your dad's porn stache! But you don't see me looking into electrolysis and grilling Plastic Surgeons about preventive measures!"

"You leave my dads mustache out of this, Edward Cullen!" she yelled, smacking me in the head with her purse and then storming off down the sidewalk.

_Oh no she fucking didn't!_

I flicked my cigarette away and run up behind her, chuckling in her ear.

"Well, well, well. Who's the little hypocrite that isn't taking my fucking concerns seriously?"

"That's not the same thing and you know it!" she snarled. "You're just being ridiculous!"

"And you're not!" I laughed hysterically, pulling her to stop and turning her towards me. "You compared my fucking sperm to Evil Knievel!"

"It was an example!" she screamed in my face stomping her foot.

We were attracting a crowd, but fuck if I cared.

"How can you even make that comparison? Like my sperm wouldn't be caught dead in a red, white and blue sequined polyester jump suit!" I roared back.

Bella stands on her tip toes and gets right in my face.

"Oh that's right! Edward Cullen's swimmers are too cool for polyester. They are totally hip and would be wearing denim and leather and riding a Harley like James Dean!"

"Damn straight, Princess!" I smile viciously…showing all my teeth.

"Yeah? Well, HE DIED IN A FUCKING HIGH SPEED ACCIDENT YOU FUCK HEAD!" she wails, kicking me in the shin with her pointy ass shoes and stomping off.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" I yell at the onlookers who are snickering at me, while I rub my shin like an idiot.

I run down the side walk and catch Bella around the waist at the parking garage entrance and flinging her over my shoulder.

She kicks and screams and demands that I put her down. When her monster heels get too close to my cock, I rip them off her feet and throw them over my shoulder.

"Edward! You fucking caveman! Those were my brand new, Marc Jacobs!" she cries, squirming even more.

"Stop it or I'll drop you on your ass!" I warn, giving her a smack on the ass.

She screams and struggles some more. Finally I'm tired of it and put her down.

"You know what, Bella. Just go. Take a cab, do whatever the fuck you want to do and go. I am always going to be the consummate fuck up in this relationship, so why even bother?"

I fish the keys to the Volvo out of my pocket and leave her standing there as I walk away.

I make it half way back to the car, when I am pelted in the back of the head by a shoe.

I turn around and dodge the other shoe that is being hurled in my direction.

"I can't fucking believe you!" Bella yells. "You're trying to make this all my fault."

"Trying to make what all your fault?" I mock. "I can't even fucking remember what the hell we're supposed to be fighting about!"

"Your dick!" she wails.

"Oh that's right. You want to put my dick in polyester."

Bella's face contorts; she sucks in a breath and looks like I'd slapped her.

"I'd never put anything in polyester, Edward! Do I look like Carol fucking Brady to you?"

"No, but you're sure as fuck acting like Jan right now. Except you're all, "Edward, Edward, Edward"!" I mock, doing my best impression of prepubescent girl.

"Jan was…she was the ugly sister!" Bella stuttered, narrowing her eyes and turning purple with rage.

"Oh no, Princess!" I defended, subconsciously cupping my junk. "I see where you're going with this and I said you were ACTING like Jan, not that you looked like her!"

"I hate you!" Bella growls, stepping around me and collecting her shoes.

I spin her around and pin her against the Volvo. She pushes me and tries to get away, but I hold tight, until all her fight is gone. I say nothing until she finally stops moving and is just reduced to heavy, out of breath breathing.

"A less than one percent chance." I say quietly in her ear. Reminding her of what Dr. Brown said and bringing our argument full circle. "I don't think you can get closer to completely sterile than that."

"I'm scared." she whispered, her voice crackling with emotion. "None of our kids were planned, Edward. It's like God is forcing all these babies on me. You know?"

"I do." I confirmed, pulling her into a hug with a laugh. "But I also know that we pulled a mind fuck on him and turned off the plumbing. Maybe now he can fuck with Emmett and Rose some more, until they run out of "Em" names for their kids."

**BPOV**

As I stand there, wrapped in Edward's arms I think back on our argument and how completely ridiculous it was. We covered the gamut of everything "What the fuck" and here we were. Kissing and making up in a dirty parking garage. I couldn't contain my laughter.

"What?" Edward smiled pulling back.

"Oh nothing!" I snorted. "Just imagining your cock wrapped in a polyester condom!"

"Great Bella." Edward huffed, rolling his eyes. "Make my couch look like my Nana's davenport. That image isn't a cock killer at all."

My hand drifted down his chest and grabbed his package.

"Didn't seem to kill your cock, did it, Mr. Cullen?" I teased, licking the underside of his jaw and up to his ear. Where I tugged on the lobe and licked the shell.

"Baby, you don't want to start what you can't finish." he warned. "You haven't shown Little Eddie any attention in weeks. He's getting desperate."

I worked my hand down the front of his pants and teased his dripping head. I swirled my finger tip in the pre-cum and then brought it up to my mouth and sucked it like a lollypop.

"Yum!" I grinned around my finger.

Edward growled and ripped the back door open so fast, he nearly ripped it off the car.

"Get the fuck in the car, Bella."

I turned and ducked into the car. I was barely to the other side of the seat, when I was tackled from behind.

"I'm so fucking glad you wore a skirt." Edward growled, attacking my mouth and shoving it up to my hips, while ripping off my panties.

I broke my mouth free from his and pushed on his chest.

"Edward, I don't know that this is a good idea. Any pervert could see us."

"Tinted windows." he breathed, shoving his tongue back into my mouth.

_Duh! Why didn't I think of that?_

I pulled at the button on his jeans, but started getting frustrated. Trying to kiss Edward, stroke his cock and get him out of his pants, was just too much multi-tasking for me.

"Jeans." I mumbled against his lips. Pulling at the waist band to make my point.

Edward groaned and then sat up on his knees and tugged the button free. He pushed them down to his knees, then sat back in the seat and tried to get them to his ankles.

"Fuck, this car is small!" he noted, as he twisted around so his legs were swung over the front seat, as he tried to shove his jeans off his feet.

I didn't even wait for him to finish the job. I took one look at his dripping cock and my mouth watered. I dove into his lap head first and swallowed him down, until his dick hit the back of my throat.

"Jesus! Fuck!" he moaned, as his body involuntarily flexed and stretched out, causing his feet to hit the steering wheel and lay on the horn.

The noise startled us both and I gagged on his cock, before coming up for air.

"Sorry, Princess." he apologized. "I wasn't expecting that."

He maneuvered himself so he was entirely in the backseat again. Once he was situated, I grinned and motioned to his lap again with my eyes.

"By all means." he smiled, guiding my head back down.

I nipped, sucked and licked his cock and balls, until he was virtually fucking my mouth. It was wet and dirty…and I loved every second of it.

"I need to fuck you!" Edward moaned, pulling me off of his cock. "Please, Princess?"

I sat up and wiped my mouth, before laying back in the seat. I ran my finger through my wetness and then shoved it in his mouth.

"Fuck me, baby."

Edward let out a feral sounding growl and attacked me. Our teeth were clanging together, hands were everywhere and he was squirming around on top of me.

"Fuck the foreplay!" I moaned. "Just get inside me. I need you."

"I'm trying to!" Edward defended. "I'm too fucking tall for this seat. I can't get my shit lined up. Try scooting down some."

By this point, the windows were fogged over and there was humidity in the car. When I went to scoot down, my bare ass dragged across the leather seat and made a totally heinous farting sound.

Edward eyed me suspiciously, holding back a laugh.

"Don't you dare!" I chuckled. "It's the seat and you know it!"

I got into position and lined myself up with his cock. I have to say, sex in this car was awkward. Edward was above me and his nipples were in my face. His face was scrunched up against the passenger's side window and his knees were resting on the arm rest of driver's side door, with his feet pointing towards the ceiling.

Edward slipped inside me and we both moaned in unison. He looked down at me and frowned.

"Right about now I would kiss you, but…"

He didn't need to finish his thought. He couldn't bend inhalf to reach me and I was to preoccupied with trying to keep his rock hard nipple with a hoop in it, from taking my fucking eye out.

"Fuck Edward! Move!" I demanded, slapping his ass.

He started thrusting, but the force of it, caused me to slide against the seat and needless to say, the sounds created were anything but romantic. We started cracking up.

"Fuck, baby!" Edward laughed. "We gotta drown that shit out!"

He grabbed his keys off the floor and leaned into the front seat, without slipping out of me and jammed them in the ignition. The stereo came on and he stabbed the volume button until it was loud enough to make the car vibrate.

"Bonus!" he smiled back at me with a wink.

I pulled him back to me and he got positioned again. I gripped around his back and held on for dear life as he set a hard and fast pace.

I grinned up at him and then took his nipple piercing in my mouth and gave it a tug.

"Holy fuck, Bella!" he moaned, as his hips snapped into me hard and rough.

I was totally lost in sensation, when I thought I heard a weird robotic noise over the radio and Edward's dirty talking. My eyes snapped open and started looking around.

I pulled my head over to the side of Edward's body, so I could look out and over by where his feet where. What I saw nearly made me bust a gut.

The back driver's side window was going up and down in time with his thrusts!

"Edward!" I hissed, smacking his ass.

"Oh yeah, baby!" he moaned. "Smack my ass!"

"No. Edward, baby…" I tried again, slapping him harder and laughing.

"Oh you want it rough, huh!" he groaned, fucking me even harder.

"Fuck! Edward….STOP!"

That got his attention. He's hips quit moving and he pulled totally out of me, lifting up from me. He spotted my laughter induced tears and mistook them.

"What? What the fuck did I do?" he said. He's eyes roaming over me looking for injuries.

"Nothing!" I said, stroking his chest to calm him down, while wiping my eyes.

"Well then…what the fuck?" he sighed, in frustration.

"It's just that your knees are on the window controls and every time you thrusted, the window was going up and down. I am pretty sure the guy in the Hummer got a view of your bare thrusting ass!

Edward dipped his head down to my chest and I could feel him shake with laughter.

"Ready to give it up?" I chuckled, playing with the back of his hair.

His head snapped up and his eyes narrowed.

"Fuck, no." he growled, flipping us around so he was sitting in the seat and I was on top.

"Um, Edward." I cringed. "I don't think this is going to work."

My head was up against the roof, turned awkwardly and uncomfortably to the side.

"Lean back and use the console to support your upper body." he instructed.

Once I was in position, he slammed me down onto him.

"Holy fuck!" I wailed.

In this position, he was hammering my G Spot with every thrust.

"Hold on, Princess!" he grunted, snapping his hips up to meet my downward thrusts.

We got into a good rhythm and before long we were both moaning and groaning and Edward was talking some non-sense about owning my pussy.

I leaned back further and stretched over the console as Edward pushed my shirt and bra up…releasing the girls. They bounced in time with our fucking and this just made Edward that much more desperate for release.

"Mother fucker!" he wailed. "I'm fucking close!"

His hand snaked between us and he started frantically rubbing on my clit.

"Come on, Princess! Come with me!"

That desperate plea was all it took. My back arched so hard, I thought I might snap in two, as my pussy clenched and pulsed, milking Edward dry.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he groaned, falling limply back into the seat.

Once we had caught our breath. We got ourselves rearranged and Edward got his pants back on. As I was pulling down my skirt, I felt the evidence of our lovemaking running down my leg.

"Um, can you get in the glove box and hand we the wet wipes?" I cringed.

Edward retrieved them and handed them over to me, with a sly smirk.

"What are you smirking at, Mister!" I frowned, as I cleaned myself up. "If you knocked me up, I'll be slapping that grin right off your face!"

Edward lit a smoke, then leaned back so his head rested on the back of the seat and closed his eyes.

"Less then one percent chance, baby." he breathed. "Trust me."

**Love it or hate it? mustlovertp and I laughed our asses off! I hope you did to! Leave me some love! :)**

**OH! BTW...the bit about the rubber band and safety pin to hold his dick out of the way during the procedure...totally true! That's what they did to my husband when he had his vasectomy. I was laughing so hard, I was asked to leave the room! :)  
**


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